The Best 76 Violence Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Violence jokes. There are some violence mayhem jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these violence domestic violence puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 of the Funniest Violence Jokes and Puns

After my joke last week about the Holy Qur'an...

...I had tons of private messages from Muslims on this site. As an apology to them I would like to say this:

"Islam is a religion based on peace, love and respect, and this is the central message of the Qur'an. As such I offer a full apology for making the claim that it encourages suicide bombing and violence."

OK, there - I said it. Now can you please stop sending me death threats?

My Australian friend hit a sheep in his car the other day...

...I told him it doesn't matter where it happens, domestic violence is not okay.

I just came from a domestic violence awareness concert...

...headlined by the Black Eyed Peas

Violence joke, I just came from a domestic violence awareness concert...

Did you hear about..

Did you hear about the indian man who was charged with domestic violence, he hit his wife on the head every night at 7 on the dot

A German, an American, and a Russian are arguing who can feed a spoonful of mustard to a cat more easily...

The German just grabs the cat and forces the spoon with mustard into its mouth. The other two protest: "This is violence!"

The American hides the mustard between two slices of sausage. The other two protest: "This is deception!"

The Russian spreads the mustard under the cat's tail. The cat starts furiously licking it off, meowing loudly. "See - he does it voluntarily and with songs!"


Gandhi once got into a food fight...

It was naan violence.

David Cameron has said the UK's mission in Afghanistan is 'accomplished'...

David Cameron has said the UK's mission in Afghanistan is 'accomplished'.

We're leaving that country in a state of poverty and despair, where half the population can't read and daily life is blighted by the ever-present threat of needless violence.

Yes, we've brought the British way of life to them all right.

Violence joke, David Cameron has said the UK's mission in Afghanistan is 'accomplished'...

The other day I started watching Game of Thrones

I told my friend about it. Told him all about the violence, murder, decapitation, gore, sex, gay sex, midget sex, prostitution, rape, paedophilia, incest and inbreeding... And he was like: "Oh so you're still on the first episode then?"

(OC) What do you call Helen Keller punching someone?

Senseless violence.

Helium walks into a bar and orders a beer.

The bartender says "Sorry, we don't serve noble gasses here". He doesn't react, because living a society that systematically discriminates against noble gasses has taught him that getting angry will only bring violence upon him. He totally writes an angry tumblr post about it later that evening though.

Apparently mime on mime violence is a real problem, you just don't hear about it.

You can explore violence malaria reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean violence nra dad jokes. There are also violence puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


Why is there no gang violence on the space station?

Because it is a zero G environment.

I like my beer like I like my violence...

BYpJTj5X

Mexico is now the world's fattest nation, is plagued by gun violence, and has a big problem with illegal immigrants crossing their southern border...

I guess they became Americans after all.

Chinese Philosophy.

The Great Lao-Tzu said:

"It is only when you see a mosquito
landing on your testicles that you realize

there is always a way to

solve problems without using violence.

Confucius Say

It is only when a mosquito lands on your testicles that you realize there is always a way to solve a problem without violence.

Violence joke, Confucius Say

Did you hear about the food fight at the Chinese buffet?

It was wanton violence.

All these what?

Whenever a Jamaican women talks about "all these terrible shootings"

I'm never sure if they mean gun violence, or footwear accessories.

Some guys beat me up with brass knuckles in broad daylight.

It was a pretty brazen act of violence.


What is the difference between a hyper-active gamer and someone with a predilection of violence towards sheep?

One's a button masher, and the other is a mutton basher.

A boy who couldn't hear, smell, taste or feel punched me in the head yesterday.

I told him "there was no need for senseless violence"

Met a redneck magician last night..

Told me he could turn a 12 pack into a case of domestic violence

WHEN WIFE SINGING

When my wife starts to sing I always go out and do some garden work so our neighbors can see there's no domestic violence going on.

There is nothing funny about watching domestic violence

Which is why it goes in the 'Action' folder instead of 'Comedy'

My Dad Is A Magician

He can turn alcohol into domestic violence... But his disappearing act is even better.

When my wife starts to sing

I have to go out in the yard and work in the garden so the neighbors don't think domestic violence is happening.

"Y'know with all the civil unrest, political corruption, class divides, drug smuggling, gang wars, police brutality, gun violence, and poor education maybe building a wall to protect us from our southern neighbors isn't such a bad idea"

\- Canada

For my next trick

I'll turn a 12 pack of beer into domestic violence.

The Bible is a fascinating book

It's fascinating how a book with so much sex and violence can be so boring

If a married couple in the city get in a fight, it's called domestic violence.

In the country it's called sibling rivalry.

Going To The Movies

I told my wife I wanted to watch a movie about a billionaire playboy with a penchant for darkness, inflicting violence and dressing up in masks.

She got excited and asked, "Are we really go to see *50 Shades*?"

I laughed and told her I was talking about *The Lego Batman Movie*.

I like my beer how I like my violence

Domestic.

Crime And Violence

When I think about it, we are the ones to blame for all the crime and violence we have today, after all, we removed all the phone booths and now Superman has nowhere to get changed.

I was at a nightclub with a popular friend.

He said, "Would you like to see the DJ's box?"

I said, "No, thanks. I don't condone violence."

A little girl in charlottesville cries after the violence she's seen, I try to comfort her: "There there...

it's alt right"

If a Muslim beats his wife,

would it be domestic violence or child abuse?

Watching TV is a nightmare nowadays. Violence, fighting, cursing, swearing.

And that's just to get the remote.

I resent the idea that the Irish are all violent drunks.

