Virus Jokes
182 virus jokes and hilarious virus puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about virus that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Want a giggle? Check out our round up of the best Virus Jokes! From computer viruses to omicron, shingles and delta viruses, we've got the stomach for the funniest jokes about quarantine, webMD and incurable diseases. Get your daily chuckle here!
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Funniest Virus Short Jokes
Short virus jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The virus humour may include short viral jokes also.
- Scientists have discovered another deadly pathogen they are calling the Peekaboo virus. Doctors are sending anyone with peekaboo straight to ICU.
- Chuck Norris coronavirus joke Chuck Norris doesn't get Corona Virus.
Coronavirus gets Chuck Norris. - Corona must have hit India hard... I´ve not recieved a single phone call this week from
Microsoft to warn me about a virus on my computer. - Viruses mutate over time, take Covid for example... It started as a pandemic, and now it's become an IQ test.
- Viruses can mutate over time. Take Covid for example... It started as a pandemic illness and turned into an IQ test.
- Chuck Norris caught COVID-19 and the prognosis is not good. Anyone wanting to say goodbye to the virus should visit the hospital tonight.
(Cr - With the Zika virus and how much hooking up happens in the Olympic Village.. The Special Olympics are gonna be awesome in 12 to 14 years.
- Just been diagnosed with the dreaded 'Peek-a-Boo virus'...
I'm being transferred to ICU. - I recently bought my pet duck a mask, to protect it from corona virus... It's nothing flashy, but it fits the bill
- What's the difference between the China Virus and the Vietnam War? Trump dodged the vietnam War.
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Virus One Liners
Which virus one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with virus? I can suggest the ones about infection and bacteria.
- Texas: Where a virus has reproductive rights and a woman doesn't.
- COVID 19 is like Pasta Asians invented it, Italians spread it.
- I like my women how I like my computer. On my lap.
Turned on.
Virus free. - I like my woman like I like my laptop On my lap , turned on ,Virus free
- I accidentally clicked on a "You've won an iPhone"-popup. Luckliy it was only a virus.
- I just came down with the Peekaboo virus It sent me to the ICU
- Why were the ants unaffected by the covid virus? They have lil anty bodies.
- Chuck Norris caught Covid-19 yesterday The virus is quarantined for two weeks
- I'm glad China only spread a virus and not a bear. Otherwise we'd have a pandademic.
- What do you call a virus that affects the command line? Terminal Illness
- I am sick of this Chinese-made virus destroying society! Tik-Tok has got to go!
- Which one of these is a deadly virus? A. Bola
B. Bola
C. Bola
D. Bola
E. Bola - Yo mamma so ugly... The whole world faked a virus just to get a mask on her face.
- I installed anti virus software on my computer Now my computer has autism
- I like my women the way I like my software Without any viruses and I don't have to pay
Computer Virus Jokes
Here is a list of funny computer virus jokes and even better computer virus puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- My computer has a virus that causes unblockable popups and constantly demands my personal information... ...it's called Norton
- So I got a virus on my computer And the thing is, I didn't do anything and it just disappeared.
Must have ransomware. - Fix a man's computer, and he will be virus-free for a day. Teach a man to fix his computer, and he will be virus-free for a day.
- Computer virus are no joke I used to have a girlfriend but she ransomware.
I WannaCry now... ;( - My girlfriend dissapeared when she got a virus on her computer one day and never came back. I guess she Ransomware..
- Did you hear about the virus that only infected children's computers? Yeah I thought it was just a pdf-file.
- What kind of computer virus attacks kids A PDF file
- Son: "Mom! The computer is full of viruses!" Mom: "Screw the computer! I just won 2 free iPads and a free trip to Paris!"
- My computer died after getting a virus. It was a terminal illness.
- I don't understand why Windex didn't get rid of my computer virus. I was told it's great at disinfecting Windows!
Zika Virus Jokes
Here is a list of funny zika virus jokes and even better zika virus puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- What do the Zika Virus and Catholic Priests have in common? They're both giving kids a little head all over Latin America.
- What's the easiest way to get a little head? The Zika virus.
- The one good thing about having a kid with Zika virus... even if he achieves major success in life, he'll never get a big head.
- Who do you call during a Zika virus emergency? The SWAT team
- Awful chat-up line: "Did your mother have zika virus?" Because I like a little head
- I tried write a joke about the Zika virus... [OC] ...but couldn't come up with anything off the top of my head.
- Did you see the video of the guy making out with the lady with the Zika Virus? Yeah, apparently it went viral.
I know this is awful, but my coworkers laughed... so I got that going for me. - I think I just caught the Zika virus... I met a Brazilian girl and she gave me a little head.
- How did the doctor determine that the baby was affected by the Zika virus? It was a no brainer.
- In The News: Inquiry Into Zika Virus Origin Points To Accident By Government Scientist Turns out he was just looking for a little head.
Virus Infects Jokes
Here is a list of funny virus infects jokes and even better virus infects puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Doctor told me I have viral eye infection... Must be the cornea virus
- Scientists have recently discovered a virus that increases the apathy of those infected. No one seems to care.
