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Vaseline Jokes

35 vaseline jokes and hilarious vaseline puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about vaseline that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

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Popular Vaseline Short Jokes

Short vaseline jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The vaseline humour may include short sunblock jokes also.

  1. Why do British prostitutes always carry Vaseline? Because their lips have so many chaps on them!
  2. A gay man was reading a holiday brochure then he tells his partner... "this year we should try Greece"
    his partner looks up n asks him "whats wrong with the Vaseline?
  3. hannah Montana DVD: $15, Tub of vaseline: $3, XL box of tissues: $2, Look of disgust from the cashier:Priceless.
  4. Did you hear about the newlyweds who didn't know the difference between Vaseline and window caulk? All their windows fell out.
  5. When my grandfather was sick, the doctor told my grandmother to rub Vaseline on his back. After that he went downhill fast.
  6. Did you hear about the woman who confused her Vaseline with her putty? All her windows fell out.
  7. My gay dyslexic friend is looking forward to the 14th of February. He thinks its Vaseline day
  8. Did you hear Vaseline is coming out with new labels for its petroleum jelly? They're going to have a picture of missing gerbils on it.
  9. Told the waiter I wanted Greek salad... "With olive oil... NOT with Vaseline, like the last time!"
  10. My girlfriend gave me a h**... using Vaseline the other day. I came three times in the shower trying to wash it off.

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Vaseline One Liners

Which vaseline one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with vaseline? I can suggest the ones about lotion and strong.

  1. How do you say vaseline in German? Wienerschleider.
  2. Many people think the Romans invented Vaseline That was ancient grease
  3. What's the German word for Vaseline aka petroleum jelly? Wienerschleider
  4. Roses are red... Violets are blue
    What I thought was Vaseline
    Turned out to be glue
  5. What do you call the German word for Vaseline? Derweinerslider
  6. Newlyweds mistook Vaseline for putty. All their windows fell out.
  7. How do you say Vaseline in German? Vienerslidein
  8. What is the best "bang for your buck"? Vaseline.
  9. I'm allergic to vaseline. Don't rub it in.
  10. What's Curley from *Of Mice and Men's* least favorite rap song? *No Vaseline* - Ice Cube
  11. What is German for Vaseline? Dickschleider. What is German for Vaseline?
    Dickschleider

Vaseline joke, What is German for Vaseline? Dickschleider.

Make fun with this list of one liners, jokes and riddles. Each joke is crafted with thought and creativity, delivering punchlines that are unexpected and witty. The humor about vaseline can easily lighten the mood and bring smiles to people's faces. This compilation of vaseline puns is not just entertaining but also a testament to the art of joke-telling. The jokes in this list are designed to display different humor styles, ensuring that every reader at any age finds something entertaining. Constantly updated, they offer a source of fun that ensures one is always smiling !

Amusing Vaseline Jokes to Make You Laugh with Friends

What funny jokes about vaseline you can tell and make people laugh? One example I can give are clean balm jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help make vaseline prank.

My girlfriend once used Vaseline when she gave me a h**... . .

I came four or five times trying to wash it off.

Single Ladies.

A woman was once buying a very large cucumber, some condoms, and some Vaseline. She gets up to the checkout counter and the cashier says, "I can tell you're single." The flirtatious woman replies, "Oh really, how can you tell that?" The man looks at her with a stern face and says, "Because you're ugly."

An escaped prisoner enters a house...

A man escapes from prison where he has been for 15 years. He breaks into a house to look for money and guns and finds a young couple in bed. He orders the guy out of bed and ties him to a chair, while tying the girl to the bed he gets on top of her, kisses her neck, then gets up and goes into the bathroom. While he's in there, the husband tells his wife: "Listen, this guy's an escaped convict, look at his clothes! He probably spent lots of time in jail and hasn't seen a woman in years. I saw how he kissed your neck. If he wants s**..., don't resist, don't complain, do whatever he tells you. Satisfy him no matter how much he nauseates you. This guy is probably very dangerous. If he gets angry, he'll kill us. Be strong, honey. I love you." To which his wife responds: "He wasn't kissing my neck. He was whispering in my ear. He told me he was gay, thought you were cute, and asked me if we had any vaseline. I told him it was in the bathroom. Be strong honey. I love you too!"

That's some solid advice!

