Vegan Jokes
155 vegan jokes and hilarious vegan puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about vegan that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Are you looking for a laugh? These vegan jokes about meat, tofu, gluten, and vegetables are sure to give the anti-vegans a chuckle. See which one is your favorite!
Funniest Vegan Short Jokes
Short vegan jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The vegan humour may include short vegetarian jokes also.
- I trapped a couple of vegans in my basement. At least I think they're vegan. They keep shouting 'lettuce leaf!'
- A vegan said to me people who sell meat are disgusting. I said people who sell fruit and vegetables are grocer.
- My girlfriend really changed after she became a vegan. It's like I've never seen herbivore.
- What's the difference between a vegan and a computer programmer? One is disgusted by rack of lamb and the other is disgusted by lack of RAM.
- How can you tell someone hates vegans, cross fitters, and atheists? Don't worry, they'll repost a joke about it.
- This girl was handing out vegan pamphlets when she said she recognized me I said I never met herbivore
- People make such a big deal about vegans, but I don't get it. I've never had a beef with one.
- What do gun owners and vegans have in common? They're both in your face about how they're not murderers.
- I am a social vegan. I'm avoiding meets.
- I decided to become vegan today The hardest part is quitting cold turkey.
Share These Vegan Jokes With Friends
Vegan One Liners
Which vegan one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with vegan? I can suggest the ones about veggie and vegetable.
- Veganism is like Communism They are both fine, unless you like food
- I once went on a blind date with a vegan I never met herbivore
- What's the only thing a vegan kills? A conversation.
- How many vegans does it take to eat a bacon cheeseburger? One if nobody's looking.
- An atheist, a vegan, and a crossfitter walk into a bar I know because they told me.
- What's the hardest part of making a vegan pizza? Skinning the vegan.
- Why do vegans often look miserable in photos? They don't like to say 'cheese'
- What's the toughest thing about being a vegan? Apparently, keeping it to yourself.
- I'm 95% vegan now... Basically, I'm vegan all the time. Except when I'm eating
- Why did the vegan cross the road? To tell someone he was a vegan.
- My roommate's cellphone broke He wants me to let you guys know he's vegan
- A stranger just came up to me and told me she was vegan... I swear I've met herbivore
- How do you know alien are not vegan? Because they haven't contacted us to say it.
- First rule of Vegan club: You tell everyone about Vegan club.
- Have you guys heard the one about the vegan transgender? He was a her-before
Vegan Crossfit Jokes
Here is a list of funny vegan crossfit jokes and even better vegan crossfit puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- A crossfit enthused, bitcoin investing vegan walks into a bar... Oh, they already told you about it too?
- You meet a vegan pilot that's running for senate that went to Havard and does crossfit. What's the first thing they tell you? "I use Arch btw"
- A vegan pilot who does CrossFit walks into a bar. Which one does he tell you about first?
- Have you ever met a vegan that does crossfit? Oh you'd know if you had.
- If you meet a vegan who's into CrossFit… What won't they shut up about first?
- A crossfiter and a vegan walk in to a bar. Who shuts up first? The bar.
- A Vegan who is also gluten intolerant walks up to you. What is the first thing they say to you? "I crossfit"
- Did you hear about the vegan who does CrossFit? Yeah so did I.
- What's the difference between a vegan, a crossfit instructor, and a psychological test subject? The test subject is the only one you'd willingly ask to "tell us about yourself."
- Crossfit died out The other day n the train:
Girl : *sneezes
me: "Bless You!"
Girl : I Have a Boyfriend
a few rows behind us: "I'm vegan"
Delightful Fun Vegan Jokes for a Roaring Good Time
What funny jokes about vegan you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean animal rights jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make vegan pranks.
Vegans don't beat their meat
They beat their "0% dairy all organic tofu"
How do you find a vegan at your dinner party?
Don't worry, they'll tell you.
I got an email telling me that it was vegan month...
I felt bad putting the message in spam.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Vegans
Vegans are confusing people. If they care about animals so much, why do they eat all of their food?
I was the photographer at a vegan wedding this weekend
They kept getting mad when I told them to say cheese.
What did the two vegan strangers say to each other?
Nothing. They didn't meat.
What's the hardest thing about being a vegan crossfitter who went to Harvard?
Figuring out what to tell you about first.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Why is veganism like being a registered s**... offender?
You have to inform everyone when you first meet them.
What's the hardest part about being a vegan?
finding enough protein to get the energy you need to tell everyone you have ever met that you are a vegan.
What did the vegan give the homeless guy?
A lecture.
I own the tallest horse in town.
When I sit on it, I understand what it's like to be a vegan.
A woman has a heart attack in a plane.
The stewardess asks "Is there a doctor on board?".
A person comes forward and announces "I'm a vegan."
What was Aladdin called after he went Vegan?
Saladdin.
I finally took the pledge and became a vegan!
Don't worry though, I won't be the kind that tells everyone.
Caught my Vegan roommate...
Caught my Vegan roommate crying today while chopping onions. These people are taking it too far now!
Do vegans get paid hourly or celery?
That's it. That was the joke. No witty punchline or anything like that. Sorry.
What's the hardest part about being a vegan?
Waking up at 5 am to milk the almonds.
Two cows walk into a vegan bar.
The bartender says, "We don't serve your kind here."
If vegans are so smart...
