Vacuum Jokes
115 vacuum jokes and hilarious vacuum puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about vacuum that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Make cleaning fun with these hilarious vacuum jokes! From robot vacuums to Dysons and all that sucks in between, get ready to chuckle over these punny jokes about vacuums and even Buddhists and snowboarders!
Quick Jump To
- Short Vacuum Jokes
- Vacuum One Liners
- Dyson Vacuum Jokes
- Hoover Vacuum Jokes
- Robot Vacuum Jokes
- More Vacuum Jokes
Funniest Vacuum Short Jokes
Short vacuum jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The vacuum humour may include short air pump jokes also.
- If you think your microwave spying on you is bad... Your vacuum cleaner has been gathering dirt on you for years.
- So I woke up this morning to my dishwasher making a weird sound.. Turns out she was just vacuuming.
- My daughter was whining about her chores. She asked if she needed to vacuum the whole apartment.
I said, "no, just do the floor." - Don't be worried about your iPhone and laptop spying on you Your vacuum cleaner has been gathering dirt on you for years.
- My Roomba accidentally went out the front door, and the neighbourhood animals immediately started attacking it. Nature abhors a vacuum.
- When you clean a vacuum cleaner, you become a vacuum cleaner So if I show someone a shower, do I become a shower?
- Here's an old German joke: What is the difference between a Russian tank and a vacuum cleaner? There's only one dirtbag in the vacuum cleaner.
- If you think that your computer, laptop and phone spying on you is scary then think again, Because your vacuum cleaner has been gathering dirt on you for years
- Why can't Buddhists vacuum under the couch? Because they have no attachments.
- What do you get when you cross an accordion with a vacuum cleaner? A beautiful new instrument that sucks while you play it.
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Vacuum One Liners
Which vacuum one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with vacuum? I can suggest the ones about evacuated and vacation.
- What did the father say when he was killing his kid with a vacuum? Dyson.
- Used Vacuum cleaner for sale. I don't need it anymore. All it does is collect dust.
- I sold my vacuum cleaner the other day. All it was doing was collecting dust.
- I finally found out what they call the vacuum at the abortion clinic Woomba
- I got Inside a vacuum chamber once. It was breath taking.
- I decided to sell my vacuum cleaner... All it does is collect dust.
- Why do carpet in white folk houses always need vacuuming? Crackers always leave crumbs.
- Why are dogs afraid of outer space? Because it's a vacuum.
- Bought my wife a new belt and bag for Valentines day, The vacuum works just fine now.
- I sold my vacuum the other day. All it was doing was collecting dust.
- What do BMWs and Vacuums have in common? They both have a dirtbag inside them.
- I threw my vacuum cleaner out yesterday All it was doing was gathering dust
- Yesterday I sold my vacuum in a garage sale all it was doing was collecting dust.
- Why didn't the dog want to go into outer space? Because he was scared of vacuums!
- Why is outer space so clean? It's a vacuum!
Dyson Vacuum Jokes
Here is a list of funny dyson vacuum jokes and even better dyson vacuum puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- The Dyson Ball Vacuum… Is a horribly misleading name for this product.
- Just Spent 3 hours in the emergency room...... .... the Dyson Ball vacuum has a VERY misleading name........
- What do you call a boxer who vacuums? Mike Dyson
- What vacuum cleaner brand do Antivaxxers prefer? Dyson.
- I had a dream last night that I was vacuuming with the Grim Reaper I was Dyson with death
- What's an anti-vaxxers favorite vacuum cleaner? Dyson
- What did the father say before he killed his child with a vacuum cleaner? Dyson
- I'm an Anti-vax and I don't care what you think. They are absolutely the worst brand of vacuum cleaner. Dyson all the way for me!
- Famous last words of the father, when he killed his Son with a vacuum cleaner Dyson
- Before my abusive father left, he was really enthusiastic about vacuuming He would always say "Whenever I look at your face I want you to Dyson"
Hoover Vacuum Jokes
Here is a list of funny hoover vacuum jokes and even better hoover vacuum puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- The cleaning lady was almost finished cleaning a suite when she noticed her Hoover wasn't working. Thinking quick, she threw it out the window, making the room a vacuum cleaner.
