The Best 62 View Jokes

Following is our collection of funny View jokes. There are some view occident jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these view image puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 of the Funniest View Jokes and Puns

If I had a $ for every post I've seen today about Net Neutrality...

I'd have enough money to view a post next year about Net Neutrality.

Street Performance

An Englishman, a Frenchman, a Spaniard and a German are all standing watching a street performer do some excellent juggling. The juggler notices that the four gentlemen have a very poor view, so he stands up on a large wooden box and calls out, "Can you all see me now?"
"Yes."
"Oui."
"SΓ­."
"Ja."

Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson

Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson went on a camping trip. As they lay down for the night, the fire dwindling nearby, Holmes said: "Watson, look up and tell me what you see".

Watson said "I see a fantastic panorama of countless of stars".

Holmes: "And what does that tell you?"

Watson: "Astronomically, it suggests to me that if there are billions of other galaxies that have roughly similar stellar population densities as represented by my view, that, potentially, trillions of planets may be associated with such a galactic and, therefore, stellar population. Allowing for similar chemical distribution throughout the cosmos it may be reasonably implied that life-and possibly intelligent life-may well fill the universe.

Also, being a believer, theologically, it tells me that the vastness of space may be yet another suggestion of the greatness of God and that we are small and insignificant.

Meteorologically, the blackness of the sky and the crispness of the stellar images tells me that there is low humidity and stable air and therefore we are most likely to enjoy a beautiful day tomorrow.

Why? - What does it tell you, Mr. Holmes?"

Holmes: "Someone stole our tent".

View joke, Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson

Hey Guys! They brought back Angry Beavers! Isn't it great?

Its been renamed to The View, however...

Why do French tanks have rear view mirrors?

So that they can watch the battle.


Why did Dave Grohl buy such a tall house?

He wanted to make sure he was getting the best, the best, the best, the best-a view.

Someone asked me how we usually view lesbians in this country.

Apparently, "usually in HD" wasn't the answer he was looking for.

View joke, Someone asked me how we usually view lesbians in this country.

Today I was asked how I view lesbian relationships

Apparently "in HD" wasn't the right answer

So, my lesbian friend asked how I view lesbian relationships.

In Hd was not the correct answer.

Turning into stone

There were two boys taking a walk through the woods. They eventually cam upon a nice calm river. While they are enjoying the view they notice a woman standing in the nude, bathing. Immediately after seeing her one of the boys runs back through the woods. The other boy chased him and when he catches up he asks,"Why did you run away from the river?" The boy replies,"My mom said that if I stare at naked women I will turn into stone and I felt something getting hard!"

Total Eclipse Today

I tried using a colander to view the eclipse.

I think I've strained my eyes.

You can explore view picture reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean view panorama dad jokes. There are also view puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


A feminist asked me how I view lesbians

In HD was apparently not the correct answer.

An accordion player walks into a bar,

orders a drink and chats up the bartender and the regulars for an hour.

Suddenly, he realizes that not only has he left his instrument in his back seat of his car in full view of passers-by, but he hasn't even locked his doors.

He quickly excuses himself from his conversation and rushes outside and up the block to his vehicle to take care of business, but it was too late.

Sure enough, someone had thrown another accordion in his back seat.

A woman asked me how I view lesbianism the other day...

Apparently "in HD" was not an acceptable answer.

I took a Scottish girl to the countryside.

"Hello view!" she said, looking out the window of our rented house.

I said, "I love you too..."

What are your views on abortion?

I'm undecided.
On one hand, I like killing babies, on the other, I don't like giving women a choice.

View joke, What are your views on abortion?

Engineers' view about a glass of water!

To the optimist, the glass is half-full.
To the pessimist, the glass is half-empty.
To the engineer, the glass is twice as big as it needs to be.

My lesbian friend asked me how I view Lesbian Relationships

Apparently, in HD wasn't an appropriate answer.

Relaxing location

While my parents were making their funeral arrangements, the cemetery salesman pointed out a plot that he thought they would like. You'll have a beautiful view of the swan pond, he assured them.

Dad wasn't sold: Unless you're including a periscope with my casket, I don't know how I'm going to enjoy it.


I was viewing a house being sold by a native american

i asked him if it came with running water,

He said 'no, get your own wife'

Newton, Einstein and Pascal are playing hide and seek

While Einstein is counting down from 100, Pascal runs and hides. Newton stands in pain view, and carefully measures out a meter square, then stands in it.

When Einstein turns around, he exclaims "Newton you're supposed to hide so I can't find you" . Newton replies "you found a Newton over a square meter, you found a Pascal"

A feminist asked me how I view lesbian relationships. She slapped me when I answered

I guess "In HD" is the wrong answer

Someone asked me how I view Lesbian relationships...

and apparently, "in HD" wasn't the correct answer.

A Englishman, a Frenchman, a Spaniard and a German are all standing watching a street performer juggle.

The juggler notices the four gentlemen have a very poor view, so he stands on a large wooden box and calls out can you see me now?

Yes

Oui

Si

Ja

A feminist once asked me, "What's your view on lesbians?"

I said "1080p"

What is one thing that both Australians & Americans share the same view on?

1961

I just got fired from my job as a bingo caller...

Apparently, "A meal for two with a hairy view" is *not* an appropriate way of calling out number 69...

An Englishman, a Frenchman, a Spaniard, and a German are all standing...

They're watching a street performer do some juggling. The juggler then sees that the 4 men have a bad view so he stands up on a big wooden box and says "can you see me now?" The 4 men respond:
"Yes"
"Oui"
"Si"
"Ja"

I was recently asked how I view lesibians.

