Vietnam Jokes

What are some Vietnam jokes?

My dad, a vietnam veteran, told me that there's one thing that always sticks with kids and adults no matter how old they are.

Napalm

How many Vietnam Vets does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

YOU DON'T KNOW! YOU WEREN'T THERE!

Studying engineering in school is like World War 2.

The objective is clear, there's an obvious enemy, and everyone is fighting for the same cause.

Interviewing to get an engineering job is like Vietnam. Everybody tells you a different objective, you're not properly equipped for the environment, and the Asians are always one step ahead.

"Name one person that could beat Captain America"

Captain Vietnam

Who can beat Captain America?

Captain Vietnam.

During the Vietnam war, if you reported one communist...

You would win one thousand dollars.
If you reported 2 communists, you would win 2 thousands dollars.
If you reported 3 communists, you would go to jail because you knew too many communists.

A week before Memorial Day, kids bring pictures of veteran family members to school for show and tell.

First up was Mary. "My daddy served in Afghanistan. He was a paratrooper."

"A paratrooper?" Asked the teacher, who was awed.

"Yes, please look closer -- you can see his jump badge."

Second was Joe. "My granny served in Vietnam. She was a doctor."

"A doctor?" Asked the teacher, who was moved.

"Yeah, see? That's a stethoscope hanging around her neck."

Third was little Johnny, "This is my great grandpa. He was an electrician."

"An electrician?" Asked the teacher, who was perplexed.

"Yeah, here. You can see the two lightning bolts on his helmet"

A Vietnamese couple met on Match.com and it turns out they complement each other perfectly

You might say it's a Nguyen-Nguyen situation

Why is six afraid of seven?

Six hasn't been the same since he came back from Vietnam. Every time he closes his eyes, he sees Charlie hiding in the darkness, dead bodies hanging in the canopy, and remembers the smell of blood and gunpowder.

When he sees seven, he is reminded of those days.

My Vietnamese friends just got married. They have the same common last name, so neither of them needed to change anything.

You could say it's a Nguyen-Nguyen situation.

My dad said people shouldn't get ribbons just for participating because it rewards them for losing.

So I took the Purple Heart that he got in Vietnam.

He was so mad he threw his prosthetic leg at me.

Why do most Vietnamese people seem like male prostitutes?

Because they pay for everything with their Dongs

What do you call a Vietnam war hero with a new apartment?

New tenant Dan

Have you read the news?

I was reading the news the other day and came across a story from Vietnam. There were two gentlemen working in a rice paddy when one became enraged at the other and bludgeoned him to death with a small ceramic figurine. Reports indicate that this is the first ever case of knick-knack paddy whack.

Which superhero can beat Captain America?

Captain Vietnam

Which country has the cheapest prostitutes?

Vietnam. Because over there you need 20840 dongs to make a dollar.

The most common name in Vietnam can be used as both a first and a last name

I guess for them, it's a Nguyen Nguyen situation

A new doctor goes to work for a year in Cambodia, where people still get maimed from landmines left over from the Vietnam War era

In his very first day in the hospital, the doctor sees a young girl in the post-operation area. She is crying, and in a panic, she says to him, "Doctor, I can't feel my legs!"

He looks down at the young girl, and in his best bedside manner, tells her, "That's because the doctors had to amputate your arms."

This Vietnamese couple I knew got married...

Luckily for them they shared the same last name so it wasn't a big hassle for either of them. It was a Nguyα»…n-Nguyα»…n situation.

My granddad went to Vietnam and singlehandedly fought and injured 30 North Vietnamese.

Next year, we are vacationing somewhere else.

My Vietnamese neighbor brought me some pho

A Vietnamese woman recently moved in next door. I guess she wanted to make friends so she brought me a bowl of pho. She didn't say anything and smiled, so I assumed she didn't speak English.

That night, I devoured the Vietnamese delicacy but quickly realized it gave me a cold, as I was coughing my heart out.

The next day, she comes back to collect the bowl. She says English, Bowl please. I thought this was broken English so I tried to speak back and tell her how I caught a cold from the pho. I said pho cough . I wonder why she hates me so much.

Why was six afraid of seven?

Six hasn't been the same since he left Vietnam. He can seldom close his eyes without opening them again at fear of Charlies lurking in the jungle trees. Not that you could ever see the bastards, mind you. They were swift, and they knew their way around the jungle like nothing else. He remembers the looks on the boys' faces as he walked into that village and... oh, Jesus. The memories seldom left him, either. Sometimes he'd reminisce - even hear - Tex's southern drawl. He remembers the smell of Brooklyn's cigarettes like nothing else. He always kept a pack of Lucky's with him. The boys are gone, now. He knows that; it's just that he forgets, sometimes. And, every now and then, the way that seven looks at him with avid concern in his eyes... it makes him think. Sets him on edge. Makes him feel like he's back there... in the jungle.

Have you ever visited the area between Thailand and Vietnam?

Don't bother. It's pretty Laos-y.

My Vietnamese roommate is moving to Vegas (giving me a place to crash in Vegas), and leaving behind a full bedroom set for free...

