Vasectomy Jokes

Humoristic puns and funny pick up lines

My Lesbian neighbours Eva and Julia asked me to help them conceive a child recently.


They said they wouldn't mind if we did it the old fashioned way as they weren't man haters!

For six months now we've been trying but I just don't have the heart to tell them I had a vasectomy last year.

I had a vasectomy because I didn't want to have kids.

But when I came back home, they were still there.

I thought a vasectomy wouldn't get my wife pregnant..

Turns out, all it does is just change the color of the baby.

I thought my vasectomy would keep my wife from getting pregnant

But apparently it just changes the colour of the baby

When my cab driver found out I was gay, he told me this joke. I approve.

Q: What do you call a gay man with a vasectomy?

A: Seedless fruit.

I had a vasectomy so I won't have kids

But when I got home, they were still there.

I got a vasectomy but my girlfriend still had a baby...

...apparently all a vasectomy does is change the colour of the baby.

After my vasectomy I thought I couldn't get my wife pregenant

Apparently it just changes the color of the baby

Two women are discussing their love lives

Jo says: "I have to be careful not to get pregnant."

Jenny looks confused. "But I thought Tony recently had a vasectomy."

"He did." says Jo. "That's why I need to be extra careful."

I was disappointed to find out a vasectomy doesn't prevent you from getting your wife pregnant.

It just changes the color of the baby. :(

I had a vasectomy. Did you know that it actually doesn't prevent your wife from getting pregnant it just changes the color of the baby.

Or at least that's what my mailman said.

I had vasectomy so my wife wouldn't get pregnant...

But apparently all it does is change the color of your baby

So I got a vasectomy...

Turns out it just changes the colour of the baby.

Her: You got a vasectomy without telling me! Are you serious?

Me: Yes, I'm not kidding you.

I was told a vasectomy would prevent my wife and I from having a baby...

Turns out it just turns the baby black.

Told my wife I got a vasectomy and she said "Are you serious?"

Yup - I'm not kidding you

Didn't want to have children any more so I went and got a vasectomy

But when I came home they were still here...

I got a vasectomy two years ago.

Turns out is doesn't stop you from having kids, they just come out in different colours.

A friend of mine told me that sex after a vasectomy would hurt.

But to be honest I haven't noticed a vas deferens.

I had a vasectomy because I didn't want any more children.

Apparently a vasectomy doesn't stop you from having children, it only changes the colour of their skin.

Two men discuss vasectomies...

First: "I'm thinking about getting a vasectomy, but I'm worried about performance..."
Second:" I had one, I was worried at first but after a while I realized there just wasn't a vas deferens"

I thought getting a vasectomy would prevent my wife from getting pregnant

I thought getting a vasectomy would prevent my wife from getting pregnant.

Apparently, all it does is change the color of the baby.

if a fat doctor gives you a vasectomy, why should you ask him about the weather?

because he's a meaty urologist!

I thought getting a vasectomy would prevent birth

But apparently it just changes the color of the baby.

I used to think that a vasectomy prevented you from having a kid

Turns out it just changes the color (:

I got a vasectomy,

But apparently all it does is change the color of the baby.

A vasectomy can make a vas deferens in your life

Redneck Vasectomy

After having their 11th child, an Alabama couple decided that was enough because they couldn't afford a bigger bed. So, the husband went to his doctor and told him that he and his cousin-wife didn't want to have any more children. The doctor told him that there was a procedure called a vasectomy that could fix the problem, but that it would cost $1,000.

Not being able to afford the procedure, the doctor recommended he go home, get a cherry bomb, light it, put it in a beer can, then hold the can up to his ear and count to 10. The Alabamian said to the doctor, I may not be the smartest man, but I don't see how putting a cherry bomb in a beer can next to my ear is going to help me - I don't want to go deaf! To which the doctor replies, "Trust me."

So the man went home, lit a cherry bomb and put it in a beer can. He held the can up to his ear and began to count on his fingers, 1, 2, 3, 4, 5... , at which point he paused, placed the beer can between his legs and resumed counting on his other hand, 6, 7...

My dad had a vasectomy because he didn't want kids anymore

But when he got home from the hospital we were still there

Turns out my vasectomy didn't stop us from having more kids.

Turns out my vasectomy didn't stop us from having more kids, it just made them a different colour.

The lesbians next door

My lesbian neighbors wanted me to help them conceive a child and agreed to do it the old fashioned way because they are very easy going. We've been trying for three months and I haven't had the heart to tell them I had a vasectomy last year...

I got a vasectomy

I was told it would keep her from getting pregnant, turns out all it does is change the color of the baby.

Vasectomy or no vasectomy,

Vas the deferens.


(I'll show myself out)

I really counted on my vasectomy to keep my girl from getting pregnant...

but apparently it only changes the baby's skin color...

Urologist told me a joke during my vasectomy...

So during my vasectomy it was just me and the younger female doctor in the room. She was talking with me to distract me and said you want to hear a good vasectomy joke? Of course I said yes, not knowing it was going to go this way.

If a Bluebird has blue babies, a blackbird has black babies, a redbird has red babies, what kind of bird has no babies?

A Swallow!

Can't get pregnant

Stacy: I have to be very careful, i just can't get pregnant now.

Tiffany: Didn't your husband get a vasectomy?

Stacy: Exactly!

During his annual checkup, a man tells his doctor he is thinking about getting a vasectomy

The doctor tells him that it's a very important decision and asks if he has had a chance to discuss it with his family. The man says,"Yeah, and they are in favor of it 15 to 7."

I had a vasectomy today, and my wife keeps asking how I feel...