Then why do we call brain-dead people vegetables?
p.s. Im sorry.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I have a vegan girlfriend...
and she's nice and all, but sometimes I think she just looks at me like a piece of carrot
If only the first rule of Vegan club
Was not to talk about Vegan club
My vegan friend asked me if I've met his new girlfriend
I said I've never seen herbivore
So a woman is chasing down an ice cream truck...
... And the ice cream man stops and says, "What can I get for you, Ma'am?"
She says "Nothing, just wanted to tell you I'm vegan."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Why do Vegans like to make their food look and taste like meat?
Same reason l**... use strap-ons. They still like putting meat in their hole, but they don't like where real meat comes from.
"Did you just say something?"
"Uhhh nope?"
"Really? I could swear you just asked me if I wanted a hotdog."
"No I didn't."
"Good, because I'm vegan."
I met a new girl in work today, and she was a vegan
I've never seen herbivore
A woman collapsed on the street
Her husband, luckily, was able to catch her in time.
"Is anyone here a doctor!?" The husband shouted with sheer panic in his tone.
A man barreled through the onlooking crowd, knocking a few of them over to join the husband and wife.
"I'm a vegan!" The man said.
You're meeting identical triplets tonight. One's from the Army, one's a lifestyle Vegan, and one is a diehard Trump supporter. How do you tell them apart?
Don't worry. They'll tell you.
I found out a friend was a vegan and it completely changed how I thought about her.
It was like I didn't know herbivore.
A vegan, a girl with a boyfriend and a student walk into a bar..
Who tells you first?
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Feeding your cat a vegan diet is actually pretty easy.
The trick is to cut up the vegans in to very small chunks first.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
How many vegans does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Three.
One to screw in the lightbulb. The second to tell you they are vegans.
The third because I don't want this to be a repost.
A vegan friend's status said if we had to kill...
A vegan friend's status said if we had to kill our own food, we wouldn't eat meat.
I think if he had to build his own computer he'd wouldn't whine on Facebook.
What do you call a vegan lion?
Dead
How come Jeff Bezos spending 13 billion makes the news?
I spent 13 billion dollars last week at Whole Foods as well and all I got was some vegan avocado toast.
A policeman arrives at the crime scene
"Now, Madam, can you describe the man who stole your handbag?"
"Oh, it all happened so fast! He pushed me over from behind, I didn't see him at all. One thing though; he was a vegan."
"How do you know that?"
"He told me as he was running off."
What's a dilemma for an atheist vegan?
What will they tell you about first??
Two vegans bump into eachother at a BBQ
"We must stop meating like this."
If 2 vegan rappers are dissing each other...
Is it still considered having a beef?
Why are vegans the best friends in the world?
They never have beef with you.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Vegans proven wrong again
If animals really didn't want to be eaten then why would they be made out of food?
Check mate vegans
I have a new recipe that's gluten free, sugar free, no-fat, non-GMO, pesticide free, low-calorie, vegan, kosher and paleo-friendly.
It's a real breath of fresh air.
My friend is so vegan, he won't even have his picture taken because
he'd have to say cheese.
A vegan, feminist and a famous rapper walk in a bar
I only knew because they told me 10 times.
Sometimes I wonder how vegans survive off of what little they eat
Then I remember they feed off of attention.
EDIT 1: This blew up quick thanks guys :D
EDUT 2: When I typed edit 1 it had 500 upvotes now im waking up to 29K upvotes thanks eveyone :D
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Why do vegan insist on telling you they are vegan?
They can't bite their tongues.
What do you call someone that doesn't eat animal products and loves to gamble?
A Las Vegan
The fastest way to quit being vegan is...
Cold turkey
An atheist, a crossfitter, and a vegan are all sitting at a bar...
But they were all silent compared to the person who invested in bitcoin
A vegan, a med student, and a bitcoin trader walk into a bar
Who tells you about it first?
Vegans are good people
They never have beef with anyone.
If I were to be stranded on an island with anyone I would prefer to be stranded with a vegan...
Mostly because it's healthier to eat grass-fed meat.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What do a vegan and a s**... deviant have in common?
They both get excited when they see a chickpea!
A Vegan Couple at a Restaurant : Hey waiter, We're vegan! What should we get?
Waiter : A taxi.
Why don't vegans take risks?
Because their life could be at steak.
I dated a vegan once
And trust me they DO put meat in their mouth
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What do vegans call jerking off?
Beating their wheat.
I bought my vegan girlfriend a bouquet of flowers.
She said 'aww thanks, i was starving'
There's an old saying that goes "You are what you eat".
I suppose that would explain why my vegan friend has been in a coma all this time.
I feed my cat vegan food.
Now some of you may say "but they are predators they need meat." You're right, that's why I feed my cat only the finest vegans.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What do vegans and single moms have in common?
They always have to mention it.
What's the worst thing about going to a Vegan BBQ?
The screaming.
What does a 4 year old gender fluid child and a vegan cat have in common?
We both know who's making the decision...
A vegan told me I shouldn't eat animals because I can't kill or butcher them with my bare hands...
So I gave him a coconut and told him to have a nice day.
I finally understand why vegans are so healthy
Because every time they go out they have to walk twice as far to find a vegan friendly restaurant!
A vegan was flying to Germany and discovered the airline had forgotten his special meal. He had no choice but to eat the only meal available: sausage and cheese.
It was a Wurst-Käse scenario.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
You tell them you're quitting alcohol, they offer you free drinks.
You tell them you're vegan, they offer you steaks and hamburgers.
You tell them you have no s**... life and ... nobody bats an eye.