- My computer is infected with the Miley Cyrus virus. It has stopped twerking.
- Corona Virus has spread to species of birds It now infects bat man and robin
- A joke for those who are not exactly tech savvy. Your computer and/or phone is now infected with a dangerous virus. Comment your personal info to receive instructions on how to remove.
- There is a new virus which only affects Muslims.Where do they put the infected? In the Quran-tine room!
- What do you call Donald Trump if he gets infected with a virus that turns him into a zombie? President Evil
- Do you know why COVID-19 doesn't infect dogs? The virus did its research on John Wick.
- What do you call it when a faculty worker gets a bloodstream virus? A staff infection.
- T cells Killer T cells are where your immune system finds and destroys infected cells that have turned into virus-making factories.
Mr. T cells are where they pity the bacterial fools.
Omicron Virus Jokes
Here is a list of funny omicron virus jokes and even better omicron virus puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- If comic books have taught me anything it’s that something named OMICRON is going to be near impossible to defeat unless we all work together to defeat it.
- New variant is called Omicron, the 15th letter of the Greek alphabet. Futurama had Omicronians.
Matt Groening is from the future. - If You're Going to Name a Virus Variant Omicron At least humor us by adding Persei 8 to the title
- You think the Omicron variant is bad? Because the next one will be 3.14 times worse.
- It's the Covid variant after Omicron I'm really worried about... it may go on forever
- I invented a new aftershave in honour of the Omicron virus I named it 'Leave me the Far Cologne'
- That's it! I'm buying Omicron.
I'll be d**... if I let another crypto opportunity slip away.
Shingles Virus Jokes
Here is a list of funny shingles virus jokes and even better shingles virus puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- "Grandpa caught a virus yesterday while browsing the web at the nursing home.." ".. apparently there were hot shingles in his area."
Fun-Filled Virus Jokes to Boost Your Mood
What funny jokes about virus you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean disease jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make virus pranks.
On the subject of Macs and viruses...
I was just having a conversation with someone who is about to buy a Mac.
I was against it and an argument started.
I said there were too few people supporting the Mac.
He responded, "When was the last time you heard of a virus on a Mac?"
And I said "See, even people who write viruses don't support Macs."
Why didn't the other viruses hang out with The common cold?
Because he is a bad influenza
A virus walks into a bar...
A virus walks into a bar. The bartender says, "Sorry, I don't serve viruses".
The virus turns him into the kind of bartender that does.
(Heard from Neil DeGrasse Tyson on his star talk show)
Why is buying a macbook like using a high end p**...?
Because you spend more but, at least you don't get a virus
You shouldn't worry about headaches
I mean, it's all in your head.
A man is staring into his whiskey
The barkeep asks if something's the matter.
"3 of my servers have the same virus, there are reports of bugs and extensions cropping up in our clientelle's cookies, and today icecream sandwich ruined my phone."
"IT sounds rough" he adds sympathetically.
"IT?" the customer says, " I work at Baskin Robbins."
The first known case of the Zika virus in the United States has been found in Texas and was transmitted via s**... contact.
Officials believe the case will end how it began: With someone getting a little head.
Sean Connery walks into a bar
Sean Connery walks into a bar. He says "I'd like a single shot." The bartender says "That's a good idea because if you had the chickenpox, the virus is already in you."
"I'm sorry sir, but we've determined you have a highly contagious, deadly virus. You'll need to be kept in quarantine and fed a diet of pancakes."
"Oh my, that's horrible news, doctor. But will the pancakes really be able to help me get better?"
"No, that's just the only thing we can slide under the door."
No one understood my joke about the virus outbreak...
I guess you had to be there to get it.
Getting an STD is like downloading a virus...
...but getting married is like downloading ransomware.
[OC] What do you do if your AI catches a virus?
You give it some Robo-tussin!
Wife: What's the difference between bird flu and swine flu?
Me: Well, it has to do with the original animal vectors and -
Wife: No! For bird flu you need tweetment and for swine flu you need oinkment.
When a computer gets a virus, it crashes. When a computerized car gets a virus
It *crashes*
Have you heard about that new virus that is devastating the bird population?
It's called Chirpies.
What's most heartbreaking about it is that it's...
untweetable.
Hey girl, are you a hot single from my area?
Because you look like you'll give me some form of virus
John Travolta Coronavirus joke
As see on the CNN John Travolta was hospitalised for a suspected Coronavirus. But doctors soon realised that it was only a Saturday Night Fever and he will be Staying Alive.
Chuck Norris corona joke
Chuck Norris tested positive for coronavirus. They had to quarantine the virus.
I can't believe all these viruses and bacteria invade my body without permission
Makes me sick
Did you hear about Lori Laughlin's daughter?
I heard she has the No-Row virus.
I have read that symptoms of the Covid19 virus can include loss of smell and taste. Well I don't know about your sense of smell....
But judging by your hair and clothes I think you might've had this disease for quite some time.
Day 1: Staying home, avoiding social gatherings and eating food in my room
Day 50: Continuing with this process
Day 100: Still feeling okay
Day 2500: Now a global virus has arrived and others are doing what i do.
