Vehicle Jokes

112 vehicle jokes and hilarious vehicle puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about vehicle that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Get ready to laugh with these hilarious vehicle jokes! From electric vehicles to construction vehicles, jokes about all types of vehicles, including Ford, Dodge, and Cadillac, are included. Learn more about vehicle warranties, radar, cruisers and autonomous vehicles in a fun and light-hearted way. Enjoy the ride with these vehicle jokes!

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Funniest Vehicle Short Jokes

Short vehicle jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The vehicle humour may include short cars jokes also.

  1. My Tinder bio says that I have a corner office with views of the entire city, drive a $500,000 vehicle, and that I'm paid to travel. My dates never seem too happy when I tell them I'm a bus driver.
  2. My Tinder bio says I have a corner office with views of the entire city, drive a $500,000 vehicle, and I'm paid to travel My dates are always upset when I tell them I'm a bus driver
  3. With the rise of self-driving vehicles... With the rise of self-driving vehicles, it's only a matter of time before we get a country song where a guy's truck leaves him too
  4. Microsoft is working on software for self-driving vehicles. I can't wait until my car suddenly stops in the middle of the highway and reboots to install updates.
  5. With the rise of self driving vehicles, we shall soon hear a country song about a guy's truck leaving him too.
  6. Honda is coming out with the 1st electric vehicle with wireless charging It's called the Honda Accordless
  7. Russia is reportedly seizing Apple's assets in Russia with the intent to make a new vehicle. They plan to call it the iVan.
  8. Why are women so bad at backing up their vehicles? Because we're constantly lied to about how long 6 inches is.
  9. I've just done my part to help the environment. I unplugged 6 electric vehicles that no one was using.
  10. Now that vehicles are driving themselves... It won't be long until a country singer writes a song about their truck leaving them too.

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Vehicle One Liners

Which vehicle one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with vehicle? I can suggest the ones about motor and tractor.

  1. What do you call a vehicle with no fuel in Africa? Outtagascar
  2. What do you call a vehicle that just wants to greet people? A hellocopter
  3. The Beatles all walk into an orange underwater vehicle Oops, wrong sub
  4. Just flew in from a vehicle weaponization convention And boy are my tires armed
  5. What did the artist say to get his vehicle moving Van Gogh
  6. What do you call a disabled vehicle left dead on the side of a road? A carcass.
  7. What is a vehicle driven by people who can't wake up? A Tacoma.
  8. You hear about the legendary guitarist that had no vehicle ? Carless Santana
  9. What do you call a Mexican who can't find his vehicle? Carlos.
  10. What do you call vehicles falling from the sky? Van Halen
  11. Where did Sauron go to take his driver's test? The Department of Mordor Vehicles
  12. Why do French military vehicles have rearview mirrors? So they can see the front lines
  13. My friends vehicle was stolen... Where did Vincent's Van Go?
  14. I like my vehicles just like my violence Domestic
  15. What's the best vehicle for watching movies? ATV

Electric Vehicle Jokes

Here is a list of funny electric vehicle jokes and even better electric vehicle puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • Apple just announced their new electric vehicle, the iCar, coming in 2024. Rumor is they're working on a self driving boat as well. They're going to call it the iAye
  • Don't trust anyone that drives an electric vehicle They're shiftless.
  • Why did Madagascar decide to go fully electric with their vehicles? Because with these gas prices, they're mad at gas cars.
  • Which country will be the first to change to all electric vehicles? Madagascar
  • What do you call a person will only own or ride in an Electric Vehicle? An EVegan.
  • Ford's Electric Vehicle Division is called "Team Edison" ...
  • Recent studies show that electric vehicles made by BMW have a ten percent better battery life. Because they don't waste electricity by using their blinkers.
  • What is the only country that uses electric vehicles exclusively? Madagascar

Motor Vehicle Jokes

Here is a list of funny motor vehicle jokes and even better motor vehicle puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • A friend bet me that I couldn't turn spaghetti into a motor vehicle She was really mad when I drove pasta
  • Would lying about what motor vehicle you possess be considered... ...a cardenial sin?
  • Why were the cop's hands to shaky to place a parking fine on a vehicle? [OC] He had to work on his fine-motor skills.
    Who's car was it?
    His parkin' son.
Vehicle joke, Why were the cop's hands to shaky to place a parking fine on a vehicle? [OC]

Autonomous Vehicle Jokes

Here is a list of funny autonomous vehicle jokes and even better autonomous vehicle puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • Due to the rise of autonomous vehicles It's only a matter of time until a country singer makes a song about his truck leaving them.
  • When vehicles become entirely autonomous, we'll have to answer their questions honestly. They're equipped with LieDar
  • Engineers are using tracking to try to distinguish an autonomous vehicle on a cross country road trip from a human-driven car. They call it the Touring Test.

