Vase Jokes
78 vase jokes and hilarious vase puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about vase that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Vase Short Jokes
Short vase jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The vase humour may include short vessel jokes also.
- My best mate's dyslexic and one of our teachers suggested he try poetry He's made 3 vases so far
- My girlfriend: "Did you forget to turn on the dishwasher?" Me: *sipping coffe from a vase*
"No, why?" - Two housewives who are friends meet, one says: "Yesterday my husband bought me 20 red roses. Guess I'll have to spread my legs for two weeks".
"How so?" asks the other. "Don't you have a vase?" - They told me I would not be any good at poetry because I am dyslexic. But now i make the most beautiful vases.
- I moved my girlfriend's vase to the top shelf Then there was an earthquake and the vase fell off and broke.
My girlfriend was angry with me, but it wasn't my fault. - Man gets his wife roses for Valentine's Day Wife says "I guess I have to open my legs now". Man says "Why? Don't we have a vase"?
- In pottery class I made a container to hold flowers that is patterned after part of the male reproductive tract. That's right, it's my Vase Deferens.
- My wife left me because I broke her expensive Vase. It happened right after she caught me in bed with her sister.
- Valentines Day Flowers Blonde #1: Oh how I hate when he brings me flowers. All night I'll be on my back with my legs in the air.
Blonde #2: Don't you own a vase? - What's the difference between a Vase (pronounced: veys) & Vase (pronounced: vahs)? A vahs is more expensive than a veys
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Vase One Liners
Which vase one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with vase? I can suggest the ones about plant pot and bowl.
- What did Fred Flintstone say when his wife broke her favorite vase? Grab-a-dab-a-glue!!
- If a bearded man makes vases... Is he a hairy potter?
- I found a note in a vase a year ago and was to meet someone here for money. No I didn't.
Uplifting Vase Jokes to have Hilarious Fun with Friends
What funny jokes about vase you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean beaker jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make vase pranks.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
With Vaseline or without?
skinny white guy gets thrown into jail when this b**... dude comes over to him and says "hey kid, it's me and you tonight!", later that night the b**... dude rips him a new one.
The next morning, the guy can barely walk when at lunch the black dude comes over to him and says "kid, tonight it's me & you again. However, tonight I'll let you decide if you want it with Vas or without. The poor guy thinks to himself "well, if i'm gonna get r**... anyway, at least let me have some relief" so he says "with Vas".
Black guy turns around and screams to his buddy "Hey Vas, you're in"!!!
College
A professor tells the class that they will be performing an experiment the next day. When the students get to class, they see the professor with a large glass vase, some large rocks, some small pebbles, and some sand. The students all get seated, and the professor begins the experiment. He fills the vase with the rocks and says, "How many of you says this is full?" When half the class raises his hand, he nods, and then pours in the pebbles. "Now how many of you says this is full?" When no one else raises their hand he adds the sand and repeats the previous question. The rest of the class raises their hands. The professor then sits down to begin the rest of the class, when a student walks up with a bottle of booze that was in his backpack. He pours the booze in the vase and says to the professor "Now what does this teach you?" When the professor didn't answer the student said "There's always room for beer."
Two girls walking down the street when...
one sees her husband coming out of a floral shop with a bouquet of flowers. She says "Oh shoot, he's buying me flowers. I'll have to lay on my back for two days with my feet in the air. Her friend says "Would'nt it be easier to just buy a vase?
A man comes home really really drunk....
...clenching a bouquet of flowers.
He goes to the bedroom, turns on the light and in a slurry voice he says:
"Here ya go honey, these are for you.."
To which his wife angrily replies; "Oh well that's great, I guess now you expect me to spread my legs?"
The man looks at the bouquet, then back at his wife and says:
"Why, you don't have a vase?"
Ol' Mr Periwinkle
Ol' Mr. Periwinkle was the nastiest, meanest patient in the hospital. So one day, Betty, the head nurse, decided to try and cheer him up. She brings him a beautiful bouquet of flowers and sets them down on his bedside table. Mean old Mr. Periwinkle promptly picks them up, throws them up against the wall, breaks the vase and flowers go everywhere. Betty patiently cleans up the mess and leaves the room. Later in the day, Betty comes back in and says to Mr. Periwinkle, "It's time to take your temperature, Mr. Periwinkle." He grumpily opens his mouth but Betty says, "No, not this time Mr. Periwinkle. We have to check it in the other end this time." Grumbling, Mr. Periwinkle turns over and sticks his rear end up in the air. Betty sticks it in and leaves the room. A while later, Dr. Brown is walking past Mr. Periwinkles room and looks in. He does a double take and walks in his room. "Mr. Periwinkle, what are you doing?" he says. "Oh that old nurse is taking my temperature." he replies. To which Dr. Brown says, "With a daisy?"
