The Best 17 Vicar Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Vicar jokes. There are some vicar archbishop jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these vicar pastor puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 of the Funniest Vicar Jokes and Puns

Forgive me father, pastor, vicar, padre, priest.

For I have synonymed.

A Higgs-boson particle goes into a church.

The vicar says, "We don't want your sort in here!"
The Higgs-boson particle says
"But you can't have mass without me!"

Vicar: A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T man and wife V W X Y Z

Groom: Why did you say that?

Vicar: Because I now pronounce u 'man and wife'

Vicar joke, Vicar: A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T man and wife V W X Y Z

Winston goes to church

Winston goes to church and the vicar says "What's wrong my son?"
Winston says "I want you to pray for my hearing".
The vicar puts his hands on Winston's ears and prays hard for ten minutes.
"So how is your hearing?" asks the vicar.
"I don't know", says Winston, "it isn't until next Wednesday".

What do you call a Vicar on a motorbike?

Rev


A Canadian visits a small church while on holiday in Scotland.

The Canadian is intrigued by the intricately carved pulpit and, being something of a history buff, would like to know more about it so approaches the little old vicar.

"Excuse me sir, would you be so kind as to tell me what the pulpit is made of?"

"Aye. Wood."

"You would?"

"Nay yew, is oak."

"Oak? Eh?"

"Glad to have helped."

Mr Sugarbrown's daughter?

A little girl, when asked her name, would reply, "I'm Mr.
Sugarbrown's daughter." Her mother told her this was wrong, she must say,"I'm Janey Sugarbrown." The Vicar spoke to her in Sunday School, and said,"Aren't you Mr.
Sugarbrown's daughter?" With her mother standing just a few feet away, the little girl replied, "I thought I was, but Mommy says I'm not."

Vicar joke, Mr Sugarbrown's daughter?

A coffin was being lowered into the ground at a Traffic Warden's funeral...

A coffin was being lowered into the ground at a Traffic Warden's funeral. As it was being lowered, a voice from inside screams "I'm not dead! I'm not dead! Let me out." The vicar smiles, leans forward sucking air through his teeth and mutters "sorry mate, it's too late. I've already done the paperwork."

Many were present at the funeral today of the oldest and unfunniest comedian.

In tribute, the vicar read out one of his jokes, and the congregation had two minutes silence.

A Vicar was preaching on the Demon Drink, saying whiskey can kill but water can't.

To prove it he had a glass of each. He dropped a worm into the water and it wiggled about. He dropped a worm into the whiskey.

Stone dead.

A person at the back jumped up shouting, "I'll have the whiskey Vicar! I've been having trouble with worms all my life

When there is some wine leftover from communion, it doesn't get wasted...

The vicar does.

You can explore vicar rectory reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean vicar reverend dad jokes. There are also vicar puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


I went to a Halloween party where everyone was dressed like a sore thumb

Not me, no, I stuck out like a vicar.

Deep from the vaults of St. Giles

Came a scream that resounded for miles.
Said the Vicar, Good Gracious!
Has Father Ignatius
Forgotten the Bishop has piles!? .

The Vicar's Salary

At Sunday church the local Vicar explains that he must move on to
a larger congregation that will pay him more.
There is a hush within the congregation.

No one wants him to leave because he is so popular.

Fred Smith, who owns several car dealerships in Glasgow, stands up and
proclaims:
'If the Vicar stays, I will provide him with a new Mercedes every
year, and his wife with a Volkswagen mini-van to transport their
children!'

The congregation sighs in appreciation and applauds.

Sam Brown, a successful entrepreneur and publican, stands and says, if
the Vicar will stay on here, I'll personally double his salary
and establish a foundation to guarantee private secondary school
education for all of his children!'

More sighs and loud applause.

Agnes Jones, age 88, stands and announces with a smile,
'If the Vicar stays, I will give him free sex.'

There is total silence.

The Preacher, blushing, asks her:
'Mrs. Jones, you're a wonderful and holy lady, whatever possessed you
to say that?'

Agnes's 90-year old husband, Joe, is now trying to hide, holding his
forehead with the palm of his hand and shaking
his head from side to side, while his wife replies:
'Well, I just asked my husband how we could help, and he said, 'Fuck him'.

Why did the man with no ears become a vicar?

He was feeling holy.

A priest, a vicar and a rabbi are having a discussion about miracles...

Vicar joke, A priest, a vicar and a rabbi are having a discussion about miracles...

How did the Chinese Vicar introduce herself?

By singing "I'm Asian Grace."

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the vicar methodist jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working vicar sinner piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

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