I've had to tell her over and over that it's not that bad, and that I don't notice much of a vas deferens.

Did you hear about the surgeon who botched a vasectomy?

he got the sack

I went to get a vasectomy...

.. because I didn't want children. But when I got home, they were still there

after a vasectomy, make sure to ice your nuts

it makes a vas deferens.

I asked my friend if sex changed much after his vasectomy.

He said he didn't see a vas deferens.

Wife told me if I really didn't want anymore kids to get a vasectomy

All it did was change the color of our next one.

I'm scheduled for a vasectomy next Wednesday, but I am a little worried.

I hear it can make a vas deferens in my sex life.

billy joe redneck has 10 kids...

so he decides its time for a vasectomy. he goes to the doctor who explains the procedure and the cost. billy joe asks if theres a cheaper way to handle this... the doc says "aren't you billy joe the redneck? heres what you need to do, drink a six pack, but in the last can light a cherry bomb, drop it in, then count to ten! You only need to buy the beer and the cherry bomb." Billy joe is sceptical, but takes the doctors advise. He downs a sixpack, put a lit cherry bomb in the sixth can and starts counting... 1....2...3....4....5. (places can between legs so he can use his other fingers...)

A redneck goes into the doctor for a vasectomy...

A redneck goes into the doctor for a vasectomy and says to to the doctor

"Doc, I got all these screamin youngins runnin round the trailer and no matter what the wife and I try, we always ends up pregnant. But I can't afford no medical procedure!!"

The doctor sits and thinks a minute and replies...

"Ok, tonight when you're drinking your evening beer's. Put a cherry bomb in your beer, light it and count to 10..."

The redneck, looking confused, but not going to contradict a doctor nods his head, says thank you and leaves.

That evening he sits on the front porch and puts a cherry bomb into his beer, lights it and starts counting out on his beer free hand,

"1..2..3..4..5...."

Sticks the beer between his legs and starts counting on his other hand.

"6..7..8...."

I had a vasectomy because I didn't want to have kids

But when I got home they were still there

My wife told me to get a vasectomy to stop her from getting pregnant.

But it turns out it just made our baby black.

Vasectomy misunderstanding

She told me I mis heard the doctor, Apparently it doesn't stop your wife getting pregnant, just affects the colour of the baby.

Two newly weds were discussing how many kids they will have

He: We will have two kids.
She: I want three kids.
He: No, I will have vasectomy after the second one.
She: I hope you treat the third one also as your own.

After having their 11th child, a redneck couple decided that was enough,...

...as they could not afford a larger bed. So the husband went to his veterinarian and told him that he and his cousin didn't want to have any more children.

The doctor told him that there was a procedure called a vasectomy that could fix the problem but that it was expensive. A less costly alternative, said the doctor, was to go home, get a cherry bomb (fireworks are legal in Alabama), light it, put it in a beer can, then hold the can up to his ear and count to 10.

The redneck said to the doctor, "I may not be the smartest man in the world, but I don't see how putting a cherry bomb in a beer can next to my ear is going to help me".

"Trust me," said the doctor.

So the man went home, lit a cherry bomb and put it in a beer can. He held the can up to his ear and began to count:

"1"

"2"

"3"

"4"

"5"

At which point he paused, placed the beer can between his legs, and resumed counting on his other hand.

"I don't think the vasectomy worked", said the redneck to his friend.

"Why, you get yo wife pregnant?" asked the friend.

"Yeah not only that, the baby came out all black."

After getting a vasectomy a guy complains to his buddy that they don't work since his wife still keeps getting pregnant.

The buddy says "mine didn't work either, it just made the babies come out black"

I didn't want anymore children, so I finally got a vasectomy.

I was pretty disappointed when I got home and my kids were still there.

A few years ago I had a vasectomy

A few years ago I had a vasectomy. A few weeks after the procedure I received a letter, accompanied by a sample pot, stating that I needed to provide a sperm sample and bring it in to them to prove the operation worked. At work, later that day, I snuck off to the bathroom and produced my sperm sample into the pot, screwed up the lid, and put the pot in my shirt pocket. The hospital wasn't far so I decided to take the 5 minute run over there on my lunch break. As I arrived at the front desk I noticed the pot lid has come loose and my sample has gone all over me. The nurse politely says to me 'sorry sir, you're going to have to come again.'

A guy complains to his buddy that he went to the Dr for a vasectomy since he doesn't want any kids, but it didn't work.

When he got home, the kids were still there.

I had a vasectomy.

The doctors will tell you that you won't be able to have kids anymore. I'm here to tell you that it just changes the color of the kids. #stayinformed

I got a vasectomy but my girlfriend still got pregnant...

I got a vasectomy but my girlfriend still got pregnant. Apparently, all a vasectomy does is change the colour of the baby.

What is the title for a movie about a man who is going to get his vasectomy reversed?

Scrotal Recall!

My vasectomy was supposed to change everything.

I haven't noticed a vas deferens after the procedure.

Did you hear about the redneck couple with 9 kids?

The dad went to the doctor to get a vasectomy and the doctor asked him why. 'Well, we read that 1 out of 10 babies born in the US now are Mexican, and we don't want to take a chance on having a Mexican baby because neither the wife nor I speak Spanish'.

The doctor's price for my vasectomy was a little high for me, but my offer was too low for him.

In the end we split the deferens.

How does a guy prove he's tough?

He jogs home after his vasectomy.

.


Fairly old, vasectomies may not be so bad any longer.

What are the funniest vasectomy jokes of all time?

Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour joking about Vasectomy? Well, here are the best Vasectomy puns to laugh out loud. Crazy and funny Vasectomy pick up lines to share with friends.

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