Vasectomy Jokes
103 vasectomy jokes and hilarious vasectomy puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about vasectomy that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Discover some of the funniest vasectomy jokes out there! We've scoured the internet and gathered together the best vasectomy cartoons, candy, recovery plans, food, and more. Plus, find out if Jake Peralta from Brooklyn 99 really got that vasectomy! Whether you're looking for a chuckle or just want to learn more about male vasectomy, you'll love these seedless jokes about appendectomies and surgical procedures.
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Funniest Vasectomy Short Jokes
Short vasectomy jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The vasectomy humour may include short abortion jokes also.
- I had a vasectomy because I didn't want to have kids. But when I came back home, they were still there.
- I thought a vasectomy wouldn't get my wife pregnant.. Turns out, all it does is just change the color of the baby.
- My Wife said :- You got vasectomy without even telling me . Are you serious ? I said :- I am not kidding you .
- I got a vasectomy but my girlfriend still had a baby... ...apparently all a vasectomy does is change the colour of the baby.
- When I tell people I got a vasectomy, they ask me if I notice any difference in my body. I tell them yeah, a vas deferens.
- Some people think vasectomies and castration are similar procedures but there's a vas deferens between the two.
- I was told a vasectomy would prevent my wife and I from having a baby... Turns out it just turns the baby black.
- TIL: The vasectomy procedure was pioneered by the Greek physician, Euclipides. His original instructions were as follows: "Euclipides nuts."
- I took the plunge three years ago, and had a vasectomy done. Mainly because I didn't want any kids at all. However, when I got home after the operation, they were still there..
- I went to the doctor to get a vasectomy. The doctor said, "This a really big decision you know. Have you discussed it with your wife and kids?
I said, "Yes, they're in favor 14 to 3.."
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Vasectomy One Liners
Which vasectomy one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with vasectomy? I can suggest the ones about circumcision and contraception.
- I wasted my time on a vasectomy. All it does is change the color of the baby.
- A vasectomy can make a vas deferens in your life
- Vasectomy or no vasectomy, Vas the deferens.
(I'll show myself out) - Did you hear about the surgeon who botched a vasectomy? he got the sack
- after a vasectomy, make sure to ice your nuts it makes a vas deferens.
- didn't know you had a vasectomy last year… I kid you not.
- They were having a sale at the hospital for vasectomies... It was a package deal.
- I got a vasectomy last week. So far I don't notice any deferens.
- What do vasectomies and breathalyzers have in common? The goal is to blow a zero.
- What's the definition of macho? Jogging home from your vasectomy.
- I just got a vasectomy I feel like it's a big change, but I don't feel a vas deferens.
- The first doctor to ever perform a vasectomy... Really got the ball rolling.
- Why did the Alabaman get a vasectomy? He wanted to stop having grandchildren.
- What do you call it when a King gets a vasectomy? A heir cut
- I asked my wife if I could have another vasectomy but she said no, you're cut off.
Comical Puns & Laughs: Enjoy Fun, Witty Vasectomy Jokes with Friends.
What funny jokes about vasectomy you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean birth control jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make vasectomy pranks.
My Lesbian neighbours Eva and Julia asked me to help them conceive a child recently.
They said they wouldn't mind if we did it the old fashioned way as they weren't man haters!
For six months now we've been trying but I just don't have the heart to tell them I had a vasectomy last year.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Why did the old black man wear a tuxedo to his vasectomy?
'Cause if I gonna be impotent, I better look impotent,too.
How does a guy prove he's tough?
He jogs home after his vasectomy.
.
Fairly old, vasectomies may not be so bad any longer.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I finally got around to getting a vasectomy the other day...
but there hasn't been a vas deferens in my s**... life since then.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I'm scheduled for a vasectomy next Wednesday, but I am a little worried.
I hear it can make a vas deferens in my s**... life.
You have to be pretty ballsy...
to get a Vasectomy...
Why did the Englishman wear a tie to his vasectomy?
Because he wanted to look ɪmˈpɔːtənt
I always thought a vasectomy was similar to a hysterectomy
But there's a vas deferens
Two men discuss vasectomies...
