Vanished Jokes
62 vanished jokes and hilarious vanished puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about vanished that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Vanished Short Jokes
Short vanished jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The vanished humour may include short missing jokes also.
- There was a Mexican magician who was about to disappear on the count of three. He said "uno... dos-" and vanished. He disappeared without a tres
- With great flourish, the Mexican magician exclaimed, "On the count of three, I shall make myself disappear!" "uno!!!"
"Dos!!!"
...and then he vanished, without a tres. - I asked a homeless girl if I could take her home... The smile on her face vanished when I took away her cardboard box.
- A Spanish magician was showing a trick.. "For my next trick, I'll disappear into thin air. Uno, dos."
And he vanished without a tres! - There was a mexican magician... ...Who said "On the count of three, I will vanish!"
And so he counted, "Uno... Dos..."
And then he vanished, without a tres. - I hate it when you open up to people and they leave I told my psychiatrist that I'm having hallucinations and he just vanished.
- I used to date an air stewardess from Helsinki I dropped her off at work one day and she just vanished into Finnair
- A magician tells his audience that he will disappear on the count of 3. He says "uno... Dos..." And then vanishes.
He disappeared without a tres. - The bermuda triangle used to be known as the bermuda rectangle, until one of the sides mysteriously vanished.
- I went to see a concert performance by the Royal Bermuda Philharmonic orchestra... Half way through the first symphony, the triangle player vanished...
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Vanished One Liners
Which vanished one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with vanished? I can suggest the ones about vanishes and collapsed.
- A Mexican magician once counted... Uno, dos and vanished without a tres.
- My Dad is like the Avatar! When we needed him most, he vanished.
- Did he travel with Scandinavian Airlines? No, he simply vanished into Finnair
- Did you hear about the Spanish Magician? He said Uno. Dos. and vanished without a tres.
- I think my dad is the Avatar Because when I needed him the most he vanished
- Yo' mama is so dirty... She did the Tide Pod challenge and vanished
- Yo momma is so fat… When she does magic tricks she vanishes into thick air
- I just found out what a vanishing point is. It really puts everything in perspective.
- I have discovered real life magicians Whenever the police appears, people vanish.
- "I don't think so", said René Descartes Just then he vanished.
- How do you make one vanish? Give it a "g" and it's gone.
- Roy Horn is not longer with us... He has vanished.
- Barmaid: Would you like some wine? Descartes: I think not. Then he vanishes.
- Did you hear the joke about the dartboard that vanished? you're not missing anything.
- Our love was magical.. it vanished like one of Houdini's disappearing acts
Experience Instant Grins & Giggles with Playful Vanished Jokes
What funny jokes about vanished you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean disappear jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make vanished pranks.
There once was a baby born with no arms. His parents put him on the church's stairs and vanished.
The local priest took him in and raised him, eventually giving him the job of ringing the bell for evening mass. So, each day, the child lined up from across the room and ran as fast as he could to hit the bell with his head.
One day, the priest ate a banana and left the peel lying by the bell. As the child was running running running, he slipped on the banana peel and fell out the window to his death. When the cops came to investigate, the asked the priest for the child's name.
The priest said I don't know his name, but his face rings a bell.
A short philosophy joke...
René Descartes is walking around a party when somebody asks him if he'd like something to drink. Descartes answers, I think not and promptly vanishes.
A man goes to audition for an anchor position at a local tv station
A man goes to the television station auditioning for an anchor position.
He sits down in front of the camera and begins, soon it is obvious that he has a terrible stutter, and hisleft eye continuously winks.
The producer says, "Thank you for your audition, we'll let you know."
The man says, "W-w-wait a moment, I c-c-can fix this."
He opens his breifcase, and about 200 condoms fall out, he digs deeper and pulls out a bottle of aspitin.
He take a single aspirin, and then re-reads his copy perfectly, his wink having vanished.
The producer is dumbfounded, and he says, "Thanks fantastic, but what's with the condoms?"
