The Best 35 Vladimir Putin Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Vladimir Putin jokes. There are some vladimir putin jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these vladimir putin puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 of the Funniest Vladimir Putin Jokes and Puns

Putin visits Estonia

Immigration officer says: "Name?". "Vladimir Vladimirovich Putin".



"Address?" "Kremlin, Moscow, Russia".



"Occupation?" "No, this time just visiting".

Vladimir Putin has boasted that Russia is planning to build a base on the moon. The idea is that astronauts will live there permanently. When they were asked if they really wanted to spend the rest of their lives in a barren, lifeless, empty landscape, the Russians said...

"No. That's why we want to go to the moon."

Putin visits Estonia

Immigration officer says: "Name?". "Vladimir Vladimirovich Putin".

"Address?" "Kremlin, Moscow, Russia".

"Occupation?" "No, this time just visiting".

Putin at the airport

Vladimir Putin arrives at an airport, gets in line at customs desk.

Customs officer: Occupation?

Putin: No, just visiting.

Vladimir Putin and Kim Jong Un are discussing their countries, and decide to have a contest to see whose soldiers are more obedient.

They are in a hotel at the top of a mountain near a cliff.

Vladimir Putin instructs a soldier to run and jump off the cliff. The soldier says "Please Putin, I have a wife and children!" Putin lets him go.

Kim Jong Un instructs a soldier to jump. The soldier runs to jump off the cliff. Putin grabs him before he can, telling him not to jump. The soldier says "Please Putin, I have a wife and children!"


Say what you want about Vladimir Putin..

But not many people can run two countries at once

Donald Trump, Queen Elizabeth II and Vladimir Putin all die and go to hell.

Satan decides to let each of them to call their own countries, but at a cost. Queen Elizabeth speaks to the U.K Government for 30 minutes and pays 1 million dollars. Vladimir Putin speaks with the Russian Government for an hour and pays 2 million dollars. Donald Trump speaks with the American Government for 2 hours and only pays 300 dollars.

Upon hearing this, Putin went ballistic and demanded that Satan tell him why Donald had to pay so less but get to talk more. Satan answered simply, "Ever since Donald Trump became U.S President, he has turned America into a hell-hole, so it's a local call."

Barack Obama and Vladimir Putin were in a meeting

Obama said, "Mr. Putin, the reason that I love my country is that a man can walk right into The White House and say, 'I don't like the way that Barack Obama is running The United States of America.'"

Putin responded, "That's true in Russia, too. Anyone can walk into the Kremlin and say, 'I don't like the way that Barack Obama is running the United States of America.'"

Do you know which politician has the worst pull out game?

Vladimir Putin.

Putin lands at Helsinki airport...

...and the immigration officer says "Name?". "Vladimir Vladimirovich Putin". "Address?" "Kremlin, Moscow, Russia". "Occupation?" "No, this time just visiting".

Credit goes to a dude in the Finland thread. Made me laugh.

Donald Trump and Vladimir Putin meet with guests at the White House

One of the guests asks: Mister President, what are you talking about with president Putin? – We are planning World War III.' - 'And what does it look like?' – Trump: We will kill 4 million Muslims and a dentist... The guest looks a bit confused: Why a dentist? - Putin claps Trump on the back and says, What did I tell you, Donald? No one will ask about the Muslims.

You can explore vladimir putin reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean vladimir putin dad jokes. There are also vladimir putin puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


Vladimir Putin's approval rate is 80%...

The other 20% are missing.

Vladimir Putin

Vladimir Putin is in the line for customs when he arrives at Poland for a summit.

Customs Officer: "Name?"

Putin: "Vladimir Putin."

Customs Officer: "Nationality?"

Putin: "Russian."

Customs Officer: "Occupation?"

Putin: "No, just visiting."

Kim Jong Un and Vladimir Putin were having a meeting in a 20-story building.

During a break the two leaders made a bet about the loyalty of their guards.

First, Putin called his guard Ivan into the room, opened the window and said, "Ivan, jump down."

