Volume Jokes

Humoristic puns and funny pick up lines

Today I saw an ad that said "radio for sale, $1, volume stuck on full."

I thought, "I can't turn that down."

I saw an ad in a shop window, "TV for $5- Volume stuck on full"

Couldn't turn it down.

Yesterday I saw an ad that said "radio for sale, $1, volume stuck on full"

I thought, "I can't turn that down"

I saw a TV for sale for 1$

I saw that the TV was in very good condition.

"Why is it so cheap? " I asked the seller

"The volume is stuck at max, and it can't be turned down" he replied

"So everything else works?" I asked

He turned it on, and sure enough everything worked, except the volume


"So you're gonna buy it?"

"A TV for $1? Can't turn it down"

I saw an advert that read: Television for sale, $1, volume stuck on full.

I thought to myself, I can't turn that down.

I saw this advert in a window that said: Television for sale, ยฃ1, volume stuck on full. I thought.....

I can't turn that down.

Do not shampoo in the shower

I don't know why I didn't figure this out sooner.
I used shampoo in the shower and when we wash our hair the shampoo runs down our whole body.
Printed clearly on the shampoo label is the warning,

"For extra body and volume."

No wonder I have been gaining weight.
I got rid of shampoos and start using dish washing liquid. Its label reads

"Dissolves fat that is otherwise difficult to remove."

Follow this and stay slim and trim forever.

What does the apple user do when he wants to customize his device?

He adjusts the volume.

What is the volume of Monica Lewinsky's mouth?

About one U.S Leader.

A man was selling his TV

A man was selling his TV on his front porch with a sign that says "$1". A bloke walks by and asks

'You're selling your TV for a dollar?'

'yup'

'It looks brand new!'

'It is.'

'What's wrong with it?'

'Oh the volume is turned all the way up and you can't change that'

'So whatever I watch the volume is on Max, and you're only selling it for a dollar?'

'yup'

'Wow, can't turn that down.'

A man notices a TV for sale.

"Hey, how much is this TV?"

The salesman replies "1 dollar."

"Only a dollar? Why so cheap?"

The salesman tells him "the sound is stuck on the highest volume."

"So it's always on the highest volume? And it's only one dollar?"

"Yup."

"Wow, can't turn that down."

Nervous about watching new Game of Thrones with my parents, due to all the sex.

Hopefully if I turn the volume up loud I won't hear them.

Last night I played a blank tape at full volume.

The mime next door went nuts.

The volume of a pizza with thickness a and radius z is

pi * z * z * a

Do you know what Sin City is?

Person 1: Do you know what Sin City is?


Person 2: Las Vegas


Person 1: Do you know what the Windy City is?


Person 2: Chicago


Person 1: Do you know what Den City is?


Person 2: ...


Person 1: Mass over volume

A physicist was in Las Vegas

Tour guide: Las Vegas is also known as Sin City.

Physicist: Do you know what Den City is though?

Tour guide: No, I don't know.

Physicist: Mass over volume.

I'll see myself out.

Today I went to a book store and found: "the only book you'll ever need to buy".

Volume 2

If a pizza has a radius "z" and a depth "a"

Its volume can be defined by pi* z* z* a

I walked into a shop and saw a radio for sale because the volume was stuck on high...

...I thought, I can't turn this down!

What's the volume of a pizza with a radius of z and a thickness of a?

Pi * z * z * a

Man finds an HD TV in a Garage Sale

"How much is this TV?" the man said.

The seller responded, "One dollar."

"Wow, only one dollar?"

"Yep, one dollar."

Why is it so cheap?" asked the man.

"Its volume is turned all the way up, and you can't adjust it, it's stuck that way." said the seller.

"So the volume is always turned up?"

"Yep."

"And it's only a dollar?"

"Yes, one dollar."

"Just cause the volume is turned all the way up?"

"Yep."

"Wow! Can't turn that down."

An engineer, a mathematician, and a physicist are asked to measure the volume of a pig.

The engineer answers: "we fill a pool to the brim with water, fully immerse the pig, collect the spilled water and measure its weight. The pig will have a volume of 1dm^3 per collected Kg."

The mathematician answers: "we freeze the pig, slice it and integrate the slices' areas to obtain a volume."

The physicist answers: "let P be a spherical, friction-less pig...

I saw an ad on Craigslist "Radio, $1, volume stuck on high."

I thought, "I can't turn that down...

I need you to make a container with finite temperature and infinite volume

No pressure

What is the volume of Monica Lewinsky's mouth?

