vision Jokes

funny jokes and hilarious vision puns

I hate when people ask how I see myself in 3 years

I don't have 2020 vision

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The year 2020 is going to be filled with so many puns about perfect vision

I can just see it now.

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What do Daredevil and Scarlet Which have in common?

They both lost their vision

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I can see six years into the future.

I must have 2020 vision.

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5 years from now it'll be 2020... I can see it now...

That's a perfect vision joke.

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In 2020 we're going to have an entire year of bad puns about vision...

I can't wait to see them all.

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Women are discussing their sex life.

- My man is an architect. Our love life has form, vision and function, good plan as well.
- My man is an artist. Our love life has passion, imagination and improvisation.
- And my man is a programmer. He sits in bed and tells me how good it's going to be when it's ready.

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I hate when people ask me where I see myself in 3 years.

Do I look like I have a 2020 vision?

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A husband asks his wife...

Husband: Darling, if I lost my vision would you be my eyes?

Wife: Honey, of course I would.

Husband: If I lost my hearing would you be my ears?

Wife: Absolutely sweetheart.

Husband: If I lost my legs would you push me around in a wheelchair?

Wife: You don't need to ask. Why all the questions?

Husband: I just sprained my wrist...

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#2020

In the year 2020 we're going to have a lot of bad puns about vision.

I can't wait to see them all.

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"Where do you see yourself in five years?"

"I don't know, I don't have 2020 vision."

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I can see 4 years into the future!

You can say I have 2020 vision

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Superheroes' day off

So it's the superheroes holiday and Superman is looking for some friends to hang out with so he starts flying around and uses his x-ray vision to see what his friends are up to.

He cruises by incredible hulk's place, uses his x-ray vision and sees hulk lifting weights. Superman thinks to himself, "I lift weights all the time, I don't want to do it on my day off." So he moves on.

Next he comes up to Batman and Robin's place. Uses his x-ray vision to see them doing spring cleaning and dusting. Superman thinks, "what a bunch of nerds. I'm not hanging with them while their doing their cleaning."

Next he goes to Wonder Woman's house. He uses his vision and sees her totally naked lying on her back with her legs wide open. Superman gets a little excited and thinks to himself, "I'm gonna fly down there with my super speed and get a super quickie."

So he uses his super speed to fly down and bam! bam! bam! Does his super speed super quickie and ejaculates and is out of there so fast wonder woman didn't even see.

But Wonder Woman says, "Holy Shit, what the hell was that?"

To which the Invisible Man replies, "I don't know but my asshole is killing me!"

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I hate when people ask me what I see myself doing in 5 years......

I don't have 2020 vision

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Hate when people ask me where I see my self in 3 years time.

I dont have 2020 vision

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I can see 6 years into the future.

Thanks to my 2020 vision.

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I hate when people ask me what I'm see myself doing in 5 years...

Its not like I have 2020 vision.

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Superman Sex

Wonder Woman is laying in her bed naked in her apartment. Superman is flying by and he is using his x-ray vision to see if any crime is going on. He then happens to come across Wonder Woman's place and sees her there naked and she seems to be having an orgasm.

Superman then wonders to himself, "I'm really fast, maybe I could fly in there, hit that, fly out, and she'll never Know". So he does, he flies down, gets it in, and flies quickly out to continue his day.

Wonder Woman then says, "Oh my god, what happened, what was that?"

The Invisible man replies, "I don't know, but my ass sure does hurt."

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What happens to your eyesight when you have kids?

You get adult super vision

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Why wasn't Daredevil in Civil War?

He doesn't work well with Vision

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I hate it when people ask me where I'll be in 5 years.

I don't have 2020 vision.

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I just spent Β£500 on a fortune teller, and all she told me was that she had a vision of me masturbating.

I think she saw me coming.

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I hate when people ask me where I see myself in 5 years...

Come on guys. I don't have 2020 vision.

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I hate when people ask me what I'm going to be doing in 3 years

Like come on guys, I don't have 2020 vision!

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I can see 3 years into the future

I guess you can say I have 2020 vision.

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The interviewer asked, "Where do you see yourself in five years?"

The job candidate responded, " I don't know, I don't have 2020 vision."

Use it while you can, people!

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I realised at the last minute that i forgot my protective goggles at the nuclear test facility this morning. My line manager saved my vision and shielded me from the intense light!

He's my super visor

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I hate it when people ask me where I'll be in 5 years time...

Come on guys, I don't have 2020 vision.

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Where do you see yourself in 3 years?

I don't know, I don't have 2020 vision.

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At least in 4 years

we'll be able to look back at this election with 2020 vision.

