Veterans Day Jokes
24 veterans day jokes and hilarious veterans day puns to laugh out loud. Read holiday jokes about veterans day that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Chuckles, giggles and guffaws, oh my! Veterans Day is not just a military holiday, it's also a day where we can tickle our funny bones with Veterans Day jokes. Now, let's not go AWOL on the humor. When you're sharing your Veterans Day jokes, remember, it's all about context! Timing is key, and knowing your audience is crucial. You wouldn’t want to tell your joke to a crowd who might not appreciate it, would you? Certainly not! So, whether you're cracking a joke at the family dinner table, at a Veterans Day event, or even with your army buddies, remember to keep it light-hearted and respectful. After all, we're here to celebrate, not to start a comedy war! It's time to salute Veterans Day, with a side of laughter.
Funniest Veterans Day Short Jokes
Short veterans day jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The veterans day humour may include short memorial day jokes also.
- A Veterans Day Joke: If Donald Trump refuses to leave the White House... They should just rename it Viet Nam and see how fast he leaves.
- I needed to get my cat dewormed this morning and went down to the animal clinic. They were closed! These people must've got the wrong idea.
It's Veterans Day, not Veterinarians Day! - Why don't skeletons go to the Veterans Day parade? Because they don't have anybody to go with.
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Veterans Day One Liners
Which veterans day one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with veterans day? I can suggest the ones about veteran and military veteran.
- Why wouldn't the dog attend the Veterans Day Parade? There were too many vets.
- I can't wait till next years veterans day: for the ones that didn't get captured....
- Stan Lee Stan lee was in WW2 a d died on veterans day
- Roses are red Oh, by the way,
I have Alzheimers
Happy Veterans Day
Cheerful Fun Veterans Day Jokes for Lovely Laughter
What funny jokes about veterans day you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean old veteran jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make veterans day pranks.
So there's this man with a parrot.
And his parrot swears like a sailor, I mean he's a p**.... He can swear for five minutes straight without repeating himself.
The trouble is that the guy who owns the parrot is a quiet, conservative type, and this bird's foul mouth is driving him crazy.
One day, it gets to be too much, so the guy grabs the bird by the t**..., shakes him really hard, and yells, "QUIT IT!" But this just makes the bird mad and he swears more than ever.
Then the guy gets mad and says, "That's it. I'll get you." and locks the bird in a kitchen cabinet.
This really aggravates the bird and he claws and scratches, and when the guy finally lets him out, the bird cuts loose with a stream of invective that would make a veteran sailor blush.
At that point, the guy is so mad that he throws the bird into the freezer.
For the first few seconds, there is a terrible din. The bird kicks and claws and thrashes. Then it suddenly goes very quiet.
At first the guy just waits, but then he starts to think that the bird may be hurt. After a couple of minutes of silence, he's so worried that he opens up the freezer door.
The bird calmly climbs onto the man's outstretched arm and says, "Awfully sorry about the trouble I gave you. I'll do my best to improve my vocabulary from now on."
The man is astounded. He can't understand the transformation that has come over the parrot.
Then the parrot says, "By the way, what did the chicken do?"
There was a father and son..
The father is a war veteran. He also has a prosthetic leg. One day, his son asks..
"Dad, did you ever get shot in the army?"
The father responds, "No, I got shot in the leggy"
A week before Memorial Day, kids bring pictures of veteran family members to school for show and tell.
First up was Mary. "My daddy served in Afghanistan. He was a paratrooper."
"A paratrooper?" Asked the teacher, who was awed.
"Yes, please look closer -- you can see his jump badge."
Second was Joe. "My granny served in Vietnam. She was a doctor."
"A doctor?" Asked the teacher, who was moved.
"Yeah, see? That's a stethoscope hanging around her neck."
Third was little Johnny, "This is my great grandpa. He was an electrician."
"An electrician?" Asked the teacher, who was perplexed.
"Yeah, here. You can see the two lightning bolts on his helmet"
On the day of Michael Jackson's death
The two paramedics arrive at Neverland Ranch to find Michael unconscious and not breathing.
The rookie says to the veteran "What should we try first?"
"I reckon the roller coaster."
U.S male active duty and veterans...on this special day, make sure to call up all your old flames, current lovers. Wives and girlfriends as well as any others who helped you out during long deployments and say.....
"Thank you for your c**...!"
