Volume Jokes
101 volume jokes and hilarious volume puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about volume that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Learn what makes volume jokes so funny! Understand why volume and capacity can be so humorous, with examples including bulk and radius jokes. Discover how jokes about diameter can make anyone laugh out loud.
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Funniest Volume Short Jokes
Short volume jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The volume humour may include short amount jokes also.
- Today I saw an ad that said "radio for sale, $1, volume stuck on full." I thought, "I can't turn that down."
- The manual in my car says that I shouldn't turn the stereo volume to the maximum. That's....sound advice.
- Why is it impossible for a flat Earther calculate the volume of the Earth? Because there is always a rounding error.
- Kevin fills a beaker of water and places it on the machine... "One liter of water." it read.
Kevin gasped and sat back in his chair
"This speaks volumes..." - Gabriel's horn is a geometric figure which has infinite surface area but finite volume This is in contrast to a vuvuzela which has a finite surface area but infinite volume
- I saw a used Bose stereo system on sale for for 15$ I asked the guy why it was so cheap and he told me it was a great deal, but the volume is stuck on max.
I thought "well, I can't turn that down". - The pressure of a gas is inversely proportional to its volume—Boyle's Law. Any leftover cabbage must be shredded and mixed with mayonnaise.
—-Cole's Law. - Saw a tv for sale on eBay for £5. Only problem was the volume button was broken..... How can I turn that down?
- I just finished watching Kill Bill Volume 2 Had to have the subtitles on. Couldn't hear a thing.
- FOR SALE BY OWNER Complete set of Encyclopedia Britannica, 45 volumes. excellent condition $1,000 or best offer.
No longer needed, got married last month. Wife knows everything.
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Volume One Liners
Which volume one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with volume? I can suggest the ones about magnitude and flow.
- I saw an ad in a shop window, "TV for $5- Volume stuck on full" Couldn't turn it down.
- Sin city we all know is Las vegas, but do you know what Den city is? Mass over volume.
- What does the apple user do when he wants to customize his device? He adjusts the volume.
- What is the volume of Monica Lewinsky's mouth? About one U.S Leader.
- Last night I played a blank tape at full volume. The mime next door went nuts.
- The volume of a pizza with thickness a and radius z is pi * z * z * a
- Today I went to a book store and found: "the only book you'll ever need to buy". Volume 2
- I need you to make a container with finite temperature and infinite volume No pressure
- Just got offered a new TV with a broken volume button for £5. I couldn't turn it down.
- Punch lines are extremely one-dimensional Punch areas and punch volumes have more depth.
- Did you know that a pizza with the radius z and the height a... has a volume of pizza?
- I saw an AD for a 55" TV for $20 "Volume stuck on full"
How can I turn that down ? - I think my shampoo is making me fat... ...it says guaranteed to increase the Volume
- I bought audiobook version of Encyclopedia Britannica It speaks volumes to me
- Area Man Discovers New Dimension, Becomes Volume Man
Loads of Fun with Charming Humor Volume Jokes
What funny jokes about volume you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean volt jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make volume pranks.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I Have Decided To Publish My s**... Journal
in two volumes.
Volume A: Thinking About It
Volume B: Talking About It
An incredible phenomenon of life
A pepperoni of radius 'z' and height 'a' has a volume of pi·z·z·a
I was shopping with my wife the other day and saw a TV on sale for $20...
It said that the volume was stuck on full. I looked at my wife and said "I can't turn this one down!"
This shampoo was supposed to give my hair volume
But I can't really hear anything.
What fills the entire volume of its container and may become volatile and explosive when compressed?
NYC subway commuters.
I tried a new shampoo that adds extra volume
but I found it too loud.
I saw an advert for a £1 TV.
I saw an advert for a £1 TV. It said "The volume is stuck on full."
Well, I can't turn that down, can I?
In my old age, I am like a fine wine...
Fifteen percent alcohol by volume.
If you have a cylinder with radius Z and depth A; you can calulate the volume with Pi * Z * Z * A.
Why couldn't Obi-Wan calculate the volume of Bespin from the ideal gas law?
Only a Sith deals in absolutes
Top 10 Showboat Players in Football 2015/2016 Volume 2
HAHAHAH
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Im so s**... right now
I keep turning the volume down on my phone because the screen is too bright.
