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Vending Machine Jokes

84 vending machine jokes and hilarious vending machine puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about vending machine that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

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Funniest Vending Machine Short Jokes

Short vending machine jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The vending machine humour may include short vending jokes also.

  1. Vending machines kill more people than sharks. I've never even seen a shark use a vending machine.
  2. Vending machines kill more people every year than sharks Obviously, how's a vending machine going to kill a shark?
  3. What do Monica Lewinsky and a vending machine have in common? Both say Please insert Bill.
  4. U.S. vending machines to begin displaying calorie information to encourage smarter snack choices. Machines' reflective glass surface not doing the trick.
  5. A latino goes to a vending machine He gets a soda for 75c. He puts in 65c. The machine says "dime", so he whispers quiero una pepsi porfavor
  6. Pregnant lady's food stuck in vending machine Her: My food is stuck in the vending machine, can you help? I'm pregnant and I need to eat!
    Me: You sure do!
  7. I tried to buy something from a perfume vending machine, but it was broken. It just had a sign on it that said "Out of Odor".
  8. Vending machines are so homophobic Like, I'm sorry my dollar bill wasn't straight enough for you.
  9. Falling vending machines kill more people per year than sharks. I've never even seen a shark near a vending machine.
  10. Someone misprogrammed the vending machine at work It says "Ice Could" instead of "Ice Cold". My first thought was, "Should it, though?"

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Vending Machine One Liners

Which vending machine one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with vending machine? I can suggest the ones about slot machine and sewing machine.

  1. I wish our Congress was made up of vending machines So they would accept change
  2. My favorite machine at the gym? The vending machine.
  3. A vending machine fell on me today Luckily it only had soft drinks
  4. What's black and steals your change? Vending machines.
  5. Why did the soda can quit its job at the vending machine? It was soda pressing.
  6. Why did the football coach break into the vending machine? To get his quarterback.
  7. What did the football coach say to the broken vending machine? I want my quarterback!
  8. Change is inevitable... Except from a vending machine.
  9. What's the best machine at the gym? The vending machine.
  10. My Kit-Kat bar got stuck in the vending machine at work... ...gimme a break...
  11. Did you hear about the guy that the vending machine fell onto? Hes sodapressed.
  12. I tried to buy some purfume from a vending machine, But it was out of odour
  13. Tomorrow is a big day for me at work. They are refilling the snack vending machine.
  14. How is Monica Lewinsky like a vending machine? They both say, "Insert Bill here"
  15. Why is a NFL Draft better than a vending machine? You get a Quarterback.

Vending Machine joke, Why is a NFL Draft better than a vending machine?

Make fun with this list of one liners, jokes and riddles. Each joke is crafted with thought and creativity, delivering punchlines that are unexpected and witty. The humor about vending machine can easily lighten the mood and bring smiles to people's faces. This compilation of vending machine puns is not just entertaining but also a testament to the art of joke-telling. The jokes in this list are designed to display different humor styles, ensuring that every reader at any age finds something entertaining. Constantly updated, they offer a source of fun that ensures one is always smiling !

Hilarious Fun Vending Machine Jokes That Will Have You Rolling with Laughter

What funny jokes about vending machine you can tell and make people laugh? One example I can give are clean laundry machine jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help make vending machine prank.

People who say that their wedding day was the best day ever have obviously never had two Kit Kats fall out of a vending machine.

He raised a pretty good question, actually.

A man and his soon-to-be ex wife were fighting in court over the custody of their young girl. Asked by the judge to present an argument in his favor, the man says: "Well, your Honour, if you slide a coin into a vending machine and a snack comes out, is the snack yours, or the machine's?"

Mr. Holmes gets into a car accident...

He arrives at the emergency room but there's a fair wait. So he get's some tea from the vending machine and it's quite good. Once his time comes he's brought in and admitted to a room. He's then brought a meal from the kitchen and soon calls in the nurse.
"Nurse, I can't drink this horrid tea!" he says.
"Well what do you want from me?" she asks.
"MORE E.R. TEA!!"

