The Best 60 Vegan Jokes
Following is our collection of funny Vegan jokes. There are some vegan herbivore jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.
Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these vegan foodie puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.
Top 10 of the Funniest Vegan Jokes and Puns
I trapped a couple of vegans in my basement.
At least I think they're vegan. They keep shouting 'lettuce leaf!'
My girlfriend really changed after she became a vegan.
It's like I've never seen herbivore.
How many vegans does it take to eat a bacon cheeseburger?
One if nobody's looking.
A woman has a heart attack in a plane.
The stewardess asks "Is there a doctor on board?".
A person comes forward and announces "I'm a vegan."
This chick came up to me and claimed she recognized me from a vegan meeting
but I'd never met herbivore
Two cows walk into a vegan bar.
The bartender says, "We don't serve your kind here."
I have a vegan girlfriend...
and she's nice and all, but sometimes I think she just looks at me like a piece of carrot
A Man Has a Heart Attack on a Plane...
Stewardess: Is **anybody** here a doctor?!
Man: (Raising Hand) I'm a vegan.
Why do Vegans like to make their food look and taste like meat?
Same reason lesbians use strap-ons. They still like putting meat in their hole, but they don't like where real meat comes from.
"Did you just say something?"
"Uhhh nope?"
"Really? I could swear you just asked me if I wanted a hotdog."
"No I didn't."
"Good, because I'm vegan."
A woman collapsed on the street
Her husband, luckily, was able to catch her in time.
"Is anyone here a doctor!?" The husband shouted with sheer panic in his tone.
A man barreled through the onlooking crowd, knocking a few of them over to join the husband and wife.
"I'm a vegan!" The man said.
You can explore vegan vegetable reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean vegan crossfitter dad jokes. There are also vegan puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
Vegans who drink water disgust me.
That's a Fish's house you filthy Savage.
What's the hardest part of making a vegan pizza?
Skinning the vegan.
A vegan, a girl with a boyfriend and a student walk into a bar..
Who tells you first?
A stranger just came up to me and told me she was vegan...
I swear I've met herbivore
How many vegans does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Two. One to screw in the light bulb and one to tell you they are vegans.
.......
Well apparently the correct answer is three. The extra one is needed to post whiny replies when they all get triggered by this joke.
A vegan friend's status said if we had to kill...
A vegan friend's status said if we had to kill our own food, we wouldn't eat meat.
I think if he had to build his own computer he'd wouldn't whine on Facebook.
An atheist, a vegan, and a crossfitter walk into a bar
I know because they told me.
What do you call a vegan lion?
Dead
A policeman arrives at the crime scene
"Now, Madam, can you describe the man who stole your handbag?"
"Oh, it all happened so fast! He pushed me over from behind, I didn't see him at all. One thing though; he was a vegan."
"How do you know that?"
"He told me as he was running off."
A vegan said to me people who sell meat are disgusting.
I said people who sell fruit and vegetables are grocer.
This girl was handing out vegan pamphlets when she said she recognized me
I said I never met herbivore
Vegans proven wrong again
If animals really didn't want to be eaten then why would they be made out of food?
Check mate vegans
Vegans think butchers are gross
But people who sell vegetables and fruits are grocer
A vegan, feminist and a famous rapper walk in a bar
I only knew because they told me 10 times.
Why did the vegan cross the road?
To tell someone he was a vegan.
First rule of Vegan club:
You tell everyone about Vegan club.
Sometimes I wonder how vegans survive off of what little they eat
Then I remember they feed off of attention.
EDIT 1: This blew up quick thanks guys :D
EDUT 2: When I typed edit 1 it had 500 upvotes now im waking up to 29K upvotes thanks eveyone :D
An atheist, vegan, and crossfitter walk into a bar
I don't know what happened because I left
Sometimes I wonder how vegans survive off of what little they eat
Then I remebered vegans feed off of attention.
A vegan said to me, "people who sell meat are gross!"
I said, "people who sell fruits and vegetables are grocer."
credits to Adele Cliff, from the Edinburgh Festival Fringe. Link in the comments
What does a vegan zombie eat?
Graaains
A crossfit enthused, bitcoin investing vegan walks into a bar...
Oh, they already told you about it too?
If I were to be stranded on an island with anyone I would prefer to be stranded with a vegan...
Mostly because it's healthier to eat grass-fed meat.
Did you hear about the vegan transgender?
He was a herbefore.
Why don't vegans take risks?
Because their life could be at steak.
My roommate's cellphone broke
He wants me to let you guys know he's vegan
Have you guys heard the one about the vegan transgender?
He was a her-before
A Vegan, a Crossfitter and a Fortnite player walked into a bar
I only know because they told everyone twice within 5 minutes.
Veganism is like Communism
They are both fine, unless you like food
I'm 95% vegan now...
Basically, I'm vegan all the time. Except when I'm eating
Vegan girls never moan during sex
Because they don't want to admit that a piece of meat gave them such pleasure.
What do you call a masturbating Vegan?
A WeedWhacker (sorry if it's awful first time on this sub)
Yo momma is so vegan and fat...
..that she ate a meal and got arrested for deforestation.
What's the toughest thing about being a vegan?
Apparently, keeping it to yourself.
My girlfriend changed a lot since becoming a vegan
It's like I've never seen herbivore.
What's the first rule of vegan fight club?
Tell everyone.
What do you call a vegan burger?
A misteak
A Linux user, a vegan, and an atheist walk into a bar....
I know because they told everybody there
What's the number one rule of Vegan Fight Club?
Tell everybody
A crossfit user, a vegan and an atheist went into a bar...
And we know it because they told us.
How do you know aliens are not vegan?
Because they haven't contacted us to say it.
Vegans are a lot like vampires...
...always going on about their diet "blah, blah-blah"
What do vegan black holes say?
"I'm on a strictly planet based diet"
Why vegans don't moan during sex
It's coz they're afraid to admit that some meat makes them happy
What happens when a vegan gets mad?
They throw a tempeh tantrum.
A woman is chasing
down an ice cream truck…
The ice cream man stops and says, What can I get for you, Ma'am?
She says, Nothing, I just wanted to tell you I'm vegan.
How do you call Bruce Lee's vegan cousin?
Broco Lee
What do you call vegan foie gras?
faux gras
My vegan friend got hit by a car
He's in a vegetative state.
Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the vegan ecofriendly jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.
We suggest to use only working vegan brisket piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.