This is a real Nguyen-Nguyen situation for me.

A teacher instructs her fifth-grade class to ask their parents to tell them a story with a moral at the end.

The next day the kids come in and share their stories. "My daddy told me about my uncle Dave," says one boy. "He was a pilot in Vietnam and had to bail out over enemy territory with nothing but a flask of whiskey, a pistol, and a knife. He drank the whiskey during the drop, then landed in the middle of 20 Charlies. He shot 15, stabbed three, and killed the last two with his bare hands."
"What is the moral of this horrible story?" yelps the mortified teacher.
"Stay away from Uncle Dave when he's drinking."

A vietnamese contract killer named Pung burst into a bar and promptly murdered the 10 people inside.

Pung in, ten dead.

The Vietnam newbie was told they didn't have any more M-16's...

and he should just point his finger and yell "BANGITY! BANGITY! BANG!"
He's out on patrol, he sees enemy soldiers and points his finger.
"BANGITY! BANGITY! BANG!"
Much to his amazement, the enemy soldiers fall to the ground dead. He continues on his way, killing more and more VC.
But then he sees an enemy soldier steadfastly walking towards him, and the "BANGITY! BANGITY! BANG!" doesn't work. He tries again, "BANGITY! BANGITY! BANG!" but the VC just keeps coming. The VC blunders into him, knocks our hero down, steps on his stomach and face as he proceeds into the distance, saying "TANKETY TANKETY TANK!"

Why was 6 afriad of 7?

Six hasn't been the same since Vietnam. Everytime he shuts his eyes to sleep he sees the Charlies hiding deep in the forest. Not that they were easy to see. No, they were fast and they knew the jungles well. Sometimes it's not Charlies in the jungle though, sometimes he can hear Tex's southern drawl or smell Bob's cigarettes that sat in his hat. But the boys are gone now, and he knows that. It's just... The way Seven looks at him sometimes sets him on edge... He can't help but think back...

Plus Seven has a hook for a hand and that's super scary.

My Vietnamese friends just got married, but by coincidence share the same last name so there was no hassle...

It was a Nguyα»…n-Nguyα»…n situation.

John McCain, John Kerry, and Dnald Trump walk into a bar...

John McCain, John Kerry, and Dnald Trump walk into a bar. While there, Kerry tells a joke about Vietnam. As soon as he finishes, McCain and Kerry start laughing uncontrollably, but Trump remains silent.

After a minute, Trump says: "I don't think that was funny." To which McCain replies, "I guess you had to be there."

What do Vietnamese historians and Southern rednecks have in common?

They both care way too much about the Đức Dynasty.

A Vietnamese couple were going to have a baby.

The father was really hoping for a boy, while the mother wanted a girl.

As luck would have it, they ended up having twins -- one boy and one girl.

It was a Nguyen-Nguyen situation.

Why didn't Vietnam return to feudalism following 1975?

'Cause Charlie don't serf.

My Vietnamese coworker slipped and fell in a puddle of oil.

I was going to make a racist joke about it but decided against it, because that's a slippery slope.

My brother just came back from Vietnam. I asked him how was it, and he said the country is vulgar.

Everywhere was 'Phuc' this and 'Phuc' that.

My grandfather, who served in Vietnam, asked me what sticks to young and old people alike:

Apparently napalm wasn't the answer.

why did so many black people die in the Vietnam war?

every time the sergeant shouted GET DOWN! they all started dancing

What does a menopausal Vietnam vet suffer from?

Hot flashbacks

Went to a Bukkake party in Vietnam last night.

Only 100 dong.

What did the Vietnamese sandwich salesman say to the unhappy mod?

BÑnh mì

A Vietnamese American woman, Christine Nguyen, wanted to preserve her surname.

Christine Nguyen, wanted to keep her surname after marriage, so she resolved to not take on the surname of the man she married, or change her name to a double barrel name that included her family's name.



Luckily, the man she ended up marrying was also Vietnamese American too, who just happened to have the same surname: Nguyen.



It was a win-win situation.

A Vietnamese restaurant is offering herbed potato sticks served with a bowl of noodle soup.

Thyme fries when you're having pho.

In Vietnam, what do you call a situation where both parties benefit?

Nguyen Nguyen situation

Son, I killed 15 people in Vietnam

Dad, you're 42.

"Pity about your boys coming in fourth in the world Cup!" joked Trump to Theresa May.

"Yeah..." she replied. "Pity about your boys coming second in Vietnam. Oh, you weren't there, were you?"

How many Vietnam vets does it take to screw in a lightbulb

YOU DONT KNOW MAN! YOU WERENT THERE!! YOU DONT KNOW WHAT IT WAS LIKE!!!

Not racist but this is one my brother told me

Why were most black soldiers killed in Vietnam?

Because when the Sargent yelled "everybody get down!" All the black people started dancing.

Alright I'm done.

A new Vietnamese restaurant opened across from another, and the owners have been throwing competitive deals all week.

It was a Nguyen-Nguyen situation.