A blonde and a brunette are walking downtown when the brunette sees her boyfriend in a flower shop.
A blonde and a brunette are walking downtown when the brunette sees her boyfriend in a flower shop. "Just great," the brunette complained to the blonde, "my boyfriend is in the flower shop buying me some flowers." The blonde responds, "Why is that a problem?" The brunette replies, "Because now he'll expect me to spend all weekend with my legs spread and my feet up in the air." "Why?" asked the blonde, "Don't you have a vase?"
Miserly Gift
A very tight man was looking for a gift for a friend.
Everything was too expensive except for a glass vase that had been broken, which he could purchase for almost nothing. He asked the store to send it, hoping his friend would think it has been broken in transit.
In due time, he received an acknowledgement:
"Thanks for the vase," it read. "It was so thoughtful of you to wrap each piece separately."
An insurance agent was talking to a prospective client at her home.
When she noticed a beautiful vase. She asked her client, "do you keep anything in it?"
"My husband's ashes", the client replied.
"I am so sorry", apologized the agent, "I did not know he was deceased."
"He isn't - he's just too lazy to hunt for an ashtray."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A blond and a brunette are sitting on a porch...
The brunette looks out and sees her husband approaching with flowers. The brunette says: "Oh look, flowers, looks like I'll be having my legs spread open all weekend long..." The blonde replies: "Why? Don't you have a vase?"
Two women are talking over the fence....
One womans husband pulls up in the driveway, and gets out of the car with a big bunch of flowers. Upon seeing them the wife remarks "looks like I will be on my back with my legs in the air shortly"
Her neighbour replied "Don't you own a vase?"
Flovers Joke
A man comes home with a bokay of flowers for his girlfriend and she says "I guess I'll have to spread my legs now." And her boyfriend asks "Why, don't you have a vase?"
My favorite joke from The Sopranos
A man comes home with a bouquet of flowers for his wife. "What? Do you expect me to spread my legs for you now?" says the wife. The husband replies, "honey, I love you, but i think a vase will work just fine."
You know what they say about vasectomies...
There's a vas deferens between the good ones and the bad ones.
Thought of this yesterday, probobally done before but whatever
A vasectomy can make a vas deferens in your life
A Polish woman is visiting her friend
A Polish woman is visiting her friend. They are sitting talking at the kitchen table when her friend looks out the window and sees her husband carrying a bouquet of flowers. She turns to her Polish friend and says "great, now I'm going to have my legs up in the air all night"
Her friend replies "hmm usually I just use a vase"
I had a vasectomy today, and my wife keeps asking how I feel...
I've had to tell her over and over that it's not that bad, and that I don't notice much of a vas deferens.
So, I brought my girlfriend some flowers today...
she looked at me, sighed and said, "I guess I'll have to spread my legs now."
so I asked her, "why, don't you have a vase?"
hahahahaha
just kidding...
I don't have a girlfriend
A man brings home flowers to his wife
A man brings some flowers home to his wife. She's so surprised by his romantic gesture that she lays back on the dining table, throws her legs in the air and spreads them.
Her husband confused looks down and goes "What's that for?"
His wife replies "For the flowers of course"
He thinks for a moment and asks "Don't we have a vase?"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What does a vasectomy and a terrible ship wreck have in common?
All s**... lost!
Vasectomy misunderstanding
She told me I mis heard the doctor, Apparently it doesn't stop your wife getting pregnant, just affects the colour of the baby.
Flowers
A man walks in to the house with a dozen roses, walks up to his wife and hands them to her. The wife says "Oh, now I guess you expect me to lay on my back with my legs spread." The husband replies, " What, you don't have a vase?"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Woman to her girlfriend: My husband got me a dozen roses; tonight I guess I have no choice but to spread eagle with my legs in the air.
Girlfriend: Don't you have a vase?
