Visa Jokes
62 visa jokes and hilarious visa puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about visa that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Laugh along with your friends when you read these hilarious jokes about Visa cards and payments! From quips about credit to puns about plastic money, there's something for everyone.
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Funniest Visa Short Jokes
Short visa jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The visa humour may include short passport jokes also.
- I wanted an australian Visa. They asked if I had a criminal record. Didn't know you still need it.
- If foreigners are upset to have had their visas cancelled... Why don't they just apply for MasterCards instead?
- It only takes 3 inches to please a woman. And it doesn't matter if it's mastercard, visa or American express.
- I wanted to visit Australia So I went to the embassy to get a visa.
The woman behind the counter asked if I'd been convicted of a crime.
I told her I didn't know that was still necessary. - Why did Novak Djokovic pay for his flight to Australia with a Mastercard? Because his Visa didn't work.
- Interview for Australian visa for first time mostly be like: A : Do you have criminal record?
M: No, I didn't knew it's still required? - I hear it only takes 3.5 inches to make a girl happy. It doesn't even matter if it's Visa, MasterCard, or Discover.
- It's no surprise that Australia's Federal Court overturned Djokovic's visa cancellation. It's a Kangaroo court after all.
- I see a border patrol car drive by... So I ask my mexican co-woker if he has his visa. He looks at me cofused for a minute then says "no no I only have debit card" (true story)
- I wanted an Australian Visa. They asked if I had a criminal record? Two little Boys is that good enough?
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Visa One Liners
Which visa one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with visa? I can suggest the ones about vice and travel.
- Why does Djokovic pay with American Express Because he has no visa
- It only takes 3.5 inches to please a woman. Doesn't matter if it's Visa or Mastercard.
- It only takes 3.5 to pleasure a woman. It can be Visa, Master Card, or Amex.
- My visa to visit Afraica got approved. Now I Congo
- Milio Yiannopoulos is now an unemployed immigrant on a work visa. Let's deport him!
- Why was the Russian unable to enter Ukraine? Because he didn't have Visa.
- Did you hear about the new LSU Visa card coming out? You get Les Miles and zero points
- I was visited by The Ghost of Christmas Past Got my VISA bill.
- Why were the two engaged melons upset their visas get declined? They cantaloupe
- Why don't Master Card and Visa work well in France? They do not know how to say "CHARGE!"
- Gay people are a lot like a Visa... They need to be accepted everywhere.
- You only need 2.5 inches to pleasure a woman Doesn't matter if it's Visa or Mastercard
- Someone stole my Visa card. Now it's everywhere I want to be.
- What will you soon need to have a Nandos in the UK? Portuguese visa.
- Which credit card does jar-jar binks use? Visa!
Visa Card Jokes
Here is a list of funny visa card jokes and even better visa card puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- At the Airport Customs: Where is your passport
Me: *hands credit card*
Customs: You can't bribe me
Me: It's my visa - A man pickpockets a random person and steals her credit card as the man walks off with the card, he says to himself 'hasta la visa'.
- What does it take to please a woman 3.4 inches
Doesn't matter if it's a visa or master card - All a woman wants for Valentine's Day is a card... Visa or Mastercard, it really does not matter.
- My VISA card was stolen two months ago, but I don't want to report it. The guy who took it is using it less than my wife.
- I lost my V-Card to a cute chick the other night Had to call my bank today and cancel my visa
- Order real register Passport , Visa, Driving License, ID CARDS, marriage certificates, diplomas etc
- Buy passports,drivers licenses,ID cards,birth certificates,diplomas,Visas,SSN,Marriage certificates,divorce papers,US green cards
- Available Real/Fake Passports,Driver's License,ID Cards,Visas, USA Green Card,Citizenship (ray.powells30@gmail.com)Stamps,Counterfeits,etc
- Purchase real and Novelty Passports,id cards,visas,drivers license ,Permits for all countries
Visa Mastercard Jokes
Here is a list of funny visa mastercard jokes and even better visa mastercard puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- 3 1/2 Inches is the avg size a woman needs to be happy. MasterCard, Visa, American Express, ect...
- What's the trick to satisfying your wife or girlfriend with only 3.5 inches? Visa or Mastercard?
- Now that Britain has left the EU, you'll need a Visa to get in and around ...for everything else, there's Mastercard.
Hilarious Fun Visa Jokes That Will Have You Rolling with Laughter
What funny jokes about visa you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean vision jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make visa pranks.
A teacher asks her class "What do you want to be when you grow up?"
Little Johnny says "I wanna be a billionaire, going to the most expensive clubs, take the best b**... with me, give her a Ferrari worth over a million bucks, an apartment in Hawaii, a mansion in Paris, a jet to travel through Europe, an Infinite Visa Card and to make love to her three times a day".
The teacher, shocked and not knowing how to respond to this, decides not to give importance to what he said and then continues the lesson. "And you, Susie? " the teacher asks.
Susie says "I wanna be Johnny's b**...."
A Jew living in the Soviet Union applies for an exit visa so he could emigrate to Israel.
As a result, he is summoned to the KGB headquarters.
I see that you applied to move to Israel? asks the KGB officer. The Jewish man nods.
Here in the USSR, don't you have food to eat?
Yeah, I can't complain.
And here in the USSR, don't you have place to live?
Yeah, yeah, I can't complain.
