Virgins Jokes
116 virgins jokes and hilarious virgins puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about virgins that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Funniest Virgins Short Jokes
Short virgins jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The virgins humour may include short virgin boy jokes also.
- So I heard that the hacker "Anonymous" are waging war on ISIS and al-Qaeda... Quite ironic that 72 virgins will be attacking the terrorists!
- So, Anonymous has declared war on ISIS ... ironic that 72 virgins are now attacking the terrorists
- Losing my virginity was like my first football game. It hurt a lot but at least my dad came.
- The average age to lose your virginity is 17 years old I'm finally above average for something
- Hey guys, I just lost my virginity yesterday! What's the worst thing you've ever done to a dead body?
- What's the difference between my virginity and my will to live? I haven't lost my virginity.
- I lost my virginity to a mentally disabled girl last night I wanted my first time to be special.
- I just read the average age to lose your virginity is 17 years old. I'm finally above average for something.
- My girl's father said "YOU TOOK MY DAUGHTER'S VIRGINITY"! I replied, "Sorry. Won't happen again!"
- Losing my virginity was a lot like my first football game There was blood and snot everywhere, but at least my dad came
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Virgins One Liners
Which virgins one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with virgins? I can suggest the ones about lost virginity and losing virginity.
- Virginity is like a car Once you've had it 25 years, nobody else wants it either
- I lost two things today. My virginity... ...and my job at the morgue.
- I have bathed in the blood of virgins! I had a nosebleed in the shower.
- An average person loses virginity at the age of 17 I always knew I was above average
- You don't need to die as a muslim to get 72 virgins Just be a catholic priest
- In 1466, dracula started eating 16-year-old virgins. In 2015, he died of starvation.
- Chuck Norris's Daughter Lost her Virginity... He got it back.
- What do you call a meeting of 72 virgins? A scientific conference
- Lost my virginity to a girl with Down syndrome I wanted my first time to be special
- Why I haven't lost my virginity? Because I never lose.
- Candy is like virginity It's easy to take from a child
- How did Helen Keller lose her virginity? Somebody left the plunger in the toilet.
- I lost my virginity at age 20. I found it again after I got married.
- "You Took My Daughters Virginity!" "I'm Sorry Sir, It Won't Happen Again!"
- Virginity and candy are a lot a like. They require minimal force to take from a child.
72 Virgins Jokes
Here is a list of funny 72 virgins jokes and even better 72 virgins puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Why do so many Muslim students take Intro to Engineering? They heard it was a great place to find 72 virgins.
- So the Hacker group Anonymous just declared war on ISIS and Al-Queida Quite ironic that terrorists will be killed by 72 virgins.
- Did you hear anonymous declared war on ISIS? A: Kind of ironic that they're now being attacked by 72 virgins
- Islamic men get 72 virgins when they die. What do Islamic women get? 73 sets of clothes to wash.
- Why didn't jimmy savile want to be a Muslim? He didn't need to die in order to get his hands on 72 virgins.
- What do you call it when a plane with 72 virgins crashes into a field? Heaven on earth.
- Why do Muslim Leaders tell their followers that they'll get 72 virgins in Heaven? Because 69 looks too obviously a joke.
- I want to name my new band "In search of 72 virgins". That way people will just automatically assume we are the bomb.
- What Do You Call a Bearded Man Whose Idea of Paradise is 72 Virgins? Richard Branson.
- A person who was promised 72 virgins is very excited when he goes to heaven He goes to God and asks where he can find them
God sends him to the mechanical engineering branch in India
The Funniest Virgins Jokes for a Bone-Shaking Laugh
What funny jokes about virgins you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean virgin mother jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make virgins pranks.
I don't understand why Islamic fundamentalist s**... b**... go through with it on the off chance of getting 72 virgins when you die...
Become a catholic priest and have them now!
What do you call the girls who outrun me?
Virgins.
How many s**... cells do virgins have at any given time?
Ohh.. About a handful.
How many virgins does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Just one. But he will pull it back out and stick it back in again just to make sure he`s got the right hole.
3 Men's Afterlives
Three men get into a horrible car accident, and all three die together. As they are waiting in limbo, they start talking about the Afterlife. As it turns out, one man is Muslim, one man is Buddhist, the last is Christian.
The Muslim says, "I'm going to enjoy my 40 virgins until my wife shows up!"
The Buddhist says, "Reincarnation is going to be a blast.. until I find my wife again."
