Visibly Jokes
58 visibly jokes and hilarious visibly puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about visibly that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Visibly Short Jokes
Short visibly jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The visibly humour may include short visually jokes also.
- I now identify as invisible Although I was born visible, I am now trans-parent. My pronouns are who/where
- My doctor said if I get 1000 upvotes he will perform free LASIK surgery!! Upvote for visibility.
- My friend came by today, he looked visibly upset. He said he just slept with his third cousin. I told him if it upsets you so much, quit counting them.
- A friend came over visibly shaken. He said he had just slept with his 3rd cousin... I told him, if it upsets you that much quit counting them
- My LASIK doctor said that if I get 2000 upvotes on this post I'll get free treatment. Upvote for visibility.
- Yo Mama so fat, You can hide behind her back and still be visible... Because of Gravitational Lensing.
- I found $27 in loose change in my girlfriend's PT Cruiser, but she was visibly upset. She said I cut the resale value in half.
- What does a hot air balloon and a homeless person have in common No visible means of support
- Someone surprised me by jumping out and taking a Polaroid of me Afterwards I was visibly shaken
- How are a hobo and a balloon alike? Both are without visible means of support.
(My son found that in a children's joke book)
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Visibly One Liners
Which visibly one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with visibly? I can suggest the ones about verbally and apparent.
- Why does Batman leave his lower face visible? So cops can see that he's white
- Why Eiffel Tower is so high? So the white flag can be visible from Berlin.
Sorry :P . - I am so far on the spectrum... ...they call me visible light.
- Even though I was born visible... I identify as trans-parent. My pronouns are who/where.
- Why didn't the ghost get accepted to Harvard? He wasn't a visible minority.
- Why do we need Trans visibility day? Isn't that against the whole point of transparency?
- What is the only man made object visible from space? Holland.
- What do you call a camouflaged bear? BEARly visible
- How do you know when you've run out of invisible ink? When your writing becomes visible.
- I became invisible Upvote for visibility
- A ghost cannot be self-centered it's body isn't visible.
- Why does Batman never have any visible contusions? Because his bruise wane(s)
- Does anyone else have eyes? Upvote for visibility.
- Why don't Muslim people open shops? They cant make visible prophets [profits].
- What did the kid say when he saw the invisible man pee? u**... visible!
Heartwarming Visibly Jokes that Make You Laugh
What funny jokes about visibly you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean see clearly jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make visibly pranks.
A man took his 6-year-old daughter to his office on 'Take your kid to work day'
As they walked around the office, the girl turned visibly upset and soon started crying. Her father asked her what was wrong
As everyone gathered around, she sobbed "Daddy, I'm getting bored walking around the office. Please show me those clowns you said you work with"
A Brazilian people killed.
One day a man is sitting next to a blond woman who is reading the newspaper.
She is visibly upset while reading a particular article. He can't help but look over and see what she's reading. He sees the headline
"s**... b**... kill two Brazilian men on bus".
He understands why she is upset now, so he strikes up a conversation with her.
She confesses "I have seen these before, but this is getting crazy. I mean, two Brazilian men killed? How many is in a Brazilian again?"
Bar Joke
A visibly exhausted and distressed man walked into a bar and ordered a drink. "Long day?" the bartender asks. "No, all days are 24 hours long," the man replied, amazed at how uneducated the bartender was.
A little girl comes home from school...
...and approaches her mom. She asks, "Mommy, is it true where boys put their p**... is where babies come from?" The mother is visibly shocked and unprepared to have this discussion with her daughter already. She took a deep breath, and decided to just be honest. "Yes dear, that's true."
"So... does that mean when I have a baby all my teeth are going to fall out?!"
George Bush sits in his office during the Iraq War.
During a meeting with the cabinet, his aide walks up to him and says "Mr. President, we've just received word that twelve Brazilian soldiers died yesterday in Iraq."
George puts his head in his hands and is visibly shaken by the news.
He looks up at the shocked cabinet members and asks "How many is a brazillion?"
