The Best 58 Violent Jokes
Following is our collection of funny Violent jokes. There are some violent fierce jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.
Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these violent vicious puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.
Top 10 of the Funniest Violent Jokes and Puns
My boyfriend keeps talking about overthrowing capitalism in a violent revolution
Could this be a red flag?
Helen Keller once described a cheese grater as...
"The most violent book I have ever read"
I bought a cheese grater for my blind uncle...
...he said it was the most violent thing he ever read.
Science Joke
A physicist, biologist and a chemist were going to the ocean for the first time.
The physicist saw the violent ocean and was fascinated by the waves. He said he wanted to do some research on the fluid dynamics of the waves and walked out into the waves. He was pulled under and never returned.
The biologist said he wanted to do research on the flora and fauna inside the ocean and walked out to the ocean. He too, never returned.
The chemist waited for a long time and afterwards, wrote in his journal, "Physicist and Biologist both soluble."
Gave my blind mate a cheese grater the other day...
He said it was the most violent book he'd ever read.
What did the Russian woman say to her violent husband?
Vladislav, baby don't hurt me, don't hurt me, no more.
Helen keller sets down a cheese grader and says...
That was the most violent book i've ever read
Did you hear about Stevie Wonder getting a cheese grater for his birthday?
He said it was the most violent book he'd ever read.
There was a horse who was a genius at arithmetic...
...which it learned with no difficulty. Algebra was a breeze, and it could even prove theorems in Euclidean geometry. However, when someone tried to teach it analytic geometry, it would rear back on its hind legs, kick ferociously, neigh loudly, and make violent head motions in resistance.
The moral of this story is that you can't put Descartes before the horse.
What does violent diarrhoea and a bar fight have in common?
Blood on your stool
What did Helen Keller say when she picked up the cheese grater?
That was the most violent book I've ever read...........
You can explore violent evils reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean violent slammer dad jokes. There are also violent puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
Movies are too violent
A lot of Critics have been saying that movies now days are way too violent.
To test this theory I took a nine year old boy to go see Gladiator, and he cried the whole movie.
Now it may be because he didn't know who I was.
I just got fired from the grocery store for being too violent...
...all I did was put out a sign that said, "take lettuce from top of pile or heads will roll!"
What did Ray Charles say when they handed him a cheese grater?
This is the most violent thing I've ever read.
What do you call a violent, racist organization of confused Mexicans?
The quequeque
I'm still a bit shaken up. I was involved in a violent mugging this morning.
On the plus side I did make $43 and I think the watch looks really good on me.
I was injured in a violent mugging this afternoon.
On the plus side, I did make $23 and I think this old lady's watch looks really good on me.
Photographers are so violent.
They'll frame you, shoot you, blow you up and then hang you.
Stevie Wonder got a cheesegrater for Christmas.
He said it was the most violent book he's ever read.
Captain Ahab is like G.W. Bush
They're both violent men that have a revenge fantasy against a cheap source of oil.
Dad: Why did the Grammar teacher slap you today?
Dad: Why did the Grammar teacher slap you today?
Son: I just wanted to clear my doubt. I asked her a valid question for which she had no answer, so she took out her frustration by being violent.
Dad : What was the question?
Son: I asked her why 'bra' is singular when it covers two things & 'panties' plural when it covers only one
A dad buys a lie detector robot that slaps you if you lie.
Dad: Son, where were you at school hours?
Son: At school.
The robot slaps the son
Son: Okay I was watching KungFu Panda!
The robot slaps his son again.
Son: Okay I was watching violent movies!
Dad: What?! When I was your age I never watched those kinds of movies!
The robot slaps the dad.
Mom: Haha, after all, he is your son.
The robot slaps the mom...ο»Ώ
Blind friend and a cheese grater
I bought my blind friend a cheese grater for his birthday. A week later, he told me it was the most violent book he ever read.
People are always saying Americans are fat, violent, and above all else, stupid
But every time I see one of those statistics maps about how terrible we are, there's this little country on the northwest border of Canada that's just as bad as we are.
Harry was blind...
... His friends bought him a silver-coated nutmeg grater for his birthday. When they asked how he liked it, he said it was the most violent story he'd ever read.
I went for a job interview
I went for a job interview last Tuesday and was asked to describe myself in three words.
"Violent when disappointed," I replied.
I hope to get the appointment letter on Monday.
I was involved in quite a violent mugging the other day.
On the plus side I made a few bucks.
Hilary Clinton goes to a psychic. The soothsayer tells her, "Your husband will die a horrible violent death."
