Ventriloquist Jokes
53 ventriloquist jokes and hilarious ventriloquist puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about ventriloquist that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Funny ventriloquist jokes for everyone to enjoy! From classic knock-knock jokes to hysterical comic relief from a smart-mouthed magician, these ventriloquist jokes will make you laugh. Check out these hilarious jokes about the blonde and the ventriloquist for a good time.
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Funniest Ventriloquist Short Jokes
Short ventriloquist jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The ventriloquist humour may include short magician jokes also.
- A Scotsman and an Irishman walk into a pub. The Scotsman says "round of drinks for everyone on me." The next day's newspaper headline read: "Irish ventriloquist found beaten to death behind pub."
- I was at Christmas dinner with my family and I asked my Grandfather what he does for a living... My Mother replied, "I'm a ventriloquist."
- A Scot and an Irishman walked into a pub. The Scot said, "All drinks are on me!" News headline the next morning:
IRISH VENTRILOQUIST FOUND BEATEN TO DEATH BEHIND PUB - I met a drunk ventriloquist who said she wanted to sleep with me... I didn't know whether it was her or the beer talking...
- [On a date] Date: So what do you do? Me: I'm a taxidermist
Date: Oh... wow.
Fox: And a ventriloquist - I met a drunk ventriloquist at the bar last night. She said I was the most handsome man she had ever seen. I wasn't sure if it was her or the beer talking.
- A ventriloquist walks into a bar... He walks up to the barman and says 'Hey, I'm a ventriloquist'
Barman: Oh yeah? Are you any good?
Barman: I'm the best - I put my ear to the bedroom door and heard my wife moaning and a male grunting. I never knew she was a ventriloquist.
- If I ever write a on how to become a ventriloquist, I would title it: Ventriloquism for dummies.
Credit to u/Mezz7778 - Why did the two ventriloquists get into a fight? they kept putting words into each others mouth.
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Ventriloquist One Liners
Which ventriloquist one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with ventriloquist? I can suggest the ones about circus performer and circus clown.
- What's the best way to freak out your gynecologist? Become a ventriloquist
- Why do ventriloquists seem so smart? Because they hang out with dummies every day
- How does a woman scare a gynecologist? By becoming a ventriloquist
- A ventriloquist walks into a bar "Ouch", says the man next to him.
- A group of ventriloquists was murdered yesterday. Their screams were heard a mile away.
- Heard my ex was dating a ventriloquist. She always loved dummys.
- Who's the greatest ventriloquist of all time? Stephen Hawkings.
- How does a woman mess with a gynecologist? She becomes a ventriloquist.
- Why didn't the ventriloquist get in trouble for talking in class?
- Man with ventriloquist frog tricks bartender into buying mouse. Is very funny!
- I saw an amateur ventriloquist the other night. The performance was a little wooden.
- I used to be a ventriloquist, until I lost my d**.... Now I'm just a schizophrenic.
- It's time to elect a ventriloquist for President. Right now, all we have is the d**...!
Ventriloquist Dummy Jokes
Here is a list of funny ventriloquist dummy jokes and even better ventriloquist dummy puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- My uncle was a ventriloquist d**.... He died drinking furniture polish. It was a slow death but a beautiful finish.
- I've never felt more like a d**... ... Than when I found out my proctologist is also a ventriloquist.
- My ventriloquist d**... said he hates having his life led by someone else. I said, "Speak for yourself."
Hilarious Ventriloquist Jokes to Make Your Friends Roar with Laughter
What funny jokes about ventriloquist you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean comedian jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make ventriloquist pranks.
I wouldn't say Scotsmen are cheap but...
A Scotsmen and a Jewish man were having a magnificent meal at one of the most expensive restaurants in The world. After the meal their waiter came over to present the check and a Scottish voice said "that's all right laddie just g**... the check to me".
Headlines in the local newspaper next day read: "Jewish ventriloquist found beaten to death".
A man with a dog and a cat walks into a bar...