The Valentine's Day Blonde
A woman receives a huge bouquet of flowers from her boyfriend at the office and is clearly upset about it. Her co-workers ask what's wrong.
She replies, very annoyed: "This is just great. Now I guess I'll have to spend the whole evening on my back, with my legs in the air!"
The blonde says, "That's awful! Don't you have a vase?"
What do vasectomies and breathalyzers have in common?
The goal is to blow a zero.
A guy ring's his new girlfriend's doorbell
She sees him holding a beautiful bouquet of roses and drags him in.
She lies on the couch, pulls her skirt up, and rips her knickers off and says "This is for the flowers!"
"Don't be silly" says her boyfriend, "you must have a vase somewhere!"
Vasectomy or no vasectomy,
Vas the deferens.
(I'll show myself out)
I had a vasectomy because I didn't want to have kids.
But when I came back home, they were still there.
I had a vasectomy.
The doctors will tell you that you won't be able to have kids anymore. I'm here to tell you that it just changes the color of the kids. #stayinformed
A younger woman receives a dozen red roses. . .
A much older woman and a much younger woman are sitting on the front porch when all of a sudden the younger woman looked up and saw her husband coming towards her with a dozen red roses. Disgusted, she said to her friend, "Well it looks like I'll be up all night long with my legs up in the air." Confused, the elderly woman ask, "What's a matter? Ain't you got a vase?"
I got a vasectomy but my girlfriend still had a baby...
...apparently all a vasectomy does is change the colour of the baby.
I got a vasectomy two years ago.
Turns out is doesn't stop you from having kids, they just come out in different colours.
Father's ashes!
A guy goes to a girl's house for the first time, and she shows him into the living room. She excuses herself to go to the kitchen to get them some snacks and drinks.
As he's standing there alone, he lights a cigarette. After a while, he notices a cute little vase on the mantle. He picks it up, and as he's looking at it, she walks back in.
He says, "What's this?"
She says, "Oh, my father's ashes are in there."
He turns beet red in horror and goes, "Oh God no... Oh!!! I just....."
She says, "Yeah, he's too lazy to go to the kitchen to get an ashtray."
Two women are having lunch on Valentine's Day
One says to the other "Do you and your husband have any romantic plans for tonight?"
The second scoffs "Oh, please. These days, he just buys me a half-dozen roses, and expects me to get on my back and spread my legs."
The first looks confused "Don't you have a vase you could put them in?"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
'Dad, why is my sister called Rose?'
'Because we broke a vase with a rose in it when we made her'
'Alright, thanks for telling, Dad.'
'No problem, c**....'
Why did the vasectomist get kicked out of medical school?
He didn't make the cut
After getting a vasectomy a guy complains to his buddy that they don't work since his wife still keeps getting pregnant.
The buddy says "mine didn't work either, it just made the babies come out black"
After I had my vasectomy, my friends asked me if anything had changed in the bedroom
I replied "there isn't a vas deferens"
Two blondes are having a coffee at the local cafe.
They see a flower delivery truck pull up in front of the apartment building across the street and the delivery guy goes inside. The first blonde remarks "You know, whenever my boyfriend gets me flowers, he expects me to keep my legs spread for a week."
The second blonde replies "Don't you have a vase?"
I had a vasectomy recently
It has made a vas deferens in the number of children I could've had!
A boy breaks an old vase at a rich uncle's house.
A boy breaks an old vase at a rich uncle's house. The uncle gets extremely angry and yells: Do you even know how old the vase was? It was from the 17th century! The boy sagged in relief: Oh, good that it wasn't new.
My vasectomy was worth every penny.
I've saved a ton of money on finger cots!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I just got a Vasectomy...
The urologist gave me a cup and said I had to fill it in 60 days then bring it back for a s**... count. I guess the surgery doesn't make a vas deferens right away...
I had a Vasectomy yesterday, and I can confirm...
It's a real ball ache.
Nothing is Impossible - says my mother.
Cause if you did nothing, how did the flower vase broke?
I bought a girl flowers and she thought I expected something in return...
She said "oh, so you just expect me to go in the bedroom and lie on the bed with me legs up?"
I said " you don't have a vase?"
-Tahir Bilgic
I just got a vasectomy
I feel like it's a big change, but I don't feel a vas deferens.
