Villagers Jokes
33 villagers jokes and hilarious villagers puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about villagers that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Villagers Short Jokes
Short villagers jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The villagers humour may include short peasants jokes also.
- With the Zika virus and how much hooking up happens in the Olympic Village.. The Special Olympics are gonna be awesome in 12 to 14 years.
- The wisest men in the village could not figure out where the sun went at night. So they stayed up all night discussing it.
And then it dawned on them.
(I'll see myself out.) - I heard about this little village in Africa where everybody is dying of thirst... So I sent them a "Get Well Soon" card.
- On my way to climb Mt. Everest, I came upon a local villager who said he had a rooster that laid eggs. "How is that possible?" I asked.
"Himalayan rooster," he replied. - Why did the blind villager fall into the watering hole? because they couldn't see that well
^^^_yes_i_know^^^ - World hunger is getting ridiculous There's more fruit in my shampoo than an African village
- Village Competition Tomorrow our village is having it's annual Innuendo competition
I might enter my friend's sister. - Just want to tell that guy I met the other day, who is trying to find a source of water for his village I wish you well
- My friend in Africa was complaining about the lack of drinking water in his village. So I sent him a Get Well Soon card.
- Everybody in the village agreed that I did an excellent job of sewing their mouths shut. After I left, they were humming my praises.
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Villagers One Liners
Which villagers one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with villagers? I can suggest the ones about residents and farmer.
- What is the fastest animal in the world? A chicken in a Somalian village
- In our Village We don't have a Town Drunk. We all take turns.
- Did you hear about the village that moved away overnight? It was unsettling.
- The village people asked all the wrong questions I mean... Why not MCA?
- Our village has a lady lumberjack Every time I see her I get wood
- I made a villager in my game out of bread It's a naan-player character
- My brother told me to stop quoting The Village People I said 'Young man.'
- What is a printer's favorite Village People song? YMCK
- What does vikings call english villages? Chopping centers.
- What do you call a knight in a village full of cannibals? Canned food.
- There's no more cannibals in our village We ate the last one yesterday.
- Why did the villagers hate Frankenstein? Because he was a Jew.
- I told my father, that the river in our village is running dry. "that Dam Bridge"
- What did the pirate Louis Riel say to the villagers? Yarrrrrrr Metis!
- It must have been so cool living in a Jewish village. Everyone gets to be sheriff.
Hilarious Villagers Jokes to Make Your Friends Roar with Laughter
What funny jokes about villagers you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean voters jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make villagers pranks.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
An 88-year old man came to the hospital and said to the doctor, Doctor, my 18 year old wife is pregnant with my child.
The doctor paused and said, There was a master bear shooter in a village. He never missed a shot.
But one day he was in a hurry, and took his umbrella instead of his rifle by mistake.
When he encountered a bear, he still didn't realize his mistake and pointed the umbrella and shot the bear.
The bear lay dead with a bullet in his heart!
The old man said, That's s**...! The bullet must have been shot by another person.
That's exactly right, said the doctor.
A politicians promise
A politician visited a village and asked what their needs were.
We have 2 basic needs sir, replied the villager.
Firstly, we have a hospital, but there's no doctor.
On hearing this, politician whipped out his cellphone, and after speaking for a while he reassured the village leader that the doctor would be there the next day. He then asked about the second problem.
Secondly sir, there is no cellphone coverage anywhere in this village.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A hero comes to a village...
The villagers all looks very upset, so the hero ask what happen. "There is a huge dragon living in the mountain. Every week, it will come down and eat one of our v**... girls" the villager reply. The hero then promise to help. Two weeks later, the dragon starved to death.
A 100 year old Japanese man is being interviewed for a newspaper piece about extreme old age
and the reporter asks "do you think there's any merit to the stereotype that people from this village live a lot longer than others?"
The old man thinks for a second and says "you know, I'm not sure. Let me go ask my dad". And the reporter, stunned, stammers "y-your dad? Where is he right now??" and the old man says "I think he's out fishing with my grandpa".
The blacksmith hires an apprentice
He instructed the boy, When I take the shoe out of the fire, I'll lay it on the anvil. When I nod my head, you hit it with the hammer.
