The Best 79 Vision Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Vision jokes. There are some vision lasik jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these vision 2020 vision puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 of the Funniest Vision Jokes and Puns

I can see what's going to happen next year...

... because I have 20/20 vision

Finally got round to booking my laser eye surgery for the 1st January

Can't wait to have 2020 vision.

Drunk...

A drunk lurches out of a pub at lunchtime.

After getting his alcohol-induced double vision together, he notices a car parked by the kerb with its bonnet up and a man leaning against the car with his arms folded and looking very grumpy.

He staggers over and manages to slur, "What's the matter, mate?"

The grumpy guy scowls at the drunk and says, "Argh - piston broke!"

"Yeah - so am I!" replies the drunk and lurches off...

Vision joke, Drunk...

I have an amazing gardener who's both vision impaired and dyslexic.

His work is Mind BLowing

My eye doctor told me he could fix my vision with witchcraft.

At least he's opti-mystic.


What did the Australian optometrist say to the client with 20/20 vision?

Good eye, mate.

I can see six years into the future.

I must have 2020 vision.

Vision joke, I can see six years into the future.

The CIA, MI5, and the KGB have a contest

The CIA, MI5, and the KGB have a contest to see who can find a white rabbit in the forest

The CIA comes in first place, finding the rabbit in fourteen hours. They used contacts, thermal vision, and satellites.

MI5 comes in second place, finding the rabbit in 24 hours using much of the same tactics

The KGB comes in last place. In one hour, they produced a bear, near beaten to death, who said "OK, OK, I admit it, I am a rabbit."

I can see 6 years into the future.

Thanks to my 2020 vision.

5 years from now it'll be 2020... I can see it now...

That's a perfect vision joke.

If I could see 5 years into the future...

would I still have 2020 vision?

You can explore vision myopic reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean vision eyesight dad jokes. There are also vision puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


"Where do you see yourself in five years?"

"I don't know, I don't have 2020 vision."

Former eye doctor Rand Paul decided to run for president in 2016

Of all people, you would have thought he'd have 2020 vision

The interviewer asked, "Where do you see yourself in five years?"

The job candidate responded, " I don't know, I don't have 2020 vision."

Use it while you can, people!

My wife looked in the mirror today...

After taking a good look at herself she turned to me and said, "I look fat. Can you please give me a compliment?"

So I said, "Absolutely, you have perfect vision."

The future

Someone asked me the other day if I could see where I would be in 5 years.

Come on man, I wear glasses.

I don't have 2020 vision.

Vision joke, The future

A husband asks his wife...

Husband: Darling, if I lost my vision would you be my eyes?

Wife: Honey, of course I would.

Husband: If I lost my hearing would you be my ears?

Wife: Absolutely sweetheart.

Husband: If I lost my legs would you push me around in a wheelchair?

Wife: You don't need to ask. Why all the questions?

Husband: I just sprained my wrist...

Why would people always stand still to hide from Martin Luther King Jr.?

His vision was based on movements.

I hate it when people ask me where I'll be in 5 years.

I don't have 2020 vision.


I had a rough childhood. I couldn't play with toys that required supervision

I only had regular vision

Why wasn't Daredevil in Civil War?

He doesn't work well with Vision

A friend recently asked me where I think I'll be in 4 years.

But how am I supposed to know? I don't have 2020 vision.

A Polish guy went to check his vision...

**Doctor asked** - *can you read any of those letters? read it for* me.

The eye test chart: C Z J W I N O S T A W C Z

**Polish guy** - *Oh god, I know that guy!!*

I wish people would stop asking me where I think I'm going to be in 4 years...

I don't have 2020 vision.

As a citizen from Baltic states

Hello Russia, my old friend
You've come to talk to me again
New SovietRussia vision softly creeping
You've spread your seeds while we were sleeping
And the vision that was planted in your brain
Still remains
Within the sound of silence

I'm so sick of employers asking me what I'm doing in the next four years

It's not like I have 2020 vision

At the job interview...

Interviewer: Where do you see yourself in three years?

Me: Sorry, I don't have 2020 vision

I hate when people ask me what I'm going to be doing in 3 years

Like come on guys, I don't have 2020 vision!

In 2020 we're going to have an entire year of bad puns about vision...

I can't wait to see them all.

I can see 3 years into the future

I guess you can say I have 2020 vision.

A man with bad vision fell into a well...

He couldn't see that well.

I can see 3 years into the future

It's called 2020 vision

The weather forecaster this morning said that vision might be impaired by fog.

I agree with him, but that's a weird way to spell "Whiskey".

I just spent £500 on a fortune teller, and all she told me was that she had a vision of me masturbating.

I think she saw me coming.

The year 2020 is going to be filled with so many puns about perfect vision

I can just see it now.

What happens to your eyesight when you have kids?

You get adult super vision

I hate when people ask me what I'm doing in the next three years.

Do I look like I have 2020 vision.

Carrots may improve your vision,

But alcohol doubles it.

Women are discussing their sex life.

- My man is an architect. Our love life has form, vision and function, good plan as well.
- My man is an artist. Our love life has passion, imagination and improvisation.
- And my man is a programmer. He sits in bed and tells me how good it's going to be when it's ready.

