version Jokes

funny pick up lines and hilarious version puns

How do you stop an anti-vaxer from drowning?

Take your foot off his head.


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So my Irish friend decided to tell his community he's an atheist...

One man in the crowd then yelled "Yes, but is it the Catholic god you don't believe in or the Protestant one?"

(Wow this exploded. Front... *wow*. Gotta say, I like the (current) top comment's version more.)

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My Muslim coworker brought a CD version of the Quran to work today.

He got really pissed off when I asked if I could burn a copy.

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McDonald's tried to create a beef version of the McRib, but failed.

Hopefully, they learned from their McSteaks.

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I was feeling bad about the future today, but then I installed the new version of office.

It improved my outlook.

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A Russian goes to Africa.

A Russian goes to Africa and is hanging out with the locals. He asks if they've ever played Russian roulette.

"We have our own version. There are six women. You pick one, and she gives you a blowjob."

"What's the danger in that?"

"One of them is a cannibal."

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TIL France got a different version of The Force Awakens than the rest of the world.

While the international version ends with Rey and Luke, the French version ends with fin.

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Have you heard of the turkish version of sudoku?

It's called a pseudo-coup.

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I can't believe Christmas is only 364 days away...

...feels like it was just yesterday.

*HA! you thought it was a repost didn't you. Well you're wrong. It's just my stupid alternate version of the joke. I probably found telling the joke more funny than you thought this joke was funny.* :)

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Have you heard about the sequel to

the Exorcist ? In the new version, a woman hires the Devil
to get a priest out of her son.

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Is there some kind of platonic version of Tinder?

Asking for a friend.

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Do you know the Greek version of Monopoly?

It's called Monopoulos and you just borrow all the money from the bank.
Everyone loses.

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I just waved a $100 bill to a homeless guy on the other side of the highway

Welcome to my version of Frogger

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I named my penis pony...

..because it's the smaller version of what you really wanted and you only get a ride if you're under 12.

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Apparently they're making a Middle Eastern version of 'The Flintstones'...

...and while Dubai doesn't like it, Abu Dhabi do.

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I recently bought a copy of Monty Python's Big Red Book, but was later dismayed to find that I'd purchased the Spanish language version...

Nobody expects the Spanish text edition.

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It's weird to me that the shortened version of Charles is "Chuck".

I mean, what the Farles is that about?

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Someone had the audacity to delete every version of Microsoft Office from my computer.

I have no Words.

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The version I know of a classic

These two guys are hiking through the woods and come across a ravine. Wanting to cross, they look around for materials and see a pile of old ropes. They decide the best way to cross would be to build a rope bridge.
One guy turns to the other and says, "Start tying the ropes together, I'm going to go take a poop."
"What?!!?" his friend says, "You're going to leave me to do all the work??"
"Just trust me," the guy says, "This'll work. I shit, you knot."

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This has been seen before, but this is my favorite version.

I rear- ended a car this morning. So, there we were alongside the road and slowly the other driver got out of his car.

You know how sometimes you just get soooo stressed and little things just seem funny? Well, i couldnt believe it... he was a DWARF!!!

He stormed over to my car, looked up at me, and shouted, "I AM NOT HAPPY!!!"

So, I looked down at him and said, " Well, then which one are you?"

And thats how the fight started....

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Three Rats wanted to Spend the Night in the Bathroom...

...they were discussing where they were going to sleep. The first rat says: "I think I'll sleep in the bathtub. It's nice and roomy and seems to be well protected." The second rat decides to sleep in the sink: "This is a smaller version of the bathtub, and will work just as well for me." The third rat decides he's going to sleep in the toilet: "This area seems to come with it's own water supply and is much better protected than any of the other sleeping spots."

The next morning the rats wake up and ask each other how they slept. The first rat says he slept fine, quite well rested. The second rat says he slept very well too, although a bit of water dripped on his head. The third rat is dark eyed and haggard, not to mention soaked through to the bone. "You fellas aren't going to believe my night. I was sleeping fine with my toes dangling in the cool water and it started raining! Then it got dark and started thundering, if it weren't for that log I would have drowned!"


(Kind of juvenile, I know, my grandmother told me this when I was about 8. Funniest thing I'd ever heard and never forgot it. Just wanted to share.)

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Why do Scotsmen wear kilts?

Because sheep can hear the sound of a fly being undone.

(Recycled the joke from Mordecai Richler's "Barney's Version". It's a very good read with lots of content to laugh at if you have the time)

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How to wave a towel... (my Dad's favourite joke, this version was found on the net)

No matter what the husband does in bed, his wife never achieves orgasm.

Since a Jewish wife is entitled to sexual pleasure, they decide to

consult their rabbi.

The rabbi listens to their story, strokes his beard, and makes the following

suggestion:

"Hire a strapping young man.

While the two of you are making love have the young man wave a towel over

you.

