Volkswagen Jokes

Humoristic puns and funny pick up lines

Pregnant elephants

What is harder then getting a pregnant elephant into a Volkswagen?

Getting an elephant pregnant in a Volkswagen.


I'm taking a gunsmithing class and this was in the text book with no context. Just stuffed between a paragraph on slave pins and one on replacing firing pins.

Talk dirty to me

"Talk dirty to me", she begged. "Alright", he said, leaning closer, "Volkswagen diesel..."

What do Volkswagen and a boy going through puberty have in common?

They both lie about their emissions.

Where do volkswagens go when they get old?

The old volks home.

Why can't Africa have Volkswagen beetles?

Because an elephant will screw anything with a trunk in the front.

Thanks to a random guy outside of a 7/11.

Volkswagen announces it will open a facility in Israel to make a new advanced vehicle...

The new models are are so advanced not only will they stop on a dime, they'll actually pick it up.

A car salesman is showing some fine cars for sale...

A car salesman is showing some fine cars for sale, and the buyer is looking at them.

"Well, this one is a fine 1951 Hudson Hornet," says the car salesman.

The buyer gasps, "A Hudson HORNET? Well, I wouldn't want to see a Hudson Wasp!"

The salesman brushes it off and shows him the next car, "this is a Porsche Spyder."

Again, the buyer is aghast, "what is with car companies naming them after insects?! What's next, a Volkswagen Beetle?!"

Volkswagen just introduced a new electric car...

It's called the Volts Wagon.

Went to the dog car dealership.

I could tell the salespeople were friendly, since I got all the Volkswagen at me!

Since Volkswagen is discontinuing the beetle...

Maybe my dad will stop punching me all the time.

I put a lot of basil, parsley, rosemary and thyme in my old Volkswagen Beetle...

..it became herby.

What kind of car does Master Yoda drive?

A Volkswagen Jedi.

What do you call a gang who drives around in Volkswagen Beetles ?

Thugbugs

What do you get when BMW, Volkswagen, and Callaway design a car together?

A Mini Golf.

What do you get when you drive a german compact car through a hail storm?

A Volkswagen Golf ball.

As a Volkswagen Engineer, do you know what really grinds my gears?

The Tiptronic transmission, actually, but I invented these noise cancelling headphones!

Volkswagen CEO Martin Winterkorn has gotten off pretty lucky...

The last German who tried to gas that many people had to commit suicide!

I was going to buy a new Volkswagen but my Grandpa got angry at me because of what happened to him during WW2. Apparently, during WW2 my Grandpa

had a succession of highly unreliable German cars.

What do you call four blonds in a Volkswagen?

Farfromthinking

What's the difference between a brutal military overthrow and a Volkswagen Beetle made out of mucus?

One's a vicious coup and the other is a viscous coupe.

Elephants and cars

How many elephants fit in a Volkswagen?

4 elephants, 2 in the front and 2 in the back.

How can you fit 8 elephants in a BMW?

You sell the BMW and buy 2 Volkswagen.

What's the leading cause of violence in America?

Volkswagen Beetles.

To get around emission rules Volkswagen has a new prototype

The vehicle directs the exaust gas into the passanger compartment.

To be fair Israel was not the best test market.

What are the funniest volkswagen jokes of all time?

Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour joking about Volkswagen? Well, here are the best Volkswagen puns to laugh out loud. Crazy and funny Volkswagen pick up lines to share with friends.

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