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I wish people would stop asking me where I think I'm going to be in 4 years...

I don't have 2020 vision.

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I had a rough childhood. I couldn't play with toys that required supervision

I only had regular vision

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At the job interview...

Interviewer: Where do you see yourself in three years?

Me: Sorry, I don't have 2020 vision

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I hate it when people ask me where I see myself in 3 years...

It's not like I have 2020 vision.

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My eye doctor told me he could fix my vision with witchcraft.

At least he's opti-mystic.

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A Polish guy went to check his vision...

**Doctor asked** - *can you read any of those letters? read it for* me.

The eye test chart: C Z J W I N O S T A W C Z

**Polish guy** - *Oh god, I know that guy!!*

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I hate when people ask me what I'm doing in the next three years.

Do I look like I have 2020 vision.

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Superman uses his X-ray vision and sees Wonder Woman nude with her legs in the air

She's moaning and her hands sometimes--comfort her. Superman enjoys the view and, well,--comforts himself. He's ready to finish but figures he'll finish in Wonder Woman. He's faster than a speeding bullet, he's an alien so he can't impregnate her, and it's better to feel the sensation in a woman rather than a hand. So he speeds into Wonder Woman's room, gives a handful of pumps, and flies out before Wonder Woman is the wiser. Or so he thinks.

Wonder Woman asks loudly--"Did you feel that gust of wind?"

Invisible Man says, "Yeah, it made my ass hurt and my legs are soaked."

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I hate when people ask what I see myself doing in 5 years

How would I know, I don't have 2020 vision

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I hate when people asking me what I'm going to be doing in 2 years

Come on guys, I don't have 2020 vision!

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If I could see 5 years into the future...

would I still have 2020 vision?

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The CIA, MI5, and the KGB have a contest

The CIA, MI5, and the KGB have a contest to see who can find a white rabbit in the forest

The CIA comes in first place, finding the rabbit in fourteen hours. They used contacts, thermal vision, and satellites.

MI5 comes in second place, finding the rabbit in 24 hours using much of the same tactics

The KGB comes in last place. In one hour, they produced a bear, near beaten to death, who said "OK, OK, I admit it, I am a rabbit."

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A friend recently asked me where I think I'll be in 4 years.

But how am I supposed to know? I don't have 2020 vision.

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Carrots may improve your vision,

But alcohol doubles it.

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So a guy sees his doctor about his Viagra prescription...

Doctor: How have you felt since taking Viagra?

Guy: I've felt great! Sex is better than it's been in years!

Doctor: So, you haven't been suffering from blurred vision?

Guy: Suffering? Have you seen my wife?

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A Welsh guy was getting his driver's license.

He had to take a vision test, so they showed him a line of letters that said: B W N S T R Y D D W L L

They asked, "Can you read the letters?" The man replied, "Are you kidding? I'm *from* that town!"

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Want to know how I can see 6 years into the future?

I have 2020 vision.

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I can see what's going to happen next year...

... because I have 20/20 vision

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I hate when people ask me what I'll be doing in 5 years

I don't have 2020 vision

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Drunk...

A drunk lurches out of a pub at lunchtime.

After getting his alcohol-induced double vision together, he notices a car parked by the kerb with its bonnet up and a man leaning against the car with his arms folded and looking very grumpy.

He staggers over and manages to slur, "What's the matter, mate?"

The grumpy guy scowls at the drunk and says, "Argh - piston broke!"

"Yeah - so am I!" replies the drunk and lurches off...

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I have an amazing gardener who's both vision impaired and dyslexic.

His work is Mind BLowing

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What did the Australian optometrist say to the client with 20/20 vision?

Good eye, mate.

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Two old ladies are in a car...

They're driving down the street when suddenly they pass a red light.

Dorothy, who's sitting in the passenger's seat thinks to herself, 'oh well, Matilda is getting pretty old and her vision isn't what it used to be. She probably didn't see that red light, happens to everyone."

They drive a little bit more and pass another red light. Dorothy is thinking to herself, "alright two red lights is no coincidence.. maybe I should say something.. well better not, Matilda always gets anxious when I comment on her driving"

So they continue on driving when they go through a third red light. This time Dorothy speaks up and says, "Matilda! what's going on?! that's the third red light you've gone through!!" and Matilda answers:

"Oh, am I driving?"

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The year 2020 is going to be filled with so many jokes about perfect vision.

I can see it now.

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(Infinity War Speculation) When Thanos gains the mind stone, he will turn into Palpatine.

Because The Avengers will pay for their lack of Vision.