Ford Vehicle Jokes

Here is a list of funny ford vehicle jokes and even better ford vehicle puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • Why do ford vehicles have heated rear bumpers? To keep your hands warm when you're pushing it
  • Did you hear Renault and Ford are going release a hyrbrid vehicle this year mixing the Renault 'Clio' and the Ford 'Taurus' together
Vehicle joke, Did you hear Renault and Ford are going release a hyrbrid vehicle this year

Comical Puns & Laughs: Enjoy Fun, Witty Vehicle Jokes with Friends.

What funny jokes about vehicle you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean automobile jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make vehicle pranks.

Stop Sign

A man gets pulled over by a police officer for running a stop sign. The officer says "you didn't stop at that stop sign." The man replies "oh come on, I slowed down to almost a stop." The officer looks at the man and says "please step out of the vehicle sir." The man obliges, and at this point the police officer starts to beat him with a baton and says "now do you want me to stop, or do you want me to slow down?"

Quantum humor is so random

Schrodinger and Heisenberg were driving in a car. Eventually, a cop pulled them over and ask Heisenberg, Sir, do you know how fast you were going? Heisenberg replied, No, but I can tell you exactly where I was. Thinking this was a weird response, the cop decided to check the vehicle. He come back up to Schrodinger and asks, Sir, did you know you had a dead cat in your trunk? Schrodinger replied, I do now.

What kind of vehicle did they use to transport prisoners to concentration camps during the holocaust?


Volkswagen announces it will open a facility in Israel to make a new advanced vehicle...

The new models are are so advanced not only will they stop on a dime, they'll actually pick it up.

A billionaire goes for a drive

... and his Rolls Royce pulls up next to a stoplight, and he notices someone on the side of the road picking grass and eating it. He orders his driver to turn right, and park on the side of the road next to the man. He exits the vehicle and walks up to the man, and asks him, "sir, why are you eating grass?" The man says, "I am hungry, and have no money to eat with, so all I have to eat is grass." The billionaire says to the man, "well then, come with me to my mansion and I'll feed you." The man replies with, "I have children, and a wife." The billionaire replies with, "that's fine, bring them too." The man replies with, "we also live with my brother in law, his wife, and his kids." The billionaire replies, "Bring them all, I'll send to have them picked up." The man asks the billionaire, "why sir are you so kind to us?" The billionaire replies with, "my last lawn crew quit, and the grass in the front acre is nearly 2ft tall."

Two priests are out driving one day..

when they get pulled over by a police officer.
The cop approaches the priests vehicle and says to the driver
"Sorry to pull you over father, but we're looking for a couple of child molesters"
The two priests look at each other for a few moments and have a few quiet words to each other. The driver turns back to the cop and says;
"Alright officer, we'll do it"

I just saw a bmw driver using his indicators correctly on the motorway. Twice.

Should I report the vehicle as stolen?

An old russian joke I heard a long time ago

In the middle his night patrol, a police officer notices a guy walking around a wooden barrel. He steps out of his vehicle, approaches, and asks, "hey, comrade, are you drunk?"
The man responds: "No, God forbid, I am perfectly sober, comrade officer! Besides I am almost home, my house is right after this fence!"

A cop pulls over a driver with a broken tail light...

The officer approaches the driver of the vehicle and asks how long he has been driving with a broken tail light. Without answering the question the driver jumps out of his car, runs to the rear of his vehicle and groans. Seeing he was upset the officer tried to cheer him up slightly "come on now, don't take it so hard. Its not that serious."
"It isn't?" Replied the driver, "then do you know what happened to my boat and trailer?"

I encountered a courteous, safe driver in a practical vehicle that had a marine corps decal on the rear windshield.

As a broke college student, do you know what the best vehicle to have is?

A scholarSHIP.
I'm sorry.

A joke I've picked up from working in Higher Education.

At a small university there is the director of the Sociology program, the director of the Religious Studies program, the director of the Anthropology program and the university president. All four of them are heading to a conference in the next town over. The directors all decide to carpool, and the president is driving his Porsche behind them. On the way to the conference the directors loose control of their vehicle and c**... into oncoming traffic. It's a horrific accident. The university president manages to stop his car, gets out, witnesses the accident and exclaims...
"Oh the Humanities!"

Have you heard about the new advanced ABS system developed by an Israeli company?

Allows any vehicle equipped with it to stop on a dime.

What is the best vegetable delivery vehicle in the world?

An ambulance

What colour pants do you need to start a vehicle?


Two priests are out driving and get pulled over

The cop approaches the priests vehicle and says to the driver Sorry to pull you over father, but we're looking for a couple of child molesters
The two priests look at each other for a few moments and have a few quiet words to each other. The driver turns back to the cop and says—
Alright officer, we'll do it

How are you today?