- what's the difference between a Harley-Davidson and a Hoover vacuum? On the Hoover the Dirtbag is on the inside.
- What's the difference between a Hoover vacuum cleaner and a Harley-David motorcycle? The position of the dirtbag.
- What's the Difference between a Harley Davidson Motorcycle and a Hoover vacuum? The Hoover vacuum only carries one dirt bag.
Robot Vacuum Jokes
Here is a list of funny robot vacuum jokes and even better robot vacuum puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Where do baby robotic vacuums come from? The Woomba
I'll show myself out. - My robotic vacuum's battery died... I had to search roomba room for it.
Cheeky Vacuum Jokes that Will Make You and Your Friends Chuckle
What funny jokes about vacuum you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean pump jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make vacuum pranks.
Abortions are like stains in my carpet.
You don't want them to be seen, and you pay somebody to vacuum them out.
I just bought the best vacuum ever
It s**...
Being single is like a vacuum cleaner:
its s**... when you're turned on
What is the difference between Jedward and a vacuum cleaner?
A vacuum cleaner only s**... when you turn it on.
If Microsoft ever makes a product that doesn't s**......
...it'll be a vacuum!
What's the difference between a Harley Davidson and a vacuum cleaner?
Placement of the dirt bag.
Microsoft will start making ...
vacuum cleaners. It will be the only thing they make that doesn't s**....
I finally threw away my vacuum cleaner.
It was just collecting dust.
Does anyone want to buy a vacuum cleaner?
Mine is just collecting dust at the moment.
Relativity theory
In classical (Newtonian) physics, we can't solve the three-body problem. In the theory of relativity, we can't solve the two-body problem. In quantum mechanics, we can't solve the one-body problem, and with quantum electro dynamics, we don't even understand the vacuum anymore.
I recently decided to sell my vacuum cleaner
All it was doing was gathering dust.
I bought a vacuum cleaner six months ago...
...and so far all it's been doing is gathering dust.
Why don't Buddhists vacuum in the corners of the monastery?
Because they have no attachments.
Does anyone want a vacuum cleaner?
Mine's just gathering dust.
Apple is going to release the first smart vacuum cleaner this year
The first Apple product that doesn't s**...
(not hating on apple or anything but i got this joke somewhere)
This happened over the weekend
I had a broken vacuum, then I put a One Direction sticker on it and it suddenly s**... again.
What is a time travelling vacuum cleaner called?
Dr Whoover
I told my son that I found his hamster.
He was ecstatic. Until I said it was in the vacuum cleaner.
If space is a vacuum...
Why is the earth so dirty?
Just got my wife a matching bag and belt set for her birthday.
Let's hope the vacuum cleaner works better now.
If I clean my vacuum cleaner...
does that make me a vacuum cleaner?
Vacuums
They s**... when they work and they s**... when they don't
A physicist, an engineer, and a statistician goes hunting.
The physicist sees a deer and calculates a trajectory in a vacuum and pulls the trigger.
The bullet falls short.
The engineer, seeing this, adds in some fudge and calculates high, overshooting the deer by a similar amount.
The statistician exclaims, "We got it!"
Why did Jill Stein try to censor a movie where the hero uses a shop vacuum to save people?
Because she doesn't want anyone to think there's such a thing as good vac scenes.
The day Microsoft makes a product that doesn't s**......
Is the day they make a vacuum cleaner.
I bought my girlfriend a vacuum cleaner
but it's just been gathering dust.
Bought my wife a matching bag and belt for Valentine's Day.
She should be able to fix the vacuum cleaner and get it running now.
Wife: The vacuum cleaner doesn't s**... the way it used to.
Husband: Neither does the dish washer.
Everyone in Britain prefers brushes over vacuum cleaners when it comes to tidying their floors.
