Violence Jokes
120 violence jokes and hilarious violence puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about violence that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
This article explores the dangerous implications of violence jokes, which often normalize ruthless behaviour. With insights into violence in the domestic, workplace, and societal contexts, this article delves into the effects of violent-themed humour and explains how it leads to brutality and malignance.
Funniest Violence Short Jokes
Short violence jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The violence humour may include short violent jokes also.
- Call me a racist if you want, but south of the border is a sea of violence, corruption and stupidity I wouldn't touch with a ten foot pole. Thank god I live in Canada
- There was a fight between a blind man, a deaf man, and a mute man I just have to ask, how long until we end this senseless violence?
- My Dad Is A Magician He can turn alcohol into domestic violence... But his disappearing act is even better.
- If a married couple in the city get in a fight, it's called domestic violence. In the country it's called sibling rivalry.
- I resent the idea that the Irish are all violent drunks. We're perfectly capable of violence when sober, thank you very much.
- I think it’s true that the TV can lead to violence, says Etienne.
What makes you say that? Asks his friend.
Well, every time I turn it on, my french father shouts at me. - A little girl in charlottesville cries after the violence she's seen, I try to comfort her: "There there... it's alt right"
- If Russia is the Motherland and Germany is the Fatherland... Does that mean the world wars were two cases of domestic violence?
- Below our Southern border is filled with chaos, violence, and corruption. The government is in shambles and the people are always fighting amongst themselves. Thank god I live in Canada.
- A boy who couldn't hear, smell, taste or feel punched me in the head yesterday. I told him "there was no need for senseless violence"
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Violence One Liners
Which violence one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with violence? I can suggest the ones about cruelty and warfare.
- I like my beer how I like my violence Domestic.
- (OC) What do you call helen keller punching someone? Senseless violence.
- For my next trick I'll turn a 12 pack of beer into domestic violence.
- Did you hear about the food fight at the Chinese buffet? It was wanton violence.
- Apparently mime on mime violence is a real problem, you just don't hear about it.
- Gandhi once got into a food fight... It was naan violence.
- What do you call a threat of violence posted on a bulletin board? Under a tack.
- My dad is a magician. He can turn a Bud Light into domestic violence.
- I like my vehicles just like my violence Domestic
- Why is there no gang violence on the space station? Because it is a zero G environment.
- What do you call two digital artists in a fight? Graphic Violence
- What's the difference between Martial and Marital? Whether the violence is domestic.
- I like my beer the same way I like my violence Domestic
- Mime on mime violence is rampant. But you just never hear about it.
- Why was 6 afraid of 7? Domestic violence.
Domestic Violence Jokes
Here is a list of funny domestic violence jokes and even better domestic violence puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- A group of chronic masturbators have recently started an organization to protect women from domestic violence. Their slogan is "We only beat ourselves."
- Did you hear about.. Did you hear about the indian man who was charged with domestic violence, he hit his wife on the head every night at 7 on the dot
- Pacquiao wanted the fight to take place in the Philippines, but Mayweather insisted on Las Vegas. I guess he likes his venues just like he likes his violence...Domestic.
- When my wife starts to sing.... I always go out and do some garden work so our neighbors can see there's no domestic violence going on.
- WHEN WIFE SINGING When my wife starts to sing I always go out and do some garden work so our neighbors can see there's no domestic violence going on.
- I just came from a domestic violence awareness concert... ...headlined by the Black Eyed Peas
- My dad had this great magic trick he'd show us every night He'd turn a full bottle of jagermeister into domestic violence
- My dad was a magician, but he also was abusive He liked to turn 12 packs into domestic violence
- Have you heard about the electric robot from Japan which is supposed to prevent domestic violence? Batteries included.
- There is nothing funny about watching domestic violence Which is why it goes in the 'Action' folder instead of 'Comedy'
Laughter Violence Jokes for Everyone for Fun and Frivolity
What funny jokes about violence you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean assault jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make violence pranks.
An investigative journalist went to Afghanistan to study the culture and was shocked to discover that women were made to walk ten paces behind the men. She asked her guide why and he said, "Because they are considered of lesser status." Outraged the journalist went home. A year later she returned covering violence in the region and was surprised to see the women walking ten paces ahead. She turned to her guide and this time asked, "What has changed?" The guide answered, "Land mines."
After my joke last week about the Holy Qur'an...