That will help your wife fantasize and should bring on an orgasm."

They go home and follow the rabbi's advice.

They hire a handsome young man and he waves a towel over them as they

make love.

It doesn't help and his wife is still unsatisfied.

Perplexed, they go back to the rabbi.

"Okay," he says to the husband, "Let's try it reversed."

Have the young man make love to your wife and you wave the towel over them."

Once again, they follow the rabbi's advice.

They go home and hire a strapping young man.

The young man gets into bed with the wife and the husband waves the towel.

The young man gets to work with great enthusiasm and the wife soon has an

enormous, room-shaking, ear-splitting, screaming orgasm.

The husband smiles, looks at the young man, and says to him

triumphantly:

"'You see, you young schmuck? THAT'S how you wave a towel.

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The Japanese version of Netflix and Chill

is Hentai with Senpai

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Strange joke I just remembered from my childhood

I'm sure this is familiar to some of you. Feel free to relate a better version. I just remembered this, and I'm not sure if I have it right, or where I learned it, or even if it's very funny, hah.

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One day a man with a speech impediment walked into a store. "I would like to buy some bum," he said.

"Excuse me?" said the cashier.

"I would like some bum, please," said the man, pointing to gum.

"Oh, the gum! Sure thing," said the cashier, ringing him up.

Then the man walked down the street to a hardware store.

"I would like a fuck-it," please," he said.

"A what?" asked the cashier, surprised.

"A fuck-it, you know. To hold water."

"Oh, a bucket. Of course," said the cashier, checking him out.

Then the man went to a pet store.

"I want a cock and spank it," he said

"What did you say?" asked the cashier, visibly offended.

"A cock and spank it." He pointed to a cockerspaniel in a crate.

"Oh, a cockerspaniel? Certainly!"

He bought the cockerspaniel and left the store. But as soon as stepped outside, the dog slipped out of its leash and ran off. The man turned to the nearest stranger and said, "Will you hold my bum and fuck it while I chase my cock and spank it?"

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Typing this out, it's even worse than it was in my head, because the words are spelled out and it's stupid. Ehh what are you gonna do.

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I'm well versed in Mexico's version of Judo.

Judo know if I got a knife...

Judo know if I got a gun...

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Why is the Canadian version of GTA easier?

Hospitals don't take your money when you die.

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Timmy meets his future self...

Little Timmy was awakened from a sound sleep to a bright flash and a strange capsule like object in his bedroom. As Timmy cowered with his sheet pulled up to his chin, a door opened and out stepped a man who was the adult version of Timmy. In a soothing voice he told Timmy that he was his future self who came back in time to see him. Little Timmy brightened up and with a smile asked what he was going to be when he grew up. Future Timmy locked the bedroom door, turned, smiled at Timmy and said, a pedophile Timmy, a pedophile.

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What do Saddam Hussein and Little Miss Muffet have in common?

They both had kurds in their way. (Curds in their whey.)

***This joke is phonetically superior to its' written version.

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Have you heard of the Greek version of monopoly?

It's called Monopopolous, and you just borrow all the money from the bank. Everybody loses

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A man visits a Buddhist Monastery.

(non racist version)

A man is sent to China on business. On a day off he goes sightseeing. He gets hopelessly lost in the confusing Chinese roads and finds himself on the outskirts of town where an ancient Buddhist monastery sits. Curious, he goes in. A kindly monk takes him for a tour. In the courtyard of the monastery there is a pond, around which are several monks who are skipping stones.

However, instead of typical splashes when the stones bounced across the water, they heard a Chinese word emanate from the pond. A monk demonstrates and they hear "Ping-Lee-Yow." as the stone bounces across the water. The monk explains to the man that this sacred pond says the names of your ancestors when a stone is skipped across it.

Amazed, the man asks to try, and is given a stone. He skips the stone and hears "Chim-Pan-Zee" as the stone skips. Furious, he asks if this is some cruel hoax they pull on foreigners. The monk sadly shakes his head no. Furious, the man lifts the largest boulder he could and heaves it into the water. It splashes with an almighty "BABOON!"

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A Russian goes to Thailand

A Russian goes to Thailand and is hanging out with the locals. He asks if they've ever played Russian roulette.

"We have our own version. There are six women. You pick one, and she gives you a blowjob."

"What's the danger in that?"

"One of them is a man."

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Me and my girlfriend bought a copy of the Kama Sutra to spice up our love life...

... I just can't seem to fit it inside her. Shouldn't have gotten the hardcover version I guess.

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I was disappointed by the British version of Breaking Bad.

It ends after he gets cancer and all his treatment is paid for by the NHS.

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Just watched the uncut version of Scarface.

Face

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What are the most funny Version jokes of all time ?

Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour joking with someone about Version? Well, here are the best Version dad jokes to laugh out loud. Crazy funny puns and Version pick up lines to share with friends.

Joko Jokes