Why was grandpa's TV always on full volume?
WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT!!?!?!?!?!!?!?!?!!?
It looks like i finally found a positive of the Brexit result
no volume limit warnings on your screen
I bought a new TV today...
Got a great 50" HDTV for $29.99 today.
Of course, there was a catch... The volume was stuck at the max setting so it was incredibly loud.
But for $29.99, I couldn't turn it down.
Needed some help with romance, so I took the book "How to Hug" out of the library.
Turns out it was volume 6 of an old encyclopedia.
I saw an advertisement today that read, Brand new television for sale, $1!"
However, there was just one catch, the volume is stuck on full.
I thought to myself, I can't turn that down.
I was playing some dubstep and when the beat dropped...
My deaf friend said to turn the volume down.
A monk once explained me the beauty of silence .
I went home and listened to a blank cd on full volume.
A physicist was in Las Vegas
Tour guide: Las Vegas is also known as Sin City.
Physicist: Do you know what Den City is though?
Tour guide: No, I don't know.
Physicist: Mass over volume.
I'll see myself out.
What is the volume of a copy of Harry Potter and the philosopher's stone?
One
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My new 1000 watt sound system is great!
I can control the volume of my neighbors b**... on my door.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
MOM: turn the volume down on your headphones or you'll go deaf!
> ME: That's some sound advice.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Nervous about watching new game of thrones with my parents, due to all the s**....
Hopefully if I turn the volume up loud I won't hear them.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
In light of Trump's increasing volume of golf: What's the difference between h**... and Trump?
It only took h**... one shot to get out of the bunker he ended up in after succumbing to Russia.
Me : Heard of Sin City?
GF : Las Vegas, right?
Me : Yeap, hw about Den City?
GF : What?
Me : Mass / Volume
Someone is selling a 42" Smart Tv for just £70.
There's something wrong with the volume control, but for that price you can't turn it down.
Why did the library struggle to relocate?
It was a matter of Volume
How do geologists measure volume?
Quartz.
I saw a post on Craigslist that said: Radios for sale, $1 each, Volume knobs stuck on full.
Turns out he was selling a high volume
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I tried to run an experiment on the effect of dehydration on human u**... volume
But the p-value was too low.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A monk had s**... with a practically decomposed corpse.
It was considered a grave offense.
(True story in the Buddhist "Book Of Discipline volume 1")
I saw a TV for sale for 1$
I saw that the TV was in very good condition.
"Why is it so cheap? " I asked the seller
"The volume is stuck at max, and it can't be turned down" he replied
"So everything else works?" I asked
He turned it on, and sure enough everything worked, except the volume
"So you're gonna buy it?"
"A TV for $1? Can't turn it down"
I was talking to my physics teacher...
Teacher: hey, do you know what salt lake city is?
Me: yeah
Teacher: cool, you know what den city is?
Me: no?
Teacher: oh, its mass over volume
Do not shampoo in the shower
I don't know why I didn't figure this out sooner.
I used shampoo in the shower and when we wash our hair the shampoo runs down our whole body.
Printed clearly on the shampoo label is the warning,
"For extra body and volume."
No wonder I have been gaining weight.
I got rid of shampoos and start using dish washing liquid. Its label reads
"Dissolves fat that is otherwise difficult to remove."
Follow this and stay slim and trim forever.
An engineer, a mathematician, and a physicist are asked to measure the volume of a pig.
The engineer answers: "we fill a pool to the brim with water, fully immerse the pig, collect the spilled water and measure its weight. The pig will have a volume of 1dm^3 per collected Kg."
The mathematician answers: "we freeze the pig, slice it and integrate the slices' areas to obtain a volume."
The physicist answers: "let P be a spherical, friction-less pig...
A guy is selling a tv...
A guy is selling his tv at a yard sale
A customer who is looking for a tv asks how much.
The man replies, The tv is only a dollar.
The customer replies, Really, only a dollar? Why is it so cheap?
The man replies, The volume is stuck on max. I hate it, so I'm selling it.
The customer says, so the reason you're selling it for a dollar is because the volume is stuck on max?
The man replies, Yes sir, would you like to buy it?
The customer says, Absolutely, can't turn this offer down
Im selling a 50' OLED Samsung TV for just 100 pounds.
