Following is our collection of funny Valentines jokes. There are some valentines february jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.
Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these valentines valentine kid puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.
I organized the data and plotted it using an Ex-Axis and a Why-Axis.
She's lactose intolerant.
Roses are red
Violets are blue
Whitney Houston is dead
and iiiiiiieeeeiiiii will always love yoooouooooou
You can explore valentines xmas reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean valentines sim dad jokes. There are also valentines puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
The security guard in Clintons Cards gave me quite a chase
on Valentines Day I'd put a fake engagement ring in every girl's drink.
A woman is going through the checkout line the night before Valentine's day. She is placing her items on the belt: a TV dinner, a soap opera digest, 3 bottles of wine, and 3 chocolate bars.
The clerk looks and her and says "I hate Valentines Day...what about you, you must be single right?"
"Yeah" she responds, "how did you know? Was it the stuff I'm buying?"
"Nah, you're ugly"
Laid.
Roses are red
Violets are blue
No, they are violet
FTFY
Sorry if this is the wrong place to post!
I got my SO some fancy BBQ sauces for valentines day and want to replace the labels with funny or valentine's themed names. Id love it if you could help me think of some!
when she said: "for Valentines day, can you take me out?"
So I'm gonna introduce her to my girlfriend.
I was going to buy you a car, but I knew you'd be disappointed if I didn't give you the D.
What did one tower say to the other on 9/11?
I'm falling for you..
Happy valentines day
"...You've been on the team for so long and you're still not getting a ring! Happy Valentines day!"
This Valentines day, I asked a Chinese girl for her number.
She said, "Sex! Sex! Sex! Free Sex tonight!"
I said, "Wow!"
Then her friend said, "She means 666-3629."
If yo dont have a partner in valentines day, then dont be sad..
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Not every people have Aids On Aids Day grin emoticon
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Being single in valentines day its not painful, BuT
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Not Having Mom In Mothers Day, its Really Painful
A little early I know, but l suffer from premature congratulation
Boy: Do you have a date for Valentine's Day?
Girl: Yes, February 14th.
You use tulips.
I tried to get her nothing, but she was too good for that.
Because they are very scentimental.
To the Moooovies
GF: You know to day is Valentines Day right?
ME: mmm...yeah, so?
GF: Three of the girls in the office have just received some flowers for Valentines Day. They are absolutely gorgeous.
ME: Well, that explains why they've received flowers doesn't it?
The security guard at the Hallmark store gave quite a chase.
...the side chick is you.
Because only you can prevent florist friars!
Valentines is tomorrow and i just wondering anyone could tell me a jokes so i can write on it to my gf
Thank you!!
Roses are red violets are blue I am pregnant but it is not from you
So I bought her a helmet and some crayons.
that nobody loves you on any other day of the year, and valentine's day shouldn't be any different.
Blonde #1: Oh how I hate when he brings me flowers. All night I'll be on my back with my legs in the air.
Blonde #2: Don't you own a vase?
Never realised she liked snooker so much.
Solo.
So I got her assassinated in a French underpass.
"I'm glad I've got you Michelle; I didn't want to be Obamaself"
probably because he was arrested.
I shall call it, E-Bae
a divorce
14th Feb Valentines day.
9 months later,
14th Nov Children's day.
...I hope she likes The Best Western!
February the 14th
Box one 😭
I call today arm day...then again...same thing I guess.
My Wife was all exited when I told her that I had booked a table for Two for Valentines Night, I just hopes she likes Snooker.
I repied, "That's probably why they've received flowers then."
The Swallow.
She told me as long as she has me she won't need it. I told her "actually that's what I'm here to talk about"
I went to my favorite restaurant on valentines day and it was full. There was no place to sit and the wait was over an hour.
I took out my phone, placed it to my ear, and said loudly, "Hey, get over here! She's here with someone else!"
Three couples got up and quickly left.
For Dads ... Fathers Day,
For mothers ... Mothers Day,
For Lovers ... Valentines Day
For Wankers there is Palm Sunday
It said "will you be mime?"
Hopefully she'll bake something nice with the assortment of flours I bought her.
Ensure your safeword is at least 8 characters long and has a fair mix of uppercase, lowercase and digits
I have one for you!
It's February 14th.
You're welcome! Enjoy it!
i also need a girlfriend to give her the present and 200$
That means my milk has a date on Valentines Day, and I still don't.
We arrest you in front of your wife and release you on Sunday.
It includes fishing license, poles, boat fees, tent, beers and all necessities for the whole weekend.
We come in full police uniforms and blue lights.
If I kill myself right now, I'll get flowers later.
Eventually the post office fired me for it.
By taking down the Christmas tree.
First my gran dies, now this!
But i have nothing to be happy about ... things are so bad even my fantasies wanna be just friends.
"Awe, he must've been thrilled. "
"No, not really, it was from his cell mate. "
Just hope she likes snooker.
The other office women are admiring the flowers as they are delivered to her.
She then smirks and says to the crowd of women gathered around "I guess this means I will be spending the night with my legs in the air."
The blonde then says "Don't you have a vase?"
I think I was being stalked
Most of you wont get it.
I said, "Yep!! It's February 14th."
The security guard at Hallmark gave quite a chase!
Obama self.
Funerals usually take place on Saturday and Sunday. After the burial the flowers will still be fresh. What you do with this information is up to you.
It's February 14th.
A mother heard her daughter crying in her room, so she went in to see what was the matter.
"What's the matter, dear?"
"Oh, Mom, it's Valentine's Day and nobody loves me!"
The mother thought for a moment and said "Oh, cheer up dear, this isn't the only day nobody loves you!"
Her name is Rejection.
The vacuum works just fine now.
Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the valentines valentine chemistry jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.
We suggest to use only working valentines valentine days piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.