The Christian man starts laughing, and the others seem puzzled.
"My wife's an athiest."
Tim Tebow is a lot like Mary because they're both virgins.
But at least Mary was able to produce.
p**... has s**... for the first time
After finding out p**... had shagged his girlfriend for the first time, Murphy asked him how it was.
"It was amazing," p**... gushed. "As we were both virgins, made it even more special; it was just a shame that we had to be fairly quiet."
"Why was that?" Asked Murphy.
"Her kids were asleep in the bedroom next door," p**... replied.
What do you call women who are faster than me?
Virgins.
Sorry if it's a repost, I'm fairly new here.
A Muslim walks into a bar with a bomb...
He asks the barkeep "why does this bar have a bomb?"
The barkeep replies "don't worry, it's just for decoration. This bar, Paradise, is a wartime-themed bar"
"Well I'll be!" exclaims the Muslim. He takes a seat and orders a v**... Mary, as his religion forbids him from imbibing alcohol, but encourages the enjoyment of virgins in Paradise.
What do hemophiliacs and virgins have in common?
One p**......and it's all over.
A bunch of rapists take over a monastery...
... and they tell the nuns to say their last prayers as virgins because they will r**... all of them. Just then a young nun jumps out and says "do whatever you which with us, but please spare our mother superior, she's rather old and fragile". The mother nun then interrupts her and says " hush child ... all of us means all of us"
Count Dracula survived on the blood of 18 year old virgins for Millennia...
He died last year.
A Muslim and a Catholic priest walk into a bar.
The two start talking casually about their respective religions. The Muslim says, "I believe that when I die, Allah will bless me with 72 virgins."
The priest's eyes get wide. "Really? That would be awesome, but unfortunately the church can only have 3 altar boys at a time."
Jimmy savile was such a hypocrite...
advertising British Rail trains when all the time he was riding Virgins.
Kidnapping 72 virgins...
is harder than making an idiot go kill himself.
72 virgins
This was it. The s**... bomber was going to blow up the US camp. Little did he know that when he woke up he would be surrounded by 72 engineering students....
s**...
Why do navy men marry virgins? Because loose lips sink ships.
s**... terrorists are like my inflatable s**... doll...
Both of them blow up and leave a mess afterwards.
But one of them has been through 72 virgins, and the other is in ISIL.
Why are chickens never virgins?
A: Because when they're born they get laid.
When you're done reading this joke please don't show it to any virgins.
They won't get it for a long time.
Why do s**... b**... have 72 virgins?
one for each chunk.
What's the difference between a m**... man and a Muslim man.
A m**... man gets 72 virgins and THEN kills himself.
A s**... bomber goes to heaven to receive his 72 virgins...
But all he sees are other men just like himself.
Confused, he asks one of them where his virgins are.
The man replies, "Brother, we are all virgins."
How many virgins does take to change a lightbulb?
Obviously more than 72, or all those s**... bomber would have seen the light.
I'm half Muslim
I'm only entitled to 36 virgins
Scientists say that girls can get cancer just for being virgins.
Luckily theres a vaccine for that.
why would you be a s**... bomber...
And wait for the 72 virgins in heaven... When you could become a catholic preist and have them now!
Source: Jimmy Carr
What Did the Muslim t**... Say?
Who you gota blow to get some virgins around here?
Ninjas are like virgins....
No one ever sees them coming
I don't see why you would become an Islamic fundamentalist s**... bomber on the off chance that when you die you get 72 virgins.
Just become a Catholic priest and get them now.
An al-Qaeda s**... bomber carried out his mission...
And made it to heaven, where he found 72 virgins. Turns out they were all guys playing world of Warcraft.
I have bathed in the blood of virgins...
Well, I had a nose bleed in the bath this morning.
s**... b**... make no sense
You blow yourself up and then get 72 virgins but if you become a priest you get them immediately
Don't become an Islamic s**... bomber for the off chance you'll get 72 virgins after death.
Become a Catholic priest and get them now!
Why are there no female s**... b**...?
Good luck convincing a girl by telling her if she do it, she will meet 70 virgins in heaven.
Whats the difference between a muslim and a catholic priest?
The muslim has to die before he gets his virgins.
A Muslim is about to commit s**... when a Catholic priest stops him
"What are you doing?!" Exclaims the priest
"There is nothing on this Earth for me." The Muslim says "I will commit s**... to go to paradise and get 72 virgins!"
