The Best 79 Virgin Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Virgin jokes. There are some virgin chaste jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these virgin pristine puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 of the Funniest Virgin Jokes and Puns

Virginity in school

Son to mother: "Mom, all the kids in the school are making fun of me because I am still a virgin."

Mother: "Well, start giving them bad grades and they will stop."

A lawyer married a woman who had previously divorced 10 husbands.

On their wedding night, she told her new husband, "Please be gentle, I'm still a virgin."

"What?" said the puzzled groom. "How can that be if you've been married 10 times?"

"Well, Husband #1 was a sales representative. He kept telling me how great it was going to be.

Husband #2 was in software services. He was never really sure how it was supposed to function, but he said he'd look into it and get back to me.

Husband #3 was from field services. He said everything checked out diagnostically, but he just couldn't get the system up.

Husband #4 was in telemarketing. Even though he knew he had the order, he didn't know when he would be able to deliver.

Husband #5 was an engineer. He understood the basic process, but wanted three years to research, implement, and design a new state-of-the-art method.

Husband #6 was from finance and administration. He thought he knew how, but he wasn't sure whether it was his job or not.

Husband #7 was in marketing. Although he had a nice product, he was never sure how to position it.

Husband #8 was a psychologist. All he ever did was talk about it.

Husband #9 was a gynecologist. All he did was look at it.

Husband #10 was a stamp collector. All he ever did was... God! I miss him!

But now that I've married you, I'm really excited!"

"Good," said the new husband, "but, why?"

"You're a lawyer. This time I know I'm going to get screwed."

My friend said, "Congratulations on your new job. How did you get it?" I replied, "The same way the Virgin Mary got Jesus." He laughed, "A miracle?!"



I said, "No. Sex that I can't tell anyone about."

Virgin joke, My friend said, "Congratulations on your new job. How did you get it?" I replied, "The same way the

How did the Virgin Mary know it was time to give birth to Jesus?

Her wine broke.

I'm pretty sure Jesus was Italian

Because only an Italian mother could think her son was a god.
And only an Italian son could think his mother was a virgin.


Dear Abby

My name is Gloria Mae and I'm from Tennessee. I'm 14 years old and am still a virgin.

Is my brother gay?

The bride asks her husband

The bride asks her husband, "Honey, you know I'm a virgin and I don't know
anything about sex. Can you explain it to me first?"

"OK, Sweetheart. Putting it simply, we will call your private place 'the
prison' and call my private thing 'the prisoner'. So what we do is: put the
prisoner in the prison.

And then they made love for the first time.

Afterwards, the guy is lying face up on the bed, smiling with satisfaction.

Nudging him, his bride giggles, "Honey the prisoner seems to have escaped."

Turning on his side, he smiles. "Then we will have to re-imprison him."

After the second time they spent, the guy reaches for his cigarettes but
the girl, thoroughly enjoying the new experience of making love, gives him
a suggestive smile, "Honey, the prisoner is out again!"

The man rises to the occasion, but with the unsteady legs of a recently
born foal.

Afterwards, he lays back on the bed, totally exhausted.

She nudges him and says, "Honey, the prisoner escaped again."

Limply turning his head, He YELLS at her, "Hey, its not a life sentence,
OKAY!

Virgin joke, The bride asks her husband

What do you call a nun on a bicycle?

virgin mobile

Kill the Dragon

An evil and powerful dragon lives near a village.
It eats a virgin from the village every week.
No one can defeat it.

One day a hero comes and attempts to kill the dragon.
He finds that the dragon is too power to be defeated.
He decides to kill the dragon with intelligence.

Several months later, the dragon is starved to death.

Where do you get virgin wool from?

Ugly sheep.

A Foot And A Half

Maria had just got married and being a traditional Italian, she was still a virgin. So, on her wedding night, staying at her mother's house, she was nervous. But her mother reassured her. Don't worry, Maria. Tony's a good man. Go upstairs and he'll take care of you.

So up she went. When she got upstairs, Tony took off his shirt and exposed his hairy chest. Maria ran downstairs to her mother and says, Mama, Mama, Tony's got a big hairy chest.

Don't worry, Maria, says the mother, all good men have hairy chests. Go upstairs. He'll take good care of you.

So, up she went again. When she got up in the bedroom, Tony took off his pants exposing his hairy legs. Again, Maria ran downstairs to her mother. Mama, Mama, Tony took off his pants and he's got hairy legs!

Don't worry. All good men have hairy legs. Tony's a good man. Go upstairs and he'll take good care of you.

So up she went again. When she got up there, Tony took off his socks and on his left foot he was missing three toes. When Maria saw this, she ran downstairs. Mama, Mama, Tony's got a foot and a half!

Stay here and stir the pasta, says the mother.

This is a job for Mama.

You can explore virgin nativity reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean virgin immaculate dad jokes. There are also virgin puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


A man asks his wife

* Husband: Honey, how many men have you slept with?
* Wife: 30....
* Husband: I wish you'd have been a virgin when I married you.
* Wife: I was.

