Vatican Jokes
91 vatican jokes and hilarious vatican puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about vatican that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
If you're looking for a witty take on the Catholic Church, then look no further than these Vatican Jokes! Featuring zany jokes about cardinals, bishops, and life in Vatican City, these jokes are sure to put a smile on anyone's face. With the wide range of topics from the hilarious to the hilarious and slightly blasphemous, you're sure to be entertained. No Paypal or credit card required.
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Funniest Vatican Short Jokes
Short vatican jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The vatican humour may include short papal jokes also.
- If America is storming Area 51 then the Europeans can storm the Vatican We'll take the alien, you get the predators
- After weeks of speculation that the new pope would be black... ...alter boys at the Vatican are letting out a collective sigh of relief
- 2 nuns go for a bicycle ride around the Vatican. The first nun says "I've never come this way before." The second nun says "yeah, must be the cobblestones."
- Apparently most people in The Vatican make their purchases online Makes sense. I mean, they are a PayPal state
- Two nuns are riding their bicycles to the Vatican First nun shouts to the other "I've never come this way before!"
The second nun replies "don't worry it's just the cobblestones." - Did anyone else hear about the Vatican naming swiss as the official cheese for christianity? Yea that's right, it's the holiest of cheeses.
- After God created 24 hours of alternating darkness and light, one of the angels asked him, "what are you going to do now?" God said,
"I think I'm going to call it a day." - What's the difference between a proclamation from the Vatican and a mail-order husband from ebay? One's a papal mandate and the other's a paypal man-date.
- I intentionally left my cell phone at home when I went to visit the Vatican for the first time But somehow I still incurred massive Roman charges.
- [OC] I was bowled over by the news that the Vatican was starting a check cashing and money transfer operation They're going to name it Papal.
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Vatican One Liners
Which vatican one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with vatican? I can suggest the ones about vatican city and holiness.
- Why did vatican invite Bernie not Hillary? They couldn't afford it.
- What are law enforcement officers called in Vatican City? The Pope Po
- How do you transfer money in the Vatican? You use Papal.
- How do they clean up messes at the Vatican? Papal towels.
- What' the biggest threat to the Vatican? Weapons of Mass destruction
- Batman was arrested today in the Vatican He was released on Christian Bale
- The Vatican decides to storm Area 51... Alien V.S. Predator
- I heard the Vatican was making a movie. The name? Pope Fiction
- What country has the lowest age of consent? Vatican City
- What do they use to pay for things in the Vatican? Paypal
- What does Vatican City smell like? Poperie!
- How does the Vatican want you to send donations? PaPal
- Vatican isn't actually landlocked. It has the Holy See.
- What is the name of the bar in the Vatican? The Pope-acabana
- Why does the Vatican smell so good? Pope-ourri
Vatican City Jokes
Here is a list of funny vatican city jokes and even better vatican city puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Only two countries have square flags One is Vatican City, the other is Switzerland.
No wonder Swiss cheese is holy. - I got sacked as a tour guide in Vatican City. As I was talking about the pope, we turned a corner and I said, "Ah, speak of the devil".
- What's the Vatican City's favorite snack? popecorn
- What does the Vatican City's constitution have in common with the constitution of the United States? Both are by the papal, for the papal.
- In N Out Describes my visit to the Vatican City
- What's Vatican City's national animal? The Papal bull.
- Did you know there is a country where you are legally allowed to have s**... with children? Yeah it's called Vatican City
- Why can't helicopters fly over Vatican City? d**... w**... w**... w**...'
Uplifting Vatican Jokes to have Hilarious Fun with Friends
What funny jokes about vatican you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean pope jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make vatican pranks.
The seven dwarfs go to the Vatican...
The seven dwarfs go to the Vatican
and because they are the seven dwarfs,
they are immediately ushered in to see the Pope.
Grumpy leads the pack.
'Grumpy, my son,' says the Pope,
'What can I do for you?'
Grumpy asks, 'Excuse me your Excellency,
but are there any dwarf nuns in Rome ?'
The Pope wrinkles his brow at the odd question,
thinks for a moment and answers,
'No, Grumpy, there are no dwarf nuns in Rome ...'