The man says, "This is what they give you if you stutter and wink and ask for aspirin at the pharmacy.
Did you hear about the three Mexicans who robbed a bank?
One of them was captured but the other two vanished without a tres.
Twice a week, a Belgian riding a bicycle crossed the German border...
And he always carried a suitcase filled with sand.
Each time, the customs officials searched his suitcase for contraband, but always in vain.
Sometimes, they even emptied all the sand out, expecting to find some i**... item.
They racked their brains but never found anything.
It was many years later, long after the Belgian had vanished from the scene that they learned the truth.
He had been smuggling bicycles.
The Mexican Magician
A Mexican magician declares that he will disappear on the count of three. He begins to count, "uno, dos..." *p**...* The magician vanished without a tres.
Is Jon Stewart the Last Airbender?
Because just when the world needed him most, he vanished.
A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead are captured by a witch
The witch tells them, "If you say something about yourself that is true, I will let you go, if not, you will vanish into thin air"
The brunette says, "I think I'm the prettiest"
*p**...!* the brunette disappears.
The redhead says, "I think I'm the smartest"
*p**...!* the redhead disappears.
The blonde says, "I think..." *p**...!*
A Spanish magician announced that for his final trick, he would vanish into thin air. He counted down: uno, dos, then p**...!
He was gone, without a tres.
A horse walks into a bar and orders a pint.
The barkeeper says "you're in here pretty often. Think you might be an alcoholic?", to which the horse says "I don't think I am.", and vanishes from existence.
See, the joke is about Descartes' famous philosophy of 'I think therefor I am", but to explain that part before the rest of the joke would be to put Descartes before the horse.
My dad is the greatest magician of all time
He did a vanishing trick over 16 years ago and still hasn't been found
Soon after my girlfriend got pregnant, I got scared. She then got angry and shouted! Then I got high and vanished.
Then we both got bored of Scrabble and had s**....
There was once a great Mexican Magician...
There was once a great Mexican Magician. He was world-renowned for his incredible feats. His most famous act, though, was his vanishing act. He would count;
uno
dos
and suddenly he would disappear without a tres.
Magic carpet
A blonde , a brunette and a red head walk into a carpet store and spot a talking magic carpet.
It spoke, "if you step on me and lie, you will disappear with a p**...!"
The brunette steps on first and says, "I think I'm the prettiest girl in town."
She vanished with a p**...!
The red head steps on the carpet and says, "I think I'm the smartest girl in town."
She vanished with a p**...!
The blonde steps on the carpet and says, "I think-"
She vanished with a p**...!
There is a magic mirror that will make anyone who lies disappear.
First, an old lady stands before it and tells herself, "I think I look young." And *p**...* she vanishes.
Next, an ugly woman looks at her reflection and says, "I think I am beautiful." And *p**...* she also disappears.
Then, a blonde woman takes her turn with the mirror. "I think..." and *p**...* she's gone.
A Spanish magician told the crowd he'll make himself vanish on the count of 3. He goes "Uno, dos...
And *p**...*..... He disappeared without a tres.
A Mexican magician was performing a magic trick.
He counted Uno, Dos, and vanished without a Tres.
A horse walks into a bar...
... and orders a pint. The bartender then says "You know, you're in here pretty often. Do you think you might be an alcoholic?"
The horse responds "I don't think I am..." and promptly vanishes from existence.
See, this was a joke about Descartes' famous line from philosophy: "I think, therefore I am." But if I had explained that before the rest of the joke, it would have been putting Descartes before the horse.
A classic Russian joke...
An American, a Frenchman and a Russian are stranded on an uninhabited island. They build a shelter, catch fish for food and suddenly catch a magical Golden Fish, who promises to fulfill two wishes for each in trade for her own freedom:
The American says: "A million dollars and to go back home!" He vanishes.
The Frenchman says: "Three beautiful women and to go back home!" He vanishes as well.
The Russian look around at the deserted island, and says: "Tsk, and we were getting along so well. Three crates of v**... and the two fellas back!"
