Vein Jokes

What are some Vein jokes?

Lenin in Warsaw

A Soviet filmmaker makes a film called Lenin in Warsaw. Everybody shows up for the premiere. The film opens—on Lenin's wife, Krupskaya, naked, having mad sex with another man. And then another. And another. And so on. The film continues in the same vein for ninety minutes.

Finally, the lights come up and the director takes questions from the audience.

First question: Very interesting movie, comrade, but—where was Lenin?

The director answers: In Warsaw.

I spent a year writing a romance novel where two blood cells meet and fall in love. It never got published.

It was all in vein.

Two red blood cells met and fell in love

but alas, it was in vein.

There's this new drug named Jesus

I've heard of a lot of people injecting it but I've started taking it orally.

I'd never take the lords name in vein

Why was the nun hooked up to an IV of holy water?

She was taking god's name in vein.

I've heard addicts claim that heroin became their "God" but...

...they're always taking his name in vein.

So this woman had a baby boy...

...but she was in no condition to keep him, so she decided to abandon him to the church. However, the priest was in the hospital at the moment, so the woman went after him and, seeing him in the hospital bed, unconscious and with IV's sticking out of his every vein, she decided to leave the baby at his feet.

The priest wakes up and after he discovers the baby, he calls for the doctors. "What's with this baby here, doc?". "Well, you see, when we were operating on you we found him there, so we got him out."
"This must be a miracle from God!" cried out the priest. "I must keep him!"

Years pass and the priest finds himself on the death bed. With his last breath he calls for his son.
"Son, I am not your father..."
"I knew it all along" said the son. "It doesn't matter, you raised me, you fed me, you cared for me as if for your own!"

"No, you don't get it. I'm not your father. I'm your mother. Your father's the bell-ringer."

The church are upset about a new type of Heroin, called "Jesus"

They hate it when people take the Lord's name in vein.

There's a new type of Heroin on the market that's called "Jesus Christ"

Finally a way for people to feel good after taking the lord's name in vein

There was once a doctor who tried to prove that mainly blood was kept in bones,

But alas it twas in vein.

There's a new drug on the street called God, but I'll never use it.

I'd never take the Lord's name in vein.

A man goes to the doctor for a follow-up on his Deep Vein Thrombosis

Doctor: "So I prescribed you blood thinners last month, have you been taking them?"

Man: "No. I have a great reason why not though"

Doctor: "Aaah! The clot thickens!"

A useless blood vessel is found dead

It died in vein

A joke that has been circulating around for a while...

Two blood cells fell in love, but it was all in vein.

I want to invent an intravenous drug.

I will name it Lord's Name, and people will be taking the Lord's Name in vein.

What did the doctor say about the organ donor which died from a clotted artery?

"at least his death wasn't in vein"

In the vein of today's Star Wars announcement, a topical joke

In a deleted scene from Return of the Jedi, Luke Skywalker and Darth Vader are fighting a duel to the death when suddenly Darth says to Luke: "Not only am I your Father, but I also know what you're getting for Christmas!"

Taken aback by the change of subject and suspecting a trap, Luke replies cautiously: "How could you possibly know what I'm getting for Christmas?"

Darth Vader: "Because I've felt your presents..."

Jazz is in my blood

You could say I've got deep vein trombonses.

A guy died from arteries clogging.

The doctors' efforts were in vein.

To combat drug addiction, Christians are now rebranding herion as "Jesus"

One should never take the Lord's name in vein.

Why should white blood cells never discuss God?

Because they would be using the lord's name in vein

I tried quitting heroin.

But all my efforts were in vein.

What did the vein say to the pessimistic blood clot?

Ay, be positive.

Does anyone know a good phlebotomy joke?

I've been trying to come up with one, but my efforts have been in vein.

We lost a brave soldier today, died from a fatal wound to the aorta...

But he did not die in vein.

Never fall in love with a heroine junky.

They got a lot of love, but it's all in vein.


9 out of 10 injections are in vein.

Why are scientists that develop vaccinations sad?

Because all their work is in vein

My heroin-addicted friend

I used to have a great friend. As we grew older, he started doing heroin. Of course, this affected him pretty strongly. Eventually, he even started calling the injection his "God". Weird, I know, but that's just how he was.
Sadly, he passed away recently, although I guess that was to be expected. After all, thou shalt not take the name of the Lord thy God in vein.

Never Fall in love with a Heroin addict because even though they have a lot of love to give.

It's all in Vein

I tried taking heroin the other night, but it didn't work

My efforts were in vein.

What's the toughest commandment for IV drug users to follow?

Don't take God's name in vein.

I just donated blood to the Red Cross.

But I'm afraid my donation will be in vein.

My doctor was trying to get blood from my arteries

But his attempts to draw blood were in vein

The junkie tried but couldn't quit

All of his efforts were in vein

The iron vein ran out...

It was only a minor issue though.

What's a junkies favourite cheese?

Blue vein

Did you hear about the guy who got his jugular sliced open?

He died in vein.

"Drat!", he exclaimed, as the blood flow from his wrist slowed to a trickle foiling his attempt at suicide,

"I have cut myself in vein!"

How to make Vein jokes?

We have collected gags and puns about Vein to have fun with. Do you want to stand out in a crowd with a good sense of humour joking about Vein? If Yes here are a lot more hilarious lines and funny Vein pick up lines to share with friends.

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