view Jokes

funny pick up lines and hilarious view puns

Why do french tanks have rear view mirrors?

To see the battlefield

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Today I was asked how I view lesbian relationships

Apparently "in HD" wasn't the right answer

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A feminist once asked me, "What's your view on lesbians?"

I said "1080p"

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Why do French tanks have rear view mirrors?

So they can see the battle.

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An Englishman, a Frenchman, a Spaniard, and a German are watching a street performer.

The performer suddenly realizes that these men have a poor view so he gets on a small platform. "Can you all see me now?" He asks them.
"Yes"
"Oui"
"Sí"
"Ja"

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Masturbating while looking in a mirror isn't wrong.

Unless it's a rear view mirror, and you're driving a school bus

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So, my lesbian friend asked how I view lesbian relationships.

In Hd was not the correct answer.

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If I had a $ for every post I've seen today about Net Neutrality...

I'd have enough money to view a post next year about Net Neutrality.

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I just found an origami porn channel...

... but it is paper view only.

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What do alcoholics and chemists have in common?

They both view alcohol as a solution.



I'll see my self out......

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I was recently asked how I view lesbian relationships.

Apparently "in HD" was the wrong answer

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I went to view a house on a Native American reservation.

"I like it" I said. "Does it come with running water?"

"Fuck off" He replied. "Get your own wife."

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Canadian money

The Royal Canadian Mint has just announced they are going to remove the polar bear from the "Toonie" (two dollars) in view of its demise soon with global warming.

In the height of political correctness they will replace it with two gay deer. Instead of calling it a "toonie," it will now be called "two fucking bucks"

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I was viewing a house being sold by a native american

i asked him if it came with running water,

He said 'no, get your own wife'

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I just got fired from my job as a bingo caller...

Apparently, "A meal for two with a hairy view" is *not* an appropriate way of calling out number 69...

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Newton, Einstein and Pascal are playing hide and seek

While Einstein is counting down from 100, Pascal runs and hides. Newton stands in pain view, and carefully measures out a meter square, then stands in it.

When Einstein turns around, he exclaims "Newton you're supposed to hide so I can't find you" . Newton replies "you found a Newton over a square meter, you found a Pascal"

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My very conservative coworker told me about the first time he had sex...

[to view this body of this joke, please upgrade to the Tier II telecom package]

...and I'll never think of jesus the same way again.

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What do a G-string and a barbed wire fence have in common?

They both run along the property line without distracting from the view.

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Street Performance

An Englishman, a Frenchman, a Spaniard and a German are all standing watching a street performer do some excellent juggling. The juggler notices that the four gentlemen have a very poor view, so he stands up on a large wooden box and calls out, "Can you all see me now?"
"Yes."
"Oui."
"Sí."
"Ja."

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Overcome with the beauty of the Earth from space, the astronaut removed his helmet

The view was breathtaking

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Someone asked me how we usually view lesbians in this country.

Apparently, "usually in HD" wasn't the answer he was looking for.

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A feminist asked me how I view lesbian relationships. She slapped me when I answered

I guess "In HD" is the wrong answer

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A zoophilic, an arsonist, a necrophiliac and a masochist sit in a cell...

The zoophilic declares: "If there was a cat here, right now, I would fuck it".

The necrophiliac replies: "If there was a cat here, right now, I would fuck it, kill it, then fuck it again".

The arsonist gives his point of view: "If there was a cat here, right now, I would set it on fire, fuck it, kill it, then fuck it again"

And the masochist says: "meow".

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What are your views on abortion?

I'm undecided.
On one hand, I like killing babies, on the other, I don't like giving women a choice.

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A Englishman, a Frenchman, a Spaniard and a German are all standing watching a street performer juggle.

The juggler notices the four gentlemen have a very poor view, so he stands on a large wooden box and calls out can you see me now?

Yes

Oui

Si

Ja

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Today I was asked how I view lesbian relationships.

Apparently "4K ultra high definition" was not the right answer.

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Why do French tanks have rear view mirrors?

So that they can watch the battle.

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An accordion player walks into a bar,

orders a drink and chats up the bartender and the regulars for an hour.

Suddenly, he realizes that not only has he left his instrument in his back seat of his car in full view of passers-by, but he hasn't even locked his doors.

He quickly excuses himself from his conversation and rushes outside and up the block to his vehicle to take care of business, but it was too late.

Sure enough, someone had thrown another accordion in his back seat.

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A woman asked me how I view lesbianism the other day...

Apparently "in HD" was not an acceptable answer.

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My girlfriend asked me how I view lesbian relationships...

apparently 1080p wasn't the right answer.

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Why did Dave Grohl buy such a tall house?

He wanted to make sure he was getting the best, the best, the best, the best-a view.

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Four Europeans and a Juggler

An Englishman, a Frenchman, a Spaniard and a German are all standing watching a street performer do some excellent juggling.

The juggler notices that the four gentlemen have a very poor view, so he stands up on a large wooden box and calls out, "Can you all see me now?"

"Yes."
"Oui."
"Sí."
"Ja."

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I called my girlfriend's mini skirt a fence

Protects the property but doesn't spoil the view

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An Englishman, a Frenchman, a Spaniard, and a German are all standing...

They're watching a street performer do some juggling. The juggler then sees that the 4 men have a bad view so he stands up on a big wooden box and says "can you see me now?" The 4 men respond:
"Yes"
"Oui"
"Si"
"Ja"

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Bob walks into a bar in New York City...

...and sits down to order a drink. He notices everyone gathered around the window with view of the skyline. Bob gets up to see and notices the man at the top of the Empire State Building, about to jump. They all wait in anticipation for him to jump and he does. Right before he hits the ground he puts his feet together and the vent from the street pushes him back into the air and he lands safely. He then walks into the same bar. The men look at him in pure astonishment then Bob approaches him and says, "How the hell did you do that?!? You're perfectly fine!" the man then replies, "Right at the last second I put my feet together and the air vent at the bottom pushes me into air and lets me land safely. Try it." The man, so amazed, goes to the top of the building. Every man in the bar is watching including the bar tender. The man jumps and at the last second does what the man told him and hits the ground and is splattered on impact. Everyone in the bar is silent with disgust. The bartender then breaks the silences with, "You know, you're a real scumbag when you're drunk, Superman"

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What are the most funny View jokes of all time ?

Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour joking with someone about View? Well, here are the best View dad jokes to laugh out loud. Crazy funny puns and View pick up lines to share with friends.

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