Get in touch if you're interested. The volume button doesn't work, but for that price you can't turn it down.
Storing prisoners in suspended animation by volume!?
No! You have to weigh the frozen cons.
What units are used to measure liquid volume in North Korea?
Great Liters.
Now I know why I'm getting fat..
Its the shampoo that says " to give body & volume ".
Now I will use dish washing soap that says " Dissolves all fat even at hard to reach places ".
Last week, I bought a TV.
It cost me £1, however the volume was at full and couldn't be lowered.
I couldn't turn that down
I turned on the radio and forgot I had the volume maxed out.
Now my left and right ear hertz a lot.
What do you call a mountain full of bears houses?
Mass
——-
Volume
Units.
A science teacher is quizzing the class on various units and measurements.
What is the unit of volume?
Milliliters.
What is the unit of mass?
Kilograms.
What is the unit of distance?
Meters.
What is the unit of power?
Yes.
(I know, it works a bit better spoken)
TV for Sale
I just saw a TV for sale on EBay.
The listing said "40" HD TV for sale - good working order, £100 - volume button is stuck on full"
I thought 'I can't turn that down....'
I went to a garage sale the other day, they had a radio with no volume control
I just couldn't turn it down.
wife: can you to give me a ring for our wedding anniversary
husband: sure , why not
wife: can you give it to me like a surprise when i'm at work, i want everyone to know.
husband: sure
wife: on Friday morning we have a huge meeting and everyone at work will be there. i think that would be a good time .
husband: sure. keep your phone in full volume
Irish Dancing Manual
Lost for centuries, volume 2 of the Irish Dancing Manual has finally been rediscovered.
It's titled How to Move The Arms
The interesting thing about sheep puns
Is the SHEAR volume of them.
A man walks into a library...
A man walks into a library and asks the librarian for the Encyclopedia of Loud Noises.
The librarian responds: "Absolutely! Which volume would you like?"
My running coach told me to increase the volume of my runs
So I unplugged the headphones and played my music from the speakers instead.
How I lost my job as a hairdresser.
I had just about finished styling a very wealthy lady's hair. I put down the hair dryer, and placed a hand mirror behind her head. "OK, how's that?", I asked.
She sniffed, and said "more volume."
#"OK, HOW'S THAT!?"
A guy is crossing the street when he comes across a garage sale
A guy is crossing the street when he comes across a garage sale.
He gets closer and starts taking a look at the items on display when he sees this huge TV.
He walks up to the seller and asks him.
- "Hey how much does that TV cost?"
- "It's only 1 dollar."
- "Only 1 dollar? That's a steal, why such a price?"
The seller responds.
- "I'm selling this TV for just 1 dollar because you can not lower the volume, it's always maxed out."
- "So it's 1 dollar because you can't lower the volume?"
- "Yup."
- "Wow, can't turn that down."
I wanted to improve my physical affection skills, so I went down to the library and took out a book called How to Hug ...
...You can imagine my disappointment when it turned out to be volume six of the Oxford English Dictionary
R.I.P. dad
My dad passed away yesterday (this is true). He was 87 and had a good innings. We've done the bulk of our grieving and all is good. My brother sent me this message this morning:
"I reckon dad has already told Eddie Van Halen to turn the volume down."
___________________
I bought a used universal remote at a flea market
The volume down button was broken but it only cost a nickel.... I couldn't turn it down.
Why do Rock Stars wear mascara?
200% more volume.
A mathematician, a physicist and an engineer are tasked with finding the volume of a rubber ball
The mathematician takes the ball, measures its diameter, then calculates the volume.
The physicist submerges the ball in water and measures the amount of water displaced.
The engineer twists and turns the ball, looking for the model number.
For Sale. 42 inch TV. Volume button doesn't work $20.
A deal you can't turn down
I snuck up on my roommate and had a horn sound on my phone ready to play, and I turned the volume way up.
I pressed play, only to find that I had forgotten to remove my headphones.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Out of Respect for Meat Loaf Passing I Went to the Record Shoppe
They had Bat out of h**... and Bat Out of h**... Volume 2 but I couldn't find Volume 3. I asked them about it.
They told me "Two out of three ain't bad."
My wife watches Criminal Minds with no volume while I'm sleeping.
She calls it Criminal Mimes.
