The Best 90 Vehicle Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Vehicle jokes. There are some vehicle bumper jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these vehicle automobile puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 of the Funniest Vehicle Jokes and Puns

Stop Sign

A man gets pulled over by a police officer for running a stop sign. The officer says "you didn't stop at that stop sign." The man replies "oh come on, I slowed down to almost a stop." The officer looks at the man and says "please step out of the vehicle sir." The man obliges, and at this point the police officer starts to beat him with a baton and says "now do you want me to stop, or do you want me to slow down?"

What do you call a disabled vehicle left dead on the side of a road?

A carcass.

Quantum humor is so random

Schrodinger and Heisenberg were driving in a car. Eventually, a cop pulled them over and ask Heisenberg, Sir, do you know how fast you were going? Heisenberg replied, No, but I can tell you exactly where I was. Thinking this was a weird response, the cop decided to check the vehicle. He come back up to Schrodinger and asks, Sir, did you know you had a dead cat in your trunk? Schrodinger replied, I do now.

Vehicle joke, Quantum humor is so random

What kind of vehicle did they use to transport prisoners to concentration camps during the holocaust?

Ju-Haul

Job opening in a fast paced company

Do you want a corner office with a view?
Do you like being paid to travel in a $400,000 company paid vehicle?
Do you like to be in control of your job and steer it in the direction you want?
Do you want people to respect you, and get out of your way?

Bob did, so he became a bus driver in our company. You can be one too! Apply today!


Volkswagen announces it will open a facility in Israel to make a new advanced vehicle...

The new models are are so advanced not only will they stop on a dime, they'll actually pick it up.

A billionaire goes for a drive

... and his Rolls Royce pulls up next to a stoplight, and he notices someone on the side of the road picking grass and eating it. He orders his driver to turn right, and park on the side of the road next to the man. He exits the vehicle and walks up to the man, and asks him, "sir, why are you eating grass?" The man says, "I am hungry, and have no money to eat with, so all I have to eat is grass." The billionaire says to the man, "well then, come with me to my mansion and I'll feed you." The man replies with, "I have children, and a wife." The billionaire replies with, "that's fine, bring them too." The man replies with, "we also live with my brother in law, his wife, and his kids." The billionaire replies, "Bring them all, I'll send to have them picked up." The man asks the billionaire, "why sir are you so kind to us?" The billionaire replies with, "my last lawn crew quit, and the grass in the front acre is nearly 2ft tall."

Vehicle joke, A billionaire goes for a drive

Two priests are out driving one day..

when they get pulled over by a police officer.

The cop approaches the priests vehicle and says to the driver
"Sorry to pull you over father, but we're looking for a couple of child molesters"

The two priests look at each other for a few moments and have a few quiet words to each other. The driver turns back to the cop and says;

"Alright officer, we'll do it"

I just saw a BMW driver using his indicators correctly on the motorway. Twice.

Should I report the vehicle as stolen?

What do you call it when a group of people in a single vehicle travel through a lengthy underpass?

Carpool tunnel!

An old russian joke I heard a long time ago

In the middle his night patrol, a police officer notices a guy walking around a wooden barrel. He steps out of his vehicle, approaches, and asks, "hey, comrade, are you drunk?"

The man responds: "No, God forbid, I am perfectly sober, comrade officer! Besides I am almost home, my house is right after this fence!"

You can explore vehicle driver reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean vehicle siren dad jokes. There are also vehicle puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


What vehicle does a baker drive?

A Winnebagel

What do you call a vehicle with no fuel in Africa?

Outtagascar

A cop pulls over a driver with a broken tail light...

The officer approaches the driver of the vehicle and asks how long he has been driving with a broken tail light. Without answering the question the driver jumps out of his car, runs to the rear of his vehicle and groans. Seeing he was upset the officer tried to cheer him up slightly "come on now, don't take it so hard. Its not that serious."
"It isn't?" Replied the driver, "then do you know what happened to my boat and trailer?"

I encountered a courteous, safe driver in a practical vehicle that had a marine corps decal on the rear windshield.

