The Best 57 Vendor Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Vendor jokes. There are some vendor counterfeit jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these vendor monk puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 of the Funniest Vendor Jokes and Puns

Old, but gold

A woman goes to the market.

She says to the greengrocer: "I would like to purchase a cucumber"

The vendor answers: "Buy two, so you can eat one"

Zen Master and the Hot Dog

The Zen Master is visiting New York City from Tibet. He goes up to a hot dog vendor and says, "Make me one with everything."

The hot dog vendor fixes a hot dog and hands it to the Zen Master, who pays with a $20 bill. The vendor puts the bill in the cash box and closes it.

"Where's my change?" asks the Zen Master.

The vendor responds, "Change must come from within."

A buddhist monk walks up to a hot dog stand

So the buddhist gets his hot dog, one with everything. Pays the hot dog vendor with a 20$ bill. The vendor takes the money, and then nothing. The buddhist is confused for a moment, until the vendor replies.

Change must come from within.

Vendor joke, A buddhist monk walks up to a hot dog stand

Perfect on the spot SFW joke

What did the Zen Buddhist say to the hotdog vendor?

Make me one with everything.

Nineteen blondes go to the cinema...

when the ticket vendor asked why there are so many of them they replied "the film said 18 or over".


A monk walks up to a hot-dog vendor and says, "Make me one with everything."

~~~

So he pays for his meal and asks for his change.

The vendor shrugs and retorts smugly, "Change comes from within."

Did you hear about the ice-cream vendor found dead in his van covered in strawberry sauce and chocolate sprinkles?

Police say he topped himself.

Vendor joke, Did you hear about the ice-cream vendor found dead in his van covered in strawberry sauce and chocol

How many surrealists does it take to change a lightbulb?

Three. One to change the bulb, and the second to fill the bathtub with bright purple machine tools, and one more to purchase a squirrel from the apple vendor.

X-ray Parrot

A street vendor claims that his pet parrot can tell the color of the panties of the women walking by.

Three nuns come by and the parrot yells "yellow, white, green!"

The nuns are impressed.

The next day the parrot says "blue, orange, purple!!" and the nuns can't believe it.

The third day, they decide to throw a curve ball and not wear anything.

The parrot says "shaved, shaved, curly"

quick historical Russian joke from early 90's

Quick context - Soviet Union just collapsed and Moscow streets are full of desperate people trying to some money to survive. A dialogue between street meat vendor (V), and a potential customer (C):
***

C: Was this meat barking or meowing?

V: It was asking stupid questions.

A Buddhist walks up to a hot dog vendor...

A Buddhist walks up to a hot dog vendor and says "make me one with everything".

Sorry if this is a repost. Saw it on an IMDb movie discussion thread a while back, thought it was pretty good

You can explore vendor passersby reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean vendor vend dad jokes. There are also vendor puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


What kind of hotdog did the Buddha order from the street vendor?

One with everything

What did the cheese vendor say to the robber?

"Hey! That's nacho cheese!"

A Buddhist monk walks upto a hotdog stand and says...

"Make me one with everything."

Despite this being an overused statement, the vendor serves him a hotdog as he is a customer. When the monk asks if he has 27 cents, the vendor replies "Change comes from within."

The monk then pulls out a pistol from his robe and shoots the vendor. After this, he states "I have found my inner piece."

A buddhist monk approaches a burger foodtruck

and says make me one with everything. The buddhist monk pays with a $20 bill, which the vendor takes, puts in his cash box, and closes the lid. Where's my change? the monk asks. The vendor replies, change comes from within

A buddhist monk goes to a hot dog stand

"What will it be for you, my friend?" - the vendor asks.

"Make me one with everything"

Vendor joke, A buddhist monk goes to a hot dog stand

What does the Buddhist say to the hot dog vendor?

"Make me one with everything."

The vendor makes him the hot dog and the Buddhist hands him a $20 bill. The vendor hands him his hot dog and then the Buddhist sits down at a nearby table to enjoy it. Soon after, to the Buddhist's dismay, he realizes the vendor hasn't been forthcoming with the rest of his money. He knows the hot dog couldn't have been $20, so the Buddhist approaches the vendor and says:

"Excuse me, where's my change?"

To which the vendor replies:

"Change comes only from within."

Two Scottish nuns

Two Scottish nuns had just arrived to the US by boat when one said to the other, "I heard that the occupants of this country actually eat dogs."

"Odd," her companion replied, "But if we shall live in America, we might as well do as the Americans do."

Nodding emphatically, the mother superior pointed to a hot dog vendor and they both walked towards it. "Two dogs, please," said one.

The vendor was only too pleased to oblige and he wrapped both hot dogs in foil. Excited, the nuns hurried over to a bench and began to unwrap their 'dogs'.

The mother superior was first to open hers, stared at it for a moment, then leaned over to the other nun and whispered cautiously, "What part did you get?"

A buddhist goes to a hot dog stand and says...