What happens when two Vietnamese people help each other out?

You have a Nguyen-Nguyen situation.

Why was 6 afraid of 7?

Because 7 was never the same after Vietnam.

I recently took a vacation in Vietnam and it was just okay.

It had its pros and congs.

How do you know if an old guy fought in Vietnam?

Don't worry, he'll tell you.

What is a Vietnamese sandwich maker's favorite pick up line?

Banh mi.

[OC] Trump's Asia visit takes him to Vietnam today, which is a good thing...

Because if you've been in 'Nam, you can never really come back home.

I'm Vietnamese and if I got a nickel for every time someone asked me if I do nails...

I wouldn't have to do nails anymore.

A twist on a classic

Why is six afraid of seven?

Six hasn't been the same since he left Vietnam. Every time he closes his eyes, he's sees Charlie hiding in the darkness of the forest. Not that you could ever see those bastards, mind you. They were fast and they knew their way around the jungle. He remembers the looks on the boy's faces when they walked into that village and... oh Jesus. He shouldn't think about that now. Sometimes he still hears Tex's slow southern drawl. He remembers the smell of Brooklyn's cigarettes. He always had a pack of Luckys. But the boys are gone now... he knows that. It's--it's just that he forgets sometimes. And sometimes the way that seven looks at him... it makes him think. Sets him on edge. And he feels like he's back there... In the jungle... In the darkness.

Seven has a hook for a hand as well, which is very scary.

My grandfather killed 13 men in Vietnam.

In 2009.

Did you know that more black men died in Vietnam than white men?

It's all because when their sergeant would yell get down they would all start dancing.

What can be said for Vietnamese soilders and takeout food?

They never make it home

What was the main difference between the war in Vietnam and the war in Iraq?

George Bush had a plan to get out of Vietnam.

Which Marvel character can beat Captain America?

Captain Vietnam.

If you want some Vietnamese soup but there is a really long line

It's basically a big pho queue

They put a protective casing over the Vietnam Wall.

They're calling it the Maya Lin sheath.

My Vietnamese friends got married recently...

It was a Nguyen-Nguyen situation.

If Trump had actually served in Vietnam...

He would've fought at the Battle of Hamberder Hill

Duck duck...

When I was a kid, I had this conversation with a retired Vietnam veteran:

I saw his display of medals and asked about each. They all came with stories that left me wide-eyed and speechless.
All except the last one. I pointed and asked "what about the one that looks like a heart?".
He chuckled in a gruff voice as if to start a 'back in my day' story.
"I goosed" he said, shaking his head.
I was confused. What? "I don't get it" I replied.
"Everyone one else was busy ducking, but I goosed and got shot."

Why did the Vietnamese woman get a career as a prostitute?

Because she likes Dongs.

Deep in the jungles of Vietnam...

...you don't know what's friend and what's pho

A child is visiting his grandparents.

While there, he says to Grandpa:

*- Grandpa, tell me a story about Vietnam!*

The old man says:

*- May 1969, near Khe Sanh. I was in a chopper with four other Marines and the pilot, and some gook shot the pilot. We survived, but the Charlie were waiting there. And then there we were, five guys on some fifty Vietcong...*

The child interrupts:

*- But the last time you told me that story, there were only 20 Vietcong!*

Grandpa says:

*- You were too young to know the horrid truth!*

The Vietnamese place on my street has soup so popular they make you stand in a line to get it.

It's a big pho queue.

When a Vietnamese person has the same first and last name...

It's a Nguyen Nguyen situation.

I went to a Vietnamese soup shop and ordered their top-selling soup.

Me: Is this soup acidic?

Waitress: No, because it's pH0.

Two Vietnamese men decided to go into business together...

It was a Nguyen-Nguyen proposition.

Why did so many blacks die in Vietnam?

Every time somebody yelled, "GET DOWN!" they'd get up and dance.

Back in Vietnam

A man sees husband and wife walking, the man is on the front with a bike and behind him comes the wife pulling wagons with all of their belongings.

The man asks the husband, why this way.

The man replies: "tradition"

The next day the man sees this couple again walking down the road. But this time the man is walking behind the wife

The man asks: "What happened to tradition?"


"Landmines" husband replies

My essay about the Vietnam War went from an idea straight to a final version

I dodged the draft

Why was Donald Trump banned from entering Vietnam?

They didn't want any more experiences with Agent Orange.

Why did so many black men get killed in Vietnam?

When the generals would yell, "Get down!" they would all start dancing.

I'm so sorry.

Why are vietnamese hookers the best?

You pay them with Dong.

Why did Vietnam revolt against the French?

Because they knew they would Nguyen.

Who is the most feared spy in Vietnam?

Agent Orange

Two Vietnamese people got married

It was a Nguyen Nguyen

How to make Vietnam jokes?

We have collected gags and puns about Vietnam to have fun with. Do you want to stand out in a crowd with a good sense of humour joking about Vietnam? If Yes here are a lot more hilarious lines and funny Vietnam pick up lines to share with friends.

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