What do you call a Mexican who can't find his vehicle?

Carlos.

Vehicle joke, What do you call a Mexican who can't find his vehicle?

As a broke college student, do you know what the best vehicle to have is?

A scholarSHIP.

I'm sorry.

A joke I've picked up from working in Higher Education.

At a small university there is the director of the Sociology program, the director of the Religious Studies program, the director of the Anthropology program and the university president. All four of them are heading to a conference in the next town over. The directors all decide to carpool, and the president is driving his Porsche behind them. On the way to the conference the directors loose control of their vehicle and crash into oncoming traffic. It's a horrific accident. The university president manages to stop his car, gets out, witnesses the accident and exclaims...

"Oh the Humanities!"

Have you heard about the new advanced ABS system developed by an Israeli company?

Allows any vehicle equipped with it to stop on a dime.


What is the best vegetable delivery vehicle in the world?

An ambulance

Trip to Norway

I took a cruise to Norway and brought along my SUV to explore the country for a few weeks. While unloading my vehicle from the ship, the cable broke, dumping the car into the water. Now I have a Fjord Explorer.

What colour pants do you need to start a vehicle?

Khaki

Two priests are out driving and get pulled over

The cop approaches the priests vehicle and says to the driver Sorry to pull you over father, but we're looking for a couple of child molesters

The two priests look at each other for a few moments and have a few quiet words to each other. The driver turns back to the cop and saysβ€”

Alright officer, we'll do it

How are you today?

Context - It's extremely early in the morning, I'm getting new tires put on my vehicle...

GF: How are you today?
Me: I'm wheel good.

^Please ^Help ^Me

Gambling in Vegas

My friend came back from Las Vegas once. He told me the slot machines are easy to win big at. He went to town in a $20,000 Nissan, left in a $360,000 Porsche.

I thought "nice, I'm going to get in on that." So I left for Vegas in my $30,000 Toyota. Came back in a $800,000 vehicle.

A Greyhound bus.

Your vehicle has this magical lever

That shows which direction you're turning

Recently, a burglar in Paris...

Recently, a burglar in Paris nearly got away with stealing several paintings from the Louvre. However, after planning the crime, getting in and out past heavy security, he was captured only two blocks away, when his getaway vehicle stalled in the middle of the road. When asked how he could mastermind such a daring crime, and then be caught only a couple blocks away, he replied,

I had no Monet to buy Degas to make the Van Gogh.

BMW tried to make an amphibious vehicle...

Mercedes and BMW started selling amphibious vehicles. Soon, however, BMW was forced to stop selling them, as their customer's kept getting the Benz.

The racing driver

The racing driver can't work out why he's come in last in a race despite using the fastest, most technologically advance car.

With his support team, he checks the vehicle and finds three men in large dresses, full make-up and wigs sitting on the roof.

"There's the problem," says the engineer. "Too much drag."

I drove to Vegas in a $25,000 Chevy and came home in a $250,000 vehicle

A greyhound bus.

A man gets pulled over by the police for excessive speeding...

The cop approaches the vehicle, cocky and arrogant, and says "I've been waiting for someone like you all day."
The man smiles and says, "Well I got here as fast as I could, officer!"

You hear about the legendary guitarist that had no vehicle ?

Carless Santana

The Beatles all walk into an orange underwater vehicle

Oops, wrong sub

This vehicle stopped on a dime.

Unfortunately the dime was in Joeys pocket.

What vehicle do you give a Pharaoh as a gift?

A new bus.

A friend bet me that I couldn't turn spaghetti into a motor vehicle

She was really mad when I drove pasta

What do you call a hybrid car prototype?

A Priustoric vehicle!

Elvis was driving down the highway when he got into an accident.

The paramedics found him and realised he was in shock and so they told him, "Mr. Presley, we need you to step out of the vehicle, you're all shook up."

"Uhuh huh"

What do you call a Mexican without any vehicle?

Carlos

I've finally discovered why it takes so long to develop self-driving vehicle technology.

The first cars equipped with it have to turn 16 before any real development can begin.

