Venomous Jokes
21 venomous jokes and hilarious venomous puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about venomous that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Venomous Short Jokes
Short venomous jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The venomous humour may include short poisonous jokes also.
- I still remember the day my sister found out our neighbor's python isn't venomous. She was crushed.
- Two snakes are hanging out, when one asks the other... "Hey, are we venomous?"
The other snake replies, "I'm not sure."
"Well I hope not," the first snake says, "cus I just bit my tongue." - What's the worst thing about getting bitten by a venomous spider? You're probably Australian
- Baby snake \- Mom, are we venomous?, said the baby snake
\- No, we aren't at all! Why?
\- Phew! Because I just bit my tongue! - Do you want to watch the movie "Venom", about Spider-Man's archenemy, before it hits theaters? Easy! You just have to navigate the dark web...
- The Spitting Cobra's venom can make you go blind. What Swedish snake can help you see more clearly? The Vindshield Viper!
- What do you call a vegan who got bit by a snake and won't take the antidote? *die hard with a venom*
- Removing a snake's venom is called "milking" the snake. So: How exactly do you milk snakes? With a very low stool. (Hat tip to Roger Moore)
- What is it called when Venom snake gets spotted doing something bad? Getting caught red handed!
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Venomous One Liners
Which venomous one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with venomous? I can suggest the ones about vicious and deadly.
- What's the difference between venom and poison? One is black metal, the other glam…
- What do you get when you remove the venom from a snake? A belt.
- Do you know? a King Cobra's venom can kill an elephant. Thank god I am not an elephant.
- What do scorpions do in a race? They venom.
- What kind of food does venom not eat Eddie broccoli
- All this talk about the new Venom trailer as got me thinking Where is the Venom house?
Quirky and Hilarious Venomous Jokes to Let the Chuckles Begin.
What funny jokes about venomous you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean threatening jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make venomous pranks.
A boy scout says to his scout leader, "Sir, is this snake poisonous?" The scout leader says, "No, that snake's not poisonous at all." So the boy picks up the snake, which bites him and the boy starts to spasm and foam at the mouth as the other kids look on in horror...
The scout leader says, "But that snake is venomous. Poison is ingested or absorbed, while venom is injected. Let's get it right next time, boys."
Boy scout: Sir, I found a snake, is it poisonous?
Me: No little one, this snake isn't poisonous at all
*Snake bites boy and boy immediately starts to spasm and foam at the mouth, leaving the other kids watching, horrified*
Me: However, this snake is venomous. Venom is always injected, poison is ingested or absorbed through the skin. Let's get it right next time lads
No, that snake's not poisonous at all.
A boy scout says to his scout leader, Sir, is this snake poisonous?
The scout leader says, No, that snake's not poisonous at all.
So the boy picks up the snake which bites him, and the boy starts to spasm and foam at the mouth as the other kids look on in horror.
The scout leader says, But that snake is venomous. Poison is ingested or absorbed, while venom is injected. Let's get it right next time, boys.
My uncle Larry got bit by a snake.
My uncle Larry got bit by a snake. Not knowing if it was poisonous, he quickly grabbed the creature by the head, bit it in half and drove me, himself and the snake's body to the hospital.
As soon as we got there, the doctor informed us that for future reference proper term was *venomous* and this particular snake was not.
Which would have been a relief, except by that point uncle Larry had died of a poisonous snake bite.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My friend playing golf gets bit by a snake on his genitalia
I ran up to the clubhouse;
"My buddy got bitten by a venomous snake, how do I save him"
"You gotta s**... out the venom, and quickly"
So I ran back to my friend,
"What'd he say? What'd he say?"
"You're gonna die..."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Two hunters are in a forest when, all of sudden, a venomous snake jumps and bites one of them in the groin.
His friend, desperate, calls 911.
"Help me! My friend got bitten by a snake!"
"Calm down, sir! First of all, you must find the location of the bite and s**... the poison out. Can you do that?"
"Gotcha."
The bitten friend asks: "So? What did they say?"
"They said you'll die, dude."
A man had the most dangerous spider in the world, a Brown Recluse, stuck in his keyboard.
He called his wife about it.
"Hey honey, I have a venomous spider in my house!" He said.
"Oh my God, are you okay?" His wife asked.
"Yes, I have it under CTRL."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Second
A woman was letting her husband have it with just a touch more venom than usual, saying, "You're an idiot. You have always been an idiot. You'll always be an idiot. If they had an idiot contest, you'd come in second."
"Why would I come in second?" asked the husband.
"Because you're an idiot!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
How do you use medicine to assassinate an aunt?
Anti-Venom
Okay, so you want her alive, how do you just stop her fawning over you?
Anti-Dote