My vasectomy was supposed to change everything.
I haven't noticed a vas deferens after the procedure.
after a vasectomy, make sure to ice your nuts
it makes a vas deferens.
A brunette gets a bouquet of flowers for valentines day.
The other office women are admiring the flowers as they are delivered to her.
She then smirks and says to the crowd of women gathered around "I guess this means I will be spending the night with my legs in the air."
The blonde then says "Don't you have a vase?"
All Weekend ?
A woman is at work. Friday afternoon she receives a bouquet of roses from here husband. oh great she tells her co worker, Now I will Have To Spend All Weekend With My Legs Up In The Air Why asked her coworker, Haven't You Got A Vase At Home ?
A woman was complaining bitterly about getting flowers
She says to her co-worker "Last night my husband brought me a dozen roses. I hate it when he does that!"
He responds "why? What's the matter with that?"
"Every time he brings me flowers I'm expected to spread my legs all night!"
"What, you don't have a vase?"
I'm getting a vasectomy tomorrow
I'll tell my urologist she can start with either side because ultimately it doesn't make a vas deferens.
Flowers
On Valentine's Day I came home with a dozen roses for my wife. She looked at me and said so I guess you want me to spread my legs now?
I said, well, I kinda thought we'd put them in a vase.
How do you say vaseline in German?
Wienerschleider.
A vasectomy doesn't stop you from fathering children
It appears that it just changes the color of the baby.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
So, I went and got a vasectomy today..
So, I went and got a vasectomy today. The nurse came into the room and told me to take me clothes off and lay in the bed. I did. Then she jumped on me, did me, then said let's go to the operating room. I said,"What was that all about?" She said, "It's better to have some kind of s**... before the operation so the doctor can find the vein to plug up." As I'm walking down the hall wall, I noticed 5 guys in a room m**.... I said to the nurse, " what are they here for." She said, Vasectomies. I said,"So am i, but I didn't have to do that!" She said,"you have blue cross and they have Obamacare!"
A mother asks her two sons who broke her favorite vase. She told them she won't get angry if they told the truth, yet one of them lied. The first son said he played soccer in the house but broke nothing. The second son said he only broke his own doll house. Who's lying?
The mother is, we all know she will stil get angry no matter what.
Two Gals were sitting at the corner talking ...
One saw her boyfriend coming up the street with a bunch of flowers.
"Oh great" she said. " Now I'll have to lay on my back with my legs spread all weekend."
Her friend replied "Why ? Don't you have a vase ?"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A man rubs a vase and out comes a genie
The genie says "You got 3 wishes, but the catch is, your wife gets double.
The man says, "I want a new car"
The genie grants the mans wish for a car and gives the wife two cars.
The man says, "I want a new house"
The genie grants the wish and gives the man a new house and gives the wife two houses.
The man now says, "For my final wish, I wish to be beaten half to death"
A man walks into a museum.
While wandering, he trips and breaks a vase.
He panicks and picks the pieces up.
But the curator appears and almost has a heart attack.
"What have you done! that vase was 2000 years old." He shrieks.
"Oh thank God." The man sighs in relief. " I thought it was brand new."
I got a vasectomy last week.
So far I don't notice any deferens.
didn't know you had a vasectomy last year…
I kid you not.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Old Man VS KGB
An old man somewhere in the Soviet Union's has dug his vase. Early in the morning two KGB officers show up at his place and ask him about his vase. He swears to God that he hasn't got any food.
Then they give him a shovel and point at the place to dig.
He digs the vase.
"Huh you silly old man. What's this? What are you hiding in it?"
"I ain't hiding anything" says he and opens the vase. It is just as empty as he said.
"You old man, I don't understand this. Why did you dig this vase into the ground then?"
"Well..." starts the old man "I had a new neighbor moving in and I was curious if is he a snitch"
I got a vasectomy last year.
Turns out they don't prevent pregnancy, it just changes the color of the baby.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Vasectomy
He swore blind he had recently had a vasectomy and now a few weeks later she was sitting on her bathroom floor surrounded by positive pregnancy tests.
She rang him demanding an explanation and he replied I had to sit in Accident and Emergency for two days with a flowerpot glued to my g**... before they finally removed it. What would you b**... call it? .
She told him what she thought he had meant and managed a rueful smile over the complications arising from the vase difference.