Context - It's extremely early in the morning, I'm getting new tires put on my vehicle...

GF: How are you today?
Me: I'm wheel good.
^Please ^Help ^Me

Gambling in Vegas

My friend came back from Las Vegas once. He told me the slot machines are easy to win big at. He went to town in a $20,000 Nissan, left in a $360,000 Porsche.
I thought "nice, I'm going to get in on that." So I left for Vegas in my $30,000 Toyota. Came back in a $800,000 vehicle.
A Greyhound bus.

Recently, a burglar in Paris...

Recently, a burglar in Paris nearly got away with stealing several paintings from the Louvre. However, after planning the crime, getting in and out past heavy security, he was captured only two blocks away, when his getaway vehicle stalled in the middle of the road. When asked how he could mastermind such a daring crime, and then be caught only a couple blocks away, he replied,
I had no Monet to buy Degas to make the Van Gogh.

BMW tried to make an amphibious vehicle...

Mercedes and BMW started selling amphibious vehicles. Soon, however, BMW was forced to stop selling them, as their customer's kept getting the Benz.

The racing driver

The racing driver can't work out why he's come in last in a race despite using the fastest, most technologically advance car.
With his support team, he checks the vehicle and finds three men in large dresses, full make-up and wigs sitting on the roof.
"There's the problem," says the engineer. "Too much drag."

I drove to Vegas in a $25,000 Chevy and came home in a $250,000 vehicle

A greyhound bus.

A man gets pulled over by the police for excessive speeding...

The cop approaches the vehicle, c**... and arrogant, and says "I've been waiting for someone like you all day."
The man smiles and says, "Well I got here as fast as I could, officer!"

What vehicle do you give a Pharaoh as a gift?

A new bus.

Elvis was driving down the highway when he got into an accident.

The paramedics found him and realised he was in shock and so they told him, "Mr. Presley, we need you to step out of the vehicle, you're all shook up."
"Uhuh huh"

What do you call a Mexican without any vehicle?


A man gets pulled over for speeding

When the officer approaches his vehicle he tells the man "sir, it's been a long day, and I'm ready to go home. If you can give me a good reason as to why you were speeding I might let you go without a ticket."
The man looks at him and says "well officer, years ago my wife left me for a state trooper, and when I saw you coming for me, I thought you were bringing her back.
Officer says "Have a nice day sir"

The Falcon Heavy is now the world's most powerful rocket

The Falcon Heavy can put around 140,000 pounds of cargo into lower Earth orbit, more than twice as much weight as any other operational rocket. This powerful vehicle could open up entirely new types of business for SpaceX: launching heavy national security satellites or even sending large modules or your mom into deep space.

What do you call a math tool that supports farming vehicle rights?


What vehicle uses Bethesda's creation engine?

A buggy

The job of your dreams

Do you want to drive a vehicle worth $100,000?
Do you want a corner office with windows?
Do you love to travel?
If so, then become a bus driver!

What did the art thief's say when they jumped in the getaway vehicle after a heist?

Van Gogh

What is a dog in a vehicle?

A carpet.

"He drives a 300k vehicle. He must be rich."

Woman: So what do you do for a living?
Man: I drive a bus.

Guy finds a magic lamp

He rubs it and out comes a genie granting him 3 wishes!
1st wish: I want a stable job
2nd wish: I want to be driving a costly vehicle
3rd wish: I want to be surrounded by ladies
Genie makes him a bus driver

Apple is developing a product—invented by Bart Simpson—that cleans your vehicle.

The iCaroomba

A policeman pulled me over.

"Sir, were you drunk driving?" he asked me.
"No," I slurred.
"I'm going to need to step out of your vehicle immediately," he stated.
I laughed. "You're a m**...!"
"I'm a m**..., am I? How so?"
"You think this is my car."

•What kind of noise does a witch's vehicle make?

Brrrroooom, brrroooom.

Burned my lips kissing my vehicle on a hot summer day.

Kar-muah is a b**....

A woman was walking along the street when she got plowed into by a vehicle and killed...

The police had a tough time identifying her, but they were able to get a picture from the DMV.
They walked up to her house and rang the doorbell.
"Sir, do you know this woman?"
"Yes it's my wife"
(Deep sigh) "Sir, I'm not really sure how to break this to you... but it looks like your wife was hit by a truck."
The man replied, "Yeah, I know... but she's a wonderful cook!"

My mate has invented an invisible vehicle (OC)

I asked him 'What, like a car?'
'Not really' he replied 'It's more van-ish than that'

I was hit by a stationary vehicle the other day,

luckily it wasn't carrying any scissors

My tinder profile says

that I have a corner office with views of the entire city, drive a $500,000 vehicle, and that I'm paid to travel.
My dates are always seem disappointed when they find out I'm a bus driver.

