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Veterinarian Jokes

81 veterinarian jokes and hilarious veterinarian puns to laugh out loud. Read professions jokes about veterinarian that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Are you looking for a good laugh? Check out these hilarious veterinarian jokes about unprofessional veterinarians, pet shops and other pet-related experiences. Don't forget to bring your own pet along for the ride! Get ready to giggle and guffaw at these rib-tickling veterinarian jokes.

Best Short Veterinarian Jokes

Short veterinarian jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The veterinarian humour may include short veterinary jokes also.

  1. I once dated a girl She told me she loved all animals. When I told her I worked with animals, she asked me if I was a veterinarian.
    I told her, "No, I am a butcher"
  2. I was a little anxious when I hired an assassin to kill my best friend, ...but the veterinarian said they do this all the time.
  3. As I was driving home from work last night, I saw a bumper sticker that said "I am a veterinarian, so I can drive like an animal". Suddenly I realized how many proctologist are on the road.
  4. Did you hear about the guy who is both a taxidermist and a veterinarian? He has a sign on his door: Either way, you get your dog back.
  5. I wondered if becoming a furry could help me escape my crippling depression... Unfortunately, the veterinarian insisted that he still wasn't going to euthanize me.
  6. My Uncle was fired for sleeping with one of his patients... The worst part is that he's a veterinarian.
    Lol just kidding, he's a pediatrician.
  7. I saw a bumper sticker saying I am a veterinarian, therefore I can drive like an animal Suddenly I realized how many proctologists are on the road.
  8. What's the best thing about going to a veterinarian that doubles as a taxidermist? Either way, you get your dog back
  9. I saw a bumper sticker that said "I'm a veterinarian, so I drive like an animal" Suddenly I realized how many proctologists are on the road around these parts
  10. What phrase should a veterinarian never say to their patient's owners? Are you picking up what I'm putting down?

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Veterinarian joke, What phrase should a veterinarian never say to their patient's owners?


Make fun with this list of one liners, jokes and riddles. Each joke is crafted with thought and creativity, delivering punchlines that are unexpected and witty. The humor about veterinarian can easily lighten the mood and bring smiles to people's faces. This compilation of veterinarian puns is not just entertaining but also a testament to the art of joke-telling. The jokes in this list are designed to display different humor styles, ensuring that every reader at any age finds something entertaining. Constantly updated, they offer a source of fun that ensures one is always smiling !

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Veterinarian One Liners

Which veterinarian one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with veterinarian? I can suggest the ones about vets and cat vet.

  1. What do you call a veterinarian who can only treat one species? A Doctor.
  2. What's the hardest part about reading a Veterinarian book? Putting it down
  3. Where do you take a dog when it loses its tail? The veterinarian
  4. What do you call a veterinarian that specializes in horses? A veteri-neigh-rian
  5. What do you call a doctor in a stable environment? A veterinarian
  6. What does a veterinarian eat for dinner? Veterans
  7. Are veterinarians considered doctors? No. They're considered dogtors.
  8. Q: Why did the blonde want to become a veterinarian? 
    A: She liked kids...
  9. My father is a veterinarian My friends call me a son of a vet.
  10. What is a veterinarian's favourite type of charcuterie? Cured duck
  11. What did the yogic veterinarian say when asked for birth control? Namaspay
  12. What has blonde hair, blue eyes and tends to ailed animals? A VeterinArian.
  13. Panda mating fails: veterinarian takes over
  14. What do you call a veterinarian who specializes in canines? A dogtor.
  15. What do veterinarians use to deal with bowel disease in bovines? Cowlostomies

Bad Veterinarian Jokes

Here is a list of funny bad veterinarian jokes and even better bad veterinarian puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • A guy I know recently got fired for sleeping with one of his clients. It's too bad because he was such a great vet.
    (veterinarian)
Veterinarian joke, A guy I know recently got fired for sleeping with one of his clients.

Comedy Veterinarian Jokes to Make Your Friends Giggle

What funny jokes about veterinarian you can tell and make people laugh? One example I can give are clean veteran jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help make veterinarian prank.