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Superman got a divorce...

He can only see his kids with super vision now.

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I hate when people ask me where I see myself in two years

I don't have 2020 vision

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A man who had recently lost his vision was charged with slander...

They said he was making blind accusations.

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As a citizen from Baltic states

Hello Russia, my old friend
You've come to talk to me again
New SovietRussia vision softly creeping
You've spread your seeds while we were sleeping
And the vision that was planted in your brain
Still remains
Within the sound of silence

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A man loses his eye in a car accident

When he's in recovery, his doctor tells him he won't be able to regain his vision so he offers him his finest false eyes. However, due to the insurance cost and hospital bills, the man can only afford a wooden eye as a replacement.

After a few weeks of adjusting to the wooden eye, he's feeling pretty confident so he goes out to a bar. As he sits down to drink, he spies a beautiful woman with a large nose from across the bar.

With every ounce of courage he has he approaches the woman and says "would you like to go on a date with me?"

"Would I!?" Replies the woman excitedly.

"Big nose!" Shouts the man angrily and storms out of the bar.

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After a nice meal at Taco Bell with some friends, I felt a familiar rumbling that can only be described as urgent and unwavering.

I speed down the road, gripping my abdomen, 60, 70, 80, 90mph. Suddenly in my rear view mirror, red and blue flashes flood my vision. I pull over, and the cop walks up to my window.

"Now what good reason do you have for going so fast down this road?"

"I'm sorry sir, but I had to use the restroom very badly."

"Had to? You've remained in the car since and you seem fine!"

"Well officer, you scared the shit out of me."

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Why did Superboy never need a babysitter?

He always had super vision.

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I'm so sick of employers asking me what I'm doing in the next four years

It's not like I have 2020 vision

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I hate it when people ask me how I see myself in 2 years.

I don't have 2020 vision.

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In an interview I was asked where I see myself in 5 years time.

"I don't know. I'm afraid I don't have 2020 vision"

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What's it like to be drunk?

A boy was riding home from school with his dad. He had just started learning about alcohol and drinking in his health class.

"Dad, when you're drinking how do you know you're drunk?"

"Well son, when you're drunk your speech is slurred and your vision gets worse and worse. A drunk person would see 4 cars in front of us and not 2."

"But Dad, there's only 1 car in front of us!"

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My friend Ray just passed away :(

He was on the donar list. Apparently they used his eyes to give some poor blind sod his eye sight back.

Its a miracle really, now he's got ex Ray vision

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Finally got round to booking my laser eye surgery for the 1st January

Can't wait to have 2020 vision.

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A wife complains to her husband...

The wife complains to her husband that her breasts are sagging, her skin is wrinkly, and her but is too big. She asks if he can give her a compliment to cheer her up.

"Apparently, you have perfect vision"

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The future

Someone asked me the other day if I could see where I would be in 5 years.

Come on man, I wear glasses.

I don't have 2020 vision.

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Why would people always stand still to hide from Martin Luther King Jr.?

His vision was based on movements.

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Former eye doctor Rand Paul decided to run for president in 2016

Of all people, you would have thought he'd have 2020 vision

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My wife looked in the mirror today...

After taking a good look at herself she turned to me and said, "I look fat. Can you please give me a compliment?"

So I said, "Absolutely, you have perfect vision."

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A man, walking the High Street in Belfast at the height of the Troubles

Is accosted by a hand out of the side of his vision and pulled into an alleyway. A voice in the darkness asks, 'Catholic or Protestant?' The man, thinking quickly, says, 'neither, I'm Jewish!' 'Well fuck, that makes me the luckiest Arab in Belfast.'

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I hate it when people ask me what I'll be doing in 5 years...

It's not like I have 2020 vision

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I hate when people ask me what my life will be like in 2 years

I don't have 2020 vision

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The weather forecaster this morning said that vision might be impaired by fog.

I agree with him, but that's a weird way to spell "Whiskey".

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An elderly man who just retired

Went out and purchased a Porshe. He decided that he would go take his brand new car for a ride and see what it could do.
As he was speeding around the country side he sped past a police car on the side of the road.

The officer noticing him going well above the speed limit gave chase. The elderly man looking in his rear vision mirror noticed. Swearing he put his foot down easily outpacing the police car.
Only one minute later the elderly man said to himself "what am I doing. This is no way to live my retirement I could get killed doing this" and proceed to pull over and wait for the police car to catch up.

As the officer got out and asked for his Licence and registration the elderly man looked up and said "I'm very sorry officer I just retired today and purchased this new car, I was just trying to have fun"

The officer thought for a moment and said " Look sir I do understand belive it or not today is my last day on the job as well. I tell you what if you can tell me a good reason for speeding off when I gave chase I will let you go."