...I had tons of private messages from Muslims on this site. As an apology to them I would like to say this:
"Islam is a religion based on peace, love and respect, and this is the central message of the Qur'an. As such I offer a full apology for making the claim that it encourages s**... b**... and violence."
OK, there - I said it. Now can you please stop sending me death threats?
My Australian friend hit a sheep in his car the other day...
...I told him it doesn't matter where it happens, domestic violence is not okay.
A German, an American, and a Russian are arguing who can feed a spoonful of mustard to a cat more easily...
The German just grabs the cat and forces the spoon with mustard into its mouth. The other two protest: "This is violence!"
The American hides the mustard between two slices of sausage. The other two protest: "This is deception!"
The Russian spreads the mustard under the cat's tail. The cat starts furiously l**... it off, meowing loudly. "See - he does it voluntarily and with songs!"
David Cameron has said the UK's mission in Afghanistan is 'accomplished'...
David Cameron has said the UK's mission in Afghanistan is 'accomplished'.
We're leaving that country in a state of poverty and despair, where half the population can't read and daily life is blighted by the ever-present threat of needless violence.
Yes, we've brought the British way of life to them all right.
The other day I started watching Game of Thrones
I told my friend about it. Told him all about the violence, m**..., decapitation, gore, s**..., gay s**..., midget s**..., prostitution, r**..., paedophilia, i**... and inbreeding... And he was like: "Oh so you're still on the first episode then?"
Helium walks into a bar and orders a beer.
The bartender says "Sorry, we don't serve noble gasses here". He doesn't react, because living a society that systematically discriminates against noble gasses has taught him that getting angry will only bring violence upon him. He totally writes an angry tumblr post about it later that evening though.
I like my beer like I like my violence...
BYpJTj5X
Mexico is now the world's fattest nation, is plagued by gun violence, and has a big problem with i**... immigrants crossing their southern border...
I guess they became Americans after all.
Chinese Philosophy.
The Great Lao-Tzu said:
"It is only when you see a mosquito
landing on your t**... that you realize
there is always a way to
solve problems without using violence.
Confucius Say
It is only when a mosquito lands on your t**... that you realize there is always a way to solve a problem without violence.
All these what?
Whenever a Jamaican women talks about "all these terrible shootings"
I'm never sure if they mean gun violence, or footwear accessories.
Grand Theft Auto 6 just announced. Already criticized for displaying "excessive and gratuitous violence towards pedestrians".
Apparently your character is just a normal on-duty cop.
Some guys beat me up with brass knuckles in broad daylight.
It was a pretty brazen act of violence.
What is the difference between a hyper-active gamer and someone with a predilection of violence towards sheep?
One's a button masher, and the other is a mutton basher.
There's a new movie about violence during the Ramadan
It's called the Fast and the Furious
A 10 years old boy was at the center of a Philadelphia courtroom in Pennsylvania yesterday
.... when he challenged a court ruling over who should have custody of him. The boy has a history of being beaten by his parents and the judge initially awarded custody to his aunt. The boy surprised the court when he proclaimed that his aunt beat him more than his parents and he adamantly refused to live with her. When the judge then suggested that he live with his grandparents, the boy cried and said that they also beat him. After considering the remainder of the immediate family and learning that domestic violence was apparently a way of life his family, the judge took the unprecedented step of allowing the boy to propose who should have custody of him. After two recesses to check legal references and confer with the Child Welfare officials, the judge granted temporary custody to the Philadelphia 76ers whom the boy firmly believes are not capable of beating anyone.
Its sad...
Its sad that Wile E. coyote is remembered for his violence instead of his brilliant paintings of tunnels
Met a r**... magician last night..
Told me he could turn a 12 pack into a case of domestic violence
When my wife starts to sing
I have to go out in the yard and work in the garden so the neighbors don't think domestic violence is happening.
"Y'know with all the civil unrest, political corruption, class divides, drug smuggling, gang wars, police brutality, gun violence, and poor education maybe building a wall to protect us from our southern neighbors isn't such a bad idea"
\- Canada
The Bible is a fascinating book
It's fascinating how a book with so much s**... and violence can be so boring
Going To The Movies
I told my wife I wanted to watch a movie about a billionaire p**... with a penchant for darkness, inflicting violence and dressing up in masks.
She got excited and asked, "Are we really go to see *50 Shades*?"
I laughed and told her I was talking about *The Lego Batman Movie*.