So a blonde girl takes her goldfish to the vet...

...and she says to the veterinarian, "Hey, I think my goldfish has epilepsy; it has these awful seizures!"
The veterinarian takes one look at the fish and replies, "Well, it looks alright to me."
The blonde replies angrily, "Well Jesus, let me get it out of the bowl first!"

Police dog

One evening, a deputy in the canine division was dispatched to the scene of a possible burglary, where he discovered the back door of a building open. He let the dog out of his patrol car and commanded it to enter and seek. Jumping from the back seat, the dog headed for the building. After lunging through the doorway, the dog froze and backed out. My friend was puzzled until he investigated further. Then he noticed the sign on the building: "Veterinarian's Office."

A Doctor Joke

As she laid there next to me starting to sleep I said to myself, "Nick, I'm sure you aren't the only doctor to sleep with their patient.
But then another voice told me, "Nick, you are a veterinarian."

Do you know a good veterinarian?

Got asked this by a friend the other day.
Hey, do you know a good veterinarian?

'cause these puppies are SICK.

A doctor had s**......

A doctor had s**... with one of his female patients and felt guilty all day long. No matter how much he tried to forget about it, he just couldn't.
The guilt and sense of betrayal of his patient were overwhelming. But every once in a while he'd hear an internal, reassuring voice in his head that said: "Don't worry about it. You aren't the first medical practitioner to have s**... with one of his patients and you won't be the last. And you're single. Just let it go."
But, invariably, another voice in his head would bring him back to reality, whispering...
"You're a veterinarian, you sick s**... fiend."

A man took his dog to the vet thinking he was dead

The veterinarian placed the dog on a table and placed a cat upon the dog. The cat walked across the dog and veterinarian said, "yep, he is dead, that will $535." The man was outraged and asked "Why it is so much?", the vetanarian replied, "$35 for the office visit and $500 for the cat scan."

A doctor goes to confession...

"Forgive me father for I have sinned."
The priest replies, "Tell me your sins my child."
The doctor says, "I slept with five of my patients. I know it was wrong, not mention unethical. Since it happened, I've barely been able to sleep and I have no appetite. I feel so guilty."
The priest consoles him saying, "You must learn to forgive yourself."
The man replies, "But how can I? How can I return from this sin?"
The priest says, "You're not the first doctor to sleep with a patient and you won't be last."
The man nods in consent while the priest absolves him. As they exit the confessional, the priest looks at the doctor and says, "I hate to ask, but seeing as you're a doctor, do you think that you could take a look at my t**..., it's been sore for days."
The man replies, "I'd love to father, but I'm not that type of doctor. I'm a veterinarian."

A jew, an episcopalian, a veterinarian, a hipster, a r**..., a goth, and a frat boy all walk into a bar that promotes diversity

The bartender says "sorry, we have enough w**...."

So, there's this man named Dave and he's been a really successful doctor

However, lately he's been facing a little dilemma of wanting to have s**... with his patients.
One voice in his head says, "Oh come on Dave, there's probably been plenty of doctors who have done this before, it won't be any different if you do it too".
The other voice in his head says "But Dave, you're a veterinarian".

s**...

As she lay there dozing next to me a voice inside my head kept saying, "Relax, you are not the first doctor to sleep with one of his patients."
But another voice kept saying, "Dave, you are a veterinarian."

My neighbor is both a taxidermist and a veterinarian

He has a sign that says either way you get your dog back

My brother got fired from his job because he had s**... with one of his patients...

its a real shame as he was a great veterinarian

I saw a bumper sticker today that read

"My job is a Veterinarian, so I can drive like an animal!"
I suddenly realized how many how many Proctologists there are on the road!

I got the veterinarian at the zoo fired after he told me about performing a r**... exam.

I promptly called the zoo administrators and reported the HIPPO violation.

My dad was a doctor but he got fired for having s**... with one of his patients

He was a good veterinarian though

I wonder...

I wonder if a stripper has ever given a lap dance to a horse veterinarian to the song "Sitting on the Dock of the Bay."

