Vamp Jokes
130 vamp jokes and hilarious vamp puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about vamp that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Cheeky Vamp Jokes to Experience Good Cheer & Frivolity
What is a good vamp joke to make people laugh? Check out this list of funny stories that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth.
Why was the vampire removed as CEO?
He couldn't appeal to the stakeholders.
Three vampires walk into a bar.
The first one says, "I'll have a pint of blood."
The second one says, "I'll have one, too."
The third one says, "I'll have a pint of plasma."
The bartender says, "So, that'll be two Bloods and a Blood Lite?"
Why did the vampire feel tired after dinner?
All the blood had rushed to his stomach.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A Vampire died and was in the process of being reincarnated...
They asked him, "What would you like to have in your next lifetime?"
"Drinking blood is good but I don't like hunting, ideally I'd like to have a easy supply of fresh blood."
"Alright."
"I also like turning into a bat and flying, so let me retain wings.", he said.
"Noted."
"One last thing, my dark complexion seems to scare people too much, can I turn into something white?"
"Sure thing."
**p**...**
He became a m**... pad.
How can you tell vampirism is a disease?
On account of the coffin.
Why do vampires hate Texas Roadhouse?
They can not stand stakes!
What do vampire fruit bats eat?
Blood oranges.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I'm a vampire that only feeds only on v**... blood...
I'm 100% self-sufficient.
There was a vampire who drank his own blood
He said it tasted irony.
why don't vampires go to frat parties?
they're afraid of natural light
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What did the vampire lizard say to his next victim?
Iguana s**... your blood!
Why did the vampire miss work?
He was having a coffin fit!
What happens when a vampire drinks too much?
They get a fangover.
What is a vampires least favorite food?
Steak!
...I'll see myself out now.
What is a vampires favorite drink?
.
Why didn't the vampire purchase the expensive suit?
He just couldn't ever see himself wearing it.
I think there are nine vampires coming to my dinner party.
Oh, wait... I forgot to Count dracula.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
How often does the vampire go down on his wife?
Periodically
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Three vampires walk into a bar...
The first vampire walks up to the bar and the bar man asks what he can get him.
Vampire 1 responds "A nice warm cup of blood"
Bartender says "coming right up"
Vampire 2 pipes up and says "make mine cold!"
After the bartender hands the second vampire his drink he turns to the third vampire.
The bartender asks " let me guess, you want a cup of blood as well?"
Vampire 3 sits down and says "actually may I get a glass of hot water?"
Bartender is in shock and asks "hot water? But why?"
Vampire 3 takes a used t**... out of his coat pocket and responds
"I'm having tea"
Two vampire bats are hanging from the ceiling of their cave...
... and one of them says he's hungry, so he flies off to find some food. Within a minute, he's back, blood all round his mouth, looking like he's had a really good meal.
The other bat is amazed, and says, "Where did you find so much blood so fast?"
So the first bat says, "Come with me, I'll show you." And he leads his friend to the mouth of the cave.
"See that big rock there?" He asks.
The other bat nods.
"I didn't."
Two vampires...
Two vampires are sitting on a bench. On a given moment, one of them says "I gotta go! Time to get some blood!"
Only 30 seconds later he's back with blood hanging all over his lips and teeth so his friend asks "That was fast! What'd you do?"
"Well, do you see that lamppost over there?"
"Yes...?"
"I didn't!"
How many vampires does it take to open the Curtain on Daylight?
Just one with depression.
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Vamp One Liners
Which vamp one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with vamp? I can suggest the ones about vulture and voodoo.
- They say dracula has turned over a new leaf He's been re-vamped
- What do you call a vampire getting a makeover? Re-vamping.
