Vice President Jokes
84 vice president jokes and hilarious vice president puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about vice president that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Funniest Vice President Short Jokes
Short vice president jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The vice president humour may include short president jokes also.
- I have a strange fear of seeing a certain former vice president outside. I think I have algoreaphobia.
- What do you call a musical equation that a former Vice President composes? An algorithm
(Credit to my girlfriend) - I couldn't figure out why my Twitter feed only showed videos of Ex vice presidents dancing. Turns out it's just the Al gore rhythm
- I didn't know the Disneyland had moved to the white house ... Apparently the president is Donald and the vice is Mickey.
- Have you heard an ex Vice President is releasing a computer generated reggae album? It's called Al Gore Rhythms
- After nitpicking a small detail in my friend's story, he said to me "What are you? President of the Pedantic Society?" Vice President, actually.
- Former Vice President Joe's taking forever to announce running in 2020 I guess he's just Biden his time.
I wonder what his decision dePence on, is he afraid that he will be Chene'd to it? - When the Vice President of America is lost in thought... Would he be considered Mike Pensive?
- The government has developed a program to increase the dancing skills of the vice president... They used an Al Gore Rhythm....
- People want to know if the Vice President will be running in 2016 He might, but for now he's just Biden his time.
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Vice President One Liners
Which vice president one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with vice president? I can suggest the ones about company president and president elect.
- YouTube keeps showing me videos of vice-presidents dancing. Must be the al gore Rhythm…
- What does former Vice President Gore play on the guitar? An algorithm
- Who was the 45th Vice President of the United States? [Warning: Gore]
- In the UK, United States Vice President's opinion isn't worth much It's only a pence.
- What did Donald Trump do when he heard the Vice President was thirsty? He gave Pensacola
- I told my wife I wanted to try a new position. She made me vice-president of dusting.
- What do you get if you clone the vice president half a dozen times? Sixpence
- Why did the ex Vice President dance so procedurally? He invented an Al-Gore-Rhythm.
- What do you call a Vice President dancing on Instagram? Al Gore Rythym
- What did the Vice President say when leaving the White House? Biden
- Why isn't the Vice President running for President this year? Cuz he's Biden his time.
- What's a Vice Presidents favorite type of math function? An Al Gore-ithm
- I said to my friend, let's take turns naming American Vice Presidents . Al Gore first.
- What are the vice presidents pens are called? Mike's pens
- What would they call the vice president if FDR was assassinated? A stand-in.
Cheeky Vice President Jokes to Experience Good Cheer & Frivolity
What funny jokes about vice president you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean joe biden jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make vice president pranks.
One day a blonde is sitting on a plane next to one of those annoying, pushy businessmen.
He asks her if she would like to play a game.
She politely declines, but the man explains the game to her anyway.
He says, "It goes like this: I will ask you a question and if you get it wrong you will give me $5, and vice-versa."
She says no again, and tries to fall asleep.
The man tries harder, saying, "Aw, come on. I'll give you $50 for each question. Or how about $500?"
At that number, the blonde agrees.
The businessman explains again, "If you get my question wrong you give me $5. And when you ask the question, and I get it wrong, I will pay you $500.
"Got it," she replies.
He asks, "Who was the sixth president?" She admits she doesn't know and gives him $5.
Now it's her turn, and she says, "What has purple legs, five arms and only two yellow teeth?"
The businessman doesn't know - he uses his laptop, checks the Internet, e-mails his friends.
No one knows the answer.
So he gives her $500.00.
Then, as they're landing he asks her, "What was that thing anyway?"
She thinks a few minutes, hands him $5 and walks off the plane.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Bill Clinton walks out on to his front porch, and written in u**... was "The president must go."
Bill Clinton storms into his office and demaned to know who did it.
So his two body guards run out to find out who it was.
Five hours later the two gaurds come back in, they told Bill, "We have some bad news, and we have worse news."
"What is the bad news?" asked Bill.
"Well, the bad news is, we took a u**... test, and it was his vice-president, Al Gore."
"Whats the worst news?" asked Bill.
"The worst news is that it is Hillary's hand writing!"
Chuck Norris doesn't run for President; the President runs for Vice God Chuck Norris.
