Vigorously Jokes
16 vigorously jokes and hilarious vigorously puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about vigorously that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Vigorously Short Jokes
Short vigorously jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The vigorously humour may include short vehemently jokes also.
- My therapist said the best treatment for depression is to vigorously rub salt into my skin in order to draw out excess moisture. Wow thanks I'm cured.
- Remember that cucumbers need to be washed extra vigorously. You can do what my mom did, and take them into the shower with you.
- I walked in on my little son vigorously rubbing shampoo on his shoulders... ...when I asked him what he was doing he matter-of-factly replied, "Mom the bottle says 'Head and Shoulders.'"
- A sodium atom undergoes a vigorous reaction with flourine... How do you feel?" Asks the fluoride ion.
"Positively shell shocked" the sodium ion replied. - You can burn up to 150 calories through one vigorous session of m**...... Still got me kicked out of my weight watchers meeting though.
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Vigorously One Liners
Which vigorously one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with vigorously? I can suggest the ones about aggressively and forcefully.
- A boy came home with a C+ in music. He said with great vigor, "I got an A-"
- This Valentine's Day, Love Yourself Frequently and vigorously.
- I have a wallet made out of f**.... If I rub it vigorously, it turns into a suitcase.
Great Vigorously Jokes to Share, Laugh and Enjoy with Friends
What funny jokes about vigorously you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean furiously jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make vigorously pranks.
..Trump said "Buy american, Hire american"
Standing on an Ikea podium from *Sweden*, behind bullet proof by Saint Gobain Glass from *France*, smiling at a 4K Sony *Japanese* Video camera, speaking into a Dolby Sennheiser *German* microphone, with vigorous hand gestures giving a glimpse of a Rolex under the cuff made in *Switzerland*
he patriotically said ..*"Buy American, Hire American, Stop Immigrants".* while standing beside a *Slovenian wife*
A horse walks into a bar...
The bartender says, "why the long face?" The horse screams, "I will end you!" And bites the bartender in the t**.... A priest, a nun, and a rabbi who were just approaching the entrance quietly turn and walk away as the horse shakes the bartender vigorously back and forth screaming, "why the floppy head?! Why the floppy head?!"
A German, Italian, And Irishman are sitting at a bar...
when 3 flies fly into the room and into the 3 drinks.
The German puts down the drink, and says "i cant drink this!'
the Italian takes out the fly, and says "that's good enough for me" and continues drinking.
The Irishman starts vigorously shaking the fly, and yells "SPIT IT ALL OUT!!"
A captain was flying over a mental hospital...
...when suddenly he started laughing vigorously.
"What's so funny?" Asked the co-pilot.
The captain answered: "I'm just imagining their faces when they realize I'm not there anymore"
Be careful what you wish for
One for cake day:
Tom finds an old, tarnished lamp. He gets excited, and polishes it vigorously.
A genie appears and say "Congratulations, you get three wishes! What is your first wish?"
Tom says, "I want to be Rich!".
The genie says, "No problem, done. What is your next wish, Rich?"
Baked Beans.
One day I met a sweet woman and fell in love. When it became apparent that we would marry, I made the supreme sacrifice and gave up beans.
Some months later, on my birthday, my car broke down on the way home from work. Since I lived in the countryside I called my wife and told her that I would be late because I had to walk home. On my way, I passed by a small diner and the odour of baked beans was more than I could stand. With miles to walk, I figured that I would walk off any ill effects by the time I reached home, so I stopped at the diner and before I knew it, I had consumed three large orders of baked beans. All the way home, I made sure that I released all the gas.
Upon my arrival, my wife seemed excited to see! me and exclaimed delightedly: "Darling I have a surprise for dinner tonight."
She then blindfolded me and led me to my chair at the dinner table. I took a seat and just as she was about to remove my blindfold, the telephone rang. She made me promise not to touch the blindfold until she returned and went to answer the call. The baked beans I had consumed were still affecting me and the pressure was becoming most unbearable, so while my wife was out of the room I seized the opportunity, shifted my weight to one leg and let one go. It was not only loud, but it smelled like a fertilizer truck running over a skunk in front of a pulpwood mill. I took my napkin from my lap and fanned the air around me vigorously. Then, shifting to the other cheek, I ripped off three more. The stink was worse than cooked cabbage. Keeping my ears carefully tuned to the conversation in the other room, I went on like this for another few minutes. The pleasure was indescribable. When eventually the telephone farewells signalled the end of my freedom, I quickly fanned the air a few more times with my napkin, placed it on my lap and folded my hands back on it feeling very relieved and pleased with myself. My face must have been the picture of innocence when my wife returned, apologizing for taking so long. She asked me if I had peeked through the blindfold, and I assured her I had not. At this point, she removed the blindfold, and twelve dinner guests seated around the table chorused: "Happy Birthday!"
So on a flight, there is a woman who is sneezing.
Now see, this woman is sneezing very vigorously. Eventually, a man leans over and asks 'what's wrong?'
The woman replies, 'I have a very rare condition wherein every time I sneeze I o**....'
The man replies, 'oh why that sounds terrible! What medication are you taking for it?'
The woman smiles and replies, 'pepper'.
3 men are captured by a group of Indians
The Indians tell the men were going to kill you, skin you, and turn your skin into canoes. You have 3 options, we can burn you, drown you, or hang you.
First guy says, hang me. So they hang him, skin him, turn him into a canoe.
Second guy says, down me. So they drown him, skin him, turn him into a canoe.
Third guy says, I have 1 wish. A fork. So they bring him a fork. He clasps the fork in his hand and says, I don't care how you kill me… he starts vigorously stabbing himself …but to h**... with your canoe!
Conceived on a washing machine
A man walks into the doctors office and he's shaking vigorously. He asks the doctor:
"Doctor, I was conceived on a washing machine, could that have anything to do with my shaking?"
The doctor looks at him an says:
"No way, I was conceived on a record player and as you can see there is nothing wrong with, wrong with me, wrong with..."