Chuck Norris tested positive for COVID-19.
The virus is now in quarantine for two weeks.
My friend said that Donald Trump had found someone to blame over the Corona virus outbreak...
I asked him,'Who?'
What's the difference between Corona Virus and s**...?
Most Redditors lack the social skills to get both.
Men are more susceptible to the covid19 coronavirus
Men could be more susceptible to Covid-19 because testicular tissue generates proteins the virus likes to latch onto.
It's got you by the b**....
The spread of Corona Virus is based on 2 factors:
1. How dense the population is.
2. How dense the population is.
It is being reported that black and ethnic minority groups are at higher risk to Coronavirus
As if this virus wasn't bad enough, it turns out it is racist too.
IF YOU SEE A LINK TITLED JAMES CHARLES n**... , DON'T CLICK ON IT.
#IT IS A VIRUS THAT PUTS YOUR KEYBOARD ON PERMANENT CAPS LOCK.
Wife: Did I get fat during quarantine?
Husband: You were never really that skinny
Time of death: 26/4/20 11:31am
Cause of death: Corona virus.
Contradicting Coronavirus advice!
First, we hear alcohol may prevent the virus... now research suggests the opposite. Then we're told heat and humidity has no effect, but wait... direct sunlight might quickly kill the virus. So, if you come across some elderly bloke, standing in the yard, intoxicated and n**..., leave me alone... I'm conducting important medical research.
What's the difference between COVID-19 and Donald Trump?
One is a ruthless force hellbent on killing hundreds of thousands, and the other is a virus.
A friendly reminder to avoid all pottery while the outbreak is going on.
They say the virus originated in china.
Can I reinstall 2020?
There is a virus in this version.
During the corona virus lockdown I've lost 95kgs
I'm ganna miss the wife and kids
Midgets have been having a hard time during this virus,
they are struggling to put food on the table
So I think I have the corona virus.
One of the symptoms is a loss of taste, and for a brief moment I thought Justin Bieber was talented.
Covid 19 and trump
Health secretary in a briefing to Trump: "Sir, in Chennai, India 36 Tamillians have been killed due to Corona Virus"
Trump is silent. His lips quiver. His hands shiver. His eyes wells up. He is unable to speak.
Health secretary is stunned. He never imagined that this event could affect him so badly.
After a few minutes, in a trembling voice, Trump asks "So, how many millions are there in *one tamillion?
We should re-download 2020
Because it has a virus
China's lack of transparency on virus is fuelling rumors: US experts
It's basically all this he said Xi said b**....
I hope this virus gets cleared up before tick season...
Or else we'll have Corona with Lyme
I made a Corona virus joke the other day
People said it was tasteless.
WARNING IF YOU HAVE SEEN A LINK ON THE INTERNET OFFERING FREE DONUTS, DO NOT CLICK ON IT.
IT IS A VIRUS THAT FORCES CAPS LOCK TO BE PERMANENTLY ACTIVATED ON YOUR COMPUTER!
// THE POLICE
Doesn't wearing a mask make you more likely to get the virus?
After all, your face is covid.
Are you the Center Of Disease Control?
Cuz theres nothing flat about your curves.
(seriously we have a real problem this virus is getting worse)
A new and easy test for COVID-19
Take a glass and pour your favourite spirit, then see if you can smell it.
If you can then you are halfway there.
Then drink it and if you can taste it then it is reasonable to assume you are currently free of the virus.
I tested myself nine times last night and was virus free every time, thank goodness.
I will have to test myself again today, as I have a headache, which can also be one of the symptoms!!!
First, we bought toilet paper for a respiratory virus because we lack common sense.
Now, we have a nationwide coin shortage, which means we lack common cents!
Donald Trump is receiving a CoViD-19 briefing in the Oval Office.
The head of the CDC tells the president that today 14 Brazilian people have died from the virus.
Trump shouts Oh my GOD! and slams his head down in his hands on the Resolute Desk. He begins to weep.
After a minute or so, he collects himself, looks up from his desk, and asks his advisors, How many is a 'brazillion?'
The World Health Organisation has confirmed canines do not carry the virus and can be released from pounds.
WHO let the dogs out.
Yo mama so ugly
Yo momma so ugly the whole world faked a virus and ruined the economy just to make her wear a mask
Boss: "You called in sick yesterday and said you had the Corona virus. You can't be here until you get tested"
Me: "I said I had a case of Corona and I wasn't coming in to work. I never said anything about a virus"
What do guns and corona virus have in common
They were both created in China now every American has one
Your mama is so ugly...
The whole world faked a virus just to make her wear a mask.
IF YOU SEE A LINK ON FACEBOOK SAYING "CLICK HERE FOR TRUMP n**..." DON'T OPEN IT
IT IS A VIRUS THAT PUTS YOUR KEYBOARD ON CAPS LOCK.
President Trump has tested positive for COVID-19
Doctors are expecting a swift recovery, citing that the virus is a hoax and fake news.
I was told that wearing a mask and gloves would be enough during the corona virus pandemic
but when I got to the store I was told that pants and a shirt were also required