In the background, a few of the dwarfs start giggling.
Grumpy turns around and glares,
silencing them.
Grumpy turns back, 'Your Worship,
are there any dwarf nuns in all of Europe ?'
The Pope, puzzled now,
again thinks for a moment and then answers,
'No, Grumpy, there are no dwarf nuns in Europe ...
'This time, all of the other dwarfs burst into laughter.
Once again, Grumpy turns around and silences them
with an angry glare.
Grumpy turns back and says, 'Mr.. Pope!
Are there ANY dwarf nuns anywhere in the world?'
The Pope, really confused by the questions says,
'I'm sorry, my son,
there are no dwarf nuns
anywhere in the world.'
The other dwarfs collapse into a heap,
rolling and laughing, pounding the floor,
tears rolling down their cheeks,
as they begin chanting......
'Grumpy s**... a penguin!'
'Grumpy s**... a penguin!'
A higgs boson particle walks into the Vatican
The Pope says, "you call yourself the God particle! Your blasphemy is not welcome here, get out!"
The higgs boson particle says "but you can't have mass without me."
Nescafe and the Pope
Nescafe manages to arrange a meeting with the Pope at the Vatican.
After receiving the Papal blessing, the Nescafe official whispers,
"Your Eminence, we have an offer for you. Nescafe is prepared to
donate $100 million to the church if you change the Lord's Prayer from
'give us this day our daily bread' to 'give us this day our daily
coffee."
The Pope responds, "That is impossible. The prayer is the word of the
Lord. It must not be changed."
"Well," said the Nescafe man, "we anticipated your reluctance. For
this reason we will increase our offer to $300 million."
"My son, it is impossible, for the prayer is the word of the Lord and
it must not be changed."
The Nescafe guy says, "Your Holiness, we at Nescafe respect your
adherence to the faith, but we do have one final offer.... We will
donate $500 million - that's half a billion dollars - to the great
Catholic Church if you would only change the Lord's Prayer from 'give
us this day our daily bread' to 'give us this day our daily coffee.'
Please consider it."
And he leaves.
The next day the Pope convenes the College of Cardinals.
"There is some good news," he announces, "and some bad news.The good
news is that the Church will come into $500 million.'"
"And the bad news, your Holiness?" asks a Cardinal.
"We're losing the Wonder-Bread account."
2 nuns take a shortcut
2 nuns are riding bicycles through the Vatican and they decide to take a shortcut down a cobblestone street. The first nun says to the second, "I've never come this way before." The second nun replies to the first, "Nor have I. It must be the cobblestones."
The chairman of Perdue Chicken goes to the Vatican to meet the pope.
Jim Perdue, CEO of Perdue Chicken, goes to the Vatican to meet the pope. He says "Pope Francis, it is an honor to meet you. As you know, I am a devoted Catholic, and I'm bringing a generous donation today - 2 million dollars - and in return I simply ask you hear a proposal."
Pope Francis says, "yes, of course."
Jim Perdue says "I propose you change all references of bread to chicken. For example, 'Give us this day out daily chicken.' And instead of bread-based Eucharist, you could give chicken nuggets."
Pope Francis says, "sir, that is really not a feasible proposal."
Perdue says, "tell you what, I'll donate the $2 million no strings attached, but if you implement my proposal, I'll donate another $20 million."
The Pope merely thanks him and leaves the room.
The next day, at a meeting with his cardinals, the pope says, "Exalted cardinals of the Roman Catholic Church... we need to discuss the Wonderbread account."
Two Nuns On Bikes
Two nuns, Maria and Angelica, are riding their bicycles on their way to work at the Vatican. They're running late, so Maria says, "I know a shortcut. Let's go down this alley." They turn right onto the alley, which soon becomes a narrow cobblestone road, with many twists and turns. Angelica remarks, "wow, I never came this way before." Maria tells her, "it's the cobblestones."
The Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit are discussing where to holiday...
The Holy Spirit, predictably, suggests Las Vegas, but God says he feels like a change this year.
God suggests Jerusalem, but Jesus vetoes - not after last time...
