The Best 44 Venus Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Venus jokes. There are some venus mars jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these venus asteroid puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 of the Funniest Venus Jokes and Puns

A man was caught having sex with the Venus de Milo...

...he was charged with statutory rape

Earth asks Mars...

"Why has Venus been so distant lately?"

Mars answers "shes been under a lot of pressure and has really bad gas"

A married man is from Mars. A married woman is from Venus.

He may have had life a long time ago. She is bitter and smells like farts.

Venus joke, A married man is from Mars. A married woman is from Venus.

The Planets

71% water + 29% land = Earth

100% land + 0% Chocolate = Mars

100% land + 0% Fertility = Venus

100% land and lava + 0% Freddy = Mercury

100% land + 0% Dog = Pluto

100% gas = Uranus

I tried to tell my wife about the water flowing on Mars, but she was too angry to listen.

I guess there was blood flowing on Venus.


My friend wants to carve a Venus statue from a tree.

That seems like it would take a while, woodentit?

If Earth is the third planet from Sun after Mercury and Venus

Doesn't that make every country a third world country?

Venus joke, If Earth is the third planet from Sun after Mercury and Venus

I went up to Serena Williams.

I said, "Serena, what's your favourite planet?"

She said, "It's Venus."

I said, "Oh sorry, Venus, what's your favourite planet?"

What do you call Venus Williams' collection of Pokemon?

The 'mons of Venus.

I got my vegan girlfriend a Venus Fly Trap, and she converted it.

Now it wont blow me either :(

Why are there no nightclubs on Venus?

They shut down because they had a toxic atmosphere

You can explore venus pluto reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean venus elon dad jokes. There are also venus puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


If Men are From Mars, Women are From Venus was written today...

The solar system would need more planets for the title.

Bruno Mars, Venus Williams and Freddie Mercury walk into a bar

But they didn't planet that way

Earth, Venus, Mars, and Jupiter were going to setup a party

But they failed because nobody knew how to planet

Scientists have genetically modified a Venus Fly Trap to have the skin of a cactus

They say its bark is worse than its bite.

If Bruno Mars married Venus Williams on Earth, do you think they'd have a Sun?

Only if they planet.

Venus joke, If Bruno Mars married Venus Williams on Earth, do you think they'd have a Sun?

Venus Williams was pulled over by a cop for speeding.

He walks up to her car and says "do you know how fast you were going?"

She says "40 love"

What did the Venus fly trap say to the waiter?

Excuse me, there's no fly in my soup.

Why is Venus named after the Roman goddess of beauty?

Because it's the hottest planet in our solar system


Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus

Gays and Lesbians are nationalists and transgenders are immigrants.

How do you know your woman is from Venus

Coz a day on Venus is longer than a year and your lady said she would be ready tonight itself last year.

A trespasser was caught with his pants down at the Louvre, humping the Venus de Milo

He was charged with statuary rape

I only started space exploration this week and already I've colonized Venus and Mars

V:e:n:u:s:a:n:d:M:a:r:s

What happens if a vegan eats a Venus fly trap plant?

have they technically eaten the animal too? or are they just an insec-ssory after the fact

Why is Venus Toxic?

Because Mercury kisses the sun, Earth is courting Mars, and the other 4 already have a ring on it!

A wife and her husband are planning their family, the topic of gender comes up and the wife says: "Men are from mars, Women are from Venus, what do we want my dear?"

Husband: "I'm pretty sure they're both going to come from somewhere closer to Uranus, honey."

I called Serena Williams. I said, Serena, what's your favorite planet?

She said, It's Venus.

Me: I'm sorry Venus. Could you put Serena on the phone?

Freddie Mercury actually had a son, but was more distant to him as time went on.

His son started calling him Freddie Venus.

A man sat down to talk with his wife

Man: Honey, just so you know, you remind me of Venus

Wife: Aw, that is so sweet! Thank you babe!

Man: No, sorry, I was calling you a gas giant

The commander at the Venus space station told his Flight Engineer

I want this issue resolved next year, not tomorrow!

I wanted to organise a party on venus but the atmosphere was too dense

If men are from Mars, and women are from Venus...

Then all the other genders must be from Pluto.

I Call my wife the, Venus De Milo

She's cold as marble and not all there

I saw Venus AND Jupiter this morning!

So glad the strip club is open early.

Men are from Mars, women are from Venus

And all the other genders come from Uranus.

What do you call a Jewish astronaut?

Merchant of Venus

When it comes to food, you've really got to hand it to the Venus de Milo

Otherwise, she'd starve.

I cannot get on board with colonizing Venus

I don't work well under pressure and I don't like toxic work environments.

Freddy Mercury, Venus Williams Williams Bruno Mars all happened to walk into the same bar.

But they didn't planet that way.

Politicians are rushing to Venus.

This after news that the local population absolutely *lives* for hot air.

One day on Venus lasts 5,832 hours

The same as one Monday on Earth

God wants to go on vacation

So he asks his angels for suggestions. Venus? asks one, god says no too hot. Another says Mars; no too cold. What about earth? Earth! No way, god says. 2000 years ago I hooked up with some girl there and they're still talking about it!

God Wants To Go On Vacation

"Hmm, How about Venus?" An angel says

"No! It's way too hot there I need some place better" says God.

The angels face than lights up when he says "I've got it! How about you go down to Earth?"

God than chuckles and says "Are you kidding? Im not going down there. 2000 years ago I had an affair with a nice jewish girl and they are still talking about me!"

Freddie Mercury, Venus Williams and Bruno Mars all walked into the same bar.

They didn't planet.

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the venus astronomers jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working venus uranus piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

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