Vacuum Jokes
111 vacuum jokes and hilarious vacuum puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about vacuum that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Make cleaning fun with these hilarious vacuum jokes! From robot vacuums to Dysons and all that sucks in between, get ready to chuckle over these punny jokes about vacuums and even Buddhists and snowboarders!
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Funniest Vacuum Short Jokes
Short vacuum jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The vacuum humour may include short air pump jokes also.
- So I woke up this morning to my dishwasher making a weird sound.. Turns out she was just vacuuming.
- My daughter was whining about her chores. She asked if she needed to vacuum the whole apartment.
I said, "no, just do the floor." - My Roomba accidentally went out the front door, and the neighbourhood animals immediately started attacking it. Nature abhors a vacuum.
- When you clean a vacuum cleaner, you become a vacuum cleaner So if I show someone a shower, do I become a shower?
- If you think that your computer, laptop and phone spying on you is scary then think again, Because your vacuum cleaner has been gathering dirt on you for years
- What do you get when you cross an accordion with a vacuum cleaner? A beautiful new instrument that sucks while you play it.
- I bought a vacuum cleaner six months ago... ...and so far all it's been doing is gathering dust.
- I told my son that I found his hamster. He was ecstatic. Until I said it was in the vacuum cleaner.
- Why don't Buddhists vacuum in the corners of the monastery? Because they have no attachments.
- Just Spent 3 hours in the emergency room...... .... the Dyson Ball vacuum has a VERY misleading name........
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Vacuum One Liners
Which vacuum one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with vacuum? I can suggest the ones about vacation and pump.
- Used Vacuum cleaner for sale. I don't need it anymore. All it does is collect dust.
- I finally found out what they call the vacuum at the abortion clinic Woomba
- I got Inside a vacuum chamber once. It was breath taking.
- Why do carpet in white folk houses always need vacuuming? Crackers always leave crumbs.
- Why are dogs afraid of outer space? Because it's a vacuum.
- Bought my wife a new belt and bag for Valentines day, The vacuum works just fine now.
- What do BMWs and Vacuums have in common? They both have a dirtbag inside them.
- I threw my vacuum cleaner out yesterday All it was doing was gathering dust
- Why didn't the dog want to go into outer space? Because he was scared of vacuums!
- Why is outer space so clean? It's a vacuum!
- The Dyson Ball Vacuum… Is a horribly misleading name for this product.
- What are you when you clean out the vacuum cleaner? A Vacuum Cleaner
- Where do baby robotic vacuums come from? The Woomba
I'll show myself out. - What do you call a boxer who vacuums? Mike Dyson
- Despite space being a Vacuum Mars is really Dusty
Dyson Vacuum Jokes
Here is a list of funny dyson vacuum jokes and even better dyson vacuum puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- What vacuum cleaner brand do Antivaxxers prefer? Dyson.
- I had a dream last night that I was vacuuming with the Grim Reaper I was Dyson with death
- What did the father say before he killed his child with a vacuum cleaner? Dyson
- Before my abusive father left, he was really enthusiastic about vacuuming He would always say "Whenever I look at your face I want you to Dyson"
- Last night the Grim Reaper came for me, but I managed to beat him off with a vacuum cleaner. Talk about Dyson with Death.
- I went to see the doctor yesterday as I wasn't feeling too good after emptying my bagless vacuum cleaner He told me I might actually dyson.
- What did the father say to his son when he burnt the house down vacuum cleaning... DYSON!!!
- The Grim Reaper came for me last night but I beat him away with a vacuum cleaner... Talk about Dyson with death.
- My new job! I will start my career as vacuum cleaner salesman, and my name will be "Mike Dyson"!
- What did the lunatic vacuum cleaner salesman say to his son before murdering him? Dyson.
Hoover Vacuum Jokes
Here is a list of funny hoover vacuum jokes and even better hoover vacuum puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- The cleaning lady was almost finished cleaning a suite when she noticed her Hoover wasn't working. Thinking quick, she threw it out the window, making the room a vacuum cleaner.
- what's the difference between a Harley-Davidson and a Hoover vacuum? On the Hoover the Dirtbag is on the inside.
Robot Vacuum Jokes
Here is a list of funny robot vacuum jokes and even better robot vacuum puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- My robotic vacuum's battery died... I had to search roomba room for it.
Cheeky Vacuum Jokes that Will Make You and Your Friends Chuckle
What funny jokes about vacuum you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean laser jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make vacuum pranks.
Abortions are like stains in my carpet.
You don't want them to be seen, and you pay somebody to vacuum them out.
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This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I just bought the best vacuum ever
It s**...
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This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Being single is like a vacuum cleaner:
its s**... when you're turned on
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This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What is the difference between Jedward and a vacuum cleaner?
A vacuum cleaner only s**... when you turn it on.
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This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Why can't Buddhists vacuum under the couch?
Because they have no attachments.
How many physicists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Assuming it takes place in a vacuum, approximating the lightbulb as a point particle, Assuming it takes place at precisely 300 K, and ignoring the Heisenberg Uncertainty Principle: π/3
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This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Microsoft will start making ...
vacuum cleaners. It will be the only thing they make that doesn't s**....
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This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Here's an old German joke: What is the difference between a Russian tank and a vacuum cleaner?
There's only one dirtbag in the vacuum cleaner.
Does anyone want to buy a vacuum cleaner?
Mine is just collecting dust at the moment.
Relativity theory
In classical (Newtonian) physics, we can't solve the three-body problem. In the theory of relativity, we can't solve the two-body problem. In quantum mechanics, we can't solve the one-body problem, and with quantum electro dynamics, we don't even understand the vacuum anymore.
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This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
There once was a lady named Sue...
..who didn't have much to do.
