vegans Jokes

funny pick up lines and hilarious vegans puns

Vegans think butchers are gross

But people who sell vegetables and fruits are grocer

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I trapped a couple of vegans in my basement.

At least I think they're vegan. They keep shouting 'lettuce leaf!'

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Sometimes I wonder how vegans survive off of what little they eat

Then I remember they feed off of attention.

EDIT 1: This blew up quick thanks guys :D

EDUT 2: When I typed edit 1 it had 500 upvotes now im waking up to 29K upvotes thanks eveyone :D

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How many vegans does it take to eat a bacon cheeseburger?

One if nobody's looking.

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How can you tell someone hates vegans, cross fitters, and atheists?

Don't worry, they'll repost a joke about it.

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People make such a big deal about vegans, but I don't get it.

I've never had a beef with one.

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How many vegans does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to screw in the light bulb and one to tell you they are vegans.
.......
Well apparently the correct answer is three. The extra one is needed to post whiny replies when they all get triggered by this joke.

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What do gun owners and vegans have in common?

They're both in your face about how they're not murderers.

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Vegans proven wrong again

If animals really didn't want to be eaten then why would they be made out of food?

Check mate vegans

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I don't quite understand this hate against vegans.

I've never had a beef with them.

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Sometimes I wonder how vegans survive off of what little they eat

Then I remebered vegans feed off of attention.

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Vegans who drink water disgust me.

That's a Fish's house you filthy Savage.

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Why do Vegans like to make their food look and taste like meat?

Same reason lesbians use strap-ons. They still like putting meat in their hole, but they don't like where real meat comes from.

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Why don't vegans take risks?

Because their life could be at steak.

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Don't make fun of vegans...

They only have the energy to be offended once or twice a day.

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What do vegans call jerking off?

Beating their wheat.

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How many vegans does it take to...

None. Nobody needs fucking vegans for anything.

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Sometimes I wonder how vegans can survive off what little they can eat.

Then I remember they just feed off attention.

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I've always wondered how vegans survived

No meat, no milk and no eggs. How do they do it? But that's when I realized...
They feed off of attention.

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There's that moment when you put your steak on the grill and your mouth waters all over from that amazing smell...

Do you vegans feel the same when you mow the grass?

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If two vegans are arguing...

Is it still considered beef?

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Hindus and vegans must be great friends

they never have beef

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If two vegans are having an argument

Is it still considered beef?

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While planning a potluck at work, one of my coworkers asked if we had any vegans on the team.

I told her probably not. They would have let us know several times by now.

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Two vegans bump into eachother at a BBQ

"We must stop meating like this."

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Why don't Vegans breastfeed their newborns?

Because nobody will have sex with them.

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Vegans

Vegans are confusing people. If they care about animals so much, why do they eat all of their food?

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PSA: Vegans and Vegetarians should stop eating brown sugar immediately!

It's made out of mole asses

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How many vegans does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Three.
One to screw in the lightbulb. The second to tell you they are vegans.
The third because I don't want this to be a repost.

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If two vegans don't like each other..

Is it still considered beef?

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I started taking fish out of Kansas City and bringing them into Kansas. The local vegans and fishermen got mad at me.

I said, What, I'm just putting them out of their Missouri

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Vegans are good people

They never have beef with anyone.

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Why are vegans the best friends in the world?

They never have beef with you.

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I feed my cat vegan food.

Now some of you may say "but they are predators they need meat." You're right, that's why I feed my cat only the finest vegans.

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What do Vegans and Pro-Lifers have in common? [NSFW]

They both hate scrambled eggs

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What are the most funny Vegans jokes of all time ?

Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour joking with someone about Vegans? Well, here are the best Vegans dad jokes to laugh out loud. Crazy funny puns and Vegans pick up lines to share with friends.

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