Five cannibals get hired
Five cannibals get hired on as engineers at a large International Company. During the welcoming ceremony the boss says, "You're all part of our team now. You can earn good money here, and you can go to the cafeteria for a meal, so please don't eat any of the other employees." The cannibals promised.
Four weeks later the boss returns and says, "You're all working very hard, and I'm very satisfied with all of you. However, one of our janitors has disappeared. Do any of you know what happened to him?" The cannibals all shake their heads no.
After the boss has left, the leader of the cannibals says to the others, "Which of you idiots ate the janitor?"
A hand raises hesitantly, to which the leader of the cannibals replies, "You fool! For four weeks we've been eating Vice Presidents, Corporate Lawyers, and Regional Managers and no one noticed anything, and you have to go and eat the janitor!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Tough choice
One day Mr. Smith, the president of a large corporation, called his vice-president, Dave, into his office and said, "We're making some cutbacks, so either Jack or Barbara will have to be laid off." Dave looked at Mr. Smith and said, "Barbara is my best worker, but Jack has a wife and three kids. I don't know whom to fire."
The next morning Dave waited for his employees to arrive. Barbara was the first to come in, so Dave said, "Barbara, I've got a problem. You see, I've got to lay you or j**... and I don't know what to do?" Barbara replied, "You'd better j**.... I've got a headache."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Mr. Smith, the president of a large corporation...
One day Mr. Smith, the president of a large corporation, called his vice-president, Dave, into his office and said, "We're making some cutbacks, so either Jack or Barbara will have to be laid off." Dave looked at Mr. Smith and said, "Barbara is my best worker, but Jack has a wife and three kids. I don't know whom to fire."
The next morning Dave waited for his employees to arrive. Barbara was the first to come in, so Dave said, "Barbara, I've got a problem. You see, I've got to lay you or j**... and I don't know what to do?" Barbara replied, "Well, you'd better j**.... I've got a headache."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Cutbacks.
One day Mr. Smith, the president of a large corporation, called his vice-president, Dave, into his office and said, "We're making some cutbacks, so either Jack or Barbara will have to be laid off." Dave looked at Mr. Smith and said, "Barbara is my best worker, but Jack has a wife and three kids. I don't know whom to fire."
The next morning Dave waited for his employees to arrive. Barbara was the first to come in, so Dave said, "Barbara, I've got a problem. You see, I've got to lay you or j**... and I don't know what to do?" Barbara replied, "You'd better j**.... I've got a headache."
Which Vice President was the best at making beats?
Algorithm
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Topical Jokes (5/21)
Here we are, once again. It's time for some laugh-words.
First up, we've got some big movie news. "Transformers 4" is now updating its cast. To appeal more to the US box office, the evil Decepticons will be played by menacing vending machines that won't let go of your Doritos.
More movie news, the trailer for the new "X-Men" flick shows that Wolverine will potentially face grave injury. The harrowing injury comes about when our hero forgets to retract his claws before wiping.
This is a cool story, a US Airways flight safely made a belly landing at Newark Airport. The plane was evidently taken down by heavy turbulence originating from Governor Christie's farts at a nearby Long John Silver's.
TV news, ESPN has been forced to take major layoffs and budget cuts. You can tell things are getting cheap as now the only athletic event they now can afford to cover is Tiger Woods dodging heels thrown by his exes.
In the political sector, Vice President Biden recently ribbed the president for always using a teleprompter. However, nobody seemed to ridicule Biden when he read his recent speech on healthcare reform off the back of a h**... napkin.
And finally, the new Xbox will utilize "the cloud" - so no matter where you are in the world, at any time, you can look up the fact that you lost a brave Call of Duty battle to a 13 year-old user named "GeneralFatPenis69".
Thanks for reading again, folks. I really appreciate it!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Topical Jokes (5/22)
Hope everyone had a wonderful Wednesday but we can never escape the jokes!
First up, the FCC announced today that they would start to allow more s**... during peak kids' TV hours. So look out for PBS's new show starring Big Bird's cousin, Kandi Kanary, in "Sesame Red Light District".
Weird entertainment news, Paris Hilton has signed onto Cash Money Records. It's there she plans to rap under the emcee name, Li'l Self Respect.
