vinegar Jokes

funny pick up lines and hilarious vinegar puns

A cucumber, a pickle and a penis are talking...

Cucumber goes: "man, when I get big, fat and juicy, they cut me up and put me in the salad"

Pickle goes: "Shit, when I get big, fat and juicy, they put me in vinegar an onions for a month!"

Penis goes: "Well, when I get big, fat and juicy, they put a bag all over me, put me in a dark, wet chamber, then bang me against a wall for 30 seconds to 7 minutes, then I throw up all over myself and pass out"

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What do you call a sour black guy?

A vinegar

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A cucumber, a pickle, and a penis at bar...

A cucumber, a pickle, and a penis are sitting at a bar complaining about their lives. The cucumber says, "My life sucks. I'm put in salads, and, to top them off, they pour ranch dressing all over me. My life sucks." The pickle says, "That's nothing compared to my life. I'm put in vinegar and stored away for months, out of sight. Man, my life is boring. I hate life." So the penis says, "What are you guys complaining about? My life is so messed up that I feel like shooting myself. They constantly wrap me in a plastic bag, shove me in a cave, and make me do push-ups until I throw up

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The Cucumber, The Pickle, and The Penis (I Love This Joke)

So there was a cucumber, pickle, and penis talking about how bad their lives were.

The cucumber says, "My life is terrible! When I get big and hard they chop me up and put me in a salad!!"

The pickle says, "That's nothing! When I get big and hard, they stick my in a jar full of vinegar and vacuum seal me!"

The penis says, "My life is the worst! When I get big and hard they put a rubber tarp on my head and stick me in a dark room and bang my head against the wall until I throw up and pass out!!!"

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My extremely religious dad burst in

There I was, on my vinegar strokes, trembling, sweating and panting, phone in one hand cock in the other.

"Boy do you realise that sinning this way will strike you blind?" He screamed

"I'm over here dad" I said.

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A cucumber , a pickle , and a penis

were all sitting around one day talking about how much their lives sucked.

The cucumber said "Man my life sucks! Whenever I get big, fat and juicy someone cuts me up and puts me in a salad."

So the pickle looks at him and says "You think you have it bad! Whenever I get big, fat, and juicy someone puts me in vinegar, puts spices on me, sticks me in a jar and hides me for months."

The penis glared at them both and said
"You guys think you have it rough? Whenever I get big, fat, and juicy they put a rubber trap over my head, stick me in a dark room and bang my head against the wall until I throw up and pass out !"

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A pickle, a cucumber and a penis were talking about life.

The cucumber said "When I get big and hard they toss me in a salad". The pickle said "When I get big and hard they chop me up and drown me in vinegar". The penis answered "That's nothing compared to what they do to me! When I get hard they put a plastic bag over me, push me in a damp dark cave and slam me into a wall until I throw up and pass out!"

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A truck carrying olive oil crashed into a truck carrying red wine vinegar, inside a nudist camp

First responders reported that everyone nearby was well dressed

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A cucumber walks into a jar

Says is this vinegar. Shit I'm in a pickle

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Big truck accident

A large truck was hauling water. Next thing I know, a truck hauling vinegar smashed into the water truck. It was very loud, all I could hear was a large *douche*!

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Why does Ms. Piggy use honey and vinegar douche?

Because Kermit likes sweet and sour pork.

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I was trapped inside a cucumber, then it fell into vinegar

Now I'm really in a pickle.

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What's your favorite preservative salt, vinegar, lemon?

Mine's embalming fluid.

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Exercise

A cucumber, a pickle, and a penis, are sitting around a campfire bullshitting about their lives.

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The cucumber looks at the other two and says, "Being a cucumber is hard. They grow us in the ground until we get big and fat, dig us up, and eat us."

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Not one to be outdone, the pickle relates his story. "They grow us in the ground until we're big and fat too. But when they dig us up they drown us in vinegar, let our corpses stew for a while, and then eat us."

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The penis laughs. "You think that's bad? They grow us until we're big and fat, our owners beat us daily, and the worst part is, they shove us into dark and smelly holes and make us do push-ups until we puke."

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Why does Miss Piggy douche with vinegar and honey?

Because Kermit likes Sweet and Sour pork.

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My girlfriend said she wanted to experiment more in the bedroom...

I don't know why she got so mad when I put my baking soda and vinegar volcano next to the nightstand.

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A man was arrested today after he beat a woman half to death with a bag of chips

Police are calling it assault and vinegar.

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The lives of a Cucumber, Pickle and Penis.

There is a cucumber, a pickle, and a penis. They are complaining about their lives. The cucumber says, "My life sucks. I'm put in salads, and to top it off, they put ranch on me as well. My life sucks." The pickle says, "That's nothing compared to my life. I'm put in vinegar and stored away. Boy my life boring. I hate life." The penis says, "Why are you guys complaining? My life is so messed up that I feel like shooting myself. They put me in a plastic bag, put me in a cave, and make me do push-ups until I throw up."

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What is the sourest type of fish?

The Vine*GAR*.

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Why did Mother Vinegar let her daughter date Moldy Melon?

Because he was well cultured.

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Penis, Pickle and Cucumber Getting Together

A cucumber, a pickle, and a penis are sitting at a bar complaining about their lives. The cucumber says, "My life sucks. I'm put in salads, and, to top them off, they pour ranch dressing all over me. My life sucks." The pickle says, "That's nothing compared to my life. I'm put in vinegar and stored away for months, out of sight. Man, my life is boring. I hate life." So the penis says, "What are you guys complaining about? My life is so messed up that I feel like shooting myself. They constantly wrap me in a plastic bag, shove me in a cave, and make me do push-ups until I throw up

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What sound was made when a water truck collided with a vinegar truck?

DOUCHE!!!

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I asked a blonde why was she spraying vinegar on her face.

I do it so I won't be so basic, she replied.

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I really dislike the "N" word...

I don't even like saying vinegar.

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Why does Miss Piggy douche with sugar and vinegar?

Because Kermit the frog likes to eat sweet and sour pork.

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If two tanker trucks collide at an intersection, ones scarring water, the other is carrying vinegar, what sound do they make?

DOUCHE!!!!!

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An asparagus stalk, a pickle and a penis were talking about their awful lives...

The asparagus stalk said its life sucks, because when it gets big and fat, they just cut him and make him part of the dinner

The pickle says its life is much worse. When it gets big and fat, they will just cover it in vinegar and then put it in a jar for the rest of its life.

This is when the penis called bullshit on both:

"How could your life be tougher than mine? When I get big and fat, they will just pull a plastic bag over my head, stick me in a dark, damp, smelly room and bang my head against the wall until I throw up and pass out!"

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My neighborhood is so politically correct...

...they consider it a hate crime to misspell vinegar.

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How do you keep a bottle of wine from turning into vinegar?

Drink it.

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You are such a douchebag...

That your favorite potato chip flavor is salt n vinegar and all you have to get is salted chips.

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I don't like vinegar.

It's racist.

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"May I have some vinegar?"

"Sorry, we don't serve racists here."

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A black guy and a white guy walk into a bar

The white guy sits down with the black guy and asks "Hey could you pass me the Vinegar?". The black guy responds with "What's a Vin?"

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How do you spell Vinegar in syllables ?

vi-?-?

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Why did the man take a bath in Vinegar?

self-preservation.

Why was his wife upset?

She didn't like pickles.

[edited to change horrible wording]

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What are the most funny Vinegar jokes of all time ?

Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour joking with someone about Vinegar? Well, here are the best Vinegar dad jokes to laugh out loud. Crazy funny puns and Vinegar pick up lines to share with friends.

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