So she pulled out the vacuum,
and went to the bathroom,
and found a new way to go p**....
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This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Famous last words of the father, when he killed his Son with a vacuum cleaner
Dyson
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This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What do vacuums and woman have in common?
The more you pay, the better they s**....
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This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
This happened over the weekend
I had a broken vacuum, then I put a One Direction sticker on it and it suddenly s**... again.
What is a time travelling vacuum cleaner called?
Dr Whoover
I HATE being stuck in a vacuum chamber
Makes my blood boil
If space is a vacuum...
Why is the earth so dirty?
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This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
If you think your microwave spying on you is bad...
Your vacuum cleaner has been gathering dirt on you for years.
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This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What did the father say when he was killing his kid with a vacuum?
Dyson.
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This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I Call My Girlfriend the Vacuum.
I ask her to blow, but she really s**....
If I clean my vacuum cleaner...
does that make me a vacuum cleaner?
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This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Vacuums
They s**... when they work and they s**... when they don't
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This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I heard that Dyson, the vacuum cleaner giants, are planning on making a new electric car...
I hope it doesn't s**....
What do you call a janitor in space?
A vacuum cleaner
Why did Jill Stein try to censor a movie where the hero uses a shop vacuum to save people?
Because she doesn't want anyone to think there's such a thing as good vac scenes.
For sale: Vacuum Cleaner £30
Reluctant sale, but it is just collecting dust.
My girlfriend refuses to vacuum the carpet
It's like it's beneath her or something
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This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
The day Microsoft makes a product that doesn't s**......
Is the day they make a vacuum cleaner.
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This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I bought the new "Ford" vacuum cleaner, but it doesn't work.
I guess it's the only thing Ford has made that doesn't s**....
I bought my girlfriend a vacuum cleaner
but it's just been gathering dust.
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This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Wife: The vacuum cleaner doesn't s**... the way it used to.
Husband: Neither does the dish washer.
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This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
How to fix a broken vacuum.
If you ever come a cross a broken vacuum, put a toronto maple leaf hockey jersey on it.
It will start s**... right away.
Everyone in Britain prefers brushes over vacuum cleaners when it comes to tidying their floors.
Sorry if that's a sweeping generalisation.
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This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What's the difference between a canary and a hamster?
The canary goes foshhh while the hamster goes fump in the vacuum.
I had to return my Buddhist vacuum...
It came with no attachments.
The highlight of my week was my new vacuum cleaner.
Things are picking up.
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This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I'm an Anti-vax and I don't care what you think.
They are absolutely the worst brand of vacuum cleaner. Dyson all the way for me!
I feel like my purchase of a vacuum cleaner was a waste of money
Ever since I bought all it's done is collected dust
What's the difference between a Harley Davidson motorcycle and a vacuum cleaner?
The Harley holds the dirtbag on the outside.
If you think that your microwave is collecting data and the Tv is spying on you is bad enough...
The vacuum have been gathering dirt on your for years...
People are always worried about their cell phones or microwaves spying on them. Truth is, those are not the appliances you need to be concerned about.
It's your Vacuum Cleaner that you need to be worried about....
....it's been collecting dirt on you for years.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What s**... but doesn't s**... at the same time
A broken vacuum cleaner
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This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Who is the worst superhero?
Vacuum Man. He s**....
Why didn't any dogs agree to follow the first one (Laika) into space?
Because they realized that space was really just a giant vacuum.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
How do you fix a broken vacuum cleaner?
Put a Green Bay sticker on it, it'll s**... again.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What's the difference between a vacuum cleaner and a guy who rides a Harley?
The vacuum cleaner has the dirtbag on the inside.
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This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What's the difference between a Hoover vacuum cleaner and a Harley-David motorcycle?
The position of the dirtbag.
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This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Don't be worried about your iPhone and laptop spying on you
Your vacuum cleaner has been gathering dirt on you for years.
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This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A vacuum cleaner salesman came to my door, poured a bag of dog s**... on my carpet and said, "Sir, if this vacuum can't clean it completely, I'll eat whatever's left."
I said, "I hope you're hungry 'cause they cut off the electricity this morning."
Why did the man get rid of his vacuum cleaner?
It was just gathering dust.
I told my wife not to worry about her smart phone and tv spying on us….
Because the vacuum has been gathering our dirt for years!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A well stole my vacuum cleaner recently...
I showed my friend a picture and he sent "well that s**..."
Why did the Buddhist vacuum cleaner have dirty window sills?
Because it had zero attachments.
A witch was flying on her broom when she noticed that all the witches she passed were flying on vacuum cleaners.
She thought to herself, "Am I the only one who still drives a stick?"
Do You Know How I Know I Have A Buddhist Vacuum Cleaner?
It doesn't have any attachments
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Wanna hear about my appliances?
My fan blows me away, the fridge is pretty cool, the vacuum s**... and the air ventilator just sits there and collects dust
Russian Tanks
"What's the difference between a Russian tank and a Hoover vacuum cleaner? "
"The Russian tank has 4 dirt-bags in it."
Apparently this joke comes from an OLD soviet-era General who apparently liked to tell it almost any time he gave a speeches to his NATO counterparts.
I told my son that I found his hamster in our vacuum cleaner.
With tears in his eyes he said, "Please get a new one, daddy..."
"I was thinking the same," I said, "the suction is absolutely terrible."
I recently got an Eastern European maid to help clean around the house
I gave her the vacuum and she said she'd start right away. When I came back from work, she was still vacuuming, 8 hours later.
She was a Slovac.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A couple of religious guys knocked on my door trying to sell me vacuum cleaners
They were Jehoovers Witnesses
What are the only two words in the English language that have two U's together?
Vacuum and Sheep.
