Venomous Snake Jokes
17 venomous snake jokes and hilarious venomous snake puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about venomous snake that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Funniest Venomous Snake Short Jokes
Short venomous snake jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The venomous snake humour may include short venomous jokes also.
- Two snakes are hanging out, when one asks the other... "Hey, are we venomous?"
The other snake replies, "I'm not sure."
"Well I hope not," the first snake says, "cus I just bit my tongue." - Baby snake \- Mom, are we venomous?, said the baby snake
\- No, we aren't at all! Why?
\- Phew! Because I just bit my tongue! - The Spitting Cobra's venom can make you go blind. What Swedish snake can help you see more clearly? The Vindshield Viper!
- What do you call a vegan who got bit by a snake and won't take the antidote? *die hard with a venom*
- Removing a snake's venom is called "milking" the snake. So: How exactly do you milk snakes? With a very low stool. (Hat tip to Roger Moore)
- What is it called when Venom snake gets spotted doing something bad? Getting caught red handed!
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Venomous Snake One Liners
Which venomous snake one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with venomous snake? I can suggest the ones about venom and rattlesnake.
- What do you get when you remove the venom from a snake? A belt.
Comical Venomous Snake Jokes and Gems that Will Get You in Laughter Land
What funny jokes about venomous snake you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean solid snake jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make venomous snake pranks.
A boy scout says to his scout leader, "Sir, is this snake poisonous?" The scout leader says, "No, that snake's not poisonous at all." So the boy picks up the snake, which bites him and the boy starts to spasm and foam at the mouth as the other kids look on in horror...
The scout leader says, "But that snake is venomous. Poison is ingested or absorbed, while venom is injected. Let's get it right next time, boys."
Boy scout: Sir, I found a snake, is it poisonous?
Me: No little one, this snake isn't poisonous at all
*Snake bites boy and boy immediately starts to spasm and foam at the mouth, leaving the other kids watching, horrified*
Me: However, this snake is venomous. Venom is always injected, poison is ingested or absorbed through the skin. Let's get it right next time lads
No, that snake's not poisonous at all.
A boy scout says to his scout leader, Sir, is this snake poisonous?
The scout leader says, No, that snake's not poisonous at all.
So the boy picks up the snake which bites him, and the boy starts to spasm and foam at the mouth as the other kids look on in horror.
The scout leader says, But that snake is venomous. Poison is ingested or absorbed, while venom is injected. Let's get it right next time, boys.
My uncle Larry got bit by a snake.
My uncle Larry got bit by a snake. Not knowing if it was poisonous, he quickly grabbed the creature by the head, bit it in half and drove me, himself and the snake's body to the hospital.
As soon as we got there, the doctor informed us that for future reference proper term was *venomous* and this particular snake was not.
Which would have been a relief, except by that point uncle Larry had died of a poisonous snake bite.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My friend playing golf gets bit by a snake on his genitalia
I ran up to the clubhouse;
"My buddy got bitten by a venomous snake, how do I save him"
"You gotta s**... out the venom, and quickly"
So I ran back to my friend,
"What'd he say? What'd he say?"
"You're gonna die..."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Two hunters are in a forest when, all of sudden, a venomous snake jumps and bites one of them in the groin.
His friend, desperate, calls 911.
"Help me! My friend got bitten by a snake!"
"Calm down, sir! First of all, you must find the location of the bite and s**... the poison out. Can you do that?"
"Gotcha."
The bitten friend asks: "So? What did they say?"
"They said you'll die, dude."
The difference between venomous snake, poisonous snake, and toxic snake
A venomous snake kills you when it bites you.
A poisonous snake kills you when you eat it.
A toxic snake kills you with negative emotions.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Melania Trump had just undergone f**... botox surgery when an extremely venomous snake bit her eyebrow. Sadly, no living thing has ever survived this creature's toxin.
The snake died moments later.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Two Hunters
A classic...
Two hunters are out shooting turkey. One of them takes a leak, and gets bitten by a b**... rattlesnake. The other hunter shoots the snake, but is too late: his friend got deeply bit on his wiener.
So, he calls 911 and proceeds to explain the situation: "my friend got bit by a rattlesnake, blablabla, what should I do?"
- Relax, sir. We're sending a helicopter right away. In the meantime, we need you to s**... on the bite so as to take the venom out. It's the only way to make sure he won't die. You heard me? The only way you can keep him alive is s**... on the bite! You can save him!
- O.K thank you!"
The hunter that got bit then proceeds to say:
- "So? What did they tell you?"
And the other responds:
- "They say you're going to die"