Two explorers are surrounded by cannibals
The first explorer makes a run for it, but is quickly caught. The second calmly starts doing the old "trapped in a glass box" routine while his comrade watches on, bewildered. Visibly disgusted, the cannibals wave him away.
Just before they lead their captive off to the s**..., he asks the second explorer why they spared him. "A mime is a terrible thing to taste."
A guy walks into his therapist's office
visibly distraught, nervously shaking and exclaims "I'm a wigwam!" his head tweaks a little, eyes twitch and says "I'm a tepee". Another head twitch "I'm a wigwam!! I'm a tepee!" *twitch* "I'm a wigwam!" ... "I'm a tepee"!
The therapist grabs him firmly by the shoulders and says "Calm down! Calm down, you're too tense!"
A man is sitting in his dentist's waiting room and is visibly nervous.
A kindly nurse comes up to him and says, "Sir don't be nervous, the first time is always the hardest." The gentleman looks up at her and exclaims, 'Don't 'First Time,' me tutz - I've been to the Dentist a million times and I know the drill!"
A guy sits down at a restaurant and asks the waitress for a q**......
The waitress is visibly displeased... The woman next to the guy replies that "It's pronounced 'quiche' [keesh]".
An infinite number of math mathematicians walk into a bar.
The first orders 1 beer. The second orders 1/2 beer. The third orders 1/4 beer. The next orders 1/8 beer. Visibly frustrated the bartender slams 2 beers on the table and says "Guys, you need to learn your limits!"
A man goes to his doctors office
The doctor says, "I've got bad news and worse news, which would you like first?"
The man is visibly dejected, "I guess the bad news."
"Okay, you only have 24 hours to live." Says the doctor
"Oh my god! What news could be worse than this!" The man wails.
"I forgot to call you yesterday..."
The husband jokes about his wife being fat
While the couple is dining, the husband says "Oh my god woman, aren't you eating too much? Look at you with that dress. You look just like our washing machine!". The wife is visibly upset, but stay silent for the rest of the day.
That night, already on the bed, the husband is feeling bad about what he said and try to make amends. "Okay dear, I'm sorry, let's put this nonsense behind us. How about we put this s**... washing machine to work, huh?" The wife looks at him and answers "Oh 'dear', I don't think that's necessary. That little piece of rag that you have there you can wash with your own hands in ten seconds."
Guy is drinking alone at the bar, visibly sad.
The bartender comes up to him and says: "Hey man, you seem down. What's up?"
The guy replies: "We buried my dad two days ago".
The bartender says: "I'm so sorry man. When did he die?".
The guy replies: "I don't know, probably yesterday".
A Hindu and a Catholic were having lunch together
Catholic : Yo, it's so weird that you guys don't eat cows and all. You should try some it's really good.
Hindu : No, thank you. I don't eat cows because we treat them basically like gods back in India.
Catholic : Just one bite won't hurt. You're really missing out on something great in life.
Hindu : (visibly annoyed) I already told you I don't eat cows because it's like a god to me. Tell me do you eat your God?
Catholic : As a matter of fact, yes every Sunday and not only eat Him but also drink His blood.
Fastest thing in the universe
Two men are arguing over what is the fastest thing in the universe.
One man says, Of course it has to be the speed of light!
The other says, Nonsense, it's human thought!
A third man interrupts, You're both wrong, its diarrhea.
Visibly confused, the two men are quick to asking Why??
The third man easily explains, Because you won't be able to think about it or turn on the light when it hits you.
One day, Usain Bolt goes into a country club.
When he enters, the woman at the front desk stops him, and says, "Sorry, we don't allow b**... in here. But there's another club 10 minutes down the road that does."
Visibly furious, Bolt exclaims, "Do you know who I am? I'm Usain Bolt!"
"Oh! I'm sorry", says the woman. "Then it's only 5 minutes down the road."
Bryan sits in a bar, attempting to come up with a name for his ice cream company.