Ivan replied in tears, "Mr. President, how could you do this to me? I have a wife and a son."

Putin explained that he was only joking, and let Ivan out.

Then Kim Jong-Un called his guard Lee, and told him to jump. Lee started running toward the window.

Putin grabbed him and said, "Are you crazy? You will die if you jump!"

Struggling, Lee replied, "Let me go! I have a wife and a son!"

Never accept tea offered by the Russian President

You don´t know what Vladimir Putin

People say that the President of the United States is a joke and no one respects him.

I dunno, Vladimir Putin doesn't seem like the sort of guy you'd mess with.

An American and a German are discussing freedom of speech.

The German says:

>Here in Germany, contrary to what a lot of you Americans think, we do have freedom of speech. Everyone here hates Putin, but I could walk right up to the Bundestag and proclaim: "I love Vladimir Putin!" And I wouldn't even be arrested!

The American replies:

>Ah, yes, but in the USA we're even freer. I could walk right up to the White House and shout "I love Vladimir Putin"... and they'd let me in!

Vladimir Putin Travels to an Eastern European Country

He walks up to the customs agent and the agent asks, Name?

Vladimir Putin

Country of Origin?

Russia

Occupation?

No, no. Just visiting.

Vladimir does not pull out...

He only *putin*


Donald Trump, Enrique Peña Nieto and Vladimir puttin are travelling in a helicopter for a top secret meeting when

Suddenly Vladimir Putin throws his beautiful secretary out of the helicopter.

Others:- Why did you do that?

Vladimir Putin :- too many beautiful women in our country

Then,Enrique Peña Nieto throws his tequila out

Others :- Why?

Enrique Peña Nieto :- Too much tequila in our country.

Donald Trump being anxious, throws Enrique Peña Nieto and exclaims"Too many Mexicans!"

What is Vladimir Putin's favorite instrument to play?

A Trumpet!

Did you hear Vladimir Putin made a travel sized Russia?

It is the perfect country to Putin your pocket.

Tributes from around the globe are still pouring in after the death of Sir Roger Moore…

The one from Vladimir Putin read: "From Russia, with love."

Russian Elections

Ministry of Russian election announcement: Elections of Vladimir Putin will commence as planned in 2018.

Why was Vladimir Putin sad?

No one voted for him in the last election.

Vladimir Putin has declared there is a cure for homosexuality

Lipstick. Apparently it keeps the chaps away.

Putin is asked by an interviewer, "Vladimir Vladimirovich, how did you get in the KGB?"

Putin replies, "You see, when I was a young man, I would listen to my friends tell political jokes and would write them down."

"Jokes?" asks the interviewer

"Not only jokes, but also the names of the joke tellers."

Vladimir Putin was recently late to a meeting

He was really Russian

How many basement dwellers and deplorables does it take to change a lightbulb?

That's ridiculous I saw on CNN that Hillary has already changed the lightbulb Plus it's not dark and the light bulb isn't broken and anyway who told you it was broken Vladimir Putin? What are you sexist?

The ghost of Soviet dictator Joseph Stalin...

appears before Russian president Vladimir Putin and says, I've got two pieces of advice for you; kill your political opponents and paint the Kremlin blue.

Putin ponders this for awhile, then replies, Why blue?

Vladimir Putin to begin marketing Kremlin brand jeans

Each pair comes with a complimentary Donald Trump in the back pocket.

Barack Obama and Vladimir Putin went fishing...

After a couple of hours, Obama was flinging his arms around, swatting mosquitos away, while Putin sat there, watching the pond, unbothered.

"How is it, that these bloodsuckers only target my blood reserves?" Asked Obama. "They don't bite you at all!"

Putin smiled knowingly and replied: "They're not allowed to".

Vladimir Putin is my favorite magician

He makes his opponents disappear

With Vladimir Putin so eager to restore ties, I think the U.S and Russia should form one country.

We can call it The United States of Soviet Russia! USSR for short.

87% of Russians favor Vladimir Putin

The other 13% is still missing.

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the vladimir putin jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working vladimir putin piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

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