The Best 75 Virus Jokes

Following is our collection of Virus jokes which are very funny. There are some virus bytes jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud. Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these virus tweetable puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

So I got a virus on my computer

And the thing is, I didn't do anything and it just disappeared.

Must have ransomware.

On the subject of Macs and viruses...

I was just having a conversation with someone who is about to buy a Mac.

I was against it and an argument started.

I said there were too few people supporting the Mac.

He responded, "When was the last time you heard of a virus on a Mac?"

And I said "See, even people who write viruses don't support Macs."

Why didn't the other viruses hang out with The Common Cold?

Because he is a bad influenza

My computer has a virus that causes unblockable popups and constantly demands my personal information...

...it's called Norton

Ebola causes headaches, feelings of nausea and is very difficult to get rid of.

Is it a virus or a free U2 album?


Which one of these is a deadly virus?

A. Bola

B. Bola

C. Bola

D. Bola

E. Bola

A man is staring into his whiskey

The barkeep asks if something's the matter.

"3 of my servers have the same virus, there are reports of bugs and extensions cropping up in our clientelle's cookies, and today icecream sandwich ruined my phone."

"IT sounds rough" he adds sympathetically.

"IT?" the customer says, " I work at Baskin Robbins."

The first known case of the Zika virus in the United States has been found in Texas and was transmitted via sexual contact.

Officials believe the case will end how it began: With someone getting a little head.

I like my women how I like my computer.

On my lap.
Turned on.
Virus free.

Sean Connery walks into a bar

Sean Connery walks into a bar. He says "I'd like a single shot." The bartender says "That's a good idea because if you had the chickenpox, the virus is already in you."

What do the Zika Virus and Catholic Priests have in common?

They're both giving kids a little head all over Latin America.

Top Virus Puns and Funny Jokes

You can explore virus incurable reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean virus ebola dad jokes. There are also virus puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


"I'm sorry sir, but we've determined you have a highly contagious, deadly virus. You'll need to be kept in quarantine and fed a diet of pancakes."

"Oh my, that's horrible news, doctor. But will the pancakes really be able to help me get better?"

"No, that's just the only thing we can slide under the door."

What's the easiest way to get a little head?

The Zika virus.

The one good thing about having a kid with Zika virus...

even if he achieves major success in life, he'll never get a big head.

With the Zika virus and how much hooking up happens in the Olympic Village..

The Special Olympics are gonna be awesome in 12 to 14 years.

I accidentally clicked on a "You've won an iPhone"-popup.

Luckliy it was only a virus.

Who do you call during a Zika virus emergency?

The SWAT team

Scientists have recently discovered a virus that increases the apathy of those infected.

No one seems to care.

What do you call a virus that affects the command line?

Terminal Illness


Computer virus are no joke

I used to have a girlfriend but she ransomwareο»Ώ.

I WannaCry now... ;(

Wife: What's the difference between bird flu and swine flu?

Me: Well, it has to do with the original animal vectors and -
Wife: No! For bird flu you need tweetment and for swine flu you need oinkment.

I like my woman like I like my Laptop

On my lap , turned on ,Virus free

Have you heard about that new virus that is devastating the bird population?

It's called Chirpies.

What's most heartbreaking about it is that it's...

untweetable.

Hey girl, are you a hot single from my area?

Because you look like you'll give me some form of virus

I don't understand why Windex didn't get rid of my computer virus.

I was told it's great at disinfecting Windows!

Did you hear about the virus that only infected children's computers?

Yeah I thought it was just a pdf-file.

John Travolta Coronavirus joke

As see on the CNN John Travolta was hospitalised for a suspected Coronavirus. But doctors soon realised that it was only a Saturday Night Fever and he will be Staying Alive.

I installed anti virus software on my computer

Now my computer has autism

I can't believe all these viruses and bacteria invade my body without permission

Makes me sick

I have read that symptoms of the Covid19 virus can include loss of smell and taste. Well I don't know about your sense of smell....

But judging by your hair and clothes I think you might've had this disease for quite some time.

Day 1: Staying home, avoiding social gatherings and eating food in my room

Day 50: Continuing with this process

Day 100: Still feeling okay

Day 2500: Now a global virus has arrived and others are doing what i do.

Chuck Norris tested positive for COVID-19.

The virus is now in quarantine for two weeks.

My friend said that Donald Trump had found someone to blame over the Corona virus outbreak...

I asked him,'Who?'

What's the difference between Corona Virus and sex?

Most Redditors lack the social skills to get both.

The spread of Corona Virus is based on 2 factors:

1. How dense the population is.

2. How dense the population is.

It is being reported that black and ethnic minority groups are at higher risk to Coronavirus

As if this virus wasn't bad enough, it turns out it is racist too.

IF YOU SEE A LINK TITLED JAMES CHARLES NUDE , DON'T CLICK ON IT.

#IT IS A VIRUS THAT PUTS YOUR KEYBOARD ON PERMANENT CAPS LOCK.

Wife: Did I get fat during quarantine?

Husband: You were never really that skinny

Time of death: 26/4/20 11:31am

Cause of death: Corona virus.

What's the difference between COVID-19 and Donald Trump?

One is a ruthless force hellbent on killing hundreds of thousands, and the other is a virus.

I'm glad China only spread a virus and not a bear.