The old man thought for a moment and replied "Well officer you see my wife recently cheated on me with a police offer and left me. I saw you in my mirror and thought you were trying to give her back" the officer smiled and replied. "Have a good day sir"

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A man with bad vision fell into a well...

He couldn't see that well.

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I can see 3 years into the future

It's called 2020 vision

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my sight was getting bad so I went to get glasses ...

I could not afford a pair so I bought a monocle instead -

at least now I have 1920 vision.

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What's similar between Scarlet Witch and Daredevil? [spoilers]

The both lost their vision

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This is the last time you will ever hear this joke and have it make sense

Interviewer: Where do you see yourself in 5 years?
Yourself: I don't know, I don't have 2020 vision.

Happy new year everyone. I'm sorry to all those who are in the future right now who can't enjoy this joke.

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Person: What do you think you're going to be doing in 5 years?

Me: I dont know, I dont have 2020 vision

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I wish people would stop asking me where I see myself in 5 years..

I don't have 2020 vision.

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Only 4 days left to use this joke

I hate it when people ask me where I see myself in 5 years time. I don't know, I don't have 2020 vision.

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A woman was looking in the mirror...

And she says to her husband "I look fat. Give me a compliment." The husband replies " Your vision is perfect."

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Job inteviewer asked me where do I see myself in 5 years

I said, "Sorry but I don't have 2020 vision."

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I had a job interview today, the interviewer asked me where I saw myself in 5 years.

Luckily, I have 2020 vision.

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What is it called when you get shot in the eye and lose your vision?

Glockoma.

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Where do you see yourself in 5 years?

I don't know, I don't have 2020 vision.

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A woman is looking in the mirror and doesn't like what she sees.

She says to her husband "I think my body is going downhill. Tell me something good to make me feel better."

He replies: "You still have perfect vision."

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I hate it when people ask me where I see myself in 3 years.

I mean, I don't have 2020 vision.

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When people ask me what I'll be doing in 5 years...

"I don't know, I don't have 2020 vision!"

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Why did all the Avengers have to get glasses?

Because they had poor Vision

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I can see two years into the future.

I suppose you could call it '2020' vision.

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How do you know carrots improve your vision?

Cause you've never seen any bunnies with glasses

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When someone asks me where I see myself in 5 years...

I dunno...I don't have 2020 vision.

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An Asian man walks into an optometrist's office

AFter testing the mans vision the doctor says to him
"Sir i belive you have a cataract"
"Nonsense" the man says "I drive a Rincoln"

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Someone asked me today where I see myself in 3 years

I removed my glasses and said i don't know, unfortunately I don't have 2020 vision.

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Please stop asking me what I will be doing in 3 years,

It's not like I have 2020 vision.

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People are wondering who will win the 2016 Presidential election, but I already know who will win the next election.

That's because I've got 2020 vision.

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What does Daredevil and Scarlet Witch have in common?

They both love red and lost their Vision

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I just had a really good premonition about 2020

It was a perfect vision.

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Don't ask me where I see myself in 3 years time

I don't have 2020 vision

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Eyesight

My new optician is a legend. This new set of glasses he gave me allows me to see a few years into the future.

Finally, I have 2020 vision.

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Superman was bored one day and was flying around the city.

He saw with his x-ray vision Wonder Woman in her apartment lying on her back on her bed, naked, with her legs apart.

In a flash, he swooped down through an open window, made love to her, and quicker than lightning flew off.
What was that? asked Wonder Woman.
I don't know , said Invisible Man on top of her, but my ass hurts like hell...

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Who do you see winning the presidency in 4 years?

I don't know, I don't have 2020 vision.

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I found the one

When I saw her my knees got weak and my vision got blurry. That's when I realized I drunk the wrong glass.

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Experts believe that having too much sex can cause double vision

Does Does
anyone anyone
believe believe
that that
crap? crap?

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If the Vision movie comes out in 2020...

The Marvel marketing group will have a field day

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I'll admit the Avengers had a plan

But in the end, they lacked vision.

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My friend asked me where I see myself in the new year.

How would I know? I don't have 2020 vision.

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Superman

Superman is just flying arround through Metropolis using his x-ray vision when he spots wonder woman in her house completely naked laying in her bed with her legs spread wide open. He turns arround, and sees her again but this time on all four.
He's so horny that he thinks to himself I'll use my bullet speed to get a quicky in .. so he goes into maximun speed does his thing, then goes again .. pa pa pa and leaves
Then wonder woman goes: ΒΏWHAT WAS THAT?! and the invisible man goes : Idk but my ass hurts like hell

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I hate it when people ask what I'll be doing in five years...