More celebrities. Justin Bieber is now threatening to sue fans if they try to break into his home. Bieber also says he has a whole team of lawyers set up if any females try to break into his room despite the "no gurls allowed" sign.
Good news on the Catholic front, Pope Francis proclaimed that every single human has been redeemed. The Pope said, "God even forgave me for that time I got wasted and peed in the baptismal font so, seriously, stop bringing that up."
And more hopeful news, Vice President Biden told crowds today that the US is not in decline - which is expected for someone who hinges the US's status based on how many Slurpee flavors are available at 7-Eleven.
Just a quick set tonight but thanks for reading!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Several months
It had taken him several months, but the executive vice president had finally persuaded his new secretary to bend over the back of his leather couch and allow him to have s**... with her that way.
"And just where have you been until this hour?" demanded his wife, when the wayward husband finally arrived home.
"Down at the office," he replied, "working like a dog."
Why will the current Vice President of the US never leave office?
Because he's Biden.
So, I haven't seen the vice president in the news much recently
I think that he may just be Biden his time
Who served as the 45th Vice President of the United States?
President's Day jokes
Q. Why did George Washington have trouble sleeping?
A. Because he couldn't lie.
Q. What do you call George Washington's false teeth?
A. Presidentures!
Q. What would George Washington be if he were alive today?
A. Really, really, really old!
Abraham Lincoln made many humorous quotes and jokes in his lifetime:
It has been my experience that folks who have no vices have very few virtues.
Most people are about as happy as they make up their minds to be.
Better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak out and remove all doubt.
You can fool some of the people all of the time, and all of the people some of the time, but you cannot fool all of the people all of the time.
No matter how much cats fight, there always seem to be plenty of kittens.
A Jewish man is elected president...
Soon after, he calls up his mother to tell her the good news. "Mom, did you hear, I've been elected president!" "Oh, T
That's so great to hear, darling. I'm so proud of you!"
"So," asks the man, "you'll be coming out for the inauguration, right?" "I'm not sure," says his mother, "D.C. is so cold this time of year." "I'm the president, mom. I can arrange for you to get any sweater you want."
"I'm still not sure," continues his mother, "flying across the country is such a hassle." "Mom, I'll have you flown out here on Air Force One. It'll be no trouble to you." Finally, his mother agrees.
The day of the inaguration rolls around, and his mother is seated between the Vice President and the Secretary of State. As the man is being sworn in, his mother nudges the vice president.
"You see that boy up there? The one with his hand on the Bible? His brother's a doctor. "
Who gets the job if both the President and Vice President die?
The undertaker.
You don't hear much from our Vice President....
Obama zipped him up and he's a-biden.
An American, a Brit, and a Japanese guy are stranded on a desert Island...
...the American says, "We're great at running the world, so I'll be President of the island." The Brit says, "We do whatever you blokes say, so I'll be Vice President." The American starts drawing out plans to build shelter and explaining them to the Brit. The Japanese guy asks, "Wait, what about me?" "Umm, you can be in charge of supplies."
So the Japanese guy goes off into the jungle and the American and Brit commence building. By the time they finish, the Japanese guy still isn't back. The other two start to get worried, so they decide to go in after them. When they're a good way into the jungle, the Japanese guy jumps out from behind a bush and yells "SUPPLIES!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
One day, the President finds a n**... message scribbled with pee on the snowy White House lawn.
He orders the Secret Service to investigate. They come back a few hours later with the results.
"Mr. President, we have bad news and worse news."
"What's the bad news?"
"The u**... belongs to the Vice President."
"What could possibly be worse than that?"
"The handwriting belongs to the First Lady."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Vice Presidents and h**... Detectives have a similar job...
...They both work if someone dies
Who's the Coolest Mathematical Vice President?
Al G, brah
An Engineer, Vice-President, and CEO are on the Golf Course...
The engineer hits the ball into the woods and says "No problem, I'll go get it."
The Vice-President then hits the ball into the woods and says "No problem, I'll have the engineer go get it."
The CEO then hits the ball into the woods and says "Have the engineer go get it, and then fire him. He should have warned us that might happen."
Heartbeats away from president
When you're a Vice President people say you're a heartbeat away from president.
But really, it's a failed heartbeat away from president
BREAKING NEWS
Benjamin Dover has been appointed as Vice President.
Get it? Ben Dover.
