Vampire Bat Jokes

37 vampire bat jokes and hilarious vampire bat puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about vampire bat that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

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Funniest Vampire Bat Short Jokes

Short vampire bat jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The vampire bat humour may include short vampire jokes also.

  1. Wife: "Who's the new Batman?" | Me: "Robert Pattinson" Wife: "So vampire do turn into bats."
    (I have no idea if she heard this elsewhere, but I def laughed at breakfast.)
  2. Robert Pattinson is an awful vampire It took him 11 years to figure out how to turn into a bat
  3. Robert Pattinson is the worst vampire ever. Took him 15 years to figure out how to turn himself into a bat
  4. Did you hear Stephen Miller's wife tested positive for COVID? It turns out swallowing vampire is as dangerous as eating bat.
  5. Why did the vampire have to get glasses? Because he was blind as a bat!
    (My 4 year old sister came up with this one yesterday)

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Vampire Bat One Liners

Which vampire bat one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with vampire bat? I can suggest the ones about bats and vampire blood.

  1. Robert Pattinson is the worst vampire ever. It took him 12 years to transform into a bat.
  2. Have you heard about the vampire turned poet? He went from _bat_ ... to __verse__!
  3. What do Vampires learn at school? Alpha-bat
  4. How do you give a vampire a concussion? Hit it with a bat
  5. What do vampire fruit bats eat? Blood oranges.
  6. Why did the vampire need mouthwash? Because he had bat breath.
  7. What do you call a gay vampire? A fruit bat.
  8. How do you make a vampire cry? Hit it with a bat
  9. What does a vampire stand on after taking a shower? A bat mat.
  10. What do vampire bats like to eat the most? Ginger ale and Chinese food
  11. What do you call a haemophobic vampire? A starving bat

Gather Around for Fun Vampire Bat Jokes and Laughter with Friends

What funny jokes about vampire bat you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean vamp jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make vampire bat pranks.

Two vampire bats are hanging from the ceiling of their cave...

... and one of them says he's hungry, so he flies off to find some food. Within a minute, he's back, blood all round his mouth, looking like he's had a really good meal.
The other bat is amazed, and says, "Where did you find so much blood so fast?"
So the first bat says, "Come with me, I'll show you." And he leads his friend to the mouth of the cave.
"See that big rock there?" He asks.
The other bat nods.
"I didn't."

My dad's favourite joke - Harry the vampire bat

So one day Harry the vampire bat gets back to his cave, with his entire face absolutely covered with blood. All the other bats are incredulous, demanding where Harry found all the blood. Harry agrees to show them. So they all follow Harry out of the cave, over the river, and through some fields, until they get to a field with a single tree in the middle of it. All the bats are impatient, saying 'Harry is the blood here? Where is it, man? Harry replied 'You see that tree there? I didn't.'

Three apprentice vampire bats

Three apprentice vampire bats are taken out to a farm and told to get as much blood as they can find by their teacher. 15 minutes go by and the first vampire bay returns with a little bit of blood on his teeth.
'Where did you get that blood' asked the teacher.
'Do you see that chicken? That's where I got it.' the bat replied.
Shortly after the second vampire bat returns with blood dripping from his snout.
Where did you get that blood' asked the teacher.
'Do you see that chicken? Do you see that cow beyond the chicken? That's where I got it.' the second bat replied.
Some time later the third bat returns with his whole face caked in blood.
Where did you get that blood!' asked the teacher.
'Do you see that chicken? Do you see that cow beyond the chicken? Do you see that wall beyond the cow? I didn't.'

You see that wall?

A group of vampire bats are hanging out in a cave. All the food in the area is gone and they are the brink of starving to death. One of the bats decides leave to look for food out of desperation. He comes back 30 minutes later and has blood on his face. The other bats are very curious and ask him repeatedly where he got the blood from. Each time, he tries to ignore them and says he doesn't want to talk about it. After 30 minutes of questioning, he breaks down and tells the others to follow him. He flies them to a huge mountainous wall 15 minutes away, and stops. He looks at the others and says,
'You see that wall?'
And they all exciteldy repeat, 'Yea yea, we see it!'
He says again, 'Do you really see that wall?'
They all say again in anticipation, 'Yea yea we see it!'
'Well I didn't!'

A Vampire died and was in the process of being reincarnated...

They asked him, "What would you like to have in your next lifetime?"
"Drinking blood is good but I don't like hunting, ideally I'd like to have a easy supply of fresh blood."
"I also like turning into a bat and flying, so let me retain wings.", he said.
"One last thing, my dark complexion seems to scare people too much, can I turn into something white?"
"Sure thing."
He became a m**... pad.

Two vampire bats wake up in the middle of the night, thirsty for blood.

One says, "Let's fly out of the cave and get some blood."
"We're new here," says the second one. "It's dark out, and we don't know where to look. We'd better wait until the other bats go with us."
The first bat replies, "Who needs them? I can find some blood somewhere." He flies out of the cave. When he returns, he is covered with blood.
The second bat says excitedly, "Where did you get the blood?"
The first bat takes his buddy to the mouth of the cave. Pointing into the night, he asks, "See that black building over there?"
"Yes," the other bat answers.
"Well," says the first bat, "I didn't."

Vampire Joke

A vampire bat came flapping in from a night of foraging, covered in fresh blood. He parked himself on the cave's roof to get some sleep. Soon all the other bats smelled the blood and began hassling him about where he got it. He told them to shut up and let him get some sleep, but they persisted until he finally gave in. OK, follow me. He flew out of the cave with hundreds of bats behind him. Down through a valley they went, across a river and into a forest of trees. Finally he slowed down and all the other bats excitedly milled around him. Do you see that tree over there? YES, YES, YES!! the bats all screamed in a frenzy. Well I didn t!

Vampire bats fly out of their cave and into the night looking for blood.

As the sun begins to rise the following morning, all of them return without consuming a single drop of blood, no one could find any food that night.
All except one, Gerald, who flies back in with blood pouring down his fangs.
"I searched all night for some blood, didn't even get a sniff of the stuff", one bat says to Gerald. "How on earth did you find some?"
"You see that rock in front of the cave entrance?", said Gerald.
"Yeah", said the other bat.
To which Gerald replies, "Well, I didn't."

Vampire Bats

A group of bats were sitting in a cave, completely fatigued as they haven't been able to find any blood this week. One of the bats grows sick of having to survive on fruit and nuts, so he leaves the group and ventures into the city to find some blood.
About an hour later, he returns, his face absolutely covered in blood. The rest of the group gather around him excitedly: "How did you find so much blood?" They ask.
He replies "Well, you see that village over there?"
"Yeah, we see it!"
"And you see that church on the hill nearby?"
"Yeah, yeah?" They reply, excitedly.
"And you see the huge steeple it has?"
"Yes, we see it!", they answer impatiently.
"I didn't."

Otto the vampire bat came flapping in from the night- his face covered in fresh blood and settled on the roof of the cave to get some sleep.

Soon, all the other bats smelled the blood and hassled Otto to tell them where he got it.
"Ok, follow me," he said and flew out of the cave with hundreds of his fellow residents behind him. Finally, he slowed down and the other bats milled around him, tongues hanging out expectantly.
"Do you see that large tree over there?" He said.
"Yes, yes!" the bats said, excitedly.
"Good for you, I didn't."