Bryan: I've got it! *Breyers!*
Dryan: **Sitting next to him, visibly drunk** Brilliant.
date: i like a lot of music but i'm really into rock
me: [trying to impress her] oh yeah me too
date: really? what's your favorite subgenre?
me: [visibly sweating] d-dwayne johnson
Quiet and Trouble
Once upon a time there lived two brothers called Quiet and Trouble. One day the both of them got lost in a fair.
A policeman found Quiet who looked visibly distressed. The cop asked him "What's the matter boy,what's your name?"
Quiet said the boy. The cop angrily replied "Are you looking for trouble?" .
"Yes but I can't find him" replied Quiet.
Today a woman with one arm was visibly upset at my restaurant
As she was leaving I asked my manager if she was alright. He looked at me and said, No man, she's obviously all left.
A visibly upset pirate walks into a bar...
He goes to the counter and angrily orders a bottle of r**.... As the bartender hands it to him, he says, "I couldn't help but notice your problem there, Blackbeard. Is it that captain's wheel stuck on your c**...?"
Glaring, the pirate grabs the bottle and takes a long drink from it. "Yarr," he replies as he finishes. "It's drivin' me nuts."
A kid gets out of his bed at night as he can't sleep...
He walks into his parents room and see's them going at it. Visibly shocked, he asks whats going on. His Dad just laughs and says go back to your room I'll come and talk to you in 20 mins .
20 mins later his Dad walks into his room and see's the young lad b**... his grandma. The kid looks up and says 'see, not so funny when it's your mum is it?'
My dad told me this one.
A guy enters in a public toilet ... in the cabin next to him, another constipated guy, he forces himself quite noisy. The first guy, finishing what he had to do, at the exit of the toilet turns off the light, at which time a loud scream is heard. Curious, he returns, turns on the light and asks the one in the toilet: - What happened? This one visibly frightened responds: -I thought my eyes jumped out of my head.
A single lady goes to the convenience store a buys : 12 eggs, 1L of milk and a can of fried beans.
When she's about the pay, the clerk looks at her and guesses :
\- "You must be single, right?"
The lady, visibly amused and intrigued, asks back how could he pick that up.
The clerk replies :
\-"Because you are ugly as f\*c**...."
"Honey, do I look fat ?"
Asked the wife as she stood in front of the mirror.
"No, not at all..", the husband replied, "You look fabulous !!"
Wife, blushing, "Really ! Will you carry me to the fridge ? I want to eat some ice cream.. "
Husband, now visibly scared; "Don't you worry babe, just relax here ! I will just go get the fridge.. "
A man is getting a divorce with his wife
The man sits down with his daughter to break the news to her. The daughter is visibly upset and asks why.
The man explains gently, Your mother and I don't love each other anymore honey.
What does love mean dad? , the daughter asks.
Well, an example of love is when you come home from work and your wife is excited to see you , the man replies.
But dad, mom gets excited lots of times right when you come home!
The man is surprised. When has she ever gotten excited?
Well, whenever mom hears your car while she is in the bedroom with uncle, she always screams, 'my husband's home, he's here!'
What did the doctor diagnose?
A man went to the doctor and said that he wanted to commit s**....
The doctor, visibly surprised, asked, "why?"
The man said, "When I touch my finger to my body, it hurts. When I touch it to my head, it hurts. When I touch to my feet it hurts. What will I do living with so much pain?"
After a lot of investigation, the doctor diagnosed, that the man actually had a fractured finger.
Five pounds.
A young woman walks towards a fishmongers stall. She approaches him and says
Woman: I nee five pounds o makkel.
Fishmonger: what was that hon? I couldnt understand you.
Woman: makkel. Five pounds.
Fishmonger: I'm sorry I still didnt catch that.
The woman is visibly frustrated and sticks her hands into her pants, pulling her fingers out and under the man's nose.
Fishmonger: HOLY MACKEREL!
Woman: Five pounds.
A man walks in a bar and shouts free beers outside! So everyone in the bar, except the bartender, ran outside in excitement.