Jesus suggests The Vatican City. "Sounds good to me." says God. " Yeah I'd like that," says the Holy Spirit, "I've never been."
two nuns at the vatican...
so these two nuns are riding a bicycle built for two on their daily trip around the vatican... so one day, sister mary decides to take a different route... sister katherine says "why, ive never come this way" to which sister mary relpies "it's the cobblestones"...
You hear Pete Carroll is getting recruited for a new job..
Yeah, he is getting offers from the Pope at the Vatican! The Pope said that if he can make 100 million people say "Jesus Christ" at the same time, he needs to work for the Catholic Church
The Vatican finally recognizes Palestine…
Palestine replied, "Dude. We've met like six times."
What part of the Vatican is made entirely out of amino acids?
The Cysteine Chapel
At a recent meeting at the Vatican the pope joked "I've never seen so many priests in one room"
I guess he's never been to a kids party then
Two nuns were riding their bikes...
Two nuns were riding their bikes through Rome headed to the Vatican. One nun said to the other, "You know, sister, I don't think I've ever come this way before." The other nun said, "It's the cobblestones."
The Vatican just launched an online learning program for priests.
It's called eRectory.
What are the first three words of the Constitution of the Vatican?
We the papal...
What do you call a team-up between a maniac, a random white guy, and the head of the Vatican?
Snapped, c**... and Pope
What genre of music is popular in Vatican?
Pope Music!
There was a man in the Vatican who drove trains for a living...
Jokes on you, there are no trains in the Vatican
Why do people visit the Vatican?
To listen to pope music.
Trump's in Saudi Arabia, Israel...
... and the Vatican this week, cradles of USA's 3 great religions:
Christianity, Judaism, and Oil.
What's the least productive country in the world?
The Vatican. They've only ever produced 27 papas.
Vatican to elevate pope Francis to sainthood-report
Reports are emerging from the vatican that the current pope will be recommended for sainthood due to his compassion for his fellow man. When asked about the holy father's reaction, a vatican official said, 'In keeping with modern times, the pontiff would like to be the patron saint of email, St.Francis of a cc'
Why did the priest not make the Vatican sprinting team?
He always comes in a little behind.
Q: How come the Vatican police kept harassing the nuns?
A: It was a force of habit
Two Nuns
Two nuns are riding their bicycles through Rome on their way to the Vatican. This time, though, they are taking a different route instead of their usual route.
I've never come this way, one nun says to the other.
It's the cobblestones, says the other nun.
Did you hear about the guy who was punched until he accepted a position in the Vatican?
He was beaten to a Pope.
In the latest sequel, John McClain teams up with two elderly nuns to save the Vatican from terrorists.
It's called Old Habits Die Hard.
If the Vatican ordered some things from eBay,
Would they use the papal PayPal?
Why does the Pope spend most of his free time in the Sistine Chapel
It's Rome's number one Vatican Destination!
Have you guys heard about the 13 Thai boys stuck in a cave?
Don't worry though, the Vatican is on it!
What is the most watched sporting event at the Vatican?
Little league World Series
What's the most common pizza chain in the Vatican
Papal Johns
Did you hear about the foreign government with agents in our country who are manipulating the masses?
The Vatican has people everywhere.
The Pope is going to start a Bluegrass band at the Vatican.
He says he likes fiddling with the kids.
Why did the Vatican declare pirates were outlaws?
Because the cabin boy wouldn't share his b**...!
If Americans raid Area 51, then Europeans should try for Vatican.
Americans will get the aliens, others will get the predators.
As the bishop advanced towards the queen, the queen pulled a surprise attack and took out the bishop
Believe me, the other Vatican priests were just as surprised as you are
Crossword
The Pope is doing a crossword puzzle at the Vatican. He turns to the Cardinal and asks, What is a word for a woman that ends in 'u-n-t'?
The Cardinal says, Aunt.
The Pope says, Got an eraser?
God the Father, the Son, and Holy Spirit are going on vacation...
God the Father says "Let's vacation in Israel".
God the Son, Jesus, says "Too many bad memories there. Let's vacation in Berkeley."
God the Father says "I'm not into the Mother God, hippy v**...."
The Holy Spirit says "I know, let's go to Rome and visit The Vatican"
God the Father and Son ask - "Why?"
The Holy Spirit shrugs and replies "I've just never been there."