When people ask me how I get to work, I always say in a $200,000 vehicle

I love the bus

A man gets pulled over for speeding

When the officer approaches his vehicle he tells the man "sir, it's been a long day, and I'm ready to go home. If you can give me a good reason as to why you were speeding I might let you go without a ticket."

The man looks at him and says "well officer, years ago my wife left me for a state trooper, and when I saw you coming for me, I thought you were bringing her back.

Officer says "Have a nice day sir"

What did the artist say to get his vehicle moving

Van Gogh

The Falcon Heavy is now the world's most powerful rocket

The Falcon Heavy can put around 140,000 pounds of cargo into lower Earth orbit, more than twice as much weight as any other operational rocket. This powerful vehicle could open up entirely new types of business for SpaceX: launching heavy national security satellites or even sending large modules or your mom into deep space.

What do you call a math tool that supports farming vehicle rights?

Protractor

What vehicle uses Bethesda's creation engine?

A buggy

The job of your dreams

Do you want to drive a vehicle worth $100,000?

Do you want a corner office with windows?

Do you love to travel?

If so, then become a bus driver!

Now that vehicles are driving themselves...

It won't be long until a country singer writes a song about their truck leaving them too.

What did the art thief's say when they jumped in the getaway vehicle after a heist?

Van Gogh

What vehicle do you pick up the most chicks in?

A tractor

(Maybe you'll have to say it out loud)

What is a dog in a vehicle?

A carpet.

What's the best vehicle for watching movies?

ATV

A man approached what was certainly a bad vehicle accident.

It seemed that a bus had been hit by a truck belonging to a major company. Strewn about on the ground were a dozen bus passengers. The man asked one of the passengers, Has anybody from the insurance company been here yet? The passenger shook his head from side to side. The man continued, Good, then you won't mind if I lie down here next to you!

"He drives a 300k vehicle. He must be rich."

Woman: So what do you do for a living?

Man: I drive a bus.

Guy finds a magic lamp

He rubs it and out comes a genie granting him 3 wishes!
1st wish: I want a stable job
2nd wish: I want to be driving a costly vehicle
3rd wish: I want to be surrounded by ladies

Genie makes him a bus driver

Apple is developing a productβ€”invented by Bart Simpsonβ€”that cleans your vehicle.

The iCaroomba

I like my vehicles just like my violence

Domestic

My Tinder bio says that I have a corner office with views of the entire city, drive a $500,000 vehicle, and that I'm paid to travel.

My dates never seem too happy when I tell them I'm a bus driver.

A policeman pulled me over.

"Sir, were you drunk driving?" he asked me.

"No," I slurred.

"I'm going to need to step out of your vehicle immediately," he stated.

I laughed. "You're a moron!"

"I'm a moron, am I? How so?"

"You think this is my car."

β€’What kind of noise does a witch's vehicle make?

Brrrroooom, brrroooom.

What do you call a vehicle that just wants to greet people?

A hellocopter

Burned my lips kissing my vehicle on a hot summer day.

Kar-muah is a bitch.

A woman was walking along the street when she got plowed into by a vehicle and killed...

The police had a tough time identifying her, but they were able to get a picture from the DMV.

They walked up to her house and rang the doorbell.

"Sir, do you know this woman?"

"Yes it's my wife"

(Deep sigh) "Sir, I'm not really sure how to break this to you... but it looks like your wife was hit by a truck."

The man replied, "Yeah, I know... but she's a wonderful cook!"

My Tinder bio says I have a corner office with views of the entire city, drive a $500,000 vehicle, and I'm paid to travel

My dates are always upset when I tell them I'm a bus driver

"I think your car just got keyed by some guy..." I told a man in the street.

"Can't you give me a better description?" he said.

"OK," I replied, "some gentleman swiped his tender hand across the metallic section of your motor vehicle, sir."

The same woman lost her car keys.

Her husband comes out and says, "What's wrong?"

She says, "I lost my keys!"

He takes off his trousers, rolls them into a ball and starts rubbing the ignition switch. Magically the vehicle starts up.