First: "I'm thinking about getting a vasectomy, but I'm worried about performance..."
Second:" I had one, I was worried at first but after a while I realized there just wasn't a vas deferens"
You know what they say about vasectomies...
There's a vas deferens between the good ones and the bad ones.
Thought of this yesterday, probobally done before but whatever
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
if a fat doctor gives you a vasectomy, why should you ask him about the weather?
because he's a meaty urologist!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A friend of mine told me that s**... after a vasectomy would hurt.
But to be honest I haven't noticed a vas deferens.
My wife was excited after my vasectomy.
She said it was a load off of her chest.^.(stole ^off ^imgur, ^sowwie)
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Apparently, getting a vasectomy won't keep your wife from getting pregnant
It just makes the baby's skin color black
I had a vasectomy today, and my wife keeps asking how I feel...
I've had to tell her over and over that it's not that bad, and that I don't notice much of a vas deferens.
Southern man getting a Vasectomy, no not the cherry bomb joke.
A man from the southern US goes to the doctor to get a vasectomy. He wears his finest 3 piece suit with his best shoes. When the nurse is getting him ready she asks him why he's dressed so fancy. The man replies, "Well heck, if I'ma be impotent, I'ma look impo'tant too."
What is the distinction between a man that has had a vasectomy and one who hasn't?
I don't know, as far as I'm concerned there's not a vas deferens.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Urologist told me a joke during my vasectomy...
So during my vasectomy it was just me and the younger female doctor in the room. She was talking with me to distract me and said you want to hear a good vasectomy joke? Of course I said yes, not knowing it was going to go this way.
If a Bluebird has blue babies, a blackbird has black babies, a redbird has red babies, what kind of bird has no babies?
A s**...!
Vasectomy misunderstanding
She told me I mis heard the doctor, Apparently it doesn't stop your wife getting pregnant, just affects the colour of the baby.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What do you call an operation.
what do you call an operation to have your tonsils removed? a Tonsillectomy.
What do you call an operation to have your appendix removed? an Appendectomy.
What do you call an operation where a man has his tubes cut so he can't have children? a vasectomy.
What do you call an operation when a woman has a s**... change? an Add-a-d**...-to-me.
What is the name of the doctor performing vasectomies?
Lemony Snippit
My wife told me to get a vasectomy to stop her from getting pregnant.
But it turns out it just made our baby black.
Two women are discussing their love lives
Jo says: "I have to be careful not to get pregnant."
Jenny looks confused. "But I thought Tony recently had a vasectomy."
"He did." says Jo. "That's why I need to be extra careful."
I had a vasectomy.
The doctors will tell you that you won't be able to have kids anymore. I'm here to tell you that it just changes the color of the kids. #stayinformed
Can't get pregnant
Stacy: I have to be very careful, i just can't get pregnant now.
Tiffany: Didn't your husband get a vasectomy?
Stacy: Exactly!
The wife of a man who just got a vasectomy compares the before and after.
She said there wasn't a vast difference.
What's the name of the cheapest vasectomy provider?
UnderCutters
I got a vasectomy two years ago.
Turns out is doesn't stop you from having kids, they just come out in different colours.
What is the title for a movie about a man who is going to get his vasectomy reversed?
Scrotal Recall!
My dad had a vasectomy because he didn't want kids anymore
But when he got home from the hospital we were still there
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My wife never has s**... with me anymore
She's always wanted kids so I suggested we start trying to conceive.
So far the s**... has been great, but she's going to be livid when she realises I've had a vasectomy.
Two newly weds were discussing how many kids they will have
He: We will have two kids.
She: I want three kids.
He: No, I will have vasectomy after the second one.
She: I hope you treat the third one also as your own.
Two years ago, Vizzini had a vasectomy. Today, she announced to him that she is pregnant with his child.
He yelled: "Inconceivable!"
After getting a vasectomy a guy complains to his buddy that they don't work since his wife still keeps getting pregnant.