Why are most rappers afraid of vending machines?

Because eminem's in there
(Sorry, it works better when it's spoken)

I saw a guy struggling with the frozen vending machine trying to get some ice cream.

Really paralleled my attempts to reach my ex-girlfriend's heart.

Change is inevitable...

Unless you go to a vending machine.

a couple is going through a divorce

The mom makes a big fuss, saying she absolutely HAS to keep the son. The dad asks "Why?"
"Because I gave birth to him!"
The man thinks for a while and finally says "If I put money into a soda vending machine, is the soda mine or the machine's?"

A vending machine...

A vending machine that doesn't take coins...
Makes no cents.

[One Liner] You can't blame vending machines for killing more people than sharks...

Imagine if people were pushing YOUR b**... all the time.

Whats the difference between a Jew and a vending machine?

What's the difference between a Jew and a vending machine?
Vending machines give you your change back.

Why are parents concerned about school vending machines?

Kids may be exposed to packages of nutty orange crackers.

A really sad man committed s**... by crushing himself with a vending machine

He was soda pressed.

What's the difference between a feminist and a vending machine?

A vending machine can make money and produce change.

Did you hear that the vending machine lifting bodybuilder's dog passed away?

It was Soda Pressing. :(

A divorced couple standing in court over a child custody, the mother makes her claim and says: "I had him in my w**... for 9 months, so he is mine"

The judge turns to the father and asks: "and what is your claim?"
The man, smiling, says calmly: "Your honour, when I put a coin in the vending machine, the coke that comes out is mine or the machine's?"

During a custody battle...

A mother and father are sitting with a judge during a custody battle
Mom: Sir, I went through hours of pain and suffering to bring my daughter into this world. I should have full custody.
Judge: Do you have anything to say in your defense?
Father: When you put money into a vending machine and a Coke comes out, who does the coke belong to. You or the vending machine?

I was at the swimming centre with my son. I said, "Use your legs, come on. Keep k**.... Your arms are doing all the work."

His chocolate bar got stuck in the vending machine.

What's the graffiti on the side of the c**... vending machine say?

"Worst bubblegum I've ever tasted, but oh what bubbles!"

Did you know sharks kill more people than vending machines?

I don't think a shark has ever killed a vending machine.

s**... WITH A p**...

Bragging to me you had s**... with a p**... is like bragging that you got some chips from a vending machine.

A man and a woman argue over the custody of their child...

The woman screams, "The child is mine! I birthed him from my own flesh and blood and carried him through labour! All you did was screw me, you don't deserve him!"
The man calmly replies, "Tell me, if I put ten cents in a vending machine and a drink pops out, does it belong to me or the vending machine?"

Whats the dofference between congress and a vending machine

One accepts change but doesn't give dollars, one accepts dollars but doesn't give change

A Mexican man puts two quarters and a nickel into a vending machine to buy a soda

but the price is 65 cents. Instead of dispensing the soda the machine it reads "DIME" so the man leans in and says Quiero una Coca

Why can't the Toronto Raptors buy gatorades from the vending machine in their dressing room?

Because they always come up empty on the 4th quarter.

A Hispanic man goes to a vending machine...

A Hispanic man goes to a vending machine and puts in 40 cents. The machine displays "DIME" on the screen. The man gets close to the machine and whispers, "Yo quiero Pepsi"

What did the detective conclude at the end of the vending machine vandalism case?

It was out of Sprite.

A man and his ex-wife are negotiating child custody

The judge first asks the ex-wife to give him a reason why she should get the child.
**"Your honour, naturally, since I had to go through excruciating pain to bring this child into the world, I should get to keep the child."**
The judge is almost convinced but has to see the man's side first. The judge asks the man why he should receive custody of the child. The man thinks long and hard. Finally, he speaks up:
**"Your honour, if you went to a vending machine and put in a dollar and got a Coke, whose drink is it?"**

a blonde at a vending machine

A blonde comes to a vending machine, then she inserts a coin inside. She pushes a button and the vending machine releases a drink. The blonde puts the drink at the top of the vending machine, inserts a coin again, presses the button again and places another drink at the top. After this happens several times another person says to the blonde:
"Madam, there are several other people waiting for a drink."
The blonde replies: "Shhh! Can't you see I am WINNING now?"