I wrote this joke
Veterans day Bowe Bergdahl walks into an Applebees in his uniform.
Eats a hearty dinner, and is satisfied with it. Afterwards, the waitress comes over and asks. "Dessert sir?"
Bergdahl replies: "Already did"
Duck duck...
When I was a kid, I had this conversation with a retired Vietnam veteran:
I saw his display of medals and asked about each. They all came with stories that left me wide-eyed and speechless.
All except the last one. I pointed and asked "what about the one that looks like a heart?".
He chuckled in a gruff voice as if to start a 'back in my day' story.
"I goosed" he said, shaking his head.
I was confused. What? "I don't get it" I replied.
"Everyone one else was busy ducking, but I goosed and got shot."
A man jumps into a lion's cage to save a 5 year old boy by punching the lion in the nose
Soon, reporters are on the scene.
"Why don't you tell us a bit more about yourself"
"Well, I'm currently a stockbroker, but I got out of the Army only two years ago"
"What do you do for fun"
"I'm an avid fisherman, and I teach rifle safety classes for the NRA"
"Who'd you vote for in the last election"
"Trump."
The next day, the headline reads:
*GUN TOTING RIGHT WING CRAZY REPUBLICAN CRAZED VETERAN CAPITALIST PUNCHES AN AFRICAN IMMIGRANT IN THE FACE, STEALS HIS LUNCH*
A manager hired a new secretary and she was young, sweet and polite…
One day while taking dictation, she noticed his fly was open.
While leaving the room, she courteously said, Oh, sir, did you know that your barracks door is open?
He did not understand her remark, but later on he happened to look down and saw that his zipper was open.
He decided to have some fun with his new employee.
Calling her in, he asked, By the way, Miss Jones, when you saw my barracks door open this morning, did you also see a soldier standing at attention?
The secretary replied, Why, no sir. All I saw was a little, disabled veteran, sitting on two duffel bags!
Toll Joke my buddy made up.
A young new toll operator is having his first day on the job with a skilled veteran of the booth. As they work in their conjoined shift, the veteran points out a gold Mercedes pulling up in the toll line. The Veteran nudges the kid and says " Dat guy dere ain't gone pay his full toll. " the young new worker looks at his predecessor like he's crazy. As the car pulls up, the driver is furiously digging for change. "I am so sorry! All I have is 73 cents!" The driver exclaimed. The Veteran nods him through anyway and then turns to the incredulous newbie and says "Toll jew"
WWII fighter pilot speaks to the class...
When I was in sixth grade, on Veterans' Day, they had an old RAF fighter pilot from WWII come in to speak to the class. He was a sweet little old man with white hair and it was hard to imagine him flying a fighter plane and shooting down enemy aircraft. But when he started to tell his stories his eyes lit up and he became animated, swooping his hand gracefully through the air to simulate the various paths his plane took.
Speaking with a slight Cockney accent he explained, Then I seen this fokker comin' right at me from one o'clock, so I dives and turns right and comes up right behind him. I fired my guns and blew that fokker right out of the air! Then I sees two more of them fokkers comin' up from below, at seven o'clock, so's I….
Just then, the teacher, Mrs. Johnson, interrupts with, I think we should explain to the sixth graders that Fokker was a type of German aircraft.
Oh no Miss. They waz flyin' Messerschmitts.
So there is a rookie cop out on his first day on patrol...
He is partnered with a veteran cop to show him the ropes. They pull over a blond for speeding. The veteran cop says
"I want you to go up to the window and undo your fly."
"Why would I do that?!" exclaims the rookie.
"Just trust me, do it." assures the veteran.
So the rookie cop walks up to the blonds car window, and as she rolls it down he undoes his zipper. She looks up at him with a shocked face and says
"OH NO! Not another breathalyzer test..."
The manager hired a new secretary.
She was young, sweet and polite.
One day while taking dictation, she noticed his fly was open.
While leaving the room, she courteously said, “Oh, sir, did you know that your barracks door is open?”
He did not understand her remark, but later on he happened to look down and saw that his zipper was open.
He decided to have some fun with his new employee.
Calling her in, he asked, “By the way, Miss Jones, when you saw my barracks door open this morning, did you also see a soldier standing at attention?”
The secretary, who was quite witty, replied, “Why, no sir. all I saw was a little, disabled veteran, sitting on two duffel bags!”