The Best 46 Visa Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Visa jokes. There are some visa passport jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these visa huck puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 Funniest Visa Jokes and Puns

Did you pay the VISA bill?

A man and a woman end up on a deserted island. He is desperate and cries:" oh, honey we're gonna die so young. Nobody will ever find us here!!!" She is very calm and relaxed. "Don't panic , dear, we'll be OK in few hours, I forgot to pay our VISA bill, the'll find us, don't worry"

Interviewing Arab for US visa


Interviewing an arab for a visa

Consul : What is your name?
Arab: Abdul Aziz

Consul: Sex?
Arab : Six to ten times a week

Consul: I mean, male or female?
Arab : Both male and female and sometimes even camels.

Consul: Holy cow!
Arab : Yes, cows and dogs too!!!!
Consul: Man,........isn't it hostile?
Arab : Horse style, dog style, any style

Consul: Oh..........dear!
Arab : Deer? No deer, they run too fast

An Arab national is interviewed at the Embassy for a visa:

Consul: Your name please?

Arab: Abu Zina.

Consul: Sex?

Arab: Every day.

Consul: Er, I mean, male or female?

Arab: Don't matter, sometimes even Camel.

Consul: Holy cow!

Arab: Yes, cows and donkey too.

Consul: Isn't that hostile?

Arab: Hosstyle, Dogstyle, any style!.

Consul: Oh dear!

Arab: No deer! run too fast.

At the Airport

Customs: Where is your passport
Me: *hands credit card*
Customs: You can't bribe me
Me: It's my visa

jokes about visa

It only takes 3 inches to please a woman.

And it doesn't matter if it's mastercard, visa or American express.


What's the trick to satisfying your wife or girlfriend with only 3.5 inches?

Visa or Mastercard?

I hear it only takes 3.5 inches to make a girl happy.

It doesn't even matter if it's Visa, MasterCard, or Discover.

Visa joke, I hear it only takes 3.5 inches to make a girl happy.

I see a border patrol car drive by...

So I ask my mexican co-woker if he has his visa. He looks at me cofused for a minute then says "no no I only have debit card" (true story)

Now that Britain has left the EU, you'll need a Visa to get in and around

...for everything else, there's Mastercard.

3 1/2 Inches is the avg size a woman needs to be happy.

MasterCard, Visa, American Express, ect...

Did you hear about the new LSU Visa card coming out?

You get Les Miles and zero points

You can explore visa credit reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean visa beacause dad jokes. There are also visa puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


Four Chinese brothers....

...named Chu, Bu, Hu, and Fu decided to go to the United States of America. They had to Americanize their names in order to get a Visa... so Chu became CHUCK, Bu became BUCKS, HU became HUCK, and FU decided to remain in China...

Four Chinese brothers

Name Bu, Hu, Lu and Fu wanted to move o America. They had to Americanize there names in order to get there visa. Bu became buck. Hu became huck. Lu became luck and fu..... Decided to stay in China

A Chinese family of 5 decided to immigrate to the United States

Chu, Bu, Hu, Su and Fu were told that in order to get a visa, they would have to Americanize their names.

Chu became Chuck.

Bu became Buck.

Hu became Huck.

Su and Fu decided to stay in China.

Insurance should also cover...

A flight and visa for Canada.

The Presidency was an Act of God (AoG) , and many got hurt, and will get hurt from the conflict, and thus I require coverage.

Milio Yiannopoulos is now an unemployed immigrant on a work visa.

Let's deport him!

Visa joke, Milio Yiannopoulos is now an unemployed immigrant on a work visa.

Why don't Master Card and Visa work well in France?

They do not know how to say "CHARGE!"

So, an Indian went to the US embassy

to get a visa for a visit to his friend placed there. When asked where he was going, he replied,"San Jose"...!

The immigration officer corrected that San Jose is pronounced ''San Hose'' ...J is pronounced as ''H''

'' So how long is your stay in San Jose?''

"7 months; from Hanuary to Huly."

Gay people are a lot like a Visa...

They need to be accepted everywhere.


I went to the US Embassy for a visa interview in Bangalore.

Officer: Where to in the US?

Me: San Jose

Officer: It's pronounced as "San Hosey". J is pronounced as H in the US

Me: Oh okay

Officer: So how long do you plan to be in the US?

Me: 7 months, from Hanuary to Huly

What does it take to please a woman

3.4 inches
Doesn't matter if it's a visa or master card

Even though I've had a steady income and have been paying all my bills on time for a while, Visa still doesn't trust me enough to increase my limit.

They don't give me enough credit.

I was visited by The Ghost of Christmas Past

Got my VISA bill.

All a woman wants for Valentine's Day is a card...

Visa or Mastercard, it really does not matter.

It only takes 3.5 to pleasure a woman.

It can be Visa, Master Card, or Amex.

One day, a merchant set up a sign in front of his stall: "Mandarins - $500 each"

A man comes up and asks the merchant:

"Why are they so expensive? No one's going to pay that much for a mandarin!"

