Vine Jokes

Following is our collection of funnies and chistes working better than reddit. They include Vine puns, dirty or clean gags suitable for kids, that are actually fun like the best witze.

The Best jokes about Vine

I tried uploading my sex tape to PornHub.

They told me to try Vine.

PornHub removed my sex tape

They told me to try Vine

I thought about making a sex tape the other day...

...until I realized it would just be a Vine.

Today I had dinner with my boss and his wife

It was a complete disaster. The wife asked me "how many potatoes would you like?" and I said "I'll just have one". She said "it's alright, you dont have to be polite", and I said "alright then, I'll just have one you stupid cow".

^^^thanks ^^^to ^^^Tim ^^^Vine

You're so bad in bed that...

Your sex tape would be a vine.

I went on one of those once in a lifetime holidays last week...

I won't be doing that again.

joke by Tim Vine

I told my girlfriend to make a sextape together.

She agreed. It became a vine

Famous Last Words

List your favorite ones. The one I liked the most when I was growing up:

Tarzan: "Who greased the vine?"

Some of the top jokes from this years Edinburgh Fringe Festival.

*I've decided to sell my hoover... well, it was just collecting dust. -Tim Vine

*I've written a joke about a fat badger, but I couldn't fit it into my set. -Masai Graham

*Always leave them wanting more, my uncle used to say to me. Which is why he lost his job in disaster relief. -Mark watson

*I Wanted to do a show about feminism. But my husband wouldn't let me. -Ria Lina

Some Tim Vine jokes...

"I tell you what makes my blood boil..... Crematoriums."

"People with guns who say give me your money... you gotta hand it to them."

"So I went to my local department store and said I cant decide whether to buy this bed or not. He said do you want to sleep on it? I said of course I do."

"I refuse to work in the subway. Its beneath me."

"I met this girl called Ena. Everytime I see her I say Hi Ena and she laughs her head off."

"I cant remember my homing pigeon's name but am sure it will come back to me."

"Did you know the best selling DVD this year is Poltergeist? Its flying off the shelves."

"So i was reading this book about the history of glue.... I couldn't put it down."

I asked my gym instructor if he could teach me to do the splits.

He said 'how flexible are you?'

I said 'I can't make Wednesdays.'

(Thanks, Tim Vine)

Remember Vine? It's ok if you don't

It lasted about six seconds

Vine is shutting down

I might actually make more in a year than a vine star does in a week.

A grape falls off a vine and dries...

Everything happens for a raisin.

So I told my girlfriend I had a job in a bowling alley

She said "Tenpin?" I said, "No, it's a permanent job."

- Tim Vine, King of the one liners.

My girlfriend and I decided to make a sex tape.

But I came too quickly so we made a Vine.

(Saw something similar in a meme so I can't take the credit)

Crime in lifts. Its wrong on so many levels

-Tim vine

Why were Helen Keller's hands purple...

... because she heard it through the grape vine.

If Hitler made a YouTube video, what would it be called?

Vine Comp.

So I said to this bloke "I'm gonna open a shop in Saudi Arabia"

He said "*Dubai?*", and I said, "*yep, and sell*".

-*Tim Vine*

Ajit Pai walks out of a bar..

With no drinks. He ordered a lesser known brand of vine.

I saw a street performer playing Dancing Queen on a Didgeridoo yesterday...

And I thought, that's ABBAriginal.

(Credit to Tim Vine)

Why are the youtubers who came from vine, much funnier on vine?

Because you only had to see them for six seconds.

A friend of mine always wanted to be run over by a steam train.

When it happened, he was chuffed to bits! (Tim Vine)

"May I have some vinegar?"

"Sorry, we don't serve racists here."

I don't like vinegar.

It's racist.

^Lizard ^^lizard^^^lizard

Is there a Gecko in here? (Tim Vine).

My dad said cant you see your meme and vine references are ruining this family!

So I said I can't see I'm legally blind.

I threw out my old vacuum cleaner today...

It was just gathering dust.

(Courtesy of Tim Vine)

A green grape is on a vine next to a purple grape

A green grape is on a vine next to a purple grape. It looks over, gasps, and says "BREATHE!"

Funny Videos, Vine, Vines, Daily Vines, Best Vines, Funny Vines, Everyday Vines --> Watch here!

How Tarzan's famous yell was invented.

Tarzan was swing through the jungle one day when he spotted Jane.
He hollered, "Jane! Grab vine!"
And he swung down to swoop her up.

Why do women like YouTube better than Vine?

Six seconds isn't enough

Use only working piadas for adults and blagues for friends.

Joko Jokes