Come on guys, I dont have 2020 vision

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I'm not sure how the next election is going to turn out

Because I don't have 2020 vision

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My vision is okish

But in just a few years I'll be able to see 2020

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At my optometrist I was shown pictures of printers, external hard drives, monitors, and the like.

They said they were testing my peripheral vision.

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I woke up this morning and thought I had tunnel vision.

Luckily it was a false alarm, the wife just fancied a 69.

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I know who the next president will be.

It's because of my 2020 vision.

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I was on my bed, relaxing and eating popcorn, when I noticed my pillow was missing it's pillowcase.

I started looking for it in the darkness of my room(I still had a little bit of light). I saw a blanket-ish shadow in my peripheral vision. I reached for it, thinking it was the pillowcase. However, after pressing down on it and hearing the loud, crinkly noise of a near-empty bag of popcorn, I soon realized that was...

...not the case.

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I hate it when people ask me what I'm doing in three years time...

C'mon guys, I don't have 2020 vision

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I thought I could see two years into the future

Turns out I just have 2020 vision

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I recently turned 18 and got an eye test

Kind of bummed I didn't get adult super vision

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What do you call a horse that has very good vision underwater?

A seehorse.

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When Scarlett Witch was at the Avengers HQ...

you could say she needed...adult super Vision.

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As my mother got older, her vision got worse so her optometrist prescribed her progressive lenses...

Now she can't see race.

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What do you think will happen in 3 years time?

I don't know, I don't have 2020 vision.

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I hate when people ask what I hope to be doing in 5 years time.

I mean come on, I don't have 2020 vision.

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They asked me where I would be in 5 years...

I said I don't know I don't have 2020 vision.

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I dreamed about who dies in the upcoming Avengers movie...

...it was a side kick, Vision.

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I hate when people ask how I see myself a year from now.

I don't have 2020 vision.

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Will trump get a second term?

Does it look like I have 2020 vision?

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Someone asked me today where I'll be in 5 years...

Seriously? I'm wearing glasses, you know I don't have 2020 vision.

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At what elevation is your vision the best

See level

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Where you do see yourself in five years?

I don't know, I don't have 2020 vision!

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Where do you see yourself in 5 years?

I don't know. I don't have 2020 Vision.

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I've got an eye test next year.

I think I've got 2020 vision.

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A man sadly became blind.

The doctor said "Conventional medicine offered no cure, BUT! I believe I can cure you by replacing your eyes with cheese!
The man gasped in horror, but was convinced he had no other option, so he said yes.
After the operation, the man opened his eyes. The doctor asked "How's your vision now?" The man answered "Not perfect, but gouda'nough!"

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perfect vision

Whenever someone asks me what I plan on doing in five years I always get frustrated.
Like c'mon guys I don't have 2020 vision.

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"Hey, Bill, what do you think of this new super-hero comic I'm working on? It's about an ant-size tangent line that has x-ray vision."

"Sounds cool, but isn't that a little derivative?"

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I hate it when people ask me what I'll be doing in 5 years time..

I mean come on, I don't have 2020 vision!

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People keep asking me what I'll be doing in 3 years time

Like come on guys I don't have 2020 vision

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Why do people keep asking me what I'm going to be doing in three years?

I don't have 2020 vision.

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I hate when people ask where I see myself in 5 years.

I don't know, I don't have 2020 vision.

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I hate it when people ask me what I see myself doing in 5 years

I mean what am I supposed to say? I don't have 2020 vision

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Horny Superman was flying around metropolis...[NSFW]

With his X-ray vision, he sees wonder woman naked, spread eagled on the bed. He flies in at light speed,has a quickie, and flies away with a shit-eating grin on his face.

**Wonder Woman**- what the fuck was that.....!!!???

**Invsible man**- I donno., but my ass suddenly hurts like hell.!!

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What did yoda tell the snowman when he found out he had tunnel vision?

All icy is you!

I legit thought of this joke when i was like 10 and im so proud i remembered it.

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Did you hear about the blind guy that went crazy?

He lost his vision in an accident, and shortly after he went insane.

But you know what they say...

"Out of sight, out of mind."

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I like how avengers infinity war has perfect balance

[Thor gains his vision back but scarlet witch loses hers](#s)

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What are the best Vision puns and pranks?

Did you ever wanted to prank someone about Vision? Well, here are the best jokes about Vision to have fun with.

Joko Jokes