The merchant replies:

"You don't know how much I spent on forging his working visa"

Visa joke, One day, a merchant set up a sign in front of his stall: "Mandarins - $500 each"

I went to Australia house today to apply for a visa...

The woman at the counter said everything looks good but I have to check if you have a criminal record

I replied Oh I didn't know you still needed one

My visa to visit Afraica got approved.

Now I Congo

An Interview

An Arab was interviewed at the US Embassy for a Visa

Consul: What is your name?

Arab: Abdul Aziz

Consul: Sex?

Arab: Six to ten times a week

Consul: I mean, male or female?

Arab: Both male and female and sometimes even
camels

Consul: Holy cow!

Arab: Yes, cows too.

Consul: Man....isn't that hostile?

Arab: Oh horse style, dog style, any style

Consul: Oh dear!

Arab: Deer? No deer, they run away too fast!

Consul: Oh God!

Arab: Yeah, I know it's Good for the health


A bus full of Russians are at the Belarussian border.

The customs official eyes them suspiciously. He asks the first guy:

"Name?"

"Ah, Boris Ivanovich."

"Do you have a visa?"

"No, but we were invited here."

"Occupation?"

"No, we are just police support. The occupation forces are in the next bus."

A Jew living in the Soviet Union applies for an exit visa so he could emigrate to Israel.

As a result, he is summoned to the KGB headquarters.

I see that you applied to move to Israel? asks the KGB officer. The Jewish man nods.

Here in the USSR, don't you have food to eat?

Yeah, I can't complain.

And here in the USSR, don't you have place to live?

Yeah, yeah, I can't complain.

And here in the USSR, don't you have job to work at?

Yeah, I can't complain.

So, Jew, why did you apply to move to Israel?

Because There I can complain!

Interview for Australian visa for first time mostly be like:

A : Do you have criminal record?

M: No, I didn't knew it's still required?

I wanted an Australian Visa. They asked if I had a criminal record.

Didn't know you still need it.

I wanted an Australian Visa. They asked if I had a criminal record?

Two little Boys is that good enough?


Mr. Chu, Du, and Fu were three friends from China that wanted to come to the US.

In order to get a visa, they were told they needed a more American name.

So, Chu became Chuck,

Du became Duck,

And Fu,

... well, Fu remained in China.

3 Chinese blokes apply for American visa.

They decide to use Americanized names for starting their new lives.

So, Chu became Chuck and got his Visa stamped.

Lu became Luck and also received his Visa.

Fu had to continue working in the paddy fields.

A Soviet Jew applies for an exit visa so he could emigrate to Israel.

As a result, he is summoned to the KGB headquarters.

I see that you want to move to Israel? asks the KGB interrogator. The Jewish man nods.

Here in the USSR, don't you have food to eat?

Yeah, I can't complain.

And here in the USSR, don't you have place to live?

Yeah, yeah, I can't complain.

And here in the USSR, don't you have job to work at?

Yeah, I can't complain.

So, Jew, why do you want to move to Israel?

Because There I can complain!

There is a sign at a gas station that said, 'We take Visa, Mastercard, Discover Card, and American Express.'

After I filled up they took my Visa, Master Card, my Discover Card, and my American Express.

It's no surprise that Australia's Federal Court overturned Djokovic's visa cancellation.

It's a Kangaroo court after all.

Why did Novak Djokovic pay for his flight to Australia with a Mastercard?

Because his Visa didn't work.

Why does Djokovic pay with American Express

Because he has no visa

Why was the Russian unable to enter Ukraine?

Because he didn't have Visa.

It only takes 3.5 inches to please a woman.

Doesn't matter if it's Visa or Mastercard.

A teacher asks her class "What do you want to be when you grow up?"

Little Johnny says "I wanna be a billionaire, going to the most expensive clubs, take the best bitch with me, give her a Ferrari worth over a million bucks, an apartment in Hawaii, a mansion in Paris, a jet to travel through Europe, an Infinite Visa Card and to make love to her three times a day".

The teacher, shocked and not knowing how to respond to this, decides not to give importance to what he said and then continues the lesson. "And you, Susie? " the teacher asks.

Susie says "I wanna be Johnny's bitch."

In the 70s...

A Russian asks for a meeting with the President

\- I would like a passport and a visa to Belgium - asks the Russian man

\- But aren't you fine in Russia? - asks the president

\- Hm, really, I can't complain

\- So, maybe you don't like your work there?

\- Hm, really, I can't complain

\- Maybe it is the life there that you don't like?

\- Hm, really, I can't complain

\- Then it is socialism that doesn't satisfy you?

\- Hm, really, I can't complain

\- But now I'm confused. Excuse me but why do you want to go to Belgium? - asks the president

\- BECAUSE THERE I CAN FINALLY COMPLAIN!!!

I decided to travel to the US.

At the Embassy for the visa interview...

Officer : Where to in the US?

Me : San Jose

Officer : It's pronounced as San Hosay. J is pronounced as H in the US.

Me : Oh, okay!

Officer : So how long do you plan to be in the US?

Me : From Hanuary to Hune or Huly.

Visa Rejected.

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the visa declaration puns are supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working visa permit piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

Joko Jokes