"Make me one with everything."

When the guy hands him his hot dog, the monk pays and asks for his change.

The vendor replies, "Change comes from within."

Then the monk gets angry and pulls out his gun.

The vendor clamors "Whoa, whoa! What about inner peace?"

And the monk replies "this IS my inner piece."

Suddenly a bystander calls out. "I've called the cops! They'll be here any minute!"

The vendor, expecting the monk to flee the scene, is quite surprised to see that the monk makes no motion to leave, even as the sounds of police sirens fill the street.

"Aren't you going to run away?" he asks.

The monk shakes his head and replies, "Namaste."


A buddist monk recently became a street vendor

A passerby bought a $1 item from him and gave him a 50 dollar note.
The monk took the note and just sat down afte thanking him.
The guy got slightly angry when there was no change given and the monk answered

"change comes from within"

A Buddhist monk approaches a hotdog stand and says make me one with everything ...

The vendor makes the hot dog and hands it to the Buddhist monk, who pays with a $20 bill. The vendor puts the bill in the cash box and closes it. Excuse me, but where's my change? asks the Buddhist monk. The vendor replied, Change must come from within.

A Buddhist goes to the hot dog vendor...

And says, "Make me one with everything."
Giving him a fifty, the Buddhist asks for the change and the vendor replies, "Change comes from within."

A Buddhist walks up to a hot dog vendor

and tells him, "make me one with everything."

The vendor gives him a hot dog and the buddhist gives him a twenty dollar bill.
After a moment of waiting, the buddhist asks, "Where's my change?"
The vendor smiles and says, "Ahh, change must come from within."

A Buddhist buys a hotdog and gives the vendor a $20 bill..

He takes a bite and then says "wheres my change?"

The vendor replies "change only comes from within"

A man went to the movie..

A man went to the movie theater's ticket window a second time and said, "One more."

"For The Hobbit?" the ticket vendor asked.

"No," the man replied, "That's my girlfriend."

An old woman walked into a sex toy shop...

She wandered in the shop for a couple of minutes and finally she stopped and asked the vendor: How much is this one? He replied: Ma'am, that's a fire extinguisher.

Buddhist walks up to a hotdog stand and says, "Make me one with everything."

Hotdog guy gives him a loaded dog, Buddhist gives him $10, gets nothing back. Hotdog vendor explains, "Change comes from within."

A Buddhist walks up to a hot dog vendor and says ;

"make me one with everything."

^(If this doesn't work on its own, there is an extension:)

The vendor gives him a hot dog and the Buddhist gives him a twenty dollar bill. After a moment of waiting, the Buddhist asks, "Where's my change?" The vendor smiles and says, "Ahh, change must come from within."

A guy with a whimpering faint voice orders an ice cream...

Vendor asks: "Crushed nuts?"
Guy whimpers back: "No. Laryngitis."

Two nuns are out for a stroll...

... they happen by a produce stand with lots fresh-from-the-farm offerings.

The first nun says "Oh my, look at those cucumbers. They look great and they're huge!"

The second nun nods her head excitedly and asks: "How much are those cucumbers young man?"

"They're three for two dollars," he replies.

The nuns smile at the vendor, then at each other.

The first nun says "Well, I guess we'll have to *eat* one!"

A Buddhist monk goes to a hot dog stand

He says, "Make me one with everything."

The hot dog vendor says "That'll be three fiddy" so the monk hands him a five, and gets his hot dog in return, but no change. "where's my change?" asks the monk and the hot dog vendor says

"Change comes from within."

A Buddhist monk walks up to a hot dog vendor and says: 'Make me one with everything'....

After a brief chuckle at the monks joke the vendor hands him his hot dog with everything and says 'That'll be $4 please'.
The monk hands over a $10 bill and waits whilst the vendor just stares back at him....
Awkwardly the monk ask's 'What about my change'?.

'Ah' replies the hot dog vendor, 'Change must come from within'.

A Buddhist monk orders a hot dog

A Buddhist monk orders a hot dog and gives the vendor a 20 dollar bill. After eating the hot dog he is still waiting and asks the vendor for his change. The vendor replied, "Change only comes from within."

Did you hear about the sketchy mushroom vendor?

He has no Morels

The Buddhist at the hot dog stand. . .

paid with a ten dollar bill, and got nothing in return. After waiting for a minute, he said "what about my change?"
The hot dog vendor replied, "change comes from within."

I got scammed by a market vendor in Cairo

Egypt me

Two Polish guys were taking their first train trip to Warsaw on the train.

A vendor came down the corridor selling bananas which they'd never seen before. Each bought one. The first one eagerly peeled the banana and bit into it just as the train went into a tunnel.Β 

When the train emerged from the tunnel, he looked across to his friend and said, "I wouldn't eat that if I were you."

"Why not?" "I took one bite and went blind for half a minute !!"

My date and I had moved onto the topic of movies...

"I love car chase action scenes", she said.

Me, a fruit stand vendor: "I think we're done here."

An alien walks into a human brain shop

Vendor: Welcome, unfortunately we are very limited on brains right now and there are only 2 available.

Alien: I'll take a look.