Are you a VIRGIN?

Joe had a blind date with Maria for the prom and, as the evening progressed, he found himself more and more attracted to her.

After some really passionate embracing, he said: "Tell me, do you object to making love?"

"That is something I have never done before," Maria replied.

"Never made love? You mean you are a virgin?" Joe was amazed!

"No, silly," she giggled, "I've never objected!"

A couple of newlyweds on were on their honeymoon and moments before the passionate love making commenced, the wife says to the husband, "Please, be gentle, I'm still a virgin."


The husband was shocked and replied, "How's this possible? You've been married *three* times before!"

The wife responds, "Well, my first husband was a gynecologist and all he wanted to do was look at it. My second husband was a psychiatrist and all he wanted to do was talk about it. Finally, my third husband was a stamp collector and all he wanted to do was...oh, *god*, I miss him!"

A Muslim walks into a bar with a bomb...

He asks the barkeep "why does this bar have a bomb?"

The barkeep replies "don't worry, it's just for decoration. This bar, Paradise, is a wartime-themed bar"

"Well I'll be!" exclaims the Muslim. He takes a seat and orders a virgin Mary, as his religion forbids him from imbibing alcohol, but encourages the enjoyment of virgins in Paradise.

Why wasn't Jesus born in Ireland?

They couldn't find 3 wise men and a virgin.

Virgin joke, Why wasn't Jesus born in Ireland?

A West Virginian gets married and him and his wife go to bed together for the first time...

And his new wife tells him to take it easy on her as she's a virgin. Upon finding this out he tells her "well if you're not good enough for your dad than you're not good enough for me, get out."

What do you call a nun in a wheelchair

Virgin Mobile

A farmer walks past a tombstone that says: Here lies a lawyer, an honest man, a man of integrity.

The peasant crosses himself and says scared: "Blessed Virgin, three men buried in the same grave!"


People commonly believe that Jesus died a virgin, but I heard he got nailed right before he died.

Blasphemy.

Women are alot like continents.

At various times in her life, a woman is like the continents of the world. From 13 to 18, she's like Africa- virgin territory. From 18 to 30, she's like Asia- hot and exotic. From 30 to 45, she's like America- fully explored and free with her resources. From 45 to 55, she's like Europe- exhausted, but not without places of interest. From 55 onwards, she's like Australia- everybody knows it's down there, but nobody cares.

A hillbilly tells his parents he won't marry his fiance because she is a virgin.

"If she isn't good enough for her own family, then she isn't good enough for ours!"

I kidnapped this girl last night...

And she yelled "Please, I don't want to die a virgin!". If that isn't consent, I don't know what is.

I asked my 32 year old friend from Alabama why he's still a virgin.

He said "I was an only child"

Your mom joke, but clever

Kid 1: "Hey, I bet you're still a virgin."
Kid 2: "Yeah, I was a virgin until last night ."
Kid 1: "As if."
Kid 2: "Yeah, just ask your sister."
Kid 1: "I don't have a sister."
Kid 2: "You will in about nine months."

A hero comes to a village...

The villagers all looks very upset, so the hero ask what happen. "There is a huge dragon living in the mountain. Every week, it will come down and eat one of our virgin girls" the villager reply. The hero then promise to help. Two weeks later, the dragon starved to death.

Unlike Jesus, I did not have a virgin birth

It is, however, looking increasing likely that I'll have a virgin death

What do you call a redneck virgin?

A 13 year old girl who runs faster than her older brothers.

Don't die a virgin.

Seriously, there are terrorists waiting for you.

NSFW What do you say when you meet a German virgin for the first time?

Guden Tight

*rubs a lamp*

*rubs a lamp*

Genie appears and asks for a wish

"I don't wanna die virgin"

*Genie grants immortality

A redneck finds out his girlfriend is a virgin...

A redneck finds out his girlfriend is a virgin. Upon hearing this, he stands up, turns away from her, and leaves without a word.

Later, when his buddies at the bar ask what went wrong, he explains...

"If she ain't good enough for her daddy, her uncle, her brother, and her cousin, she ain't good enough for me!!"

Yet another redneck finds out his girlfriend is a virgin...

A redneck finds out his girlfriend is a virgin. Upon hearing this, he stands up, turns away from her, and leaves without a word.

Later, when his buddies see him sad at the bar they ask what went wrong, he explains...

"My mom just told me I'm adopted"

Why wasn't Jesus born in the USA?

Because God couldn't find three wise men and a virgin.

A teenage boy goes up to his father

"Father I am not a virgin anymore"

Father: "Wow that's great! Lets sit down and drink something celebrate about this moment"

Son: "Ok, I can drink with you but I can't sit"

Today has been the best day of my life as I am no longer a 30 year old virgin!

I turned 31 today.

What's the difference between Isaac Newton and the baby I just stabbed to death?

Isaac Newton died a virgin.

Repost.

Heard they weren't celebrating Christmas at the University of Alabama...

