The Best 48 Vice Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Vice jokes. There are some vice chief jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these vice handle puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 of the Funniest Vice Jokes and Puns

I only have only one vice...

and that's to be screwed on top of my dirty workbench.

Several months

It had taken him several months, but the executive vice president had finally persuaded his new secretary to bend over the back of his leather couch and allow him to have sex with her that way.

"And just where have you been until this hour?" demanded his wife, when the wayward husband finally arrived home.

"Down at the office," he replied, "working like a dog."

I'm really bad at understanding some common phrases

and vice versa.

Vice joke, I'm really bad at understanding some common phrases

So, I haven't seen the vice president in the news much recently

I think that he may just be Biden his time

The vice president of Pepsi got fired...

he came up positive for coke.

After nitpicking a small detail in my friend's story, he said to me "What are you? President of the Pedantic Society?"

Vice President, actually.

People want to know if the Vice President will be running in 2016

He might, but for now he's just Biden his time.

Vice joke, People want to know if the Vice President will be running in 2016

At first, I was quite surprised to see my hockey team's goalie surrounded by beautiful women at the bar

...but then I remembered he's good at snatching pucks, and vice versa.

Who was the 45th Vice President of the United States? [Warning: Gore]

It's unfortunate that "I'M A 'MURRICAN" sounds a lot like "I'M A MERKIN"

And sometimes, vice versa.

Poor merkins.

I'm stuck in Christmas mass right now and I need some nsfw religious jokes about Christianity in order to make my dad crack. Have any?

Help me, I got dragged to this as vice and now we need jokes.

You can explore vice tool reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean vice huts dad jokes. There are also vice puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.

One day, the President finds a nasty message scribbled with pee on the snowy White House lawn.

He orders the Secret Service to investigate. They come back a few hours later with the results.

"Mr. President, we have bad news and worse news."

"What's the bad news?"

"The urine belongs to the Vice President."

"What could possibly be worse than that?"

"The handwriting belongs to the First Lady."

What's a Vice Presidents favorite type of math function?

An Al Gore-ithm

Why isn't the Vice President running for President this year?

Cuz he's Biden his time.

Heartbeats away from president

When you're a Vice President people say you're a heartbeat away from president.
But really, it's a failed heartbeat away from president

Wife or Girlfriend

A physicist, a mathematician and a computer scientist discuss what is better: a wife or a girlfriend. The physicist: "A girlfriend. You still have freedom to experiment." The mathematician: "A wife. You have security." The computer scientist: "Both. When I'm not with my wife, she thinks I'm with my girlfriend. With my girlfriend it's vice versa. And I can be with my computer without anyone disturbing me..."

Vice joke, Wife or Girlfriend

A woman is at the park with her son when he starts misbehaving.

She looks at him sternly and says "If you don't stop before I count to 3, we're going home!"



2 and a half...

2 and three quarters...

2 and five sevenths...

Just then a man taps her on the shoulder and hands her his business card. Hi I work for Gabe Newell, co-founder of Valve, and we're looking for a new Vice President. I think you're just what we're looking for. Call me on Monday and we'll talk.

What does former Vice President Gore play on the guitar?

An algorithm

What's the difference between a useless golfer and a useless skydiver?

The home golfer goes WHACK! "Oh no!" Whereas with the skydiver it's vice versa

What did the Vice President say when leaving the White House?


I didn't know the Disneyland had moved to the white house ...

Apparently the president is Donald and the vice is Mickey.

I discovered that my socks exhibit quantum entanglement.

As soon as I put on my left sock, the other sock immediately becomes the right sock, and vice versa, regardless of the distance between them.

Why did the ex Vice President dance so procedurally?

He invented an Al-Gore-Rhythm.

What do you call a musical equation that a former Vice President composes?

An algorithm

(Credit to my girlfriend)

In the UK, United States Vice President's opinion isn't worth much

It's only a pence.

The government has developed a program to increase the dancing skills of the vice president...

They used an Al Gore Rhythm....

When the Vice President of America is lost in thought...

Would he be considered Mike Pensive?

Mike Pence Walks Into a Bar

He walks up to a group of women and says, "Hey ladies, wanna get out of here?"

The girls look befuddled. One of them says "Excuse me Mr. Pence, as vice president and as a married man, isn't it inappropriate to hit on a group of women like this?"

To which Pence replied "I wasn't hitting on you. Either you go or I'm not allowed to stay."

I couldn't figure out why my Twitter feed only showed videos of Ex vice presidents dancing.

Turns out it's just the Al gore rhythm

I love using Latin phrases in English

And vice versa

I hate the misuse of Latin phrases...

...and vice versa.

Mike Pence walks into the Oval Office and sees Trump whooping and hollering.

"What's the matter, Mr. President?" The Vice President inquired.

"Nothing at all, boss. I just finished a jigsaw puzzle in record time!" The President beamed.

"How long did it take you?"

"Well, the box said '3 to 5 Years' but I did it in a month!"

My newsfeed keeps showing me a video of a former US Vice President playing the drums...

It must be Facebook's Al Gore rhythms.

What do you call that weird sensation when you are suddenly teleported from North Pole to South Pole or vice versa?

Bi-polar disorder.

Somebody attacked Bill Clinton's vice president with a chainsaw.

Witnesses described a mess of blood and Gore.

So a prostitute offered me to do anything for 500 bucks..

I asked her to complete the remote helicopter mission in the GTA Vice City

The president opens his curtains on a snowy morning when he sees that someone had urinated the words "The president sucks" on the lawn.

Furious, the president orders the FBI to launch an investigation.

Two hours later, the head of the FBI calls the president. "Sir, we have bad news, and we have even worse news. The urine was the Vice Presidents".

The President responds, "What? What could be worse than this?"

The head of the FBI says,"The handwriting was the First Lady's".

Former Vice President Joe's taking forever to announce running in 2020

I guess he's just Biden his time.

I wonder what his decision dePence on, is he afraid that he will be Chene'd to it?

Joe Biden is very close to making a decision about a female Vice Presidential running mate.

Sources close to the matter have stated that he's already given several of them his digits.

Facebook keeps suggesting that I watch videos of former American Vice Presidents dancing.

All to do with the Al Gore rhythms, apparently.

I u/deadroadie am declaring my official run for presidential candidacy.

If any one can claim to be running for presidential candidacy, why not throw my name into the ring. Hell, why stop there, I fully support Cujo as my Vice President because he's such a heckin good boy!

Here's a bit of advice for you:


What did Donald Trump do when he heard the Vice President was thirsty?

He gave Pensacola

I missed the Vice Presidential debate...

Can someone please tell me what all the buzz is about?

What do you get if you clone the vice president half a dozen times?


A drunk walks into a church...

...during mass and sits down. The priest is bothered by his presence and says to everybody:

\-The drink is a terrible vice, so much so that a drunk man will never reach salvation. If any of you is inebriated, I ask you to stand up.

The drunk man does, looks around to everybody sitted and says:

\-Whelp, I guess it's just the two of us, father.

I saw a former vice present playing bass recommend to me on Youtube.

I think something was wrong with its Al Gore rhythm.

Have you heard an ex Vice President is releasing a computer generated reggae album?

It's called Al Gore Rhythms

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the vice ceo jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working vice stealthily piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

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