A Welsh guy was getting his driver's license.

He had to take a vision test, so they showed him a line of letters that said: B W N S T R Y D D W L L

They asked, "Can you read the letters?" The man replied, "Are you kidding? I'm *from* that town!"

My friend Ray just passed away :(

He was on the donar list. Apparently they used his eyes to give some poor blind sod his eye sight back.

Its a miracle really, now he's got ex Ray vision

(Infinity War Speculation) When Thanos gains the mind stone, he will turn into Palpatine.

Because The Avengers will pay for their lack of Vision.

I realised at the last minute that i forgot my protective goggles at the nuclear test facility this morning. My line manager saved my vision and shielded me from the intense light!

He's my super visor

What do Daredevil and Scarlet Which have in common?

They both lost their vision

What's similar between Scarlet Witch and Daredevil? [spoilers]

The both lost their vision

Why did Superboy never need a babysitter?

He always had super vision.

I hate when people ask how I see myself in 3 years

I don't have 2020 vision

A man who had recently lost his vision was charged with slander...

They said he was making blind accusations.

Superman got a divorce...

He can only see his kids with super vision now.

What's it like to be drunk?

A boy was riding home from school with his dad. He had just started learning about alcohol and drinking in his health class.

"Dad, when you're drinking how do you know you're drunk?"

"Well son, when you're drunk your speech is slurred and your vision gets worse and worse. A drunk person would see 4 cars in front of us and not 2."

"But Dad, there's only 1 car in front of us!"

Carrots may be good....

Carrots may be good for your eyes but booze will double your vision.

Extraordinary eyes

My eyes are so good I can see exactly 1 year into the future

I guess I have 2020 vision

I know they say 2020 vision is good...

But I haven't been able to see anyone

My vision is like 2020

It's terrible

I went to the optician today because I keep seeing the world fall apart.

He said I have 2020 vision.

[Repost] carrots may be good for your eyes....

But whiskey will double your vision.

Why was the first person to have their eyes genetically edited so pleased?

Well, who wouldn't want CRISPR vision?

YMCA?

Cause' M got 20/20 vision

Nobody saw this coming

I guess we didn't have 2020 vision.

Why doesn't Batman have super vision?

Because his parents died

I'm beginning to think adult supervision is a myth

In fact, my vision just seems to be getting worse.

A Man walks into an optometrist shop

He says," I think my vision is a little blurry, I may need glasses"

"Oh you need glasses for sure"

The man is perplexed," how can you be so sure without testing,?"

"Oh, I am sure, because this is the bank"

Do you remember all those jokes made last year about having 2020 vision?

Well, you know what they say about hindsight.

A Woman goes to the Optician

for her annual eye test. The Optician puts a contraption her face and asks her what can she see.
"I see empty airports, I see empty football grounds. I see closed theatres, closed pubs and closed restaurants"

"That's perfect" says the Optician "You've got 2020 vision"

So I went to my optician because I noticed things were looking strange...

I told them I've been seeing lots of empty shelves and empty stadiums.

They said don't worry, you just have 2020 vision.

A man goes to the Optician for his eye test.

The Optician asked him what he can see.
"I see empty airports, empty football grounds, closed theaters and closed pubs."
That's perfect says the Optician, you've got 2020 vision!

What do Daredevil and Scarlet Witch have in common?

They're superheroes dressed in red who lost their vision!

What do Scarlet Witch and Daredevil both have in common?

They both wear red and lost their Vision.

A joke my dad just sent me about vaccinations

Hi, it happened yesterday! And this is serious!

A friend had his 2nd injection of the vaccine at the vaccination center and began to have blurred vision the whole way home.

When he got home, he called the vaccination center for advice and to ask if he should go see a doctor, or be hospitalized.

Vaccination center told him to come back - and collect his glasses.

A friend of mine went to take the vaccine for covid yesterday

After getting vaccinated, his vision was blurred and when he reached home, he called the hospital that gave him the vaccine for advice asking if he should be hospitalized.

The hospital told him to come back and collect his glasses

What's the same about Wanda and Daredevil

They both lost their vision

People always say "why weren't we able to predict a disaster as big as the coronavirus?"

But not everyone has 2020 vision.

An eye-rolling joke

Dad: You know who all I saw today?

Daughter: Who?

Dad: Everybody I looked at

Daughter: Huh?!

Dad: You don't like my vision joke? Too bad, that's how eye-roll ** rolls eyes **

Daughter: I'm not laughing at your eye rolling jokes again

Dad: Why? Is it too "cornea" for you? XD

Daughter: I give up, lol.

Dad: I'm still the master, you're still the "pupil" XD

I thought 2020 would have a lot of jokes about vision

in hindsight with everything going on that was the last of their priorities

I hate it when people ask me what the beginning of the pandemic was like.

I don't have 2020 vision.

If a tennis player can get tennis elbow

Does that mean a gynecologist can get tunnel vision?

What do Daredevil and Scarlet Witch have in common?

They both don't have vision.

I did some acid before I took my vision exam.

It went great, I passed with flying colors.

If tennis players get tennis elbow, and squash players get squash knees, what do gynecologists get?

Tunnel Vision

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the vision corrective jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working vision hate piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

Joko Jokes