The police were called to a female gym...

The female manager ran out to greet the two male officers as they exited their vehicle.
Please, come quickly. She said in horror, We've found a peep hole drilled into the changing room. Some pervert has been watching us!
Don't worry, the policeman said reassuringly, We'll track down the suspect right away. Please tell all the ladies to go back to their exercising. There's nothing to worry about anymore.
The gym manager nodded, relieved, And what about the hole in the wall?
Rest assured The other police officer said, We'll be looking into it

A man drives up to a stop sign and rolls through it.

Shortly after a cop pulls him over. The cop asks, Do you know why I pulled you over? The man says, No . The cop says, You ran a stop sign back there . The man says, OK, but I slowed down though . The cop then asks, Could you please step out of the vehicle, Sir? The man gets out of his car. The cop pulls out his night stick and begins beating him. The man yells, STOP, STOP! The cops say, Oh, you want me to slow down?

So I got in a car accident

As I pulled over to the side a dwarf hopped out of his vehicle and walked up as I rolled down my window. He looked at his damaged and frowned at me.
I'm not happy he said.
So which one are you? I asked.
That's when the fight began

A man rolls through a Stop sign…

An officer sees this, and pulls the man over.
Do you know why I pulled you over? The officer asks.
No sir, the man replies.
Then please step out of the vehicle, the officer commands. The man complies, and the officer starts rapidly beating him with his baton.
Ow ow stop! Stop! The man cries out desperately.
The cop says, Oh, would you like me to stop, or just slow down?

My s**... date said she'd be impressed if I did something funny to the local farmer's vehicle.

I did whatever I could to a tractor.

What kind of vehicle does Bigfoot drive?

A big toe-truck

Why did the art thief's vehicle run out of gas?

He had no Monet,
to buy Degas
to make the Van Gogh.

What kind of vehicle is a really good eater?

A chew chew train.

Just thought of this one.... What land vehicle do clumsy pirates ride on?

A Blunder-Bus

What do you call a superstitious construction vehicle that has a g**... physique?

Icky-bod Crane

Three men die and go to heaven...

And God says,"You each get a vehicle but the amount of times you cheated on your wife,your vehicle becomes worse"
The first man cheated on his wife 8 times so he got a BMX bike.
The second man cheated on his wife three times so he got a Mercedes.
The third man never cheated on his wife so he got a Lamborghini.
A few days later,the second man who got the Mercedes goes to the one with the Lamborghini and sees that he's crying. He asks,"Why are you crying? Didn't you get the best car?"
The third man said,"I just saw my wife riding on the field with a scooter!"

A man bought himself an expensive new car

He was a superstitious fellow and wanted to keep anything bad from happening, so he invited a priest, an imam and a rabbi over to bless the vehicle.
First, the priest sprinkled holy water on the hood.
Next, the imam led everyone in a prayer to the vehicles' greatness.
Then finally, the rabbi sang a song & cut off the end of the tailpipe.

Locked keys in car…

On finishing up their round of golf O'Reily and O'Connor returned back to their car only to discover the doors were locked and the keys were in the ignition.
After quite a few minutes of messing with the door handles and thinking up the best way to gain entry to the vehicle, it all of a sudden began to cloud over.
p**... says O'Connor' look at those black clouds coming in over there. You'd better put the roof up or the seats are going to get soaked .

A snail decides he wants to be a racer...

So he employs a pit crew, a coach, and a designer. The designer paints a big 'S' on the side of his vehicle which the snail highly approves of.
He tries out at a local track, and starts overtaking all the other amateurs much faster than anyone else.
The coach stares and says 'Look at that S-Car-Go!"

A man parks a beat up, rusty Plymouth right in front of the Capitol. One of the guards walks up to him and says: "Sir, please move this vehicle. This is the Capitol Hill, congressmen, senators and even the President frequent this area."

The Plymouth driver replies "I ain't scared, I got an alarm!"

What sound does a witches vehicle make?


What vehicle gets into most car accidents?

A Dodge Ram.

Woman visits a bank on downtown NYC...

...and asks for a short-term $10,000 loan. Banker asks her for collateral, and she hands him the keys to her Mercedes. She says she's going on a vacation, and will return the following week to repay the debt and retrieve her car.
Week later, she picks up the vehicle and pays back the loan, plus $50 interest.
Banker says, "Thanks for doing business with us. But, while you were away, we did a bit of research and discovered you are an extremely wealthy woman. Why did you need a loan?"
She replied, "Where else can I park my vehicle for $50 for a week in NYC?"

Vehicle joke, What is a vehicle driven by people who can't wake up?

jokes about vehicle