vital Jokes

funny pick up lines and hilarious vital puns

Given that a radiator is essentially a vital organ to a car, it's strange that the town in the movie Cars is called "Radiator Springs."

It would be like if we called a city "Liver Pool."

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Statistics are like bikinis.

What they reveal is suggestive, but what they conceal is vital.
Edit- This is a famous quote by Aaron Levenstein. A Professor told this to a friend.

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A mp3 hits your ears a mp4 hits your eyes

An mp5 hits your vital organs.

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Statistics is like a bikini on a beautiful woman...

... what it reveals is exciting; what it hides is vital.

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A woman is in a coma and her nurses are giving her a sponge bath

They notice when they get near her lower area that her vital signs improve a little. They think oral sex may bring her out of her coma. They go in the waiting room and tell her husband their theory and assure him they will have complete privacy. The nurses leave and come back 15 minutes later and the woman is flat-lined. What happened?? Yelled the nurse. Her husband replies, I don't know...I think she choked.

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The Chinese have successfully tested their new Stealth Drones.

Not only will they be used in Recon and Combat missions but they will have the ability to drop vital equipment onto the battlefield.

They will have the element of supplies.

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So a woman had been in a coma for a few years. . .

And everyday, when the nurse comes in to bathe her, she notices slight changes in her vital stats whenever she washes near her crotch. So the nurse fetches the woman's husband and says,
"I think a little oral sex is all your wife needs to come out of this coma."
The husband nods and asks for a little privacy. The nurse leaves, but after a few minutes she hears a horrible clatter followed by the woman flat-lining. The nurse runs in and yells,
"What the hell happened?"
The husband replied, "I don't know! I think she choked!"

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How do you know an angle is dead?

When it shows no vital sines

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These two nuns are giving a woman a sponge-bath...

The woman is in a coma. One of the nuns notices that when she washes the woman's privates her vital signs start to kick in. This nun has the idea that if the woman would receive oral sex that she might come around. The nuns go out to the waiting area and find the woman's husband. They tell him of their idea and even though he is skeptical he eventually agrees and goes into the room. Moments later all the alarms start going off and everyone rushes into the room to find that the woman is dead. They ask the husband, "What happened?" He replies, "I don't know. I think she choked."

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A woman is in a coma

and the nurse tending to her notices that whenever she is sponge bathing the woman, the woman's vital signs jump a little on all of the machines an screens. So the nurse calls the husband and says 'come down to the hospital, i think i know how to get your wife out of this coma.' so the husband hurries down, and asks the nurse what he can do. The nurse says, ' i think that oral sex will bring her out of her coma, it will arrouse her enough to bring her out of the coma.' so the nurse closes the cutains, and leaves the husband with his wife in the room. Moments later, the man comes running out of the room, flustered. The nurse, worried, asks him what happened. the husband says, 'I don't know, I think that she started choking.'Β 

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Mildred was a 93 year-old woman who was particularly despondent over the recent death of her husband Earl.

She decided that she would just kill herself and join him in death.


Thinking that it would be best to get it over with quickly, she took out Earl's old Army pistol and made the decision to shoot herself in the heart.

Not wanting to miss the vital organ and become a burden to someone, she called her doctor to inquire as to just exactly where the heart would be.


"On a woman," the doctor said, "your heart would be just below your left breast."

Later that night, Mildred was admitted to the hospital with a gunshot wound to her knee.

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My fave pickup line as a gay man...

Hey, are you a vital organ? Because I don't think I can live without you inside of me.

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As a vet, attention to detail is vital.

However, attention to de rest of de animal is important too.

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How Men Think...

A nurse was giving a female coma patient a sponge bath, when she accidently brushed up on the womans private parts. Suddenly, the patients vital signs jumped up. So the nurse tried it again, and once again, the vital signs jumped up...so she called the Doctor, and showed him what had happened.
The Doctor grew excited, and called the womans husband. He explained what had happened, and said "I think it's worth trying for you to try oral sex with her, and that might be enough to wake her up."
So the husband agreed, and came over to the hospital, where they left him alone with his wife to get going....
a few minutes later, however, the alarms began to ring, and the Doctor found the woman to be dead.
He turned to the husband and asked him "What happened? Didn't you try oral with her?"
"Yeah... I guess she must have choked on it."

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Man's wife is in a coma

A woman was in a coma being cared for by the Intensive Care nursing staff who noticed a little reaction on the vital -signs monitor as they washed between her legs during a sponge bath.

They tried it again and sure enough there was definite movement on the monitor.

As soon as they realised what had happened they went straight to her husband and told him: This may not work, but, maybe some oral sex could bring your wife out of the coma.

The husband remained skeptical, but he finally let himself be convinced.

The nurses took him to his wife's room and explained that they would leave them alone so they could have more privacy, but would be checking her vitals in the other room for any reaction.

After a few minutes the monitor's alarm goes off and she flatlines –no pulse, no heartbeat, nothing!

The nurses run into the room desperate to help the woman and see what went wrong, asking the husband, what happened?!?

He replied: I don't know… I think she choked…

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Two elderly Russian veterans go to travel in the jungles of Congo

Two elderly Russian veterans go to travel in the jungles of Congo. They roam the jungle, singing vodka songs and hunting their own food for weeks, when suddenly a huge lion jumps on one of them out of nowhere, crushing the elderly Russian to the ground, vigorously biting off most of his vital organs one after the other. The other elderly veteran looks at him worriedly. "Vladimir, comrade, is this painful?"
Vladimir looks up from the lion's throat and replies:
"Only when I laugh"

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As much as I disagree with Donald Trumps policies, we agree one one major and vital thing...

We would both love to fuck his daughter.

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Two detectives are at a crime scene.

They locate a briefcase that is vital evidence to the investigation.

One of the detectives says to the other "It's an open-and-shut case".

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Why is a miniskirt like a political campaign?

What they reveal is interesting, but what they conceal is vital - and they both usually have a c**t in their center.

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So this bloke pulled a vital organ out of my chest ...

and chucked it into a pond. My heart sank.organ out of my chest and chucked it into a pond.

My heart sank.

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The Chibese have successfully tested their new Stealth Drone...

Not only will it be used for Recon and Combat missions but it will also be able to drop vital equipment on the Battlefield.

It has the element of Supplies.

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How does a baby survive being delivered?

Isn't it a vital organ?

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What Vitalik said to Vlad afther Edcon?

Proof of Sssssssnake

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i asked a butcher to deliver my baby

Now it's missing a vital organ.

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Old people, fall asleep in the recovery position

It will save the paramedics vital minutes.

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Despite how vital drinking water is....

I always turn my nose up at it.

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What are the most funny Vital jokes of all time ?

Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour joking with someone about Vital? Well, here are the best Vital dad jokes to laugh out loud. Crazy funny puns and Vital pick up lines to share with friends.

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