The man, the dog, and the cat all sit down at the bar and the bartender says "What can I get you?" The dog looks squarely at the bartender and says I'll take a v**..., the guy will take a water, and the cat will take a scotch." The bartender looks absolutely shocked at the dog and says "This is AMAZING! You're a dog that can talk..." The guy looks at the bartender, and says "Don't be fooled, the cat is a ventriloquist."
So, this ventriloquist's doing a gig at a pub and has people rolling over their seats laughing.
At one point, he delivers an Irish joke, and a man in the crowd gets up, points at him, and roars: 'What's ye's telling them offenshev jokes, for?! Some of us here are Paddys, boy-o!'
The ventroloquist stops, turns to the man and says: 'I'm sorry, sir, I was just telling a joke. I didn't mean to offend you so. I'll keep it clean of offensive jokes from now on.'
And the p**... goes: 'Who's talkin' to ye's?! I was shpeakin' to the man on your lap!'
I went to see a t**... ventriloquist last night.
She was amazing, I never saw her lips moving once.
I went to see a t**... Ventriloquist last weekend.
She was awesome. I didn't see her lips move once.
A man walks into a bar with his dog and cat.
Bartender asks, "What can I get you?"
The dog looks squarely at the bartender and says, "I'll have a v**..., the man will have a water, and the cat will have a scotch."
The bewildered bartender looks at the dog and says, "This is AMAZING! You're a talking dog..."
The man looks at the bartender and says, "Don't be fooled, the cat is a ventriloquist."
A man and a woman rotate to the same table in a game of speed dating.
"Hi!" says the woman cheerfully, "Just so you know, I'm deaf, but I can read lips. Just talk as you normally do and I'll let you know if I didn't catch something. So, what do you do for a living?"
"I'm a ventriloquist," says the man.
"What?" says the woman.
I went to a nightclub the other evening and saw a t**... ventriloquist. She was really good.
I never saw her lips move.
Irish-man and Scot-man walk into a pub...
As they walk through the front door, the Scot walks in first. "A round of drinks for the whole house. I'm buying".
The next day, the lead article in the local paper read: "Irish ventriloquist found beaten to death behind local pub".
A man walks into a bar and says to the bartender "Can I have a free drink if I show you something amazing?"
The bartender agrees so he pulls out a tiny piano, a frog and a hamster. The hamster starts playing the piano and the frog starts singing Adele. As the bartender gets him his drink a punter asks him "how much for the singing frog?" The man replies "I'll sell him for £100 if you want?" And the punter agrees. The bartender sees this and says to the man " WHAT?! You could have made millions off that Why'd you sell him so cheap?" And the man says "no, it's okay... The hamsters a ventriloquist"
A ventriloquist is telling Irish jokes in a pub...
... when an irate Irishman stands up: "You're making' out we're all dumb and s**.... I oughta punch you in the nose." "I'm sorry sir, I..." "Not you," says the Irishman, "I'm talking to that little fella on your knee."
A ventriloquist is performing and makes a blonde joke.
A blonde woman in the audience is offended and says How does my hair color affect my intelligence and value as a person? The ventriloquist apologizes and promises not to make any more blonde jokes for the rest of the performance. The blonde says I wasn't talking to you. I was talking to the guy on your lap.
Lousy ventriloquist
My neighbor was a terrible ventriloquist;
He'd put his fingers up my a**..., and tell me not to say anything.
So a guy and a girl are on a blind date.
The girl says to the guy, So, Gerry, what do you do for a living?
Gerry immediately bends down to pick something up from under the table. He pulls out a stuffed gopher, and shows it to the girl. Oh, yeah, he says, I'm a taxidermist.
The girl replies with Oh, that's cool.
Then the gopher says, And a ventriloquist.
An Irishman and an Scotsman's walk into a pub together
The Scotsman's yells out "Drinks for the house, on me!"
The next day the headlines read: "Irish ventriloquist found beaten to death behind pub."
My uncle was a c**... ventriloquist
He used to stick two fingers in me and tell me not to say anything.