Vessel Jokes

56 vessel jokes and hilarious vessel puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about vessel that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Make your party guests laugh with some hilarious vessel jokes! Our collection includes puns and jokes related to blood vessels, sailing, and being diverted. Browse through to find jokes suitable for all ages and have your friends laughing out loud!

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Funniest Vessel Short Jokes

Short vessel jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The vessel humour may include short vase jokes also.

  1. Did you know that if you take all the blood vessels from an average size human body and lay them out end to end You'll go to prison for a very long time.
  2. A Halloween joke I made up when I was 12: What did dracula name his boat? The Blood Vessel
  3. TIL that in 1940 a German U-Boat captain found himself aboard a British vessel. Whoops, wrong sub.
  4. Why do Norway, Sweden, and Finland put QR codes on their military vessels? So they can Scandinavian as they return.
  5. If you took all the blood vessels in someone's body and laid them end to end along the equator That person would die.
  6. Perspective The optimist says "The glass is half full."
    The pessimist says "The glass is half empty."
    The engineer says "The vessel contains twice the required space for the volume present."
  7. If you took all of the blood vessels in your body and laid them end to end across a football field you would die.
  8. Why do all the Norwegian military vessels have barcodes on the bow? So upon their return, they can Scandinavian
  9. TIL of an incident during the Cold War when American ships, fearing a Soviet attack, nearly fired on a friendly vessel. Whoops, wrong sub.
  10. To earn extra money, I started a home-based business building small boats in my attic ... Business was really slow until I switched to larger vessels, and now sails are through the roof!

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Vessel One Liners

Which vessel one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with vessel? I can suggest the ones about vein and ship.

  1. A vampires favorite ship Is a blood vessel.
  2. What kind of boat do vampires like? Blood vessels
  3. tifu by getting inside someone else's underwater vessel Whoops, wrong sub
  4. What do you call a shop that sells aquatic vessels? A boat-ique.
    ...I'll get my coat.
  5. A useless blood vessel is found dead It died in vein
  6. I have an unhealthy addiction to WW2 Naval vessels I warship them
  7. Did you hear about the boat full of gang members? It was a blood vessel.
  8. Why can't your PC handle naval merchant vessels? It doesn't have a USB-seaport!
  9. What did Dracula name his new boat? The Blood Vessel
  10. If you draw a blood vessel, are you practicing artery?
  11. What do you call a blood vessel with a carrot jammed into it? A carroted artery.
  12. Which car is secretly a pirate vessel? The Yaris
  13. What is a vampires favourite type of ship? A blood vessel.
  14. TIFU by going inside someone else's marine vessel. Oops, wrong sub.
  15. I'm bigger and badder than the titanic Only 200 women went down on that vessel

Blood Vessel Jokes

Here is a list of funny blood vessel jokes and even better blood vessel puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • Fun fact: if you take a man, remove all of his blood vessels and lay them out end to end... He'll die
  • When people tell me I'm a nerd for being good at math... ...I simply tell them that I'll add a knife to my hand, divide all their blood vessels, and subtract them from this world.
  • Why do blood vessels always care about how they look? Because they're vein
  • Alcohol not only expands the blood vessels but also communications.
  • Q: How do vampires get around on Halloween?
    A: On blood vessels.
  • What do you call a used sanitary towel floating around the sewage treatment plant? A blood vessel.

Here is a list of funny navy vessel jokes and even better navy vessel puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • Why do Swedish, Norwegian, and Finnish military ocean vessels have bar codes on the sides? So when they come home they can ...
    scan da navy in
  • TIL that you can get dishonourably discharged from the Navy for boarding the wrong vessel just once Does "dying when the ship gets blown up by the enemy" count as dishonourably discharged?
  • TIL that you can be dishonourably discharged from the navy for accidentally boarding the wrong vessel just once
  • TIL You can be discharged from the navy for boarding the wrong vessel. Oops wrong sub
  • TIL you can get kicked out of the Navy for getting on the wrong vessel just once. Oops, wrong sub.
Vessel joke, TIL you can get kicked out of the Navy for getting on the wrong vessel just once.

Here is a list of funny naval vessel jokes and even better naval vessel puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • BREAKING NEWS: A Red Cruise ship and a Blue Naval Vessel have collided in the Caribbean... ...and the survivors are marooned.
  • TIFU by boarding the wrong naval vessel and getting stuck out at sea for a week Whoops, wrong sub
Vessel joke, TIFU by boarding the wrong naval vessel and getting stuck out at sea for a week

Loads of Fun with Charming Humor Vessel Jokes

What funny jokes about vessel you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean valve jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make vessel pranks.

I think t**... is a bad name for a c**... brand...

...because of course, the Trojans were a people whose lives were ruined when a vessel containing little warriors unexpectedly exploded inside their city walls...

Fighter jock and the cargo pilot

A cargo plane is flying along, doing its cargo plane thing, when a fighter jet comes up alongside.
The fighter jock decides to poke some fun at the pilot who's forced to fly such an ungainly vessel.
"My plane's so much more advanced than yours. Watch this" says the jock, as he proceeds to do loop-de-loops, barrel rolls, corkscrews, and all manner of fast paced aerial acrobatics.
"Very impressive," responds the cargo pilot. "But that's nothing, watch this." For a half hour the large craft simply plods along straight as an arrow, not even so much as dipping the wings.
After a while, the cargo pilot comes back on the radio and says "So, what'd you think?"
Jock: "What d'you mean? You didn't do anything. You just flew straight for a while."
Cargo: "Oh no, that wasn't all. I got up, stretched my legs, got some coffee, went to the bathroom..."

This sub is basically s**....

Not a joke. I'm scouring the ocean floor in a vessel mainly made of zebra f**....

A shipwrecked mariner had spent several years on a deserted island, completely alone.

Then one morning he was thrilled to see a ship offshore and a smaller vessel pulling out towards him.
When the boat grounded on the beach, the officer in charge handed the marooned sailor a bundle of newspapers and told him: The captain said to read through these and let us know if you still want to be rescued.

An American coastguard strikes a rock and begins to sink...

The only other vessel nearby was a German coastguard. The Americans contacted the Germans: "Mayday! Mayday! We're sinking! We're sinking!"
To which the Germans respond: "Zis is the German coastguard, what are you sinking about?"

My boyfriend just called me a p**...

Because I'm an empty vessel.

A pirate names his new ship Data

His first mate remarks, "Data is a fine vessel."
The pirate responds, "Data *are*!

What does a p**... shaped, potato based sea faring vessel have in common with North Korea?

They are both d**...-tater-ships.

A Coast Guard patrol intercepts a sinking vessel smuggling illegally spicy peppers. "Help!" says the smuggler...

"I'm capsaicin!"

119 years ago today a Canadian cargo vessel sank off the coast of New York, her cargo 50,000 cases of mayonnaise.

And that's why we celebrate Sinko de Mayo

What do you call the sea worthy vessel carrying a Russian potato who rules the land with an iron fist?


Vessel joke, TIFU by boarding the wrong naval vessel and getting stuck out at sea for a week