The Best 54 Vatican Jokes

Following is our collection of funniest Vatican jokes. There are some vatican papal jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud. Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these vatican protestants puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Funny Vatican Jokes and Puns

If America is storming Area 51 then the Europeans can storm the Vatican

We'll take the aliens, you get the predators

A higgs boson particle walks into the Vatican

The Pope says, "you call yourself the God particle! Your blasphemy is not welcome here, get out!"

The higgs boson particle says "but you can't have mass without me."

The Vatican has dispelled rumors that the Pope is resigning because he's a pedophile.

They claim he just got a little behind at work.

Vatican joke, The Vatican has dispelled rumors that the Pope is resigning because he's a pedophile.

After weeks of speculation that the new pope would be black...

...alter boys at the Vatican are letting out a collective sigh of relief

I heard the Vatican was making a movie. The name?

Pope Fiction


Nescafe and the Pope

Nescafe manages to arrange a meeting with the Pope at the Vatican.

After receiving the Papal blessing, the Nescafe official whispers,
"Your Eminence, we have an offer for you. Nescafe is prepared to
donate $100 million to the church if you change the Lord's Prayer from
'give us this day our daily bread' to 'give us this day our daily
coffee."

The Pope responds, "That is impossible. The prayer is the word of the
Lord. It must not be changed."

"Well," said the Nescafe man, "we anticipated your reluctance. For
this reason we will increase our offer to $300 million."

"My son, it is impossible, for the prayer is the word of the Lord and
it must not be changed."

The Nescafe guy says, "Your Holiness, we at Nescafe respect your
adherence to the faith, but we do have one final offer.... We will
donate $500 million - that's half a billion dollars - to the great
Catholic Church if you would only change the Lord's Prayer from 'give
us this day our daily bread' to 'give us this day our daily coffee.'
Please consider it."

And he leaves.

The next day the Pope convenes the College of Cardinals.
"There is some good news," he announces, "and some bad news.The good
news is that the Church will come into $500 million.'"

"And the bad news, your Holiness?" asks a Cardinal.

"We're losing the Wonder-Bread account."

2 nuns take a shortcut

2 nuns are riding bicycles through the Vatican and they decide to take a shortcut down a cobblestone street. The first nun says to the second, "I've never come this way before." The second nun replies to the first, "Nor have I. It must be the cobblestones."

Vatican joke, 2 nuns take a shortcut

Recently I came back from Vatican City where I have realized that angels are real. One of them offered me to show the path to Heaven and I agreed.

Sadly, she charged me 50 Euros for the session.

Two Nuns On Bikes

Two nuns, Maria and Angelica, are riding their bicycles on their way to work at the Vatican. They're running late, so Maria says, "I know a shortcut. Let's go down this alley." They turn right onto the alley, which soon becomes a narrow cobblestone road, with many twists and turns. Angelica remarks, "wow, I never came this way before." Maria tells her, "it's the cobblestones."

The Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit are discussing where to holiday...

The Holy Spirit, predictably, suggests Las Vegas, but God says he feels like a change this year.

God suggests Jerusalem, but Jesus vetoes - not after last time...

Jesus suggests The Vatican City. "Sounds good to me." says God. " Yeah I'd like that," says the Holy Spirit, "I've never been."

What's the Vatican City's favorite snack?

popecorn

You can explore vatican bishops reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean vatican pontiff dad jokes. There are also vatican puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


two nuns at the vatican...

so these two nuns are riding a bicycle built for two on their daily trip around the vatican... so one day, sister mary decides to take a different route... sister katherine says "why, ive never come this way" to which sister mary relpies "it's the cobblestones"...

You hear Pete Carroll is getting recruited for a new job..

Yeah, he is getting offers from the Pope at the Vatican! The Pope said that if he can make 100 million people say "Jesus Christ" at the same time, he needs to work for the Catholic Church

The Vatican finally recognizes Palestine…

Palestine replied, "Dude. We've met like six times."

What part of the Vatican is made entirely out of amino acids?

The Cysteine Chapel

What's the difference between a proclamation from the Vatican and a mail-order husband from ebay?