"WOW! How did you do that?"

"Honey, these are my cargo pants."

My mate has invented an invisible vehicle (OC)

I asked him 'What, like a car?'

'Not really' he replied 'It's more van-ish than that'

Doc Brown goes for a new paint-job on his car, and decides to go that extra step and theme the vehicle after Star Wars

Whenever people see it they say, "Man, DeLorean!"

Apple just announced their new electric vehicle, the iCar, coming in 2024. Rumor is they're working on a self driving boat as well.

They're going to call it the iAye

I was hit by a stationary vehicle the other day,

luckily it wasn't carrying any scissors

My tinder profile says

that I have a corner office with views of the entire city, drive a $500,000 vehicle, and that I'm paid to travel.

My dates are always seem disappointed when they find out I'm a bus driver.

Don't trust anyone that drives an electric vehicle

They're shiftless.

The police were called to a female gym...

The female manager ran out to greet the two male officers as they exited their vehicle.

Please, come quickly. She said in horror, We've found a peep hole drilled into the changing room. Some pervert has been watching us!

Don't worry, the policeman said reassuringly, We'll track down the suspect right away. Please tell all the ladies to go back to their exercising. There's nothing to worry about anymore.

The gym manager nodded, relieved, And what about the hole in the wall?

Rest assured The other police officer said, We'll be looking into it

A man drives up to a stop sign and rolls through it.

Shortly after a cop pulls him over. The cop asks, Do you know why I pulled you over? The man says, No . The cop says, You ran a stop sign back there . The man says, OK, but I slowed down though . The cop then asks, Could you please step out of the vehicle, Sir? The man gets out of his car. The cop pulls out his night stick and begins beating him. The man yells, STOP, STOP! The cops say, Oh, you want me to slow down?

So I got in a car accident

As I pulled over to the side a dwarf hopped out of his vehicle and walked up as I rolled down my window. He looked at his damaged and frowned at me.

I'm not happy he said.

So which one are you? I asked.

That's when the fight began

My friends vehicle was stolen...

Where did Vincent's Van Go?

A man rolls through a Stop sign…

An officer sees this, and pulls the man over.

Do you know why I pulled you over? The officer asks.

No sir, the man replies.

Then please step out of the vehicle, the officer commands. The man complies, and the officer starts rapidly beating him with his baton.

Ow ow stop! Stop! The man cries out desperately.

The cop says, Oh, would you like me to stop, or just slow down?

My sexy date said she'd be impressed if I did something funny to the local farmer's vehicle.

I did whatever I could to a tractor.

I was stuck driving behind a cement mixer for 1/2 an hour

It had a "Do not overtake turning vehicle" sign.

What kind of vehicle does Bigfoot drive?

A big toe-truck

What's the most common vehicle used to run men over?

The menstrual cycle!

Why did the art thief's vehicle run out of gas?

He had no Monet,
to buy Degas
to make the Van Gogh.

What kind of vehicle is a really good eater?

A chew chew train.

Just flew in from a vehicle weaponization convention

And boy are my tires armed

My car is made up of odd parts from other cars

It's an eclectic vehicle

Just thought of this one.... What land vehicle do clumsy pirates ride on?

A Blunder-Bus

What would you call a rideshare in a cold vehicle?

Ubrrrrr.

What do you call a superstitious construction vehicle that has a gross physique?

Icky-bod Crane

Three men die and go to heaven...

And God says,"You each get a vehicle but the amount of times you cheated on your wife,your vehicle becomes worse"


The first man cheated on his wife 8 times so he got a BMX bike.


The second man cheated on his wife three times so he got a Mercedes.


The third man never cheated on his wife so he got a Lamborghini.


A few days later,the second man who got the Mercedes goes to the one with the Lamborghini and sees that he's crying. He asks,"Why are you crying? Didn't you get the best car?"


The third man said,"I just saw my wife riding on the field with a scooter!"

Russia is reportedly seizing Apple's assets in Russia with the intent to make a new vehicle.

They plan to call it the iVan.

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the vehicle halt jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working vehicle responders piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

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