Vanishes Jokes
35 vanishes jokes and hilarious vanishes puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about vanishes that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Vanishes Short Jokes
Short vanishes jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The vanishes humour may include short disappear jokes also.
- There was a Mexican magician who was about to disappear on the count of three. He said "uno... dos-" and vanished. He disappeared without a tres
- There was a mexican magician... ...Who said "On the count of three, I will vanish!"
And so he counted, "Uno... Dos..."
And then he vanished, without a tres. - I hate it when you open up to people and they leave I told my psychiatrist that I'm having hallucinations and he just vanished.
- I used to date an air stewardess from Helsinki I dropped her off at work one day and she just vanished into Finnair
- The bermuda triangle used to be known as the bermuda rectangle, until one of the sides mysteriously vanished.
- Is Jon Stewart the Last Airbender? Because just when the world needed him most, he vanished.
- Did you hear about the three Mexicans who robbed a bank? One of them was captured but the other two vanished without a tres.
- Dinosaur Fact Towards the end of the Jurassic period, the Thesaurus was the first Dinosaur to become extinct, obsolete, belated, vanished and wiped out.
- I tried to come up with a new name for vanishing cream... But it just resulted in DissapOintment.
- A Mexican magician says he's going to make himself disappear on the count of three.. He says, uno.. Dos.. And then he vanished without a tres!
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Vanishes One Liners
Which vanishes one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with vanishes? I can suggest the ones about appears and going away.
- My Dad is like the Avatar! When we needed him most, he vanished.
- Did he travel with Scandinavian Airlines? No, he simply vanished into Finnair
- I just found out what a vanishing point is. It really puts everything in perspective.
- I have discovered real life magicians Whenever the police appears, people vanish.
- "I don't think so", said René Descartes Just then he vanished.
- How do you make one vanish? Give it a "g" and it's gone.
- Roy Horn is not longer with us... He has vanished.
- Barmaid: Would you like some wine? Descartes: I think not. Then he vanishes.
- Did you hear the joke about the dartboard that vanished? you're not missing anything.
- Our love was magical.. it vanished like one of Houdini's disappearing acts
- A female magician made her boyfriend vanish. How? By asking for a commitment.
- What's an alcoholic artist's favorite magic trick? the vanishing pint
- A Spanish magician prepares for his vanishing act. He says uno....dos.......
- What do you call a bug that vanishes? A non antity.
- Pac-man walks into Pizzeria... and promptly vanishes in a puff of logic.
Gather Around for Fun Vanishes Jokes and Laughter with Friends
What funny jokes about vanishes you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean poof jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make vanishes pranks.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A man was dumping toxic waste into a river.
Suddenly, the sky darkened, lightning flashed, and a glowing woman appeared, hovering above the river.
**"For your crimes, I curse you to only speak in words related to water!",** she intoned, and then vanished in another flash of lightning.
The man stood, shocked, before gathering his wits and muttering, "Well dam".
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A classic Russian joke...
An American, a Frenchman and a Russian are stranded on an uninhabited island. They build a shelter, catch fish for food and suddenly catch a magical Golden Fish, who promises to fulfill two wishes for each in trade for her own freedom:
The American says: "A million dollars and to go back home!" He vanishes.
The Frenchman says: "Three beautiful women and to go back home!" He vanishes as well.
The Russian look around at the deserted island, and says: "Tsk, and we were getting along so well. Three crates of v**... and the two fellas back!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Soon after my girlfriend got pregnant, I got scared. She then got angry and shouted! Then I got high and vanished.
Then we both got bored of Scrabble and had s**....
A man goes to audition for an anchor position at a local tv station
A man goes to the television station auditioning for an anchor position.
He sits down in front of the camera and begins, soon it is obvious that he has a terrible stutter, and hisleft eye continuously winks.
The producer says, "Thank you for your audition, we'll let you know."
The man says, "W-w-wait a moment, I c-c-can fix this."
He opens his breifcase, and about 200 condoms fall out, he digs deeper and pulls out a bottle of aspitin.
He take a single aspirin, and then re-reads his copy perfectly, his wink having vanished.
The producer is dumbfounded, and he says, "Thanks fantastic, but what's with the condoms?"
The man says, "This is what they give you if you stutter and wink and ask for aspirin at the pharmacy.
There once was a baby born with no arms. His parents put him on the church's stairs and vanished.
The local priest took him in and raised him, eventually giving him the job of ringing the bell for evening mass. So, each day, the child lined up from across the room and ran as fast as he could to hit the bell with his head.
One day, the priest ate a banana and left the peel lying by the bell. As the child was running running running, he slipped on the banana peel and fell out the window to his death. When the cops came to investigate, the asked the priest for the child's name.
The priest said I don't know his name, but his face rings a bell.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead are captured by a witch
The witch tells them, "If you say something about yourself that is true, I will let you go, if not, you will vanish into thin air"
The brunette says, "I think I'm the prettiest"
*p**...!* the brunette disappears.
The redhead says, "I think I'm the smartest"
*p**...!* the redhead disappears.
The blonde says, "I think..." *p**...!*
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Twice a week, a Belgian riding a bicycle crossed the German border...
And he always carried a suitcase filled with sand.
Each time, the customs officials searched his suitcase for contraband, but always in vain.
Sometimes, they even emptied all the sand out, expecting to find some i**... item.
They racked their brains but never found anything.
It was many years later, long after the Belgian had vanished from the scene that they learned the truth.
He had been smuggling bicycles.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
There is a magic mirror that will make anyone who lies disappear.
First, an old lady stands before it and tells herself, "I think I look young." And *p**...* she vanishes.
Next, an ugly woman looks at her reflection and says, "I think I am beautiful." And *p**...* she also disappears.
Then, a blonde woman takes her turn with the mirror. "I think..." and *p**...* she's gone.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Magic carpet
A blonde , a brunette and a red head walk into a carpet store and spot a talking magic carpet.
It spoke, "if you step on me and lie, you will disappear with a p**...!"
The brunette steps on first and says, "I think I'm the prettiest girl in town."
She vanished with a p**...!
The red head steps on the carpet and says, "I think I'm the smartest girl in town."
She vanished with a p**...!
The blonde steps on the carpet and says, "I think-"
She vanished with a p**...!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
An old woman is sitting on her porch when a genie appears
"You get one wish" he is straight to the point. woman thinks about it but she is content with her life. Just that moment her cat strolls by. With a mischievous smile she tells genie she wants her cat turned into handsome man. "Done" genie says and vanishes. And true to his word instead of a cat there is a really good looking man standing on the porch. Woman gives him an appreciative look and he smiles, leans i and whispers in her ear "I bet you wish now you haven't had me neutered."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I was in Mexico last weekend enjoying what the entertainment has to offer....
...ended up going to this magic show that was highly recommended. The Magician came on stage and started the show with a disappearing act. He said "Pay close attention as I will vanish into thin air on the count of three"
He started counting... "uno....dos..."
And sure as s**... he disappeared without a Tres.