The priest shakes his head
"Foolish Muslim, s**... is not the way!" He says
"Follow me, Ill take you to the local primary school."
Breaking news : ISIS has surrendered
As soon as they read that Hugh Hefner has died , they realized there won't be any more virgins left for them in heaven, and have laid down their arms and will lead peaceful lives with their current wives .
What is the point in becoming an ISIS t**... on the off chance you will get 72 Virgins when you die?
Just become a Catholic priest and have them now.
There was once a kingdom, a long, long time ago. where a dragon would eat the virgins of the land.
Then one wonderful day, a hero came to the kingdom. The leader told the hero of their predicament. He told him that every day, the dragon would take a few virgins to his cave to eat. The hero said that he will save the kingdom, and take care of the dragon.
After two weeks, the dragon starved to death.
s**... toy companies should target their advertisements at virgins.
It's an untapped market.
A Vampire met a genie
"I'll give you three wishes, no more, no less" Said the Genie to the Vampire.
"I want to have wings. It's weird to be able to fly without wings." Said the Vampire.
"It shall be done, what about the second wish?"
"I want virgins! Lots of virgins!"
"It shall be done, and the last?"
"I want blood! Lots of blood!"
"Abracadabra hocus pocus" The genie casted the spell.
****p**...****
.
.
.
.
.
And the Vampire turned into a sanitary pad.
Why was the s**... bomber disappointed when he completed his mission?
You ever see the kind of women that die virgins?
Join Islam and you'll get seventy virgins in the afterlife
Join Oxfam and you'll get Haiti.
Why do Catholics tend to have so many children?
Because even the virgins sometimes get pregnant.
After dying, an Islamic t**... goes to a gaming room in heaven.
He looks around and finds 72 older dudes gaming. These weren't the virgins he was expecting.
What do terrorists and inflatable s**... dolls have in common?
They both get blown up to be greeted by virgins.
What's the difference between a Catholic priests and a jihadist?
One gets the virgins before they die, the other gets them after.
Unicorns are just Mormons in disguise.
They're both white and have a f**... for virgins.
This year's Comic-Con will be hosted in Hawaii
in the hopes that sacrificing a few virgins will appease the angry volcano god.
Did you know birds cant be virgins?
It's cause they've already been laid
After killing himself and several others, a s**... bomber is given 72 virgins to use as he pleases.
When the s**... bomber arrives, he notices that they're all on laptops. He finds this strange, and asks one what they're doing. The v**... responds, "We're playing Fortnite. Wanna join?"
All religions aspire for the same thing.
Virgins.
What does a Muslim say in the hood?
"Who do I have to blow to get some virgins around here?"
Islamic terrorists makes no sense . Commit s**... and might get 72 virgins ?
Become a Catholic priest and get them now
A Muslim s**... bomber walks into a crowd of infidels and blows himself up.
He is immediately transported to Paradise, where he finds himself surrounded by seventy-two of the ugliest women anyone has ever laid eyes upon. The s**... bomber is crestfallen.
"C'mon, think it through," Allah pats him sympathetically on the shoulder. "Why do you think they're still virgins?"
I've never really understood it why would you become an Islamic s**... bomber on the off-chance you might get 72 virgins when you die.
Become a Catholic priest and get them now.
Whoever says that it would be great to die and have 72 virgins...
Has obviously never had s**... with a v**...
Why do you never see Old s**... b**..., after all they have less to loose?
Because A man who hasn't had a hard on in 10 years, has no use for 72 virgins.
What do Germans call virgins?
Guten tight.
A hot girl just winked at me with both eyes
Later virgins!
Why are minecraft players virgins?
It would be wrong to smash a miner
Sally and Jessica used to bond over being the only two virgins at their University...
They don't see each other much anymore but they're still tight.
What's the difference between heaven according to Islam and 60 engineering students?
12 virgins
Two virgins get married.
On their honeymoon the groom calls her mother and asks what they should do now.
The mother tells her son that the husband is supposed to stick the biggest thing he has where the wife pees.
To say the least, the wife was confused when she found her husband with his leg in the toilet.
Pretty ironic they used to sacrifice virgins to call down rain
Considering they're known for having the longest dry spells.
What's the difference in virginity, a dollar, and an idea?
If you are a v**... and I am a v**... and we give each other our virginity then neither of us are virgins.
If you have a dollar and I have a dollar and we give each other our dollar then we both still only have a dollar.
If you have an idea and I have an idea and we give each other our ideas then we both have two ideas.