One US Leader

Math Problem

Q: If the the radius of a pizza is *z* and its width is *a*, what is the pizza's volume?


A: (pi)(z)(z)(a)

Gabriel's horn is a geometric figure which has infinite surface area but finite volume

This is in contrast to a vuvuzela which has a finite surface area but infinite volume

I asked a Flat Earther to tell me what the volume of the Earth was but he couldn't give me a good answer.

There was a significant rounding error.

I bought a new TV today...

Got a great 50" HDTV for $29.99 today.

Of course, there was a catch... The volume was stuck at the max setting so it was incredibly loud.

But for $29.99, I couldn't turn it down.

Saw a tv for sale on eBay for ยฃ5. Only problem was the volume button was broken.....

How can I turn that down?

A man goes to a garage sale.

He walks up to a brand new 50 inch flat screen television for $1.

Man - "Is that TV seriously $1?"

Owner - "Sure is, even comes with surround sound!"

Man - "What's the catch then?"

Owner - "Well the volume is stuck on high and it's always going to be loud."

Man - "Well I can't turn that down!"

What is the volume of a disk with radius z and height a?

Pi * z * z * a

The Engineer and the Red Rubber Ball

A mathematician, a physicist, and an engineer were all given a red rubber ball and told to find the volume.

The mathematician carefully measured the diameter and evaluated a triple integral.

The physicist filled a beaker with water, put the ball in the water, and measured the total displacement.

The engineer looked up the model and serial numbers in his red-rubber-ball table.

I was talking to my physics teacher...

Teacher: hey, do you know what salt lake city is?
Me: yeah
Teacher: cool, you know what den city is?
Me: no?
Teacher: oh, its mass over volume

"Do you know what sin city is?"

"Yeah, that's Las Vegas"

"But do you know what Den City is"

"No"

"Mass over volume"

I found a TV on the sidewalk in front of a house.

The owner had left a note. "Television for sale, $1, volume stuck on full."

I thought to myself, "I can't turn that down!"

Did you know that a pizza with the radius z and the height a...

has a volume of pizza?

A physicist, a mathematician and an engineer...

...were each asked to establish the volume of a red rubber ball. The physicist immersed the ball in a beaker full of water and measured the volume of the displaced fluid. The mathematician measured the diameter and calculated a triple integral. The engineer looked it up in his Red Rubber Ball Volume Table.

wife: can you to give me a ring for our wedding anniversary

husband: sure , why not

wife: can you give it to me like a surprise when i'm at work, i want everyone to know.

husband: sure

wife: on Friday morning we have a huge meeting and everyone at work will be there. i think that would be a good time .

husband: sure. keep your phone in full volume

I turned on the radio and forgot I had the volume maxed out.

Now my left and right ear hertz a lot.

I walked past an electronics store once...

I saw a TV for sale in the window. The sticker said, "TV for sale, volume stuck on full, $1"

I thought to myself, "Wow. I can't turn that down."

I think my shampoo is making me fat...

...it says guaranteed to increase the Volume

What is the volume of pizza?

Pizza of course! If z = radius of the pizza and a = the height then ฮ  * radius^2 * height = Pi * z * z * a = Pizza.

Saw a radio for sale, "1$ volume stuck on full!"

Wow, I can't turn that down.

Area Man Discovers New Dimension, Becomes Volume Man

I Have Decided To Publish My Sex Journal

in two volumes.

Volume A: Thinking About It

Volume B: Talking About It

A mathematician a physicist and an engineer...

A mathematician, a physicist, and an engineer were all given a cow and told to find the volume. The mathematician carefully measured the dimensions of the cow and evaluated a very complicated integral. The physicist filled a beaker with water, put the cow inside and measured the total displacement. The engineer looked at the cow and said, let's suppose the cow is a sphere.

My friend just got married, and now he wants to sell his 47 volume Encyclopedia Britannica. He says he doesn't need it.

His wife knows everything.

An incredible phenomenon of life

A pepperoni of radius 'z' and height 'a' has a volume of piยทzยทzยทa

My friend is selling a TV for ยฃ50

60inch, 4k flatscreen. The volume buttons broke, but at that price, you can't turn it down.

Needed some help with romance, so I took the book "How to Hug" out of the library.

Turns out it was volume 6 of an old encyclopedia.

What do you call soft-spoken security guards at the Samsung store?

Gaurdians of the Galaxy: Volume 2

Guy offered to sell me his TV for a dollar

The volume was stuck at full. I thought, 'I can't turn that down.'