Sorry if that's a sweeping generalisation.
I got rid of my vacuum cleaner the other day.
It's been gathering dust for a while, and generally kind of s**....
A physicist, engineer and a statistician are out hunting...
A physicist, engineer and a statistician are out hunting. Suddenly, a deer appears 50 yards away.
The physicist does some basic ballistic calculations, assuming a vacuum, lifts his rifle to a specific angle, and shoots. The bullet lands 5 yards short.
The engineer adds a fudge factor for air resistance, lifts his rifle slightly higher, and shoots. The bullet lands 5 yards long.
The statistician yells "We got him!"
Despite space being a Vacuum
Mars is really Dusty
What's the difference between a canary and a hamster?
The canary goes foshhh while the hamster goes fump in the vacuum.
I had to return my Buddhist vacuum...
It came with no attachments.
What's the difference between a Harley Davidson motorcycle and a vacuum cleaner?
The Harley holds the dirtbag on the outside.
If you think that your microwave is collecting data and the Tv is spying on you is bad enough...
The vacuum have been gathering dirt on your for years...
People are always worried about their cell phones or microwaves spying on them. Truth is, those are not the appliances you need to be concerned about.
It's your Vacuum Cleaner that you need to be worried about....
....it's been collecting dirt on you for years.
What s**... but doesn't s**... at the same time
A broken vacuum cleaner
I've decided to sell the vacuum.
It's just collecting dust.
Who is the worst superhero?
Vacuum Man. He s**....
Why are there not more dog astronauts?
They're afraid of the vacuum.
What's the difference between a vacuum cleaner and a guy who rides a Harley?
The vacuum cleaner has the dirtbag on the inside.
A vacuum salesman knocked on my door this morning
When I opened my door, before I could even talk to him, he dumped a bucket of dog s**... on my carpet
He then said if this vacuum cleaner doesn't clean your carpet within 2 minutes, I will personally eat whatever's left of the s**...
To which I replied well you better be hungry because my electricity has been cut off since 5am
One day, a witch was flying on her broom when she noticed that all the witches she passed were flying on vacuum cleaners.
She thought to herself, "Am I the only one in this day and age who still drives a stick?"
What are you when you clean out the vacuum cleaner?
A Vacuum Cleaner
A vacuum cleaner salesman came to my door, poured a bag of dog s**... on my carpet and said, "Sir, if this vacuum can't clean it completely, I'll eat whatever's left."
I said, "I hope you're hungry 'cause they cut off the electricity this morning."
I told my wife not to worry about her smart phone and tv spying on us….
Because the vacuum has been gathering our dirt for years!
A witch was flying on her broom when she noticed that all the witches she passed were flying on vacuum cleaners.
She thought to herself, "Am I the only one who still drives a stick?"
Vacuum cleaner salesman
a Vacuum cleaner salesman knocked on my door.
Before I spoke he tipped a bucket of dog s**... over my carpet and said:
"If this vacuum doesn't remove every trace of it, I'll personally eat what's left."
I replied:
"I hope you're hungry because they cut off my electric this morning"
Wanna hear about my appliances?
My fan blows me away, the fridge is pretty cool, the vacuum s**... and the air ventilator just sits there and collects dust
Russian Tanks
"What's the difference between a Russian tank and a Hoover vacuum cleaner? "
"The Russian tank has 4 dirt-bags in it."
Apparently this joke comes from an OLD soviet-era General who apparently liked to tell it almost any time he gave a speeches to his NATO counterparts.
I told my son that I found his hamster in our vacuum cleaner.
With tears in his eyes he said, "Please get a new one, daddy..."
"I was thinking the same," I said, "the suction is absolutely terrible."
I recently got an Eastern European maid to help clean around the house
I gave her the vacuum and she said she'd start right away. When I came back from work, she was still vacuuming, 8 hours later.
She was a Slovac.
A couple of religious guys knocked on my door trying to sell me vacuum cleaners
They were Jehoovers Witnesses