One's a papal mandate and the other's a paypal man-date.

Vatican joke, What's the difference between a proclamation from the Vatican and a mail-order husband from ebay?

Batman was arrested today in the Vatican

He was released on Christian Bale

What do they use to pay for things in the Vatican?

Paypal

At a recent meeting at the Vatican the pope joked "I've never seen so many priests in one room"

I guess he's never been to a kids party then


The Pope originally wanted to invite Hillary to speak

but the Vatican couldn't afford it.

Why did vatican invite Bernie not Hillary?

They couldn't afford it.

Two nuns were riding their bikes...

Two nuns were riding their bikes through Rome headed to the Vatican. One nun said to the other, "You know, sister, I don't think I've ever come this way before." The other nun said, "It's the cobblestones."

I got sacked as a tour guide in Vatican City.

As I was talking about the pope, we turned a corner and I said, "Ah, speak of the devil".

What country has the lowest age of consent?

Vatican City

The Vatican just launched an online learning program for priests.

It's called eRectory.

Two nuns are riding their bicycles to the Vatican

First nun shouts to the other "I've never come this way before!"
The second nun replies "don't worry it's just the cobblestones."

What are the first three words of the Constitution of the Vatican?

We the papal...

What do you call a team-up between a maniac, a random white guy, and the head of the Vatican?

Snapped, Cracker and Pope

What is the name of the bar in the Vatican?

The Pope-acabana

Trump's in Saudi Arabia, Israel...

... and the Vatican this week, cradles of USA's 3 great religions:

Christianity, Judaism, and Oil.

How do you transfer money in the Vatican?

You use Papal.

What's the least productive country in the world?

The Vatican. They've only ever produced 27 papas.

Vatican to elevate pope Francis to sainthood-report

Reports are emerging from the vatican that the current pope will be recommended for sainthood due to his compassion for his fellow man. When asked about the holy father's reaction, a vatican official said, 'In keeping with modern times, the pontiff would like to be the patron saint of email, St.Francis of a cc'

Why did the priest not make the Vatican sprinting team?

He always comes in a little behind.

What does Vatican City smell like?

Poperie!

Vatican isn't actually landlocked.

It has the Holy See.

Q: How come the Vatican police kept harassing the nuns?

A: It was a force of habit

Two Nuns

Two nuns are riding their bicycles through Rome on their way to the Vatican. This time, though, they are taking a different route instead of their usual route.

I've never come this way, one nun says to the other.

It's the cobblestones, says the other nun.

Did you hear about the guy who was punched until he accepted a position in the Vatican?

He was beaten to a Pope.

In the latest sequel, John McClain teams up with two elderly nuns to save the Vatican from terrorists.

It's called Old Habits Die Hard.

If the Vatican ordered some things from eBay,

Would they use the papal PayPal?

Only two countries have square flags

One is Vatican City, the other is Switzerland.

No wonder Swiss cheese is holy.

Why does the Vatican smell so good?

Pope-ourri

Have you guys heard about the 13 Thai boys stuck in a cave?

Don't worry though, the Vatican is on it!

What is the most watched sporting event at the Vatican?

Little league World Series

What does the Vatican City's constitution have in common with the constitution of the United States?

Both are by the papal, for the papal.

Did anyone else hear about the Vatican naming swiss as the official cheese for christianity?

Yea that's right, it's the holiest of cheeses.

The Pope is going to start a Bluegrass band at the Vatican.

He says he likes fiddling with the kids.

Did you know there is a country where you are legally allowed to have sex with children?

Yeah it's called Vatican City

Why did the Vatican declare pirates were outlaws?

Because the cabin boy wouldn't share his booty!

If Americans raid Area 51, then Europeans should try for Vatican.

Americans will get the aliens, others will get the predators.

How does the Vatican want you to send donations?

PaPal

As the bishop advanced towards the queen, the queen pulled a surprise attack and took out the bishop

Believe me, the other Vatican priests were just as surprised as you are

How do they clean up messes at the Vatican?

Papal towels.

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the vatican holiness jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working vatican rejoice piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

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