Vest Jokes
62 vest jokes and hilarious vest puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about vest that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Vest Short Jokes
Short vest jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The vest humour may include short robe jokes also.
- What's the difference between a bomb vest and a feminist? A bomb vest does something when it's triggered.
- I have a shirt with 120 tiny pockets that fit exactly one mint each.... It's my Tic Tactical vest.
- How do you restrain a straight person? Give them a straight jacket.
How do you restrain a trans person?
Make the trans' vest tight. - I love my wife so much... I love my wife so much, that if we were on a sinking ship with only one life vest, I would miss her very much and think of her a lot.
- I started a fried chicken joint. In order to be halal, the chickens must be killed in the traditional Islamic manner: It's pretty hard getting the little explosive-filled vests on them, though.
- They should make birth control for men Because it makes more sense to fire blanks than shoot at a bulletproof vest.
Recent discoveries will make this joke obsolete, thought I'd give it one more run. - My 6 year old niece told me this one. What do you call an alligator who likes to wear vests?
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An investigator - The congregation discovered the minister was having an affair with a married congregant Apparently they found his vest in her pantry and her pants in his vestry.
- I just finished writing a book on what it takes to create a global clothing company... It's an International Vest-Seller
- The french invented a new bulletproof vest That is just as efficient as a regular one but much cheaper: it only covers the soldiers' backs
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Vest One Liners
Which vest one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with vest? I can suggest the ones about coat and vent.
- What do you call a deer wearing an explosive vest? Bombi.
- What do you call an alligator in a vest? An Investigator.
- What do you call a gator in a vest? A
In*vest*i*gator*! - What do you call an Irishman in a bulletproof vest? Rick O'Shea
- What do you call an alligator in a vest? An investogator.
- What did the policeman say to his tummy? I got you under a vest!
- What did the policeman say to his bellybutton? "You're under a vest!"
- What did the policeman say to his belly? You're under a vest.
- What do you call a barbarian in a reflective vest? A high-Visigoth.
- What do you get if you put a vest on an alligator? an investigator.
- What did the police officer say to his belly-button? You're under a vest.
- What the police say to his belly button Your under a vest.
- What did the cop say to his belly button? You're under a vest
lol - What did the cop say when his stomach rumbled? Stop! You're under a vest!
- My bullet proof vest is... Going ballistic
Amusing & Witty Vest Jokes for Laughter-Filled Fun
What funny jokes about vest you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean pants jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make vest pranks.
Have you heard about the s**... bomber f**...?
Wearing only a vest you run out in public and blow your DNA all over everyone.
A cowboy walks into a bar...
...dressed entirely in paper, head to toe. The works. Paper hat, crinkled paper hat-band, grocery bag shirt, newsprint vest, origami guns in cardboard holsters, belts made of those paper links on Christmas trees, butcher's paper pants and chaps, tissue-box boots, and glossy magazine spurs. He nods to the bartender and takes a seat at the poker table. He plays for about half an hour, when the sheriff bursts in and arrests him for rustling.
A cowboy rides into town wearing a paper suit.
He's wearing a paper hat, a paper shirt, vest, jacket and pants. He even had a paper holster for his six-shooter.
He wasn't in town 10 minutes before he was arrested for rustling.
3 in 1 QA jokes
Q: What does a nosey pepper do?
A: Gets jalapeno business!
Q: What do you call a fake noodle?
A: An impasta
Q: What do you call an alligator in a vest?
A: An Investigator
How to get rich
A young man asked an old rich man how he made his money. The old guy fingered his worsted wool vest and said, "Well, son, it was 1932. The depth of the Great Depression. I was down to my last nickel. I invested that nickel in an apple. I spent the entire day polishing the apple and, at the end of the day, I sold the apple for ten cents. The next morning, I invested those ten cents in two apples. I spent the entire day polishing them and sold them at 5 pm for 20 cents. I continued this system for a month, by the end of which I'd accumulated a fortune of $1.37. Then my wife's father died and left us two million dollars."
Why did the rapper die after being shot?
He forgot 2pac his bullet proof vest
Just heard this one at the pub: What do you call a monkey with a s**... vest?
Ba***boom!***
^(Don't worry, I kicked him out the door.)
Cowboy walks into a bar.
A cowboy walks into a bar. He's wearing brown paper shirt, a brown paper vest, brown paper pants and a brown paper hat. "Gimme 5 shots of tequila", he demands. "You must be celebrating" the bartender said as he set up the shots. "yep, I just got out of prison", said the cowboy. "What were you in for"?, asked the bartender. The cowboy replied, "rustling".
Q:What did the German Police office say to his n**....
A:*You are under a vest.*
What's the difference between a feminist and a s**... vest?
A s**... vest gets something accomplished when triggered.
What's the difference between a feminist and a s**... vest?
People care if the vest gets triggered.
I bought a vest today,
If I had no arms it would be a jacket.
I'm like a s**... vest.
If you do me right I'll explode on your chest.
Two philosophers are having a discussion about the morality of swords. To back up their claims, one of them picks up a sword and shouts "The tip of this sword could never pierce your leather vest" and proceeds to lunge the sword into their chest
Coughing up blood, the wounded philosopher weakly replies "That's a good point"
What's the difference between a feminist and a s**... vest?
Some people want to get in a s**... vest
My girlfriend asked me one night if I had protection
I told her of course and proceeded to unbutton my shirt. She asked, Why are you wearing a bullet proof vest?
Protection
I opened a store that sells waistcoats and spandex for cross-dressers.
I call it trans vest tights .
What do you call a German cowboy with awful dress sense?
Hans of the vile vile vest
what's the best way to instantly blend into a crowd?
s**... vest
Why did French use yellow as the color for their angry vest movement ?
It fits so well with their teeth.
Boom
What's the difference between a feminist and a s**... vest?
One actually does something when its triggered.
Kanye West
After a long day of work, Kanye West goes to his Kanye Nest to take his Kanye Rest. He wakes up feeling his Kanye Best. Then he'll get Kanye Dressed on his Kanye Vest to go on a Kanye Quest. He goes to church and becomes Kanye Blessed, then to a hotel room to be a Kanye Guest. Then to school to take his Kanye Test. He forgot to brush his teeth. Did he run out of Kanye Crest? His neighbor stole it, what a Kanye Pest.
Just recalling the great toilet paper shortage and my Walmart experience.
I couldnt find toilet paper anywhere at Walmart, so I finally found an associate wearing the signature yellow vest, and asked, " Is there toilet paper anywhere in this store?"
She looked me up and down and said, "We've been out of toilet paper for over a week."
Imagine my embarrassment as I waddled back to the restroom with my pants around my ankles.
A woman comes home to her husband, upset and bawling her eyes out...
Her husband, who's having a chat with one of his mates over a coffee, takes his shirt and vest off, gives the woman a box with some colouring stuff in, and she calms down and begins to draw Noddy in wax on her husband's right scapula.
The husband's mate looks bemused and asks the guy what she's up to.
"Don't worry, " he replies. "She just needed a shoulder to crayon."
o**... started wearing a vest that had the current time on either side.
It got him a few weird looks, as the vest wasn't all that attractive, and he wouldn't be able to see the time on the vest. Finally, after a few days, someone asked him about it.
"I figured that this way, " the man answered. "Time would always be on my side."
I noticed my wife and kids were wearing vests so I put one on just so I could say "vest day ever" like a million times.
Then I took it off just so I could mention that I wasn't as invested as they were.