Couldn't find three wise men and a virgin.

Virginity is like a car

Once you've had it 25 years, nobody else wants it either

Two kids were talking...

Kid 1: I bet you're a virgin

Kid 2: I was a virgin, until last night!

Kid 1: Lies!

Kid 2: Ask your sister.

Kid 1: Ha! I don't have a sister!

Kid 2: You will in about nine months!

Why could Jesus have never been born in Australia?

Seriously, you really think you're going to find 3 wise men and a virgin down there?

What's the difference between telling a joke and having sex?

Really, I am a virgin and I need to know.

I'm a virgin by choice!

Not my choice though :(

As of today, I'm finally not a 25 year old virgin anymore.

I'm a 26 year old one.

Why wasn't Jesus born in America?

He couldn't find 3 wise men or a virgin.

A virgin goes to a brothel for his first time.

The woman takes him into a room and says, "We're going to try this position called 69. I think you'll like it."

He lies down on the bed. She gets on top and they start going at it. Everything is fine for the first few minutes, and then she lets out a huge fart, right in the guy's face. She apologizes and they get back to business.

A few minutes later, she rips another fart, bigger than the first one.

"Oh my god! I'm so sorry! Are you ok?"

"Yeah, I'm fine," he says. "I don't think I can take another 67 of those, though."

I'm no longer a 23 year old virgin

I just turned 24.

Finally, I am no longer a 21 year-old virgin

As of today I am a 22 year-old one!

What do you call a wheelchair-bound nun who lives high up on a mountain?

A) High roller
B) Virgin mobile
C) Nun of the above

An entire industry has just collapsed

Virgin coconut oil is no more a thing.

Why wasn't Jesus born in West Virginia?

Because God couldn't find 3 wise men... or a virgin.

*sorry if this is not new, from WV and my fav.

I'm a virgin by choice.

Not my choice, but everyone else's.

Yesterday I was nothing more than a sad, teenage virgin

But today I turned 20

What do you call an Alabama girl who can run faster than her brothers?

A virgin.

Why wasn't the nativity in Ireland?

Because God couldn't find three wise men and a virgin.

I was a 26 year old virgin until last night

Yesterday i turned 27!

I'm 24 years old and still a virgin.

At least i'm above average at one thing.

Guess who's no longer a 24 year old virgin...

...i turned 25 yesterday.

I wish the name of a business would describe what it sells...

Curry's doesn't sell curries, dominos doesn't sell dominoes, and the virgin megastore, what a disappointment.

Easiest way to get immortality

Me : *rubs lamp* "I don't want to die a virgin"

Genie : *grants immortality*

Doctor: are you active sexually?

Patient: define active, cause some active volcanoes didn't explode in hundreds of years.

Doctor: I'll write virgin.

I'm a virgin by choice!

Just not my choice.

(Long) Crashing Plane

The pilot comes on the intercom and announces "ladies and gentlemen we just lost our engines, we are going down, prepare to crash."

A woman jumps up screaming "I AM NOT READY TO DIE, I"M STILL A VIRGIN, SOMEONE MAKE A WOMAN OUT OF ME!

A good looking guy gets up, walks to her, and takes off his shirt showing his muscular chest and six pack abs,

He throws it at her and says; " Here, iron this".

A guy tells his friend ...

Man, I'm not a virgin anymore!

Ya right, his friend replies. How can I believe you?

Ask your sister.

Good one, I don't have a sister.

Well, ask her in 9 months.

Did you know there are no Canaries in the Canary Islands? And the same thing applies to the Virgin Islands.

There are no Canaries there either

do you know how much of a virgin i am?

even when I flip a coin it wouldn't give me head

A basic rule of comedy is that if you possess a trait, you can joke about it. Like if you're fat, you can joke about fat people. If you're black, you can joke about black people

So, a 25-year old virgin walks into a bar..

I learned today that there are no canaries in the Canary Islands. Same thing with the Virgin Islands...

...no canaries there either.

I told my genie I wish not to die a virgin

He granted me immortality.

I'm a bartender

Guy: One Mojito please




Me: Sure




Guy: Can you make it virgin?




Me (Holding back tears): Yes... yes I can

3 reasons Jesus was actually Irish

1. He went out drinking with his buddies the night before he died.
2. He thought his mother was a virgin.
3. His mother thought he was God.

Where do most Redditors retire to?

The Virgin Islands

What does the virgin frog say?

Reddit! Reddit!

What happens when Jeff Bezo's Rocket and Richard Branson's Rocket collide?

Branson's rocket is no longer a Virgin...

What do you call a virgin on a water bed?

A cherry float. Budumtumcheesh

What do you call someone who runs like Naruto ninja?

A virgin.

The Taliban are banning opium and will be growing olives instead.

For the extra virgin.

What do you call a walking nun?

Virgin mobile

Why couldnt baby jesus be born in NYC?

Because they couldnt find 3 wise men or a virgin

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the virgin virgin mother jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working virgin two 40 year old virgins piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

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