We're perfectly capable of violence when sober, thank you very much.

I've had a good couple of days,

I've just got back from winning the World Domestic Violence Championship.

I knocked my daughter out in the semis and beat my wife in the final.

Yesterday I entered the world blindfolded wanking championship.
I have no idea where I came though.

I like my beer like I like my violence...

Shotgunned in my mouth.

My dad had this great magic trick he'd show us every night

He'd turn a full bottle of jagermeister into domestic violence

Why was 6 afraid of 7?

Domestic violence.

Gamers say video games don't encourage violence.

Yet this new Star Wars Battlefront has got everyone wielding pitchforks.

If all diplomatic issues could be solved with a board game like monopoly, we wouldn't see the current levels violence in the world.

No, they'd be *way* higher.

Mime on mime violence is rampant.

But you just never hear about it.

There was a fight between a blind man, a deaf man, and a mute man

I just have to ask, how long until we end this senseless violence?

During the first date with a girl I told her

Humor is the second efficient way to get laid.

What's the first one? She asked
.
Violence.

You're funny. She said

Wise choice.

A group of chronic masturbators have recently started an organization to protect women from domestic violence.

Their slogan is "We only beat ourselves."

We are really concerned with what's going on South of the Border with all the drugs gun violence and now this new Dictatorship

I am Canadian

My dad is a magician...

He turns 3 beers into 5 hours of intra-family violence.

In these troubling political times with gun violence peaking, human rights scandals on us soil, and ongoing corruption investigations, it's always important to find the silver lining in things...

International Relations with Russia have never been better!

Thanks to online schools...

Education is reducing gun violence!

Did you hear about the redneck magician?

He turns a 12 pack of beer into domestic violence.

I'm sat at my desk repeating "I'm gonna stick my pen in your eye, I'm gonna stick my pen in your eye." I'm saying it quietly, though.

I don't want my colleagues to find out I have a pen chant for violence.

If Russia is the Motherland and Germany is the Fatherland...

Does that mean the world wars were two cases of domestic violence?

Why was Gandhi an advocate of naan violence?

Because Hindus hate beef

My dad was a magician, but he also was abusive

He liked to turn 12 packs into domestic violence

I like my vehicles just like my violence

Domestic

Below our Southern border is filled with chaos, violence, and corruption. The government is in shambles and the people are always fighting amongst themselves.

Thank god I live in Canada.

I like my beer the same way I like my violence

Domestic

A Russian enters a bar full of Turkish people.

He's wearing a t-shirt with bright lettering "Turkish got 3 problems."

Just a few seconds later the Turkishs oppose him and say "Hey, yopu know what you're wearing is insulting?"
The russian responds: "This is your first problem: You're so easily offended."

The Turkish respond: "Okay, maybe we should settle this outside."
The Russian: "That's your second problem: You always want to solve your problems with violence."

The Turkish bring him outside and pull their knives.
The Russian: "And here's your third problem. You always bring knives to gun fights."

When my wife starts to sing....

I always go out and do some garden work so our neighbors can see there's no domestic violence going on.

Have you heard about the electric robot from Japan which is supposed to prevent domestic violence?

Batteries included.

I grew up listening to music that demeaned women, glorified violence and normalized criminal behavior. I know it definitely influenced the culture around me.

Thankfully, I stopped listening to country music and found hip hop.

A Russian dude enters a bar wearing a tshirt saying, "Turks got 3 problems."

Obvious repost

As soon as he enters the bar a bunch of Turks stop him.

Turks: you come in our country and have the balls to insult us.

Russian : that's your first problem. you guys gets offended so easily.

Turks: Let's get him outside.

Russian: that's your second problem. you wanna solve everything with violence.

*They gets outside of the bar and Turks starts taking their knives out*

Russian: that's your third problem. you bring knives to a gunfight.

What do you call two digital artists in a fight?

Graphic Violence

Why did the music conductor get arrested?

For misconduct.

Bonus - why did the violinist get arrested?

For violence.

Call me a racist if you want, but south of the border is a sea of violence, corruption and stupidity I wouldn't touch with a ten foot pole.

Thank god I live in Canada

Call me racist if you want, but I think everything south of the border is a sea of corruption, idiocy, degradation and violence that I wouldn't touch with a bargepole.

That's why I'm thankful I live in Scotland.

Why is the movie about the early Germanic people rated r

It contains Saxon violence.

Gorilla: Did you hear about the gorilla who escaped from the zoo?

Zookeeper: No, I did not.

Gorilla: That is because I am a quiet gorilla.

\[Muffled sounds of gorilla violence\]

Murder investigation Australia

When some one is killed by violence in Australia

the detectives have it easy, they just wait and see who the boomerang

comes back to.

Best gorilla joke of 1897

Gorilla: Did you hear about the gorilla who escaped from the zoo?
Zookeeper: No I did not.
Gorilla: That's because I'm a quiet gorilla

[Muffled sounds of gorilla violence]

Why dont people from abusive families report the violence?

Because first rule of fight club is not to talk about the fight club

Turks got 3 problems

As soon as he enters the bar a bunch of Turks stop him.

Turks: you come in our country and have the balls to insult us.

Russian : that's your first problem. you guys gets offended so easily.

Turks: Let's get him outside.

Russian: that's your second problem. you wanna solve everything with violence.

*They gets outside of the bar and Turks starts taking their knives out*

Russian: that's your third problem. you bring knives to a gunfight.

My dad is a magician.

He can turn a Bud Light into domestic violence.

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the violence rapes jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working violence fetal piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

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