Valentines Day Card Jokes
40 valentines day card jokes and hilarious valentines day card puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about valentines day card that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Valentines Day Card Short Jokes
Short valentines day card jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The valentines day card humour may include short valentines cards jokes also.
- I used to open so many cards on Valentines Day. Eventually the post office fired me for it.
- My girlfriend gave me a Valentine's Day card Silly girl disguised it as a restraining order
- Last Valentine's day I recieved so many cards from my girlfriends that I couldn't open the front door... Because my wife had the locks changed
- "My brother was telling me he received a valentines day card today" "Awe, he must've been thrilled. "
"No, not really, it was from his cell mate. " - I was looking for the perfect Valentine's Day card when something caught my eye. One of the cards said "I love you and only you" I know this doesn't sound strange but it was a pack of 20 cards
- Funny Valentines Day Card What did one tower say to the other on 9/11?
I'm falling for you..
Happy valentines day - Valentine's Day card idea: I'm like good sushi... You can eat me raw.
Happy Valentine's Day! - Someone with a girl friend should write this in their Valentines Day card I was going to buy you a car, but I knew you'd be disappointed if I didn't give you the D.
- Q: What did the valentines day card say to the stamp?
A: Stick with me and you'll go places. - All a woman wants for Valentine's Day is a card... Visa or Mastercard, it really does not matter.
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Valentines Day Card One Liners
Which valentines day card one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with valentines day card? I can suggest the ones about valentines day and happy valentines day.
- My missus asked me where her Valentine's day card was. I said, "Sorry, I had a headache."
- What does a Cyclops’ Valentine’s Day card say? Eye love you.
- What does a sheep’s Valentine’s Day card say? I love ewe.
- Anybody know where I can get a Game of Thrones Valentine's day card? It's for my sister.
- Why couldn't She read His Valentine's Day Card? Because he was an illegible bachelor.
- What did the dubstep valentine's day card say? I wub you
- How to Skrillex sign his Valentine's Day cards? I wub wub wub you....
- That's my 5th card this Valentine's day! The refs on Fifa are terrible!
- What is Pink and lies on the doormat?
Whitney Houston's Valentines Day Cards
Hilarious Fun Valentines Day Card Jokes That Will Have You Rolling with Laughter
What funny jokes about valentines day card you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean happy valentines jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make valentines day card pranks.
A guy walks into a bar, sits at a table and orders a beer.
He then proceeds to pull out hundreds of pink valentine's day cards, write inside them and stamp them with "Love" stamps. He then pulls out a bottle of expensive perfume and spritzes each envelope.
The bartender finally can't contain his curiosity and approaches the man. "You must have 500 or more cards there," the bartender says. "I've got to admit I'm curious what you're doing."
"Oh, every year at Valentine's Day I send out 500 cards, each one signed 'Guess Who?'" the guy says.
"But why?" the bartender asks.
"I'm a divorce lawyer," the guy replies.
At the post office....
A guy walks into a post office one day to see a middle-aged, balding man standing at the counter methodically placing "Love" stamps on bright pink envelopes with hearts all over them. He then takes out a perfume bottle and starts spraying scent all over them.
His curiosity getting the better of him, he goes up to the balding man and asks him what he is doing. The man says "I'm sending out 1,000 Valentine cards signed, 'Guess who?'" "But why?" asks the man. "I'm a divorce lawyer," the man replies.
How to make money off Valentine's Day
A guy walks into a bar, sits at a table and orders a beer. He then proceeds to pull out hundreds of pink valentine's day cards, write inside them and stamp them with "Love" stamps. He then pulls out a bottle of expensive perfume and spritzes each envelope. The bartender finally can't contain his curiosity and approaches the man. "You must have 500 or more cards there," the bartender says. "I've got to admit I'm curious what you're doing." "Oh, every year at Valentine's Day I send out 500 cards, each one signed 'Guess Who?'" the guy says. "But why?" the bartender asks. "I'm a divorce lawyer," the guy replies.
Business can be generated any how!
An advocate goes to a gift shop 7 days before Valentine's Day.
He bought 40 beautiful cards and wrote - "To my love !! I hope you recognize! Meet me in the evening, "I love you"
The shopkeeper asked: What is the matter?
So the lawyer said - I sent such cards to the nearby colony on the last Valentine's Day. In a few days, I got four cases of divorce.
This time I am sending 40 cards
A man is shopping for a Valentine's Day Card
He goes into the shop and asks the lady working there, "Do you have any cards that say 'For the one and only love of my life?'
'That's so romantic! The lady exclaims 'Yes, we do have a card with that exact text.'
'Great!' the man replies, 'I'll take eight.'
You're my one and only love.
One day, a gorgeous young woman comes into the stationery and asks the clerk:
-Do you have cards with a red heart, an arrow trough it and "You are my One and only Love." written in big golden letters?
-Sure we do, valentine's right around the corner.
-Good, I'll take a dozen please.
Valentines Day
In the shop:
Do you have heart shaped Valentines card with words:
"For my favorite, loved and the only one"
Yes, we have!
Could you please give me six of them!
Guess what my lonesome self and my right hand did for Valentines day.
Sign Valentines cards for my relatives.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I got a Valentine's Day card from my grandmother.
How ridiculous is that? We stopped having s**... years ago.
Two friends talk:
"Hi, what are you doing?"
"Not much, writing a Valentine's Day greeting card."
"Why are you writing it with your left hand? Are you left-handed?"
"No, I just can't let my right hand to see it. It's a surprise for it."
Valentine Cards
Mike walked into a post office just before Valentine's day, he couldn't help noticing a middle-aged, balding man standing in a corner sticking "Love" stamps on bright pink envelopes with hearts all over them. Then the man got out a bottle of Channel perfume from his pocket and started spraying scent over the envelopes.
By now Mike's curiosity had got the better of him, and so I asked the man why he was sending all those cards. The man replied, "I'm sending out 500 Valentine cards signed, 'Guess who?'"
"But why?" asked Mike.
"I'm a divorce lawyer," the man replied.
A man wanted Valentine's Day to be special, so he bought a bottle of absinthe and stopped by the florist's to order a bouquet of his wife's favorite flower: white anemones.
Unfortunately, the florist was sold out of flowers and had only a few stems of feathery ferns.
The man asked the florist to make a bouquet out of the ferns and the flask of liquor.
He added a card and proceeded home.
After a romantic candlelight dinner, he presented his wife with the gift.
She opened the card to read, "Absinthe makes the heart grow fonder."
With a tear in her eye, she whispered to him lovingly, "Yes, and with fronds like these, who needs anemones."