The buddy says "mine didn't work either, it just made the babies come out black"
A guy complains to his buddy that he went to the Dr for a vasectomy since he doesn't want any kids, but it didn't work.
When he got home, the kids were still there.
After I had my vasectomy, my friends asked me if anything had changed in the bedroom
I replied "there isn't a vas deferens"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Sears does vasectomies now.
But every time I get an e**..., my garage door opens.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A man is talking to his doctor before a vasectomy...
The man asks "So, after the procedure, s**... will feel the same?"
The doctor responds, "I can assure you there will be no vas deferens."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I just got a Vasectomy...
The urologist gave me a cup and said I had to fill it in 60 days then bring it back for a s**... count. I guess the surgery doesn't make a vas deferens right away...
I was about to do my thai girlfriend....
When I realized that I forgot my condoms in the car. But we still did it because she had a vasectomy last week.
Wife told me if I really didn't want anymore kids to get a vasectomy
All it did was change the color of our next one.
My vasectomy was supposed to change everything.
I haven't noticed a vas deferens after the procedure.
My wife carries condoms in her purse but I had a vasectomy four years ago.
Poor thing, she has become so forgetful.
The doctor's price for my vasectomy was a little high for me, but my offer was too low for him.
In the end we split the deferens.
What do you call an artist who had a vasectomy?
Seriously, does anyone know?
I'm drawing a blank here.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Red neck decision making
A r**... family has already 4 kids when the husband announces to the wife that he will get a vasectomy.
Perplex to understand his sudden decision the wife asks him why. He replied i read that 1 in every 5 Americans is Hispanic, and I cannot bear the risk of getting one into this family
My friend is planning to do vasectomies on killer whales.
But he prefers the term orchestrating
I'm getting a vasectomy tomorrow
I'll tell my urologist she can start with either side because ultimately it doesn't make a vas deferens.
A vasectomy doesn't stop you from fathering children
It appears that it just changes the color of the baby.
I had always thought becoming sterile through testicular trauma was the same as having a vasectomy
Turns out, there's a vas deferens
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What do you call a cheap vasectomy?
A b**... ripoff
A doctor accidentally emailed the results of all his vasectomy patients to everyone on the internet.
They were publicly desemenated.
Pedro reaches the doctor's clinic
Pedro reaches the doctor's clinic looking very despondent.
Doc: What're you here for?
Pedro: The vasectomy camp.
Dr: Oh ok. How many kids do you have?
Pedro: None. I am not even married !!
Dr (shocked): Then why do you want a vasectomy?
Pedro: Every man in the village got it done over the last few years. Now whenever their wives conceive, they come and beat me up !!!
Think it Over
One day, after a man had his annual physical, the doctor came out and said, "You had a great check-up. Is there anything that you'd like to talk about or ask me?" "Well," he said, "I was thinking about getting a vasectomy." "That's a pretty big decision. Have you talked it over with your family?"
"Yeah," said the man, "They're in favor of it, 15-to-2."
When I was younger,
when I was younger, a lot younger, I used to think that vasectomies and circumcisions were the same thing. Now I know there's a vas deferens
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
The kids don't know the difference between castration and a vasectomy.
True story:
Fellow teacher in the lounge during lunch: They have no knowledge of basic human anatomy. They thought that getting a vasectomy meant having your b**... chopped off.
Me: When it comes to the difference between castration and a vasectomy, there is a vas deferens.
Thanks Reddit for letting me steal a joke and use it on the wild.
A man tells his wife:
"I'm getting a vasectomy..."
The wife, surprised, asks him if he's joking.
He replies, "No, I'm not kidding you!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What does a man who's had a vasectomy and a Christmas tree have in common?
Decorative b**....
My wife wanted me to get a Vasectomy
Since we were both on our late 30 and we were not planning on having more children
I told her: but what if 10-15 years from now something happens to you And I remarry with a much younger woman? She would want children wouldn't she ?
Now I don't need a Vasectomy, the kick was hard enough to prevent further offspring
I'm going to try a new pickup line when I'm traveling in a red state:
Hey baby, want to see my vasectomy scar?
