Vegetable Jokes

Funniest Vegetable Short Jokes

Short vegetable jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The vegetable humour may include short vegetarian jokes also.

1. My kid and I wrote this together: Why did the vegetable thief wet his pants? Because he took a leek!
   (Please don't kick us out, just lettuce leave)
2. If you were a fruit, you would be a Fineapple. If you were a vegetable.... I would visit you every day in the hospital.
3. I had a gay friend in high school... ...who fell into a coma. We called him Tomato: he was a fruit and a vegetable.
4. People that don't eat meat are called vegetarians, but what are people that don't eat vegetables? constipated
5. What do you get when you mix a broccoli and a melon? The saddest vegetable known to man: a melonccoli.
6. BREAKING: North korean leader in a vegetative state following surgery. They've begun calling him Kim Jong Un-Responsive
7. Did you know that the state vegetable and official state pastime of Alabama are the same thing? Pumpkin
8. What do hospitals and refrigerators have in common? If you pull the plug, the vegetables start to decompose.
9. Someone told me that it's impossible to make a pun about vegetables. I said that's not nececelery true.
10. I finally, after 35 years, have made my own two line joke What's a gooses's favorite vegetable?
    Asparagoose.

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Vegetable One Liners

Which vegetable one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with vegetable? I can suggest the ones about veggie and eggplant.

1. What vegetable do you need when you get a flat tire? A-spare-I-guess.
2. Name a vegetable that's kind of cool. Radish
3. What do you call a woman who pleasures herself with a vegetable? Mrs Hawking.
4. What does a vegetable get in bowling? A-spare-I-guess
5. Why'd the gardener get banned from the hospital? He kept watering the vegetables.
6. What do you call an epileptic in a vegetable garden? A seizure salad.
7. What do scientists and vegetables have in common? Stephen Hawking
8. What do you call an emo vegetable? A despair-agus
9. What's the most hated vegetable in the world? Kim Jong un
10. Which vegetable tells us how old a taxi is? Cabbage.
11. What's Michelle Obama's favourite vegetable Barackoli
12. What do you call a crippled kid locked in a hot car? Steamed Vegetable.
13. What's the best thing about being a cannibal in a coma ward? Fresh vegetables.
14. A vegetable walks into a bar... Just kidding, he'll never walk again.
15. Why was the vegetable store robber embarrassed? He got caught taking a leek

Vegetable And Fruit Jokes

Here is a list of funny vegetable and fruit jokes and even better vegetable and fruit puns that will make you laugh with friends.

• Mike Pence doesn't believe in science But he wants to use electricity to turn fruits into vegetables
• A vegan said to me : people who sell meat are disgusting I replied with : people who sell fruit and vegetables are grocer
• Age old debate. People these days always talk about how disgusting butchers and people who sell meat are, however I've found that people who sell fruits and vegetables are grocer.
• What do a tomato and a gay quadriplegic have in common? They are both fruits that are kind of like vegetables.
• My fruit and vegetable business recently went into liquidation We now sell smoothies
• What's the difference between a fruit and a vegetable in the South? A vegetable can get married
• What did the fruit say to the vegetable? Lettuce be grape friends.
• Did you hear about the paraplegic, gay tomato farmer? People weren't sure if they should call him a fruit or vegetable farmer.
• Did you hear about the gay guy who is in a coma? The nurses call him Tomato. He is a fruit and a vegetable.
• If a homosexual person goes into a coma are they a fruit or a vegetable?

Fruit Vegetable Jokes

Here is a list of funny fruit vegetable jokes and even better fruit vegetable puns that will make you laugh with friends.

• Where do they have the best fruits and vegetables? A 1950's psych ward
• What did the vegetable couple say to the fruit couple? You two make a nice pear.
• Why did the fruit turn into a vegetable? It got AIDS
  Oldie and offensive to some I know. But it made me chuckle.
• What do you get when you combine Richard Simmons with Stephen Hawking? A fruit and a vegetable.
• Why is Mike Pence magic? He can turn fruits to vegetables
• How do you turn fruits into vegetables? Drive a bus through a pride parade
• Everyone at the giant fruit & vegetable competition was amazed by how big my prized pickle was It was a big dill
• You are what you eat.. That's why I avoid fruit, nuts, and vegetables!
• What do you call a Fruit that doesn't Taste Good A VEGETABLE HA
• Humans share 50% DNA with bananas. Which means that I'm a fruit *and* a vegetable.

Vegetable Garden Jokes

Here is a list of funny vegetable garden jokes and even better vegetable garden puns that will make you laugh with friends.

• My five year old just told me this one... Why did the snowman go to the vegetable garden?
  So he could go pick his nose.
• What do you call a ward full of coma patients A vegetable garden.
• Came up with this one when I was 10: what do you get when you cross an elephant and a snail? I don't know either, but it sure won't be good for your vegetable garden.
• What's the difference between a bag that you take onto an airplane and the vegetables grown in Bilbo's garden? One is cabin baggage, the other is Baggin's cabbage.
• Grave diggers are like gardeners They plant vegetables
• What is it called when a person in a coma is surrounded by flowers? A vegetable garden
• What do you get when weeds start growing in a vegetable garden? Baked potatoes.
• Why was there a gardener on duty at Steven Hawking's burial? They needed help planting the vegetable.
• Which one is the most regretful vegetable in the garden? The rue-barb.
• Did you hear about the gardener that had an aneurysm? He's currently in a vegetative-state.

Vegetable Kid Jokes

Here is a list of funny vegetable kid jokes and even better vegetable kid puns that will make you laugh with friends.

• What do you call it when a German kid plants some vegetables? A kindergarten
• If you were a vegetable, you'd be a cutecumber! Just kidding; if you were a vegetable, I'd pull the plug.
• What do cannibal parents tell their kids when they become picky eaters? Eat the vegetables
• I told my grand kids that I never want to live in a vegetative state, dependent on some machine and fluids from a bottle... So they unplugged my computer and threw out my bourbon..
• How do you make it easier for your kids to eat vegetables? Take 'em off the wheelchair
• I feel like every time my wife and I try to feed my kids vegetables we are going to war with him All we are saying, is give peas a chance
• Okay kids, always remember: you are what you eat So eat loads of sweets
  and pass on those vegetables
• My favorite vegetable... I work at a grocery store. This kid comes up to me today and asks me what my favorite vegetable is.
  Cauliflower, I tell him. What about yours?
  Grampa, he replied.
• Kids have it easy these days. I used to make my own Vegetables. And when they ask me how, I usually say "I've got a hammer. "
• My kid wants $20 to go through a corn maze with his friends, which is $20 more than I normally pay to walk through vegetables.

Vegetable Soup Jokes

Here is a list of funny vegetable soup jokes and even better vegetable soup puns that will make you laugh with friends.

• What do you call a quadriplegic in a therapy pool? Vegetable soup
• What do you get if you put 100 paralitycs in a hot tub? A vegetable soup
• Why don't Astronomers like vegetable soup? They prefer a meteor soup.
• I made a vegetable soup. Sadly he dropped it all over his wheelchair.
• What happens when you eat 4 jumbo cans of vegetable soup? You have a massive vowel movement.
• Yesterday I decided to make a soup of forgotten vegetables It turned out to be just hot water.
• What do you call a center for disabled children that has flooded? Vegetable soup.

Laughter Vegetable Jokes for Everyone for Fun and Frivolity

What funny jokes about vegetable you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean vegan jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make vegetable pranks.