And here in the USSR, don't you have job to work at?
Yeah, I can't complain.
So, Jew, why did you apply to move to Israel?
Because There I can complain!
In the 70s...
A Russian asks for a meeting with the President
\- I would like a passport and a visa to Belgium - asks the Russian man
\- But aren't you fine in Russia? - asks the president
\- Hm, really, I can't complain
\- So, maybe you don't like your work there?
\- Hm, really, I can't complain
\- Maybe it is the life there that you don't like?
\- Hm, really, I can't complain
\- Then it is socialism that doesn't satisfy you?
\- Hm, really, I can't complain
\- But now I'm confused. Excuse me but why do you want to go to Belgium? - asks the president
\- BECAUSE THERE I CAN FINALLY COMPLAIN!!!
So, an Indian went to the US embassy
to get a visa for a visit to his friend placed there. When asked where he was going, he replied,"San Jose"...!
The immigration officer corrected that San Jose is pronounced ''San Hose'' ...J is pronounced as ''H''
'' So how long is your stay in San Jose?''
"7 months; from Hanuary to Huly."
A Chinese family of 5 decided to immigrate to the United States
Chu, Bu, Hu, Su and Fu were told that in order to get a visa, they would have to Americanize their names.
Chu became Chuck.
Bu became Buck.
Hu became Huck.
Su and Fu decided to stay in China.
A Soviet Jew applies for an exit visa so he could emigrate to Israel.
As a result, he is summoned to the KGB headquarters.
I see that you want to move to Israel? asks the KGB interrogator. The Jewish man nods.
Here in the USSR, don't you have food to eat?
Yeah, I can't complain.
And here in the USSR, don't you have place to live?
Yeah, yeah, I can't complain.
And here in the USSR, don't you have job to work at?
Yeah, I can't complain.
So, Jew, why do you want to move to Israel?
Because There I can complain!
Did you pay the VISA bill?
A man and a woman end up on a deserted island. He is desperate and cries:" oh, honey we're gonna die so young. Nobody will ever find us here!!!" She is very calm and relaxed. "Don't panic , dear, we'll be OK in few hours, I forgot to pay our VISA bill, the'll find us, don't worry"
Interviewing Arab for US visa
Interviewing an arab for a visa
Consul : What is your name?
Arab: Abdul Aziz
Consul: s**...?
Arab : Six to ten times a week
Consul: I mean, male or female?
Arab : Both male and female and sometimes even camels.
Consul: Holy cow!
Arab : Yes, cows and dogs too!!!!
Consul: Man,........isn't it hostile?
Arab : Horse style, d**..., any style
Consul: Oh..........dear!
Arab : Deer? No deer, they run too fast
Four Chinese brothers....
...named Chu, Bu, Hu, and Fu decided to go to the United States of America. They had to Americanize their names in order to get a Visa... so Chu became CHUCK, Bu became BUCKS, HU became HUCK, and FU decided to remain in China...
3 Chinese blokes apply for American visa.
They decide to use Americanized names for starting their new lives.
So, Chu became Chuck and got his Visa stamped.
Lu became Luck and also received his Visa.
Fu had to continue working in the p**... fields.
An Arab national is interviewed at the Embassy for a visa:
Consul: Your name please?
Arab: Abu Zina.
Consul: s**...?
Arab: Every day.
Consul: Er, I mean, male or female?
Arab: Don't matter, sometimes even Camel.
Consul: Holy cow!
Arab: Yes, cows and donkey too.
Consul: Isn't that hostile?
Arab: Hosstyle, Dogstyle, any style!.
Consul: Oh dear!
Arab: No deer! run too fast.
I decided to travel to the US.
At the Embassy for the visa interview...
Officer : Where to in the US?
Me : San Jose
Officer : It's pronounced as San Hosay. J is pronounced as H in the US.
Me : Oh, okay!
Officer : So how long do you plan to be in the US?
Me : From Hanuary to Hune or Huly.
Visa Rejected.
Mr. Chu, Du, and Fu were three friends from China that wanted to come to the US.
In order to get a visa, they were told they needed a more American name.
So, Chu became Chuck,
Du became Duck,
And Fu,
... well, Fu remained in China.
A bus full of Russians are at the Belarussian border.
The customs official eyes them suspiciously. He asks the first guy:
"Name?"
"Ah, Boris Ivanovich."
"Do you have a visa?"
"No, but we were invited here."
"Occupation?"
"No, we are just police support. The occupation forces are in the next bus."
I went to the US Embassy for a visa interview in Bangalore.
Officer: Where to in the US?
Me: San Jose
Officer: It's pronounced as "San Hosey". J is pronounced as H in the US
Me: Oh okay
Officer: So how long do you plan to be in the US?
Me: 7 months, from Hanuary to Huly
I went to Australia house today to apply for a visa...
The woman at the counter said everything looks good but I have to check if you have a criminal record
I replied Oh I didn't know you still needed one
There is a sign at a gas station that said, 'We take Visa, Mastercard, Discover Card, and American Express.'
After I filled up they took my Visa, Master Card, my Discover Card, and my American Express.
Four Chinese brothers
Name Bu, Hu, Lu and Fu wanted to move o America. They had to Americanize there names in order to get there visa. Bu became buck. Hu became huck. Lu became luck and fu..... Decided to stay in China