I was in Mexico last weekend enjoying what the entertainment has to offer....
...ended up going to this magic show that was highly recommended. The Magician came on stage and started the show with a disappearing act. He said "Pay close attention as I will vanish into thin air on the count of three"
He started counting... "uno....dos..."
And sure as s**... he disappeared without a Tres.
An old woman is sitting on her porch when a genie appears
"You get one wish" he is straight to the point. woman thinks about it but she is content with her life. Just that moment her cat strolls by. With a mischievous smile she tells genie she wants her cat turned into handsome man. "Done" genie says and vanishes. And true to his word instead of a cat there is a really good looking man standing on the porch. Woman gives him an appreciative look and he smiles, leans i and whispers in her ear "I bet you wish now you haven't had me neutered."
A horse walks into a bar and says, "I'll have a triple whisky."
The bartender says to the horse, Are you an alcoholic?
The horse replies, I don't think I am. The horse promptly vanishes into thin air.
Now, that joke was a play on the classic proposition Cogito ergo sum , or I think, therefore I am. If this was to be explained at the start of the joke though, it wouldn't work. It would be putting Descartes before the horse.
A man was dumping toxic waste into a river.
Suddenly, the sky darkened, lightning flashed, and a glowing woman appeared, hovering above the river.
**"For your crimes, I curse you to only speak in words related to water!",** she intoned, and then vanished in another flash of lightning.
The man stood, shocked, before gathering his wits and muttering, "Well dam".
A Republican and a Democrat found a magic lamp
The genie said "I will grant one wish per person". The Republican immediately jumped forward and said "I wish all Republicans and conservatives had their own planet, separate from all these libs." The genie nodded and the Republican vanished. The Democrat then asked "Are they all on their own planet?" "Yes" said the genie. "Are you sure? All of them?" The genie said "Yes" one more time. Then the Democrat said "I guess I'll just have a glass of water then."
A horse went into a pub every night for a week.
The barman asked "you've been in every day. Do you think you might be alcoholic? '
" I don't think I am" said the horse, then promptly vanishes from existence.
You see, this is a joke about Descartes' philosophy of "I think, therefore I am", but telling you that first would be putting Descartes before the horse.
Three wishes
Three friends are stuck on an island. One day, one of the them found a bottle floating near land. It so happen to be a genie bottle! "Thankyou for freeing me! You may have three wishes!", the genie explains. The first person wished to go back home, and just like that, they vanished and went home! Excited, the second person wished to go home as well, and the genie made his wish come true. The third person was sad. They looked at the genie and said, "I'm so alone, I wish that my friends would come back!"
A horse goes into a bar and orders a pint.
The bartender says, "You know, you're in here pretty often. Do you think you might be an alcoholic?"
The horse says, "I don't think I am..." and promptly vanishes from existence.
See, this was a joke about Descartes' famous line from philosophy, "I think, therefore I am."
But if I had explained that before the rest of the joke, it would have been putting Descartes before the horse.
A horse walks into a bar and orders a pint
The bartender says, " you're in here a lot. Do you think you might be an alcoholic? " The horse says, "I don't think I am, " and promptly vanishes from existence.
See, this was a joke about Descartes' famous philosophical statement, " I think, therefore I am." I could have mentioned that at the beginning, but that would have been putting Descartes before the horse.
A horse walks into a bar...
... the bartender said "You're in here a lot, I think you may be an alcoholic." The horse replied, "I don't think I am", and vanished.
See, this is a play on Descartes famous line "I think, therefore I am". I would have explained this before the joke, but that would have been putting Descarte before the horse.
A horse walks into a bar…
bartender says you come in here an awful lot. are you sure you're not an alcoholic?
the horse replies i don't think i am and then promptly vanishes.
you see, this was based on descartes' famous line i think, therefore i am but i couldn't explain that before the rest of the joke because
that would be putting descartes before the horse
Dinosaur Fact
Towards the end of the Jurassic period, the Thesaurus was the first Dinosaur to become extinct, obsolete, belated, vanished and wiped out.