Crime And Violence
When I think about it, we are the ones to blame for all the crime and violence we have today, after all, we removed all the phone booths and now Superman has nowhere to get changed.
I was at a nightclub with a popular friend.
He said, "Would you like to see the DJ's box?"
I said, "No, thanks. I don't condone violence."
What keyboard shortcut can be used to stop recent senseless violence from continuing?
CTRL-ALT-Right
If a Muslim beats his wife,
would it be domestic violence or child a**...?
Watching TV is a nightmare nowadays. Violence, fighting, cursing, swearing.
And that's just to get the remote.
I've had a good couple of days,
I've just got back from winning the World Domestic Violence Championship.
I knocked my daughter out in the semis and beat my wife in the final.
Yesterday I entered the world blindfolded w**... championship.
I have no idea where I came though.
I like my beer like I like my violence...
Shotgunned in my mouth.
Gamers say video games don't encourage violence.
Yet this new Star Wars Battlefront has got everyone wielding pitchforks.
If all diplomatic issues could be solved with a board game like monopoly, we wouldn't see the current levels violence in the world.
No, they'd be *way* higher.
During the first date with a girl I told her
Humor is the second efficient way to get laid.
What's the first one? She asked
.
Violence.
You're funny. She said
Wise choice.
We are really concerned with what's going on South of the Border with all the drugs gun violence and now this new Dictatorship
I am Canadian
Did you hear about the assassin with no nose?
He retired. Couldn't handle the scentless violence.
My dad is a magician...
He turns 3 beers into 5 hours of intra-family violence.
In these troubling political times with gun violence peaking, human rights scandals on us soil, and ongoing corruption investigations, it's always important to find the silver lining in things...
International Relations with Russia have never been better!
Thanks to online schools...
Education is reducing gun violence!
Did you hear about the r**... magician?
He turns a 12 pack of beer into domestic violence.
I'm sat at my desk repeating "I'm gonna stick my pen in your eye, I'm gonna stick my pen in your eye." I'm saying it quietly, though.
I don't want my colleagues to find out I have a pen chant for violence.
When Gandhi was on his first hunger strike
People would routinely bring him flattened bread in an attempt to get him to eat. What people don't understand though is that Gandhi was actually a very temperamental man, and prone to anger. So even when his friends and family were the ones bringing him bread, he would take it and hurl it at them, sometimes leaving bruises and welts. He justified it by saying it was all a part of his philosophy of naan-violence.
Why was Gandhi an advocate of naan violence?
Because Hindus hate beef
A Russian enters a bar full of Turkish people.
He's wearing a t-shirt with bright lettering "turkish got 3 problems."
Just a few seconds later the Turkishs oppose him and say "Hey, yopu know what you're wearing is insulting?"
The russian responds: "This is your first problem: You're so easily offended."
The Turkish respond: "Okay, maybe we should settle this outside."
The Russian: "That's your second problem: You always want to solve your problems with violence."
The Turkish bring him outside and pull their knives.
The Russian: "And here's your third problem. You always bring knives to gun fights."
South of the border
You know what, I don't care what people say but south of the border there is the country with senseless violence, looting, drugs etc. that I would not dare to touch with a ten feet pole!
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.
.
.
.
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I am so happy I live in Canada!
Why did the police attack the peaceful demonstration for Elijah McClain?
They were told to fight violins with violence.
I grew up listening to music that demeaned women, glorified violence and normalized criminal behavior. I know it definitely influenced the culture around me.
Thankfully, I stopped listening to country music and found hip hop.
A Russian dude enters a bar wearing a tshirt saying, "Turks got 3 problems."
Obvious repost
As soon as he enters the bar a bunch of Turks stop him.
Turks: you come in our country and have the b**... to insult us.
Russian : that's your first problem. you guys gets offended so easily.
Turks: Let's get him outside.
Russian: that's your second problem. you wanna solve everything with violence.
*They gets outside of the bar and Turks starts taking their knives out*
Russian: that's your third problem. you bring knives to a gunfight.
Why did the music conductor get arrested?
For misconduct.
Bonus - why did the violinist get arrested?
For violence.
Call me racist if you want, but I think everything south of the border is a sea of corruption, idiocy, degradation and violence that I wouldn't touch with a bargepole.
That's why I'm thankful I live in Scotland.
Why is the movie about the early Germanic people rated r
It contains Saxon violence.
