Visa Card Jokes
29 visa card jokes and hilarious visa card puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about visa card that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Visa Card Short Jokes
Short visa card jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The visa card humour may include short credit card jokes also.
- I see a border patrol car drive by... So I ask my mexican co-woker if he has his visa. He looks at me cofused for a minute then says "no no I only have debit card" (true story)
- At the Airport Customs: Where is your passport
Me: *hands credit card*
Customs: You can't bribe me
Me: It's my visa - A man pickpockets a random person and steals her credit card as the man walks off with the card, he says to himself 'hasta la visa'.
- What does it take to please a woman 3.4 inches
Doesn't matter if it's a visa or master card - All a woman wants for Valentine's Day is a card... Visa or Mastercard, it really does not matter.
- My VISA card was stolen two months ago, but I don't want to report it. The guy who took it is using it less than my wife.
- I lost my V-Card to a cute chick the other night Had to call my bank today and cancel my visa
- Order real register Passport , Visa, Driving License, ID CARDS, marriage certificates, diplomas etc
- Buy passports,drivers licenses,ID cards,birth certificates,diplomas,Visas,SSN,Marriage certificates,divorce papers,US green cards
- Available Real/Fake Passports,Driver's License,ID Cards,Visas, USA Green Card,Citizenship (ray.powells30@gmail.com)Stamps,Counterfeits,etc
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Visa Card One Liners
Which visa card one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with visa card? I can suggest the ones about green card and debit card.
- It only takes 3.5 to pleasure a woman. It can be Visa, Master Card, or Amex.
- Did you hear about the new LSU Visa card coming out? You get Les Miles and zero points
- Why don't Master Card and Visa work well in France? They do not know how to say "CHARGE!"
- Someone stole my Visa card. Now it's everywhere I want to be.
- Which credit card does jar-jar binks use? Visa!
Visa Card Funny Jokes And Hilarious Puns.
What funny jokes about visa card you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean visa jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make visa card pranks.
A teacher asks her class "What do you want to be when you grow up?"
Little Johnny says "I wanna be a billionaire, going to the most expensive clubs, take the best b**... with me, give her a Ferrari worth over a million bucks, an apartment in Hawaii, a mansion in Paris, a jet to travel through Europe, an Infinite Visa Card and to make love to her three times a day".
The teacher, shocked and not knowing how to respond to this, decides not to give importance to what he said and then continues the lesson. "And you, Susie? " the teacher asks.
Susie says "I wanna be Johnny's b**...."
Johny the Fighter Pilot
A teacher asks the kids in her 3rd grade class: "What do you want to be when you
grow up?"
Little Johnny says: "I wanna start out as a Fighter Pilot, then be a billionaire, go to the most expensive clubs, find me the finest p**..., give her a Ferrari worth over a million bucks, an apartment in Copacabana, a mansion in Paris, a jet to travel throughout Europe, an Infinite Visa Card, and all the while bang her like a loose screen door in a hurricane."
The teacher, shocked and not knowing what to do with this horrible response from little Johnny, decides not to acknowledge what he said and simply tries to continue with the lesson. "And how about you, Sarah?"
"I wanna be Johnny's p**...."
"What do you want to be when you grow up?"
A teacher asks the kids in her 3rd grade class:
"What do you want to be when you grow up?"
Little Kevin says: "I wanna start out as a Marine Pilot, then be a billionaire, go to the most expensive clubs, find me the finest h**..., give her a Ferrari worth over a million bucks, an apartment in Copacabana, a mansion in Paris, a jet to travel throughout Europe, an Infinite Visa Card, and all the while b**... her like a loose screen door in a hurricane."
The teacher, shocked, and not knowing what to do with this horrible response from little Kevin, decides not to acknowledge what he said and simply tries to continue with the lesson . .. . ..
And how about you, Sarah?"
"I wanna be Kevin¹s h**...."
There is a sign at a gas station that said, 'We take Visa, Mastercard, Discover Card, and American Express.'
After I filled up they took my Visa, Master Card, my Discover Card, and my American Express.
So I was just at the gas station buying condoms and my card gets declined...
I just got c**...-blocked by Visa
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Little Johnny
The teacher asks the kids in her 3rd grade class: "What do you want to be when you grow up?"
Little Johnny says: "I wanna start out as a Marine Pilot, then be a billionaire, go to the most expensive clubs, find me the finest h**..., give her a Ferrari worth a million bucks, an apartment in London, a mansion in Paris, a jet to travel all over Europe, a Visa Card with no limit, and all the time b**... her like a loose screen door in a hurricane."
The teacher, shocked, and not knowing what to do with this horrible response from little Johnny, decides not to acknowledge what he said and simply tries to continue with the lesson.
And how about you, Sarah?"
"I wanna be Johnny's h**...."
A woman goes into Discount Fishing Supplies to buy a rod and reel for her grandson's birthday....
She doesn't know which one to get, so she just picks one and goes over to the counter.
The salesman is standing there, wearing dark shades.
She says, "Excuse me. Can you tell me anything about this rod and reel?"
He says, "Madam, I'm completely blind; but if you'll drop it on the counter,
I can tell you everything you need to know about it from the sound it makes."
She doesn't believe him but drops it on the counter anyway.
He says, "That's a six-foot Shakespeare graphite rod with a Zebco 404 reel and 10-lb..Test line. It's a good all around combination, and it's actually on sale this week for $44."
She says, "That's amazing that you can tell all that, just by the sound of it dropping on the counter. I'll take it!"
As she opens her purse, her credit card drops on the floor.
"Oh, that sounds like a Visa card," he says.
As the lady bends down to pick up the card, she accidentally farts..
At first she's really embarrassed, but then realises there is no way
the blind salesman would tell exactly who had f**....
The man rings up the sale and says, "That'll be $58.50 please."
The woman is totally confused by this and asks,
"Didn't you tell me it was on sale for $44. How did you get $58.50?"
"The Duck Caller is $11, and the Fish Bait is $3.50."
Abe and Esther are flying to Australia for a two week vacation to celebrate their 40th anniversary.
Suddenly, over the public address system, the Captain announces, "Ladies and Gentlemen, I am afraid I have some very bad news. Our engines have ceased functioning and we will attempt an emergency landing. Luckily, I see an uncharted island below us and we should be able to land on the beach. However, the odds are that we may never be rescued and will have to live on the island for the rest of our lives!"
Thanks to the skill of the flight crew, the plane lands safely on the island.
An hour later Abe turns to his wife and asks, "Esther, did we pay our $5,000 PBS pledge check yet?"
"No, sweetheart," she responds.
Abe, still shaken from the c**... landing, then asks, "Esther, did we pay our American Express card yet?"
"Oh, no! I’m sorry. I forgot to send the check," she says.
"One last thing, Esther. Did you remember to send checks for the Visa and MasterCard this month?" he asks.
"Oh, forgive me, Abie," begged Esther. "I didn’t send that one, either."
Abe grabs her and gives her the biggest kiss in 40 years.
Esther pulls away and asks him, "What was that for?"
Abe answers, "They’ll find us!"