Villagers Jokes
33 villagers jokes and hilarious villagers puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about villagers that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Villagers Short Jokes
Short villagers jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The villagers humour may include short peasants jokes also.
- With the Zika virus and how much hooking up happens in the Olympic Village.. The Special Olympics are gonna be awesome in 12 to 14 years.
- The wisest men in the village could not figure out where the sun went at night. So they stayed up all night discussing it.
And then it dawned on them.
(I'll see myself out.) - I heard about this little village in Africa where everybody is dying of thirst... So I sent them a "Get Well Soon" card.
- On my way to climb Mt. Everest, I came upon a local villager who said he had a rooster that laid eggs. "How is that possible?" I asked.
"Himalayan rooster," he replied. - Why did the blind villager fall into the watering hole? because they couldn't see that well
^^^_yes_i_know^^^ - World hunger is getting ridiculous There's more fruit in my shampoo than an African village
- A village idiot walks into a library He goes to the librarian and says, "Ma'am, I'm looking for a book by Shakespeare."
The librarian says, "Sure, hon. Which one?"
The idiot says, "William". - Village Competition Tomorrow our village is having it's annual Innuendo competition
I might enter my friend's sister. - Just want to tell that guy I met the other day, who is trying to find a source of water for his village I wish you well
- My friend in Africa was complaining about the lack of drinking water in his village. So I sent him a Get Well Soon card.
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Villagers One Liners
Which villagers one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with villagers? I can suggest the ones about residents and farmer.
- What is the fastest animal in the world? A chicken in a Somalian village
- My town is so small... the Village Idiot doubles as the mayor.
- My grandad said there's gangs at his retirement village The blood clots and the cripples
- In our Village We don't have a Town Drunk. We all take turns.
- It might take a village to raise a child... but it only takes a viking to raze a village.
- Did you hear about the village that moved away overnight? It was unsettling.
- The village people asked all the wrong questions I mean... Why not MCA?
- Our village has a lady lumberjack Every time I see her I get wood
- I made a villager in my game out of bread It's a naan-player character
- My brother told me to stop quoting The Village People I said 'Young man.'
- What is a printer's favorite Village People song? YMCK
- What does vikings call english villages? Chopping centers.
- What do you call a knight in a village full of cannibals? Canned food.
- They say it takes a whole village to raise a child That must be a really fat kid
- I used to love The Village People until they came at me with torches.
-Gay Frankenstein
Hilarious Villagers Jokes to Make Your Friends Roar with Laughter
What funny jokes about villagers you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean voters jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make villagers pranks.
An 88-year old man came to the hospital and said to the doctor, Doctor, my 18 year old wife is pregnant with my child.
The doctor paused and said, There was a master bear shooter in a village. He never missed a shot.
But one day he was in a hurry, and took his umbrella instead of his rifle by mistake.
When he encountered a bear, he still didn't realize his mistake and pointed the umbrella and shot the bear.
The bear lay dead with a bullet in his heart!
The old man said, That's s**...! The bullet must have been shot by another person.
That's exactly right, said the doctor.
A politicians promise
A politician visited a village and asked what their needs were.
We have 2 basic needs sir, replied the villager.
Firstly, we have a hospital, but there's no doctor.
On hearing this, politician whipped out his cellphone, and after speaking for a while he reassured the village leader that the doctor would be there the next day. He then asked about the second problem.
Secondly sir, there is no cellphone coverage anywhere in this village.
A hero comes to a village...
The villagers all looks very upset, so the hero ask what happen. "There is a huge dragon living in the mountain. Every week, it will come down and eat one of our v**... girls" the villager reply. The hero then promise to help. Two weeks later, the dragon starved to death.
An Elderly Couple
An elderly couple Pauline & Frank were recently attending a church service at their retirement village.
About halfway through the service, Pauline took a pen and paper out of her purse, and wrote a note and handed it to Frank.
The note said:" I just let out a silent f**..., what do you think I should do?"
Frank scribbled back: "Put a new battery in your hearing aid."
A 100 year old Japanese man is being interviewed for a newspaper piece about extreme old age
and the reporter asks "do you think there's any merit to the stereotype that people from this village live a lot longer than others?"