I wanted to buy a drink from a vending machine, but there was a guy in front of me.

I tried to wait my turn patiently, but he just kept buying soda. I stood there for a while just watching him put in some money and take his drink, over and over until he had a whole bag of soda cans. He showed no signs of stopping, so I asked him, "Why do you keep doing that? Are you ever going to give anyone else a turn?"
He smirked and replied, "You're just jealous because I've won every time!"

At the gym

ME: Hey, can you spot me?
GUY: Sure, which machine?
ME: *gestures to vending machine *
Right over there.

[Pick Up-Line] Did it hurt when you fell from a vending machine?

Cus you a snack

With $1 you can buy one candy bar from a vending machine...

But with $2 you can buy a brick and get everything, from every vending machine!

I tried to stuff a football into the coin slot on the vending machine...

It just gave me my quarterback.

[Pickup Line] Is your dad a dollar bill? Is your mom a vending machine?

Cause you be lookin like a snack today!

Vending machines are like arseholes

I got my arm stuck in one once.

Your mom is like a vending machine.

You have to pay her to give it up.

What do Battleship, vending machines, explosives, and a cross-eyed seeing two people have in common?

C4

What do vending machines, explosives and a cross-eyed seeing two people have in common?

C4, and there's a chance someone might get hurt.

In court, a woman asks for custody of her daughter.

Woman claims that she gone through pain by giving birth to her daughter to bring her to this world therefore she should obtain the custody.
Then the judge asks the man for an argument why he should obtain the custody of his daughter.
The man said: "Judge, if you insert a coin into a vending machine and get a bottle of Coke, to whom does the bottle belongs?
Vending machines or yours?

Why do tennis players love vending machines?

Because they don't have to wait to for their food to be served.

An old Businessman and his young Model ex-wife

were fighting over the custody of their 3-year-old son.
The young mother protested that since she brought the kid into this world,
she had a natural right to the custody of him.
The judge asked the businessman to explain his side of the case.
After a long moment of silence, the old businessman rose from his chair and said,
"Judge, when I put money into a Vending Machine and a Snickers Bar comes out,
does it belong to me or the machine?"

A guy walks up to a musician...

"You ok?" He asks?
"Yeah." The musician responds, "Just thirsty."
"There's a vending machine with some water over there if you need it."
"Yeah I tried it... It only accepts ones."
The musician opens a suitcase next to him, revealing a saxophone.
"I only got a tenor on me."

A man and his wife were getting a divorce at a local court in Greece; but the custody of their children posed a problem.



The mother jumped to her feet and protested to the judge that since she had brought the children into this world, she should retain custody of them.
The man also wanted custody of his children, so the judge asked for his side of the story.
After a long moment of silence, the man rose from his chair and replied:
"Your Honor, when I put a coin into a vending machine, and a Coke comes out, does the Coke belong to me or to the machine?"
..... HE WON !!

In a libertarian society, would there be vending machines selling h**... on the sidewalk right outside of elementary schools?

Of course not! For starters, there wouldn't be any sidewalks.

Vending Machine joke, Vending machines kill more people than sharks.

jokes about vending machine

Jokes are a form of humor that often involves clever wordplay, puns or unexpected twists in a story. These are usually short narratives or anecdotes crafted with the intent of amusing its audience by ending in an unexpected or humorous punchline. Jokes are a universal form of entertainment that people of all ages like adults, teens, kids and toddlers can enjoy. JokoJokes' FAQ section has answers to questions you may have!

The impact of these vending machine jokes can be both social and psychological. They can help to ease tensions, create bonds between people, and even improve overall mental health. The success of a joke often relies on the delivery, timing, and audience. Jokes can be used in various settings, from social gatherings to professional presentations, and are often employed to lighten the mood or enhance a story.