The apprentice did exactly as he was told, and now he's the new village blacksmith
So there was a tribal chief who decided he needed the biggest hut in the village...
so he gathered the grass he needed and built the only two story hut in the village. He placed his throne on the second story and held audiences there. One night while he slept the throne fell through the floor and crushed his head. The moral of this story is that people who live in grass houses shouldn't stow thrones.
a joke translated from turkish
Once upon a time there was a pit in a village, people used to wound themselves from falling into the pit. 3 elders of the village unite to a find a solution to this pit.
First one says that we should place an ambulance next to the pit, that way people will get to the hospital faster
Second one says that we should build a hospital next to the pit that way it will be even faster
Before the third one could talk Chad jumps in and says "y'all are idiots why don't we fill this pit up and dig one up next to the hospital.
I was chatting with my Finnish friend the other day...
I asked him where his favorite part of Finland was.
He said "Hyvä kysymys! I really like Rovaniemi for the Santa Claus Village!"
I asked him "Hyvä kysymys? What's that?"
All he said was "Good question!"
It's been a week and he still hasn't told me what it means.
(I'm learning Finnish, this joke has likely been done before with a different language, haven't seen it here yet)
edit: fingers added a letter, got it fixed
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
3 Bats are competing who can drink more blood.
The first bat goes away and comes back after some time looking pretty b**.... "You see that village over there?" " yes" "well i drank all blood there". Than secont bat goes away and comes back after more time looking bloodier than the first one "You see that town over there?" "Yes" "well i drank all the blood there". The third bat now goes a way and gets back after just a minute looking bloodier than bought of the other bats. "So where did you go"
"You see that lamp over there?"
"Yes"
"Well i didn't see it"
An Easter joke.
A priest was arguing with a rabbi.
"What is great in our religion", says the priest, "is that there is room for advancement. A humble village priest can become a bishop, an archbishop, a cardinal, who knows?, maybe even the Pope!"
The rabbi answers: "What about the Almighty? Can he become the Almighty?"
"Certainly not!", responds the priest, "what a sacrilegious thought! No mere mortal man can aspire to become the Almighty!"
The rabbi retorts: "One of our boys made it!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A man visits a village
A man visits a village and approaches the town clerk "Have any great men been born in your joke of a town?"
And the clerk responded "well no you foolish man. Only babies have been born in my town."
The Longest Memory in the World
One day, a young man takes a trip out West and comes across a little Native American village. He decides, what the heck, he'll stop and look around. One of the Native women, seeing that he's not from around, tells the man he should visit the Chief, who she says has the longest and best memory in the world. So the man decides to go visit the Chief and asks: "So I hear you have the greatest memory in the world." The Chief answers "I do. I can remember every single detail of my entire life." The man figures he should test this, and asks the Chief "What did you have for breakfast on April the 27th, 1959?" After stopping to think for a second, the chief answers "two eggs." Satisfied, the man says goodbye to the Chief and eventually leaves the village.
Twenty years later, the man takes another trip out West and comes across the same village. He's amazed when he notices the Chief, still alive after all these years. The man, stops and says hello, so he raises his hand and says, "How" and the Chief replies "fried."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Kill the Dragon
An evil and powerful dragon lives near a village.
It eats a v**... from the village every week.
No one can defeat it.
One day a hero comes and attempts to kill the dragon.
He finds that the dragon is too power to be defeated.
He decides to kill the dragon with intelligence.
Several months later, the dragon is starved to death.
Sunday in church after St. Patrick's Day
It was a sunday after St. Patrick's day in the church of a small village in the west of Ireland. Obviously all the people were more or less hungover, which infuriated the pastor of the village.
"It's a disgrace how we celebrate our most important saint by indulging in binge drinking and other improper activities. If I could have all the wine in the world, I would throw it in the river!"
There was a wave of murmur among the churchgoers.
"If I could have all the beer in the world, I would throw it in the river as well!"
The people put their heads down in guilt, thinking about what they had done.
"If I could have all the SPIRITS in the world, I would throw them in the river with the beer and the wine!"
Now the church was completely silent.
After a short while, the musical conductor of the church spoke up, "Now let us sing hymn number 369, *'Shall We Gather at the River?'*"
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I heard this story from the ambassador of Ireland in Finland.