The old man thinks for a second and says "you know, I'm not sure. Let me go ask my dad". And the reporter, stunned, stammers "y-your dad? Where is he right now??" and the old man says "I think he's out fishing with my grandpa".
Two blondes meet on a village road.
One of the blondes was carrying a large gunny bag over her shoulder.
'Hey there,' hailed second blonde, 'what is in the bag?'
'Chickens,' came the reply.
'If I guess how many, can I have one?'
'You can have both of them.'
'OK.. five?' Said the second blonde.
The blacksmith hires an apprentice
He instructed the boy, When I take the shoe out of the fire, I'll lay it on the anvil. When I nod my head, you hit it with the hammer.
The apprentice did exactly as he was told, and now he's the new village blacksmith
"I'll do whatever I can for my constituents"
A politician visited a remote little rural village and asked the inhabitants what the government could do for them.
"We have two big needs," said the village headman. "First, we have a hospital but no doctor."
The politician whipped out his cellphone, spoke for a while, and then said, "I have it sorted out. A doctor will arrive here tomorrow. What is your other need?"
"We have no cellphone reception at all in our village."
So there was a tribal chief who decided he needed the biggest hut in the village...
so he gathered the grass he needed and built the only two story hut in the village. He placed his throne on the second story and held audiences there. One night while he slept the throne fell through the floor and crushed his head. The moral of this story is that people who live in grass houses shouldn't stow thrones.
Long ago in a far away land,
A hero comes upon a village. The villagers all look very upset, so the hero asks what happened.
"There is a huge dragon living in the mountain. Every week, it comes down and eats one of our v**... girls" one of the villagers replies.
The hero then promises to help with their predicament and gets to work.
In three weeks' time, the dragon starved to death.
A politician visited a village in India..
A politician visited an Indian village and asked what their needs were.
We have 2 basic needs sir, replied the villager.
Firstly, we have a hospital, but there's no doctor.
On hearing this, the politician whipped out his cellphone, and after speaking for a while he reassured the village leader that the doctor would be there the next day. He then asked about the second problem.
Secondly sir, there is no cellphone coverage anywhere in the village.
A POLITICIAN visited a village and asked what their needs were
We have 2 basic needs, sir, replied the villager.
Firstly, we have a hospital, but there's not the doctor.
On hearing this, the politician whipped out his cellphone, and after speaking for a while he reassured the village leader that the doctor would be there the next day. He then asked about the second problem.
Secondly sir, there is no cellphone coverage anywhere in this village.
a joke translated from turkish
Once upon a time there was a pit in a village, people used to wound themselves from falling into the pit. 3 elders of the village unite to a find a solution to this pit.
First one says that we should place an ambulance next to the pit, that way people will get to the hospital faster
Second one says that we should build a hospital next to the pit that way it will be even faster
Before the third one could talk Chad jumps in and says "y'all are idiots why don't we fill this pit up and dig one up next to the hospital.
I was chatting with my Finnish friend the other day...
I asked him where his favorite part of Finland was.
He said "Hyvä kysymys! I really like Rovaniemi for the Santa Claus Village!"
I asked him "Hyvä kysymys? What's that?"
All he said was "Good question!"
It's been a week and he still hasn't told me what it means.
(I'm learning Finnish, this joke has likely been done before with a different language, haven't seen it here yet)
edit: fingers added a letter, got it fixed
3 Bats are competing who can drink more blood.
The first bat goes away and comes back after some time looking pretty b**.... "You see that village over there?" " yes" "well i drank all blood there". Than secont bat goes away and comes back after more time looking bloodier than the first one "You see that town over there?" "Yes" "well i drank all the blood there". The third bat now goes a way and gets back after just a minute looking bloodier than bought of the other bats. "So where did you go"
"You see that lamp over there?"
"Yes"
"Well i didn't see it"
An Easter joke.
A priest was arguing with a rabbi.
"What is great in our religion", says the priest, "is that there is room for advancement. A humble village priest can become a bishop, an archbishop, a cardinal, who knows?, maybe even the Pope!"
The rabbi answers: "What about the Almighty? Can he become the Almighty?"
"Certainly not!", responds the priest, "what a sacrilegious thought! No mere mortal man can aspire to become the Almighty!"
The rabbi retorts: "One of our boys made it!"