Hilary asks, "Will I be acquitted?"
Last night I ate 3 large spicy curry rolls while watching Westworld.
These violent delights have violent ends.
If ever I commit murder, I'm doing it with Indian flatbread.
Naan violent crimes get shorter sentences in respect for their counterparts.
If I ever commit a murder, I'm doing it with Indian flatbread.
Naan violent crimes almost never merit life sentences.
I'll never forget the Christmas Eve my father went to jail.
It didn't take long before he got violent, abusive, screaming and thrashing around, smearing feces on the walls...
I'll never play Monopoly with him again.
Tea is an Evil Substance
Tea is an evil substance, more dangerous than beer.
I discovered this last night, when I drank 14 beer till 3AM at the pub while my wife was just drinking tea at home. You should have seen how angry and violent when I got home. I was peaceful, silent and headed to bed as she shouted at me all night and even in the morning. Please Ladies, don't drink tea!
I read a review for this cheese grater I was buying online...
"The most violent book I've ever read" - Helen Keller
As a young boy I always wanted to join a violent gang
Just got accepted into police training, who says dreams don't come true.
I agree that there should be different NSFW tags for violent and sexual content
Nothing changes my mood more than seeing naked people while I'm trying to enjoy horrible gore.
Photographers are violent people.
First they frame you, then they shoot you, and then they hang you on a wall.
I resent the idea that the Irish are all violent drunks.
We're perfectly capable of violence when sober, thank you very much.
New studies show that the vast majority of violent crimes are committed by the children of immigrants.
And it's been that way since 1607.
No mixing utensils are allowed near the courthouse as the month-long case against the violent baker continues.
It's a whisk-free 30 day trial.
What did the blind man say when he was handed a cheese grater?
Wow! That's the most violent thing I've read in a while!
Shooting video games don't make people violent
The lag does
A Greek guy walks into a tavern and sees two sea monsters arguing
"What's up with them?" he asks.
"Oh, that's scylla and charybdis."
"Are they usually this angry?"
"Yeah, but they're not violent. Just don't get between them."
What did the blind man say when he ran his fingers over a cheese grater?
"this is the most violent book I've ever read"
My friend was a violent serial killer...
Ended up getting caught some time back and sentenced to death by electric chair.
Fast-forward to day of execution.
Guard straps him in.
Guard: "Any last requests?"
Friend: "Remind me of buzzfeed clickbait articles 1 last time"
Guard: "The electric current is going to be started now, what happens next will shock you"
A blind person gets a cheese grater as a Christmas gift from a friend.
A week passes and he calls his friend and says to him : " That's one of the most violent books i've ever read".
I gave a cheese grater to a blind man for a present
He said it's the most violent book he's ever read.
If video games make children more violent...
why do they keep losing fistfights against me?
Why is Kim Jong-un so violent?
Because he doesn't have a Seoul.
Humans are scared of hippos because they're violent and responsible for hundreds of deaths per year, when in reality, people kill way more people per year...
...so that's just being hippocritical...
Stevie Wonder got a cheese grater for his birthday...
He said it's the most violent book he's ever read.
Costco worker asked if I wanna box for my groceries
No bro, I'm just trying to pay for them, everyone's so violent these days.
I'll open fire on anyone who says video games make children violent!
wait....
How did the dyslexic cop subdue the violent male suspect ?
He used his NUTS gun.
Reasons to Avoid Water
* Can be extracte from rocket fuel
* Is the main ingredient in pestisides
* 100% of violent criminals have consumed water in the hours leading up to their crimes
* Is the #1 cause of drowning
* Excess consumption will cause sweating, urination and possibly death
* 100% of people exposed to water will die
A man has a wonderful Horse
It's a marvellous Horse, good looking and everything. But it also occasionally gets very dangerous and vicious.
Causes tons of trouble, breaks things, violent etc.
So he goes to the vet and asks what can I do with this horse
The vet says that's a very easy problem and I am glad to help you
The man says ok, so what should I do
The Vet says the next time your horse is behaving well, sell it
Albert Einstein once said: "Great spirits have always encountered violent opposition from mediocre minds.
He was probably talking about the 18th Amendment.
Two brothers are fightingβ¦
β¦ in front of their mother and it starts to turn violent. The mother tries to intervene and stop the fight. The younger brother who is taking the brunt of the hits gets frustrated that he couldn't get as many punches his brother landed says, Step aside bitch . The elder brother hearing this gets angry and kicks him and says, How dare you call Mom a bitch, you son of a bitch!!
Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the violent televangelist jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.
We suggest to use only working violent violently piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.