The Best 32 Vessel Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Vessel jokes. There are some vessel crew jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these vessel sailboat puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 Funniest Vessel Jokes and Puns

Fighter jock and the cargo pilot

A cargo plane is flying along, doing its cargo plane thing, when a fighter jet comes up alongside.

The fighter jock decides to poke some fun at the pilot who's forced to fly such an ungainly vessel.

"My plane's so much more advanced than yours. Watch this" says the jock, as he proceeds to do loop-de-loops, barrel rolls, corkscrews, and all manner of fast paced aerial acrobatics.

"Very impressive," responds the cargo pilot. "But that's nothing, watch this." For a half hour the large craft simply plods along straight as an arrow, not even so much as dipping the wings.

After a while, the cargo pilot comes back on the radio and says "So, what'd you think?"

Jock: "What d'you mean? You didn't do anything. You just flew straight for a while."

Cargo: "Oh no, that wasn't all. I got up, stretched my legs, got some coffee, went to the bathroom..."

What do you call a blood vessel with a carrot jammed into it?

A carroted artery.

TIL that in 1940 a German U-Boat captain found himself aboard a British vessel.

Whoops, wrong sub.

tifu by getting inside someone else's underwater vessel

Whoops, wrong sub

119 years ago today a Canadian cargo vessel sank off the coast of New York, her cargo 50,000 cases of mayonnaise.

And that's why we celebrate Sinko de Mayo

If you draw a blood vessel,

are you practicing artery?

A useless blood vessel is found dead

It died in vein

Vessel joke, A useless blood vessel is found dead

TIL you can get kicked out of the Navy for getting on the wrong vessel just once.

Oops, wrong sub.

What do you call a vessel full of academics?

A scholarship

TIL of an incident during the Cold War when American ships, fearing a Soviet attack, nearly fired on a friendly vessel.

Whoops, wrong sub.

A Coast Guard patrol intercepts a sinking vessel smuggling illegally spicy peppers. "Help!" says the smuggler...

"I'm capsaicin!"

You can explore vessel seas reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean vessel boat dad jokes. There are also vessel puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.

BREAKING NEWS: A Red Cruise ship and a Blue Naval Vessel have collided in the Caribbean...

...and the survivors are marooned.

Which car is secretly a pirate vessel?

The Yaris

TIL that you can get dishonourably discharged from the Navy for boarding the wrong vessel just once

Does "dying when the ship gets blown up by the enemy" count as dishonourably discharged?

What's the difference between a beard and an 18th century sailing vessel?

One's coarse hair; the other's a corsair.

What did Dracula name his new boat?

The Blood Vessel

Vessel joke, What did Dracula name his new boat?

What does a phallic shaped, potato based sea faring vessel have in common with North Korea?

They are both dick-tater-ships.

I think Trojan is a bad name for a condom brand...

...because of course, the Trojans were a people whose lives were ruined when a vessel containing little warriors unexpectedly exploded inside their city walls...

TIL You can be discharged from the navy for boarding the wrong vessel.

Oops wrong sub

TIL that you can be dishonourably discharged from the navy for accidentally boarding the wrong vessel just once

TIFU by boarding the wrong naval vessel and getting stuck out at sea for a week

Whoops, wrong sub

I'm bigger and badder than the titanic

Only 200 women went down on that vessel

TIFU by going inside someone else's marine vessel.

Oops, wrong sub.

What do you call the sea worthy vessel carrying a Russian potato who rules the land with an iron fist?


A pirate names his new ship Data

His first mate remarks, "Data is a fine vessel."

The pirate responds, "Data *are*!

My boyfriend just called me a pot

Because I'm an empty vessel.

Vessel joke, My boyfriend just called me a pot


The optimist says "The glass is half full."

The pessimist says "The glass is half empty."

The engineer says "The vessel contains twice the required space for the volume present."

A shipwrecked mariner had spent several years on a deserted island, completely alone.

Then one morning he was thrilled to see a ship offshore and a smaller vessel pulling out towards him.

When the boat grounded on the beach, the officer in charge handed the marooned sailor a bundle of newspapers and told him: The captain said to read through these and let us know if you still want to be rescued.

This sub is basically shit.

Not a joke. I'm scouring the ocean floor in a vessel mainly made of zebra feces.

Did you hear about the boat full of gang members?

It was a blood vessel.

An American coastguard strikes a rock and begins to sink...

The only other vessel nearby was a German coastguard. The Americans contacted the Germans: "Mayday! Mayday! We're sinking! We're sinking!"

To which the Germans respond: "Zis is the German coastguard, what are you sinking about?"

A vampires favorite ship

Is a blood vessel.

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the vessel hms jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working vessel voyage piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

Joko Jokes