Vendor: Well, here's the brain of Albert Einstein. He was very intelligent and was the reason behind much of human science. This is priced at $2. Here is the brain of someone who has watched every single "Keeping up with the Kardashians" episodes ever. It's listed at $200.

Alien: Woah, you're trying to rip me off. Why is the brain of someone that dumb worth so much?

Vendor: Simple, because this brain hasn't been used before.

What did the Buddhist say to the tofu hot dog vendor?

"Make me one with everything."
Then, after getting his tofu hot dog, the Buddhist hands the vendor aΒ  twenty dollar bill.Β  The vendor takes the money and begins helping theΒ  next customer.
The Buddhist looks puzzled and asks the vendor, "Where is my change?"
The vendor replies, "Change comes from within."

A guy comes to the shops counter to pay for a pack of condoms

Vendor: you want a bag with that?

Guy: No thanks, she is not that ugly

What did the Buddha say to the hotdog vendor?

"Make me one with everything"

A Buddhist monk walks up to a hot dog vendor and says Make me one with everything .

The hot dog vendor hands over the sausage and bun with all the trimmings, and the Buddhist hands over a twenty. The vendor pockets it.

The Buddhist asks Where's my change? and the vendor replies change must come from within .

A gun then extends from the Buddhist's chest and he asks again.

The vendor says Whoa, man, where did that come from?

The Buddhist replies This is my inner piece .

The Monk and the Hot Dog stand

A monk walks up to a hotdog vendor. The vendor asks what he would like. The monk replies "make me one with everything"

A couple is buying popcorn at the concession stand in the cinema...

Vendor: Do you want your popcorn sweet or salty?

Guy looks lovingly at his girlfriend and says: I want my popcorn like my girlfriend

Vendor: Dude, we don't sell ugly popcorn

A buddist monk walls up to a hot dog vendor...

Vendor: "And what would you like?"
Monk: "Make me one with everything."

2 foreign immigrants have just arrived in USA by boat and one says to the other,

''"I hear that the people of this country actually eat dogs." "Odd," her companion replies, "but if we shall live in America, we might as well do as the Americans do." Nodding emphatically, one of the immigrants points to a hot dog vendor and they both walk toward the cart. "Two dogs, please," she says. The vendor is only too pleased to oblige, wraps both hot dogs in foil and hands them over the counter. Excited, the companions hurry to a bench and begin to unwrap their "dogs." One of them opens the foil and begins to blush. Staring at it for a moment, she turns to her friend and whispers cautiously, "What part did you get?"

A policeman walks by a street vendor

Policeman: What are you selling?

Vendor: Apple seeds... $5 a pop!

Policeman: What???Why would anyone want to eat apple seed?

Vendor: They make you smarter!

Policeman: OK, give me one (swallows it)... wait a minute? For $5 I could have bought a pound of apples and got myself at least 20 seeds!

Vendor: See!!! You're smarter already!

Policeman: WOW, you're right... Give me two more, quick!

Quasi-modo walks up to an ice cream truck

Quasi: Mr. Whippy with sprinkles please!

Vendor: Crushed nuts?

Quasi: No, bad back...

A Buddhist walks up to a hot dog stand.

After contemplating in silence for a time, the Buddhist looks up to the vendor and says, Make me one with everything.

The one about the Buddhist Monk and the Hot Dog Vendor

A Buddhist monk says to a hot dog vendor: "Make me one with everything."

The hot dog vendor hands him a hot dog with the works, and the monk pays $20.

"Where's my change?" asks the monk

"Change comes from within," replies the hot dog vendor.

A guy was buying mangoes at a junction from a street vendor and while waiting for his change he saw an old woman and a little girl.

The little girl was walking a bit faster than the old woman which made the old woman shouting; " Degree wait for me". The guy was astonished after hearing such an unusual name. So to satisfy his curiosity he walked closer to the old woman and asked; "Mam, why do you call your granddaughter Degree?"
The old woman laughed and said; " I sent her mother to university for education and this is what she brought home."

What did the Zen monk say to the hotdog vendor?

Make me one with everything.

My crush: I like car chase action scenes.

Me, a fruit stand vendor: I think we're done here.

Why did the hot dog vendor fail sex-ed?

He didn't know what condiment.

A Buddhist monk asked the hot dog vendor. . .

Make me one with everything.

He handed the vendor a $50 and stood waiting for his cash back.

'The vendor looked at him, What else do you need?

Change.

Sorry, but change must come from within.

Double punchline Buddhist joke.

A Buddhist monk is walking through New York and sees a hot dog cart, he walks up and the vendor asks him what he wants. The monk replies:

Make me one with everything.

The vendor obliges and after handing over the hot dog tells him his total is $3.50. The monk gets out $5 and hands it over, the vendor pockets the money and motions for the next customer; the Buddhist asks why he hasn't gotten any change.

Change must come from within. Replies the vendor.

Somebody may have posted these punchlines before but I doubt ever together, besides; that was zen, this is tao.

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the vendor shopkeep jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working vendor salesgirl piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

Joko Jokes