The bartender, visibly angry, yells at the man what the h**... did you do that for? Now i have no customers!!
The man says Sorry mister, i honestly didnt fink any of those men would be brave enough to fight a grizzly beer, let alone free of them
A guy is sitting on his porch when his blonde neighbor walks out to her mailbox.
She opens the mailbox, looks in, colses it up and walks back into the house. Five minutes later, she does the same thing. After another five minutes, the same thing, but this time she's visibly angry. She comes out again after another five minutes, looking furious. She looks in the mailbox and slams it closed. As she's walking back to the house, the guy says,
"Not to be nosy, but are you expecting an important package?"
The blonde answers, "No! It's my d**... computer! It keeps telling me I have mail!"
A man walks into a bar. Looking visibly distraught, he orders his drink.
A man walks into a bar. Looking visibly distraught, he orders his drink. "Having a bad day?", the barkeep asks. "I guess you could say so. I just accidently time travelled back into the 20th century." "Really? What did you change?" "Oh heavens, nothing! I just went straight back to the present. Do you know how dangerous time travel is? Who knows what I might have changed if I hadn't been so careful. I might have caused a second world war."
A 75 year old used to put his fake teeth in a jar of water before sleeping
He used to do this every night. One day he felt thirsty and accidentally drank the water which he put his dentures. The next day, he had severe stomach pain and went to the doctor.
The doctor examined him thoroughly, wiped his brow of sweat visibly shaking and said - In all my years being a doctor, I thought I had seen everything. But this is the first time, I saw an a**... smiling at me .
No present for your mother in law
At Christmas, a man just opened presents from his mother in law and she asks, "where's mine?"
He says, "I didn't get you anything this year."
Visibly upset, she asks why.
He says, "you never used what I got you last year."
She yells, " it was a burial plot!"
Not This Time
A man is blessed with four beautiful daughters but he always wanted a son. So he and his wife get to work and they try and try and finally are able to conceive a son. When the son is born, it's one ugly baby. The husband is visibly upset and suspects his wife cheated on him and decides to confront her. "We have 4 beautiful daughters and now look at our son. He is as ugly as can be. I want you to tell me the truth, did you cheat on me." His wife looks at him and says, "No my dear, not this time!"
Guy comes home from work, finds his blonde haired wife sitting at the kitchen table.
Shes looking at the table, and concentrating super hard. She is visibly frustrated.
Husband asks "What's wrong honey?"
She replies, "I've been working on this puzzle all day. Its supposed to be a tiger, I can't get any of these puzzle pieces to match."
Husband sighs, "Honey... Please put the frosted flakes back in the box."
A Bear tells Stories to his Grandchild
"Tell us about the time you nearly robbed a bank!", asks little Billy.
"Well," says the bear, "I walked into the bank with my gun and told everyone to put their hands up"
"Then what happened?" asked Billy
The bear, visibly scared, responds, "I don't know, they all got really big so I ran away"
A horse goes to the vet complaining about stomach pains.
After some tests, the vet confirms it's a parasite. He gives the horse a prescription and tells him to come back if the problem persists.
The horse looks at the prescription, and becomes visibly nervous. "A dewomer? Are you sure it's safe?"
"Positive," says the vet, "it's been tested on people."
What I meant to say…
A man arrived at work, visibly frustrated and irritated. His colleague asked what's wrong.
The man said, Uggghhh, my wife got super mad at me because I misspoke.
The colleague asked what happened.
The man said, So my wife and I were eating breakfast. What I *meant* to say was 'Good morning, honey, would you please pass the syrup?
Instead, I accidentally said, You've ruined my life, you miserable Crone.
A man goes to the doctor, he's visibly losing hair.
He says to the doctor, "I've spent months trying to grow my hair back, trying so many different treatments, but nothing has worked." The doctor says, "Well, it sounds a bit weird but, I suggest you rub the top of your head against your wife's private area once a night." The man does so, and a month later he walks into the doctor's office with a full head of hair. He notices that the doctor has grown a mustache and beard.
