The Best 78 Virgins Jokes

Following is our collection of funniest Virgins jokes. There are some virgins abdulla jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud. Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these virgins haram puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Funny Virgins Jokes and Puns

I don't understand why Islamic fundamentalist suicide bombers go through with it on the off chance of getting 72 virgins when you die...

Become a catholic priest and have them now!

What do you call the girls who outrun me?

Virgins.

Why do so many Muslim students take Intro to Engineering?

They heard it was a great place to find 72 virgins.

Virgins joke, Why do so many Muslim students take Intro to Engineering?

How many sperm cells do virgins have at any given time?

Ohh.. About a handful.

How many virgins does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Just one. But he will pull it back out and stick it back in again just to make sure he`s got the right hole.


3 Men's Afterlives

Three men get into a horrible car accident, and all three die together. As they are waiting in limbo, they start talking about the Afterlife. As it turns out, one man is Muslim, one man is Buddhist, the last is Christian.

The Muslim says, "I'm going to enjoy my 40 virgins until my wife shows up!"

The Buddhist says, "Reincarnation is going to be a blast.. until I find my wife again."

The Christian man starts laughing, and the others seem puzzled.

"My wife's an athiest."

Tim Tebow is a lot like Mary because they're both virgins.

But at least Mary was able to produce.

Virgins joke, Tim Tebow is a lot like Mary because they're both virgins.

Paddy has sex for the first time

After finding out Paddy had shagged his girlfriend for the first time, Murphy asked him how it was.

"It was amazing," Paddy gushed. "As we were both virgins, made it even more special; it was just a shame that we had to be fairly quiet."

"Why was that?" Asked Murphy.

"Her kids were asleep in the bedroom next door," Paddy replied.

What do you call women who are faster than me?

Virgins.

Sorry if it's a repost, I'm fairly new here.

A Muslim walks into a bar with a bomb...

He asks the barkeep "why does this bar have a bomb?"

The barkeep replies "don't worry, it's just for decoration. This bar, Paradise, is a wartime-themed bar"

"Well I'll be!" exclaims the Muslim. He takes a seat and orders a virgin Mary, as his religion forbids him from imbibing alcohol, but encourages the enjoyment of virgins in Paradise.

What do hemophiliacs and virgins have in common?

One prick...and it's all over.

You can explore virgins infidel reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean virgins islamic dad jokes. There are also virgins puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


A bunch of rapists take over a monastery...

... and they tell the nuns to say their last prayers as virgins because they will rape all of them. Just then a young nun jumps out and says "do whatever you which with us, but please spare our mother superior, she's rather old and fragile". The mother nun then interrupts her and says " hush child ... all of us means all of us"

Count Dracula survived on the blood of 18 year old virgins for Millennia...

He died last year.

So I heard that the hackers "Anonymous" are waging war on ISIS and al-Qaeda...

Quite ironic that 72 virgins will be attacking the terrorists!

72 virgins

This was it. The suicide bomber was going to blow up the US camp. Little did he know that when he woke up he would be surrounded by 72 engineering students....

Seamen

Why do navy men marry virgins? Because loose lips sink ships.

Virgins joke, Seamen

Why are chickens never virgins?

A: Because when they're born they get laid.

When you're done reading this joke please don't show it to any virgins.

They won't get it for a long time.

So, Anonymous has declared war on ISIS

... ironic that 72 virgins are now attacking the terrorists


Why do suicide bombers have 72 virgins?

one for each chunk.

In 1466, Dracula started eating 16-year-old virgins.

In 2015, he died of starvation.

Why didn't Jimmy Savile want to be a Muslim?

He didn't need to die in order to get his hands on 72 virgins.

What's the difference between a Mormon man and a Muslim man.

A Mormon man gets 72 virgins and THEN kills himself.

A suicide bomber goes to heaven to receive his 72 virgins...

But all he sees are other men just like himself.

Confused, he asks one of them where his virgins are.
The man replies, "Brother, we are all virgins."

How many virgins does take to change a lightbulb?

Obviously more than 72, or all those suicide bomber would have seen the light.

I'm half Muslim

I'm only entitled to 36 virgins

why would you be a suicide bomber...

And wait for the 72 virgins in heaven... When you could become a catholic preist and have them now!

Source: Jimmy Carr

I have bathed in the blood of virgins!

I had a nosebleed in the shower.

What Did the Muslim Terrorist Say?

Who you gota blow to get some virgins around here?

I want to name my new band "In search of 72 virgins".

That way people will just automatically assume we are the bomb.

Ninjas are like virgins....

No one ever sees them coming

I don't see why you would become an Islamic fundamentalist suicide bomber on the off chance that when you die you get 72 virgins.

Just become a Catholic priest and get them now.

What Do You Call a Bearded Man Whose Idea of Paradise is 72 Virgins?

Richard Branson.

An al-Qaeda suicide bomber carried out his mission...

And made it to heaven, where he found 72 virgins. Turns out they were all guys playing world of Warcraft.

Did you hear anonymous declared war on ISIS?

A: Kind of ironic that they're now being attacked by 72 virgins

Islamic men get 72 virgins when they die. What do Islamic women get?

73 sets of clothes to wash.

I have bathed in the blood of virgins...

Well, I had a nose bleed in the bath this morning.

Suicide bombers make no sense

You blow yourself up and then get 72 virgins but if you become a priest you get them immediately

Don't become an Islamic suicide bomber for the off chance you'll get 72 virgins after death.

Become a Catholic priest and get them now!

Why are there no female suicide bombers?

Good luck convincing a girl by telling her if she do it, she will meet 70 virgins in heaven.