Had my medical license revoked today.

Being a medical professional is like being in a minefield. All it takes is one mistep and you can lose it all. I made a one-time mistake and slept with a patient. A co-worker heard her passionate crys and came to find us in the act. Embarrassing be as it was, I never expected to be the end of my career.
12 years wasted as a veterinarian.

I got transferred from work three times this year for letting my clients give me o**... during checkups.

I'm starting to think that maybe a veterinarian career isn't for me.

An acquaintance of mine just got his medical license revoked because he had s**... relations with one of his patients.

It's a shame, he was the best veterinarian in the city.

VERY SAD DAY.

A good friend of mine, after 7 yrs of medical school and training has been fired for one minor indiscretion. He slept with one of his patients and can no longer work in the profession. What a waste of time, effort, training and money. He's still paying on his school loans. This just goes to show one minor mistake can ruin your life. Thoughts for him and his family. He really is a great guy and would have been a brilliant veterinarian.

Did you hear about the doctor who permanently lost his license JUST for sleeping with one of his patients?!?

He was a great veterinarian.

A sad day for a doctor

After 7 years of study, training and hard work, a member of the medical profession has been fired after one minor lack of judgment. He slept with one of his patients and can no longer work in the profession.
What a waste of time, effort, training and money. This shows that one minor mistake can ruin your career. Praying for him and his family. He was a genuinely nice guy, and a brilliant veterinarian.

They fired my friend, doctor, for sleeping with his patient

After 7 years of studying, they fired my friend, doctor. He slept with his patient and can no longer carry out his profession for this. So much effort, time, money, and hop, it's just a one little mistake that makes you lose everything. Dave, I stand by you, you are still a wonderful person and an excellent veterinarian for me!

When I was little I thought being a veterinarian was the best job in the world

Then I found out they have to do more than put down cats all day

A Doctor was fired for having s**... with his patients

Thats a shame, he was an excellent veterinarian.

When I grow up I want to be a veterinarian then go into the army, and become a veteran so I can become...

A Vet Vet

Two blondes speaking: - My boyfriend is a veterinarian.

- Oh, did he fight in a war?
- No, you d**..., he doesn't eat meat.

What do dyslexic prostitutes and veterinarians have in common?

They're always talking about sick ducks.

If a veterinarian says a pregnant cow needs to have an abortion...

Does that mean he's ordering a de-calf?

Today is a VERY, VERY sad day.

VERY VERY VERY SAD DAY. A good friend of mine, after 7 years of medical school and training has been fired for one minor indiscretion. He slept with one of his patients and can no longer work in the profession. What a waste of time, effort, training and money. He is still paying his school loans. This just goes to show you one minor mistake can ruin your life. Thoughts for him and his family.
He really is a great guy and a brilliant veterinarian.

Sick chihuahua

A man takes his sick Chihuahua to the veterinarian. They're immediately taken back to a room.
Soon, a Labrador walks in, sniffs the Chihuahua for 10 minutes and leaves. Then a cat comes in, stares at the Chihuahua for 10 minutes and leaves. Finally, the doctor
comes in, prescribes some medicine and hands the man a $250 bill.
This must be a mistake, the man says. I've been here only 20 minutes!
No mistake, the doctor says. It's $100 for the lab test, $100 for the cat scan and $50 for the medicine.

My neighbor grew tired of being a taxidermist after 15 years, and went to veterinarian school.

His new business never got off the ground so he decided to operate both his taxidermy and vet business together to save money. His new slogan was: "No Matter What Happens - You Get Your Cat Back."

Dr. Mike had s**... with one of his patients and felt guilty all day long.

No matter how much he tried to forget about it, he just couldn't. The guilt and sense of betrayal were overwhelming. But every once in a while he'd hear an internal, reassuring voice in his head that said: "Mike, don't worry about it. You aren't the first medical practitioner to sleep with one of your patients, and you won't be the last. And you're single. Just let it go, Mike."
But invariably another voice in his head would bring him back to reality, whispering:
What's wrong with you Mike, you're a veterinarian.

