Vanishes Jokes
35 vanishes jokes and hilarious vanishes puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about vanishes that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Vanishes Short Jokes
Short vanishes jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The vanishes humour may include short disappear jokes also.
- There was a Mexican magician who was about to disappear on the count of three. He said "uno... dos-" and vanished. He disappeared without a tres
- With great flourish, the Mexican magician exclaimed, "On the count of three, I shall make myself disappear!" "uno!!!"
"Dos!!!"
...and then he vanished, without a tres. - I asked a homeless girl if I could take her home... The smile on her face vanished when I took away her cardboard box.
- A Spanish magician was showing a trick.. "For my next trick, I'll disappear into thin air. Uno, dos."
And he vanished without a tres! - There was a mexican magician... ...Who said "On the count of three, I will vanish!"
And so he counted, "Uno... Dos..."
And then he vanished, without a tres. - I hate it when you open up to people and they leave I told my psychiatrist that I'm having hallucinations and he just vanished.
- I used to date an air stewardess from Helsinki I dropped her off at work one day and she just vanished into Finnair
- A magician tells his audience that he will disappear on the count of 3. He says "uno... Dos..." And then vanishes.
He disappeared without a tres. - The bermuda triangle used to be known as the bermuda rectangle, until one of the sides mysteriously vanished.
- I went to see a concert performance by the Royal Bermuda Philharmonic orchestra... Half way through the first symphony, the triangle player vanished...
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Vanishes One Liners
Which vanishes one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with vanishes? I can suggest the ones about vanished and appears.
- A Mexican magician once counted... Uno, dos and vanished without a tres.
- My Dad is like the Avatar! When we needed him most, he vanished.
- Did he travel with Scandinavian Airlines? No, he simply vanished into Finnair
- Did you hear about the Spanish Magician? He said Uno. Dos. and vanished without a tres.
- I think my dad is the Avatar Because when I needed him the most he vanished
- Yo' mama is so dirty... She did the Tide Pod challenge and vanished
- Yo momma is so fat… When she does magic tricks she vanishes into thick air
- I just found out what a vanishing point is. It really puts everything in perspective.
- I have discovered real life magicians Whenever the police appears, people vanish.
- "I don't think so", said René Descartes Just then he vanished.
- How do you make one vanish? Give it a "g" and it's gone.
- Roy Horn is not longer with us... He has vanished.
- Barmaid: Would you like some wine? Descartes: I think not. Then he vanishes.
- Did you hear the joke about the dartboard that vanished? you're not missing anything.
- Our love was magical.. it vanished like one of Houdini's disappearing acts
Gather Around for Fun Vanishes Jokes and Laughter with Friends
What funny jokes about vanishes you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean hides jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make vanishes pranks.
A horse walks into a bar and orders a pint
The bartender says, " you're in here a lot. Do you think you might be an alcoholic? " The horse says, "I don't think I am, " and promptly vanishes from existence.
See, this was a joke about Descartes' famous philosophical statement, " I think, therefore I am." I could have mentioned that at the beginning, but that would have been putting Descartes before the horse.
A horse walks into a bar and orders a pint.
The barkeeper says "you're in here pretty often. Think you might be an alcoholic?", to which the horse says "I don't think I am.", and vanishes from existence.
See, the joke is about Descartes' famous philosophy of 'I think therefor I am", but to explain that part before the rest of the joke would be to put Descartes before the horse.
A horse walks into a bar...
... and orders a pint. The bartender then says "You know, you're in here pretty often. Do you think you might be an alcoholic?"
The horse responds "I don't think I am..." and promptly vanishes from existence.
See, this was a joke about Descartes' famous line from philosophy: "I think, therefore I am." But if I had explained that before the rest of the joke, it would have been putting Descartes before the horse.
The Mexican Magician
A Mexican magician declares that he will disappear on the count of three. He begins to count, "uno, dos..." *p**...* The magician vanished without a tres.
A man was dumping toxic waste into a river.
Suddenly, the sky darkened, lightning flashed, and a glowing woman appeared, hovering above the river.
**"For your crimes, I curse you to only speak in words related to water!",** she intoned, and then vanished in another flash of lightning.
The man stood, shocked, before gathering his wits and muttering, "Well dam".
A horse walks into a bar...
... the bartender said "You're in here a lot, I think you may be an alcoholic." The horse replied, "I don't think I am", and vanished.
See, this is a play on Descartes famous line "I think, therefore I am". I would have explained this before the joke, but that would have been putting Descarte before the horse.
A horse went into a pub every night for a week.
The barman asked "you've been in every day. Do you think you might be alcoholic? '
" I don't think I am" said the horse, then promptly vanishes from existence.
You see, this is a joke about Descartes' philosophy of "I think, therefore I am", but telling you that first would be putting Descartes before the horse.
A classic Russian joke...
An American, a Frenchman and a Russian are stranded on an uninhabited island. They build a shelter, catch fish for food and suddenly catch a magical Golden Fish, who promises to fulfill two wishes for each in trade for her own freedom:
The American says: "A million dollars and to go back home!" He vanishes.
The Frenchman says: "Three beautiful women and to go back home!" He vanishes as well.
The Russian look around at the deserted island, and says: "Tsk, and we were getting along so well. Three crates of v**... and the two fellas back!"
Soon after my girlfriend got pregnant, I got scared. She then got angry and shouted! Then I got high and vanished.
Then we both got bored of Scrabble and had s**....
A man goes to audition for an anchor position at a local tv station
A man goes to the television station auditioning for an anchor position.
He sits down in front of the camera and begins, soon it is obvious that he has a terrible stutter, and hisleft eye continuously winks.
The producer says, "Thank you for your audition, we'll let you know."
The man says, "W-w-wait a moment, I c-c-can fix this."
He opens his breifcase, and about 200 condoms fall out, he digs deeper and pulls out a bottle of aspitin.
He take a single aspirin, and then re-reads his copy perfectly, his wink having vanished.
The producer is dumbfounded, and he says, "Thanks fantastic, but what's with the condoms?"
The man says, "This is what they give you if you stutter and wink and ask for aspirin at the pharmacy.
A Spanish magician told the crowd he'll make himself vanish on the count of 3. He goes "Uno, dos...
And *p**...*..... He disappeared without a tres.
There once was a baby born with no arms. His parents put him on the church's stairs and vanished.
The local priest took him in and raised him, eventually giving him the job of ringing the bell for evening mass. So, each day, the child lined up from across the room and ran as fast as he could to hit the bell with his head.
One day, the priest ate a banana and left the peel lying by the bell. As the child was running running running, he slipped on the banana peel and fell out the window to his death. When the cops came to investigate, the asked the priest for the child's name.
The priest said I don't know his name, but his face rings a bell.