Apparently in HD isn't the right answer.

What's the female equivalent of a circlejerk?

The View

What do a G-string and a barbed wire fence have in common?

They both run along the property line without distracting from the view.

An Englishman, a Frenchman, a Spaniard, and a German are watching a street performer.

The performer suddenly realizes that these men have a poor view so he gets on a small platform. "Can you all see me now?" He asks them.
"Yes"
"Oui"
"SΓ­"
"Ja"

My very conservative coworker told me about the first time he had sex...

[to view this body of this joke, please upgrade to the Tier II telecom package]

...and I'll never think of jesus the same way again.

When asked how I view lesbian relationships

In High Definition apparently is not an appropriate answer.

I called my girlfriend's mini skirt a fence

Protects the property but doesn't spoil the view

Masturbating while looking in a mirror isn't wrong.

Unless it's a rear view mirror, and you're driving a school bus

The perk of being a test tube baby...

...is you get a womb with a view.

Why do french tanks have rear view mirrors?

To see the battlefield

What do alcoholics and chemists have in common?

They both view alcohol as a solution.

I'll see my self out......

An Englishman, a Frenchman, a Spaniard and a German are watching a street artist perform.

The act is spectacular, but the four gentlemen are having a tough time getting a good view.

The performer, by some coincidence, notices this and stands up on a large wooden box to give them a better view. He then calls out to them "Can all of you see me now?"

They each reply:

"Yes"

"Oui"

"Si"

"Ja."

Overcome with the beauty of the Earth from space, the astronaut removed his helmet

The view was breathtaking

Today I was asked how I view lesbian relationships.

Apparently "4K ultra high definition" was not the right answer.

40 years ago today, Louise Brown became the first test tube baby...

She had a womb with a view.

My lesbian neighbors asked how I view lesbian relationships

In HD was not the right answer

What do G-Strings and barbed wire have in common?

They both protect the property without disrupting the view.

The rear view mirror fell out of my car a couple of months ago and I have never replaced it.

Haven't looked back since.

My teacher asked me how I view lesbian relationships...

Apparently 1080p Full Screen HD wasn't the right answer.

An Englishman, a Frenchman, a Spaniard and a German are watching a street performer do juggling

An Englishman, a Frenchman, a Spaniard and a German are watching a street performer do juggling. The juggler notices the 4 gentlemen have a poor view, so he stands up on a large wooden box and calls out " Can you all see me now?"

"Yes."

"Oui."

"Si."

"Ja."

What message does a quantum computer have when you view an image?

"Do you want to save changes?"

An englishman, a frenchman, a spaniard, and a german were all standing watching a street performer do some exciting juggling. The juggler notices that the four gentlemen have a very poor view, so he stands up on a wooden box and asks them, 'Can you all see me now?'

'Yes'

'Oui'

'SΓ­'

'Ja'

Today, my teacher asked me how I view lesbian relationships

Apparently, in Full HD was not the right answer

My teacher asked me this morning, what was my view on lesbian relationships...

Apparently, 4K Ultra HD was not the answer she was expecting,

I was recently asked how I view lesbian relationships.

Apparently "in 4K" was the wrong answer

David Beckham gets in a taxi at Dublin Airport and notices the driver keep looking in his rear view mirror at him.

After about 5 minutes the driver says "Go on then give me a clue!?"

Beckham replies, "I had a glittering career with Man Utd, played over 100 times for England and married a spice girl, is that enough?".

Driver says "No mate, I meant where are you going?"

Just a schoolgirl waiting for her dad…

While waiting for my dad, two of the school janitors came outside and started smoking a joint.

When my dad saw us, he ran into the cloud of smoke, grabbed me by the arm and shoved me into the car!

What's wrong with you? Why are you angry at ME? I protested. I didn't even do anything!

He glared at me in the rear view mirror. I will not have any daughter of mine wasting her time with high maintenance people!

An elderly woman phoned the police and said she saw her neighbour, naked walking around his bedroom with blinds open.

Police turn up and says to her, sorry madam, but you cannot even see his bedroom, there is a fence and a bush blocking the view.

She replies, you can if you stand on top of the wardrobe.

Boob is the perfect word.

B - top view
oo - front view
b - side view

What's an effective way to get Texas Lawmakers to change their view on abortion law?

Get their wives pregnant, if they have any.

My Girlfriend asked me how I view Lesbians

Apparently, 'in HD' wasn't the right answer

Nuns

Sitting behind a couple of nuns at a baseball game, whose headgear partially blocked the view, three men decided to badger the nuns in an effort to get them to move. In a very loud voice, the first guy said, "I think I'm going to move to Utah, there are only 100 nuns living there." The second guy spoke up and said, "I want to go to Montana, there are only 50 nuns living there." The third guy said, "I want to go to Idaho, there are only 25 nuns living there." One of the nuns turned around, looked at the men, and in a very sweet, calm, voice said, "Why don't you go to hell. There aren't any nuns there."

What is the benefit of being a test tube baby?

Having a womb with a view.

Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson were taking the train one day when they passed a huge flock of sheep in a field.

As quickly as they had observed the fluffy cloud it had passed out of view.

"So many sheep!" Watson exclaimed. "I wonder how many there were?"

"Elementary, Dear Watson. ThereΒ were 167 sheep." Sherlock calmly stated.

"Holmes, are you really telling me you managed to count them all in that brief moment?" Watson inquired.

"Don't be silly, Watson. I counted the legs and divided them by four."

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the view beneath jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working view prospect piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

Joko Jokes