Otherwise we'd have a pandademic.

A friendly reminder to avoid all pottery while the outbreak is going on.

They say the virus originated in china.

Scientists have discovered another deadly pathogen they are calling the Peekaboo virus.

Doctors are sending anyone with peekaboo straight to ICU.

During the corona virus lockdown I've lost 95kgs

I'm ganna miss the wife and kids

We should re-download 2020

Because it has a virus

China's lack of transparency on virus is fuelling rumors: US experts

It's basically all this he said Xi said bullshit.

I hope this virus gets cleared up before tick season...

Or else we'll have Corona with Lyme

I made a Corona virus joke the other day

People said it was tasteless.

I recently bought my pet duck a mask, to protect it from corona virus...

It's nothing flashy, but it fits the bill

Are you the Center Of Disease Control?

Cuz theres nothing flat about your curves.

(seriously we have a real problem this virus is getting worse)

A new and easy test for COVID-19

Take a glass and pour your favourite spirit, then see if you can smell it.
If you can then you are halfway there.

Then drink it and if you can taste it then it is reasonable to assume you are currently free of the virus.

I tested myself nine times last night and was virus free every time, thank goodness.
I will have to test myself again today, as I have a headache, which can also be one of the symptoms!!!

First, we bought toilet paper for a respiratory virus because we lack common sense.

Now, we have a nationwide coin shortage, which means we lack common cents!

Donald Trump is receiving a CoViD-19 briefing in the Oval Office.

The head of the CDC tells the president that today 14 Brazilian people have died from the virus.

Trump shouts Oh my GOD! and slams his head down in his hands on the Resolute Desk. He begins to weep.

After a minute or so, he collects himself, looks up from his desk, and asks his advisors, How many is a 'brazillion?'

The World Health Organisation has confirmed canines do not carry the virus and can be released from pounds.

WHO let the dogs out.

Yo mama so ugly

Yo momma so ugly the whole world faked a virus and ruined the economy just to make her wear a mask

Boss: "You called in sick yesterday and said you had the Corona virus. You can't be here until you get tested"

Me: "I said I had a case of Corona and I wasn't coming in to work. I never said anything about a virus"

Why were the ants unaffected by the covid virus?

They have lil anty bodies.

What do guns and corona virus have in common

They were both created in China now every American has one

Your mama is so ugly...

The whole world faked a virus just to make her wear a mask.

IF YOU SEE A LINK ON FACEBOOK SAYING "CLICK HERE FOR TRUMP NUDES" DON'T OPEN IT

IT IS A VIRUS THAT PUTS YOUR KEYBOARD ON CAPS LOCK.

President Trump has tested positive for COVID-19

Doctors are expecting a swift recovery, citing that the virus is a hoax and fake news.

What's the difference between the China Virus and the Vietnam War?

Trump dodged the Vietnam War.

Chuck Norris caught Covid-19 yesterday

The virus is quarantined for two weeks

I am sick of this Chinese-made virus destroying society!

Tik-Tok has got to go!

What kind of computer virus attacks kids

A PDF file

I was told that wearing a mask and gloves would be enough during the corona virus pandemic

but when I got to the store I was told that pants and a shirt were also required

The way this year has gone so far

I wouldn't be surprised if the Corona virus vaccine will be available in suppository form only.

I'm starting to think Corona Virus is a girlfriend

It explains how I've come in close contact three times, but never got it

IF YOU GUYS SEE A LINK ON TWITTER THAT SAYS "LEBRON JAMES NUDES" DON'T CLICK ON IT.

IT IS A VIRUS THAT PUTS YOUR PHONE'S KEYBOARD ON CAPS LOCK.

This whole pandemic is a conspiracy.

This whole pandemic is a conspiracy.

The Altoids Corporation teamed up with the makers of Tic-Tacs and Listerene Breath Strips and made this virus in a lab in Wu-Tang so that all the rest of us would be forced to smell our own stank-ass breath and buy millions of dollars worth of mints.

Illu-mint-ati Confirmed.

Day 268 at home And the dog continues looking at me like See?? This is why I chew furniture.

I've eaten 9 meals and taken 4 naps, and it's STILL today. Are you kidding me?

In case you've lost track, today is December 268...

This virus has turned us all into dogs. We roam the house all day grazing for
food. We're told "NO!" if we get too close to strangers. We get really excited about car rides.

My wife said if I don't get off the computer and help with the dishes, she'll slam my head on the keyboard. I think she's jokinoifghcxiegcrwlwefggxm
lkergx eyt3ruhcmergceg ewgucc ce;oeijf !!!

What does a virus need to do in order to reach more people?

It needs to strain itself.

The autopsy report came back from the inmate who hung himself in his cell

He had the Epstein-behindBarrs virus

A man went to the doctor for a routine checkup

He was generally well, just thought it was a good idea to check in. The doctor, however, immediately reached for the covid swab.

"I'm going to test you for Covid19" the Doctor said.

"But I'm well, no complaints, why would you do that?" Replied the man.

"Well..." The doctor started, his gaze narrowing. "Loss of taste is a known symptom of the virus, and you're wearing Crocs."

Scotland know the right way to deal with corona virus...

They've gone into full loch down.

'New year, new me!'

said the Covid-19 virus as it mutates.

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the virus viral jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working virus symptom piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

Joko Jokes