Whats the difference between a muslim and a catholic priest?

The muslim has to die before he gets his virgins.

A Muslim is about to commit suicide when a Catholic priest stops him

"What are you doing?!" Exclaims the priest

"There is nothing on this Earth for me." The Muslim says "I will commit suicide to go to paradise and get 72 virgins!"

The priest shakes his head

"Foolish Muslim, suicide is not the way!" He says

"Follow me, Ill take you to the local primary school."

Breaking news : ISIS has surrendered

As soon as they read that Hugh Hefner has died , they realized there won't be any more virgins left for them in heaven, and have laid down their arms and will lead peaceful lives with their current wives .

What is the point in becoming an ISIS terrorist on the off chance you will get 72 Virgins when you die?

Just become a Catholic priest and have them now.

There was once a kingdom, a long, long time ago. where a dragon would eat the virgins of the land.

Then one wonderful day, a hero came to the kingdom. The leader told the hero of their predicament. He told him that every day, the dragon would take a few virgins to his cave to eat. The hero said that he will save the kingdom, and take care of the dragon.

After two weeks, the dragon starved to death.

Sex toy companies should target their advertisements at virgins.

It's an untapped market.

A Vampire met a genie

"I'll give you three wishes, no more, no less" Said the Genie to the Vampire.

"I want to have wings. It's weird to be able to fly without wings." Said the Vampire.

"It shall be done, what about the second wish?"

"I want virgins! Lots of virgins!"

"It shall be done, and the last?"

"I want blood! Lots of blood!"

"Abracadabra hocus pocus" The genie casted the spell.

****Poof****

.

.

.

.

.

And the Vampire turned into a sanitary pad.

Why was the suicide bomber disappointed when he completed his mission?

You ever see the kind of women that die virgins?

Join Islam and you'll get seventy virgins in the afterlife

Join Oxfam and you'll get Haiti.

Why do Catholics tend to have so many children?

Because even the virgins sometimes get pregnant.

After dying, an Islamic Terrorist goes to a gaming room in heaven.

He looks around and finds 72 older dudes gaming. These weren't the virgins he was expecting.

What do terrorists and inflatable sex dolls have in common?

They both get blown up to be greeted by virgins.

What's the difference between a Catholic priests and a jihadist?

One gets the virgins before they die, the other gets them after.

Unicorns are just Mormons in disguise.

They're both white and have a fetish for virgins.

Did you know birds cant be virgins?

It's cause they've already been laid

After killing himself and several others, a suicide bomber is given 72 virgins to use as he pleases.

When the suicide bomber arrives, he notices that they're all on laptops. He finds this strange, and asks one what they're doing. The virgin responds, "We're playing Fortnite. Wanna join?"

Why do Muslim Leaders tell their followers that they'll get 72 virgins in Heaven?

Because 69 looks too obviously a joke.

You don't need to die as a muslim to get 72 virgins

Just be a catholic priest

All religions aspire for the same thing.

Virgins.

What does a Muslim say in the hood?

"Who do I have to blow to get some virgins around here?"

Islamic terrorists makes no sense . Commit suicide and might get 72 virgins ?

Become a Catholic priest and get them now

A Muslim suicide bomber walks into a crowd of infidels and blows himself up.

He is immediately transported to Paradise, where he finds himself surrounded by seventy-two of the ugliest women anyone has ever laid eyes upon. The suicide bomber is crestfallen.

"C'mon, think it through," Allah pats him sympathetically on the shoulder. "Why do you think they're still virgins?"

I've never really understood it why would you become an Islamic suicide bomber on the off-chance you might get 72 virgins when you die.

Become a Catholic priest and get them now.

Whoever says that it would be great to die and have 72 virgins...

Has obviously never had sex with a virgin

What do you call it when a plane with 72 virgins crashes into a field?

Heaven on earth.

Why do you never see Old Suicide Bombers, after all they have less to loose?

Because A man who hasn't had a hard on in 10 years, has no use for 72 virgins.

A hot girl just winked at me with both eyes

Later virgins!

So the Hacker group Anonymous just declared war on ISIS and Al-Queida

Quite ironic that terrorists will be killed by 72 virgins.

Why are minecraft players virgins?

It would be wrong to smash a miner

Sally and Jessica used to bond over being the only two virgins at their University...

They don't see each other much anymore but they're still tight.

A person who was promised 72 virgins is very excited when he goes to heaven

He goes to God and asks where he can find them

God sends him to the mechanical engineering branch in India

What's the difference between heaven according to Islam and 60 engineering students?

12 virgins

About 15% of millennials like the band Twenty One Pilots...

...that same poll also said 15% of millennials were kissless virgins

Two virgins get married.

On their honeymoon the groom calls her mother and asks what they should do now.

The mother tells her son that the husband is supposed to stick the biggest thing he has where the wife pees.

To say the least, the wife was confused when she found her husband with his leg in the toilet.

Pretty ironic they used to sacrifice virgins to call down rain

Considering they're known for having the longest dry spells.

What's the difference in virginity, a dollar, and an idea?

If you are a virgin and I am a virgin and we give each other our virginity then neither of us are virgins.

If you have a dollar and I have a dollar and we give each other our dollar then we both still only have a dollar.

If you have an idea and I have an idea and we give each other our ideas then we both have two ideas.

I'm going to start a grocery store for fat virgins

It's a huge untapped market

72 virgins say hi

Get in here doofus! The Reddit Enthusiasts Meetup is about to start!

73 virgins sit down.

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the virgins virgin mother jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working virgins two 40 year old virgins piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

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