Earlier today I saw a bumper sticker

It said "I'm a veterinarian, therefore I can drive like an animal!"
Suddenly I realized how many proctologists are on the road!

A man goes to his veterinarian and complains, "I think my goldfish is having seizures."

"He seems fine now," the doctor replies. "Yeah," the man says, "but just wait until I take him out of the bowl."

A veterinarian was feeling ill and went to see her doctor.

The doctor started asking her all the usual questions about her symptoms when she interrupted him, Hey look, I'm a vet - I don't need to ask my patients these kinds of questions. I can tell what's wrong just by looking at them.
She smugly added "Why can't you?"
The doctor nodded, stood back, looked her up and down, quickly wrote out a prescription, handed it to her and said "There you are. Of course, if that doesn't work, we'll have to have you put to sleep.

I was sorry to hear you lost your job for sleeping with one of your clients...

That s**..., you were a great veterinarian

A guy walks into a bar, orders a drink, and begins to cry

The bar tender takes notice and asks "hey, what's wrong"
"I've been caught sleeping with my patients, I'm going to loose my license."
"You're crying because of that? My cousin sleeps with his patients all the time, you have nothing to fear."
"Oh yeah? Is your cousin a veterinarian?"

A blonde visits her brunette friend at her home and finds out that she's sick.

The brunette asks "Could you please call the doctor? I'm too sick to go on the phone."
She does so, and calls a doctor. When the doctor comes and visits, the brunette finds out he is a veterinarian.
Confused, the brunette asks, "Why did you call a veterinarian to come see me?"
And the blonde says, "Well I didn't think his religion would make a difference."

the horse

A veterinarian walks into a bar and orders a drink. He strikes up a conversation with the guy next to him, who asks what he does. "I'm a veterinarian," the vet says. "Really?" the guy asks. "Say, I own a horse and was wondering if you could help me." He pulls out his cell phone and call up a photo of a horse's head. "See his teeth? Can you tell me what's wrong?" "Sorry," the vet says, "I don't look a .gif horse in the mouth."

A friend of mine is a veterinarian. He is also a taxidermist...

A friend of mine is a veterinarian.
He is also a taxidermist.
He has a sign on the side of his car that reads, Either way, you get your dog back.

I had many career paths to choose from - lawyer, prison guard, veterinarian

but none of them satisfied my desire to work with animals quite like being a teacher

Doctors

A veterinarian was feeling ill and went to see her doctor.
The doctor started to ask her the usual questions, about symptoms, when she interrupted him: Hey look, I'm a vet -- I don't need to ask my patients these kind of questions: I can tell what's wrong just by looking. Why can't you?
The doctor nodded, looked her up and down, and immediately wrote out a prescription handed it to her and said, There you are. Of course, if that doesn't work, we'll have to have you put down.

My friend graduated from medical school after 7 years.

He then got a job at his local clinic, but shortly got fired after that for sleeping with his patients!
He was one of the most promising veterinarians in our class

My veterinarian says my dog has an absolutely adorable disease.

She has a cute pancreatitis.

*Update:* This is somewhat real. My dog went into the dog hospital last night. She's doing a little better today and she will probably make it. I had to joke because this is a tough ride to take without it.

*Update* My dog is home now. She's well, and she's absolutely adorable.

Why do butchers make the best veterinarians?

They can cure a pig after it's already died.

Veterinarian joke, Why do butchers make the best veterinarians?

jokes about veterinarian

Jokes are a form of humor that often involves clever wordplay, puns or unexpected twists in a story. These are usually short narratives or anecdotes crafted with the intent of amusing its audience by ending in an unexpected or humorous punchline. Jokes are a universal form of entertainment that people of all ages like adults, teens, kids and toddlers can enjoy. JokoJokes' FAQ section has answers to questions you may have!

The impact of these veterinarian jokes can be both social and psychological. They can help to ease tensions, create bonds between people, and even improve overall mental health. The success of a joke often relies on the delivery, timing, and audience. Jokes can be used in various settings, from social gatherings to professional presentations, and are often employed to lighten the mood or enhance a story.