A man comes across a T.V for sale for $1

He asks the man selling it why its so cheap, he replies "the volume is turned all the way up and you can't adjust it, its stuck that way"

"wow! you can't turn that down"

In light of Trump's increasing volume of golf: What's the difference between Hitler and Trump?

It only took Hitler one shot to get out of the bunker he ended up in after succumbing to Russia.

I tried to run an experiment on the effect of dehydration on human urine volume

But the p-value was too low.

I was shopping with my wife the other day and saw a TV on sale for $20...

It said that the volume was stuck on full. I looked at my wife and said "I can't turn this one down!"

A monk once explained me the beauty of silence .

I went home and listened to a blank cd on full volume.

My new 1000 watt sound system is great!

I can control the volume of my neighbors banging on my door.

Someone is selling a 42" Smart Tv for just ยฃ70.

There's something wrong with the volume control, but for that price you can't turn it down.

I finally figured out where all my weight is coming from!

My shampoo, which runs down my body as I rinse my hair, advertises greater volume and body. Think I'll start washing my hair with dish washing soap; it says it dissolves fat that is otherwise difficult to remove.

Irish Dancing Manual

Lost for centuries, volume 2 of the Irish Dancing Manual has finally been rediscovered.

It's titled How to Move The Arms

A guy is selling a tv...

A guy is selling his tv at a yard sale

A customer who is looking for a tv asks how much.

The man replies, The tv is only a dollar.

The customer replies, Really, only a dollar? Why is it so cheap?

The man replies, The volume is stuck on max. I hate it, so I'm selling it.

The customer says, so the reason you're selling it for a dollar is because the volume is stuck on max?

The man replies, Yes sir, would you like to buy it?

The customer says, Absolutely, can't turn this offer down

I think my shampoo is making me deaf...

...it said guaranteed to increase Volume

Units.

A science teacher is quizzing the class on various units and measurements.

What is the unit of volume?

Milliliters.


What is the unit of mass?

Kilograms.


What is the unit of distance?

Meters.


What is the unit of power?

Yes.

(I know, it works a bit better spoken)

In my old age, I am like a fine wine...

Fifteen percent alcohol by volume.

Saw an advertisement for a free TV

It said "Volume stuck on high, free to first person who wants it."

I thought to myself "Man, I cant turn this down!"

Why couldn't Obi-Wan calculate the volume of Bespin from the ideal gas law?

Only a Sith deals in absolutes

What fills the entire volume of its container and may become volatile and explosive when compressed?

NYC subway commuters.

A guy is selling a TV at a garage sale for 1$

It is a close to new, 50 4K flatscreen, and a woman comes up and asks him What's wrong with this TV, to only be selling it for a dollar?

The man tells her Well, there's nothing wrong with the picture, or anything like that, but the volume is stuck on max, and you can't change it at all. So are you interested in buying it for a dollar?

She says Well, you can't that down .

Now I know why I'm getting fat..

Its the shampoo that says " to give body & volume ".

Now I will use dish washing soap that says " Dissolves all fat even at hard to reach places ".

I saw an advert for a ยฃ1 TV.

I saw an advert for a ยฃ1 TV. It said "The volume is stuck on full."

Well, I can't turn that down, can I?

Storing prisoners in suspended animation by volume!?

No! You have to weigh the frozen cons.

I saw an ad for a radio. $1. Volume stuck on full.

I can't turn that down!

Me : Heard of Sin City?

GF : Las Vegas, right?

Me : Yeap, hw about Den City?

GF : What?

Me : Mass / Volume

I saw an advertisement today that read, Brand new television for sale, $1!"

However, there was just one catch, the volume is stuck on full.

I thought to myself, I can't turn that down.

What do you call a mountain full of bears houses?

Mass
โ€”โ€”-
Volume

Church in Florida is underwater.

With mass underwater they can get volume. Then solve for their density and realize they should have gotten out of Florida.

A monk had sex with a practically decomposed corpse.

It was considered a grave offense.

(True story in the Buddhist "Book Of Discipline volume 1")

Top 10 Showboat Players in Football 2015/2016 Volume 2

HAHAHAH

I tried a new shampoo that adds extra volume

but I found it too loud.

Calculate the volume of a thick crust pizza with height "a" and radius "z".

pizza

What are the funniest volume jokes of all time?

Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour joking about Volume? Well, here are the best Volume puns to laugh out loud. Crazy and funny Volume pick up lines to share with friends.

Joko Jokes