vision Jokes

funny pick up lines and hilarious vision puns

I hate when people ask how I see myself in 3 years

I don't have 2020 vision


The year 2020 is going to be filled with so many puns about perfect vision

I can just see it now.


What do Daredevil and Scarlet Which have in common?

They both lost their vision


I can see six years into the future.

I must have 2020 vision.


5 years from now it'll be 2020... I can see it now...

That's a perfect vision joke.


In 2020 we're going to have an entire year of bad puns about vision...

I can't wait to see them all.


Women are discussing their sex life.

- My man is an architect. Our love life has form, vision and function, good plan as well.
- My man is an artist. Our love life has passion, imagination and improvisation.
- And my man is a programmer. He sits in bed and tells me how good it's going to be when it's ready.


A husband asks his wife...

Husband: Darling, if I lost my vision would you be my eyes?

Wife: Honey, of course I would.

Husband: If I lost my hearing would you be my ears?

Wife: Absolutely sweetheart.

Husband: If I lost my legs would you push me around in a wheelchair?

Wife: You don't need to ask. Why all the questions?

Husband: I just sprained my wrist...



In the year 2020 we're going to have a lot of bad puns about vision.

I can't wait to see them all.


"Where do you see yourself in five years?"

"I don't know, I don't have 2020 vision."


I can see 4 years into the future!

You can say I have 2020 vision


I can see 6 years into the future.

Thanks to my 2020 vision.


What happens to your eyesight when you have kids?

You get adult super vision


Why wasn't Daredevil in Civil War?

He doesn't work well with Vision


I hate it when people ask me where I'll be in 5 years.

I don't have 2020 vision.


I just spent £500 on a fortune teller, and all she told me was that she had a vision of me masturbating.

I think she saw me coming.


I hate when people ask me what I'm going to be doing in 3 years

Like come on guys, I don't have 2020 vision!


I can see 3 years into the future

I guess you can say I have 2020 vision.


The interviewer asked, "Where do you see yourself in five years?"

The job candidate responded, " I don't know, I don't have 2020 vision."

Use it while you can, people!


I realised at the last minute that i forgot my protective goggles at the nuclear test facility this morning. My line manager saved my vision and shielded me from the intense light!

He's my super visor


I wish people would stop asking me where I think I'm going to be in 4 years...

I don't have 2020 vision.


I had a rough childhood. I couldn't play with toys that required supervision

I only had regular vision


At the job interview...

Interviewer: Where do you see yourself in three years?

Me: Sorry, I don't have 2020 vision


My eye doctor told me he could fix my vision with witchcraft.

At least he's opti-mystic.


A Polish guy went to check his vision...

**Doctor asked** - *can you read any of those letters? read it for* me.

The eye test chart: C Z J W I N O S T A W C Z

**Polish guy** - *Oh god, I know that guy!!*


Superman Sex

Wonder Woman is laying in her bed naked in her apartment. Superman is flying by and he is using his x-ray vision to see if any crime is going on. He then happens to come across Wonder Woman's place and sees her there naked and she seems to be having an orgasm.

Superman then wonders to himself, "I'm really fast, maybe I could fly in there, hit that, fly out, and she'll never Know". So he does, he flies down, gets it in, and flies quickly out to continue his day.

Wonder Woman then says, "Oh my god, what happened, what was that?"

The Invisible man replies, "I don't know, but my ass sure does hurt."


I hate when people ask me what I'm doing in the next three years.

Do I look like I have 2020 vision.


Superman uses his X-ray vision and sees Wonder Woman nude with her legs in the air

She's moaning and her hands sometimes--comfort her. Superman enjoys the view and, well,--comforts himself. He's ready to finish but figures he'll finish in Wonder Woman. He's faster than a speeding bullet, he's an alien so he can't impregnate her, and it's better to feel the sensation in a woman rather than a hand. So he speeds into Wonder Woman's room, gives a handful of pumps, and flies out before Wonder Woman is the wiser. Or so he thinks.

Wonder Woman asks loudly--"Did you feel that gust of wind?"

Invisible Man says, "Yeah, it made my ass hurt and my legs are soaked."


I hate when people asking me what I'm going to be doing in 2 years

Come on guys, I don't have 2020 vision!


If I could see 5 years into the future...

would I still have 2020 vision?


The CIA, MI5, and the KGB have a contest

The CIA, MI5, and the KGB have a contest to see who can find a white rabbit in the forest

The CIA comes in first place, finding the rabbit in fourteen hours. They used contacts, thermal vision, and satellites.

MI5 comes in second place, finding the rabbit in 24 hours using much of the same tactics

The KGB comes in last place. In one hour, they produced a bear, near beaten to death, who said "OK, OK, I admit it, I am a rabbit."


Superheroes' day off

So it's the superheroes holiday and Superman is looking for some friends to hang out with so he starts flying around and uses his x-ray vision to see what his friends are up to.

He cruises by incredible hulk's place, uses his x-ray vision and sees hulk lifting weights. Superman thinks to himself, "I lift weights all the time, I don't want to do it on my day off." So he moves on.

Next he comes up to Batman and Robin's place. Uses his x-ray vision to see them doing spring cleaning and dusting. Superman thinks, "what a bunch of nerds. I'm not hanging with them while their doing their cleaning."

Next he goes to Wonder Woman's house. He uses his vision and sees her totally naked lying on her back with her legs wide open. Superman gets a little excited and thinks to himself, "I'm gonna fly down there with my super speed and get a super quickie."

So he uses his super speed to fly down and bam! bam! bam! Does his super speed super quickie and ejaculates and is out of there so fast wonder woman didn't even see.

But Wonder Woman says, "Holy Shit, what the hell was that?"

To which the Invisible Man replies, "I don't know but my asshole is killing me!"


A friend recently asked me where I think I'll be in 4 years.

But how am I supposed to know? I don't have 2020 vision.


Carrots may improve your vision,

But alcohol doubles it.


So a guy sees his doctor about his Viagra prescription...

Doctor: How have you felt since taking Viagra?

Guy: I've felt great! Sex is better than it's been in years!

Doctor: So, you haven't been suffering from blurred vision?

Guy: Suffering? Have you seen my wife?


What are the most funny Vision jokes of all time ?

Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour joking with someone about Vision? Well, here are the best Vision dad jokes to laugh out loud. Crazy funny puns and Vision pick up lines to share with friends.

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