A man escapes from prison where he has been for 15 years. He breaks into a house to look for money and guns and finds a young couple in bed.
He orders the guy out of bed and ties him to a chair. While tying the girl to the bed, he gets on top of her, kisses her neck, then gets up and goes into the bathroom.
While he's in there, the husband tells his wife, "Listen this guy's an escaped convict - look at his clothes! He probably spent lots of time in jailand hasn't seen a woman in years. I saw how he kissed your neck. If he wants s**..., don't resist, don't complain, do whatever he tells you. Satisfy him no matter how much he nauseates you. This guy is probably very dangerous. If he gets angry, he'll kill us. Be strong, honey. I love you."
To which the wife responds, "He wasn't kissing my neck. He was whispering in my ear. He told me he was gay, thought you were cute, and asked if we had any Vaseline. I told him it was in the bathroom. Be strong, honey. I love you too.

So this amputee hadn't told his fiance about his condition yet...

and he kept putting it off. Finally, on their wedding night, in bed with the lights out, he screws up his courage.
"Honey, I have a confession to make."
"What is it, dear?"
Instead of answering, he simply takes his brides hand and puts it on the stump of his leg.
"Well!" she exclaims, "This is a surprise! But I'll get the vaseline and see what I can do."

A guy escape from prision

A man escapes from prison, where he sat for the last 15 years. He breaks into a house to look for money and guns.
However, the only thing he finds a young couple in bed. He orders the guy out of bed and ties him to a chair. Then he ties the young woman on the bed, comes on top of her and kisses her on her neck. Then he gets up and goes to the bathroom.
While he is there, the husband whispers to his wife: "Listen, this guy's an escaped convict, look at his clothes. He probably long in jail and all those years not seen a woman. I saw how he kissed you on your neck. If he wants s**..., do not go against him, do not complain and make him happy. He is dangerous and if he gets angry, he'll kill us both! Be strong honey, I love you!
"The young woman replied:" He kissed me on my neck. He whispered in my ear. He told me he was gay, that he really liked you and asked if there was some Vaseline in the bathroom. Be strong honey, I love you ... "

Yesterday at yoga

Yesterday at yoga, the instructor told us to make a flower shape by putting our hands together. She kept saying to take deep breaths and focus on our flowers. Towards the end of the exercise she told us to smell our flowers and just say out loud what our flowers smelt like. I don't think she appreciated it when I said Vaseline and shame.

Be Strong

A burglar entered a bedroom, t**... the husband and wife, kissed the wife's ear and went to the bathroom..
The husband said to the wife "Satisfy him or he will kill us, be strong. I love you"
Wife said "He didn't kiss me, he whispered in my ear that he is gay, he needs vaseline and i told him it's in the bathroom. So be strong, I love you too."

Two gay men walk into a travel agent's office...

As they were flipping through the brochures, one suddenly says, "Hey, how about Greece this time?"
The other looks up confused and says, "Why, what's wrong with the Vaseline?"

Someone asked me what was my secret to a successful marriage after having kids? I told them it's Vaseline, but not for what you're thinking.

Rub a scoop onto the door handle and the kids can't turn the k**... to get into the house.

A salesman rings the door bell and Little Johnny answers.


Salesman: "Can I see your dad?"
Johnny: "No, he's in the shower."
Salesman: "What about your mother? Can I see her?"
Johnny: "Nope. She's in the shower, too."
Salesman: "Do you think they'll be out soon?"
Johnny: "Doubt it. When my dad asked me for the Vaseline, I gave him super glue instead."

Prices are going up

Two housewives met in the local supermarket. One had filled her shopping cart with Vaseline. She explained, They are going to raise the price so, I'm stocking up.
The other woman replied, I'd never go to such extremes to save money. I'm not that tight.

Vaseline joke, Did you hear about the woman who confused her Vaseline with her putty?

Jokes are a form of humor that often involves clever wordplay, puns or unexpected twists in a story. These are usually short narratives or anecdotes crafted with the intent of amusing its audience by ending in an unexpected or humorous punchline. Jokes are a universal form of entertainment that people of all ages like adults, teens, kids and toddlers can enjoy. JokoJokes' FAQ section has answers to questions you may have!

The impact of these vaseline jokes can be both social and psychological. They can help to ease tensions, create bonds between people, and even improve overall mental health. The success of a joke often relies on the delivery, timing, and audience. Jokes can be used in various settings, from social gatherings to professional presentations, and are often employed to lighten the mood or enhance a story.