A woman is at the park with her son when he starts misbehaving.
She looks at him sternly and says "If you don't stop before I count to 3, we're going home!"
1...
2...
2 and a half...
2 and three quarters...
2 and five sevenths...
Just then a man taps her on the shoulder and hands her his business card. Hi I work for Gabe Newell, co-founder of Valve, and we're looking for a new Vice President. I think you're just what we're looking for. Call me on Monday and we'll talk.
What do you call a short moral story told by the 45th vice president of america?
An al gorey
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Whom to fire?
One day Mr. Smith, the president of a large corporation, called his vice-president, Dave, into his office and said, We're making some cutbacks, so either Jack or Barbara will have to be laid off.
Dave looked at Mr. Smith and said, Barbara is my best worker, but Jack has a wife and three kids. I don't know whom to fire.
The next morning Dave waited for his employees to arrive.
Barbara was the first to come in, so Dave said, Barbara, I've got a problem. You see, I've got to lay you or j**... and I don't know what to do?
Barbara replied, You'd better j**.... I've got a headache.
What do you call it when a president and vice-president are impeached at the same time?
Trump/Pence
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
i'm not german, but this is a little jokie joke
Overheard at the White House:
Trump to Vice-President Mike Pence: "the less immigrants we let in the better."
Pence to trump: "The FEWER.."
Trump interrupts Pence and says: "don't call me that in public".
What are the things The VICE President is in control of?
Some questions are best left unanswered.
Mike Pence Walks Into a Bar
He walks up to a group of women and says, "Hey ladies, wanna get out of here?"
The girls look befuddled. One of them says "Excuse me Mr. Pence, as vice president and as a married man, isn't it inappropriate to hit on a group of women like this?"
To which Pence replied "I wasn't hitting on you. Either you go or I'm not allowed to stay."
A former vice president has been researching a new method of making music
It's called an Algorithm
Everyone was wondering whether the US Vice President was involved in a scandal...
... they were all in sus Pence.
I think the current US vice president is doing a good job
But that's just my two pence.
Trump, Pence, and Paul Ryan and traveling together
President Trump, Vice President Pence, and Speaker of the House Paul Ryan are traveling together in a presidential convoy. A tornado comes along, sweeps up their vehicle and launches them hundreds of yards away.
When they regain consciousness they realize they've been transported to the magical Land of Oz.
They decide to go see the famous Wizard of Oz. The Wizard is known for granting wishes.
Pence says, "I'm going to ask the Wizard for a brain."
Paul Ryan adds, "I'm going to ask the Wizard for a heart."
Trump looks around and asks, "Where's Dorothy?"
The 45th Vice President of the USA created an entirely new drumbeat
The Al Gore Rhythm
Mike Pence walks into the Oval Office and sees Trump whooping and hollering.
"What's the matter, Mr. President?" The Vice President inquired.
"Nothing at all, boss. I just finished a jigsaw puzzle in record time!" The President beamed.
"How long did it take you?"
"Well, the box said '3 to 5 Years' but I did it in a month!"
My newsfeed keeps showing me a video of a former US Vice President playing the drums...
It must be Facebook's Al Gore rhythms.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Somebody attacked Bill Clinton's vice president with a chainsaw.
Witnesses described a mess of blood and Gore.
If Vice President Al Gore was a musician.....
He could call his group The Al Gore Rhythms
Everyone thought that Obama's Vice President was done with politics after 2016, but now he's considering running for president in 2020.
I guess he was just Biden his time.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
President Trump wakes up one winter morning and looks out the Whitehouse window to see the words "Trump s**...!" Written in u**... in the snow.
Outraged, he tasks the Secret Service to find out who is responsible.
Later that day the director of the Secret Service comes into the oval office and asks, "Sir, we have an answer. Do you want the bad news or the worse news?"
"Give me the bad news."
"We got the DNA test back on the u**..., it belongs to the vice president."
"That's the bad news?" Trump exclaims, "what could be worse than that?"
"Well," says the agent, "it was in the First Lady's hand writing."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I u/deadroadie am declaring my official run for presidential candidacy.
If any one can claim to be running for presidential candidacy, why not throw my name into the ring. h**..., why stop there, I fully support Cujo as my Vice President because he's such a heckin good boy!
