The Best 35 Vaccine Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Vaccine jokes. There are some vaccine measles jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these vaccine anti puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 Funniest Vaccine Jokes and Puns

Feeling strange, Mr. Bond? That's because I've laced your martini with a measles vaccine. The autism should be setting in any second now.

Joke's on you, I already disassembled your doomsday device and rearranged all the parts in order of size.

After a long debate with my Wife, I decied that we won't Vaccine our kids

We think the doctor would do a way better job than us

One of the side effects of the COVID vaccine is constipation.

After getting the first dose, you'll need to wait a few weeks for number 2.

Eminem has started a vaccine company

You only get one shot

jokes about vaccine

Eminem isn't allowed to get the full COVID vaccine

He only gets one shot

President Joe Biden announced that he would give a free bottle of Bud Light to anyone who got a vaccine.

Not to be outdone, the next day, the President Obrador of Mexico announced that he would give a bottle of Corona to anyone who got a vaccine.

The day after, the President Higgins of Ireland announced that he'd be giving out free bottles of water.

Biden and Obrador were confused and gave the Irish President a Zoom call. "We kinda expected you to give out free Guiness, being from Ireland and all"

The Irish President replied: "Well, if you guys aren't giving out beer, then neither am I."

Over 99.99% of people that took the vaccine for the 1918 Spanish Flu have passed away.

This seems very suspicious to me!

Vaccine joke, Over 99.99% of people that took the vaccine for the 1918 Spanish Flu have passed away.

Feeling strange, Mr. Bond?

Feeling strange, Mr. Bond? That's because I've laced your martini with a measles vaccine. The autism should be setting in any second now.

Joke's on you, I already disassembled your doomsday device and rearranged all the parts in order of size.

Why do ghosts want to get vaccinated?

So they can get boo-sted.

From my 5 year old on the way home from getting his vaccine.

I have a vaccine joke...

...but a lot of people won't get it.

I want to tell a vaccine joke

But some won't get it

You can explore vaccine smallpox reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean vaccine vaxxers dad jokes. There are also vaccine puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.

My friend at work got the Johnson and Johnson vaccine and said he didn't feel too good the next day

I told him, "What do you expect from taking two Johnsons at once?"

Just got my vaccine, but they stuck the needle in my leg.

I spent the following day thinking my Pfizer killing me

A friend of mine went to take the vaccine for covid yesterday

After getting vaccinated, his vision was blurred and when he reached home, he called the hospital that gave him the vaccine for advice asking if he should be hospitalized.

The hospital told him to come back and collect his glasses

Why does Eminem prefer the Johnson & Johnson vaccine?

You only get one shot…

Weird Pfizer vaccine side effect

I haven't made any sounds when I go to the bathroom since I got the shot.

Doctor said that with Pfizer, the p is silent.

Vaccine joke, Weird Pfizer vaccine side effect

My girlfriend got the COVID vaccine and it seems like the main side effect is...

...that she can't stop talking about getting the COVID vaccine.

I didn't tell anybody but I volunteered for the Russian vaccine trials for C-19 in Amsterdam

I received my first shot today and wanted to let you all know that it's completely safe with ΠΈo side effects whatsoeveя, and that I feelshΞΊΞΉ Ο‡oρoshό я Ρ‡ΡƒΠ²ΡΡ‚Π²ΡƒΡŽ сСбя Π½Π΅ΠΌΠ½ΠΎΠ³ΠΎ странно

I'm not sure that Pfizer's Covid-19 vaccine will work,

but it's worth a shot.

Johnson & Johnson have hired Eminem as a celebrity spokesperson for their COVID vaccine.

Because you only get one shot.

I bought Pfizer years ago and was so excited to earn millions when they announced their COVID vaccine...

Oops.... Turns out I bought Pfizer Total Landscaping instead. Oh well. Maybe I could rent the place out for a news conference?

Why I won't take the Covid Vaccine

The first smallpox vaccine came out in 1796 and 100% of the recipients are dead.

Release the vaccine in vape form.

I promise you no one will ask what's in it at that point.

I tried to apply for a medical exemption for the COVID vaccine.

Apparently being a republican isn't an acceptable medical condition.

The vaccine conspiracy

Linda had a heart attack and was brought to the emergency room while in clinical death. The doctors managed to revive her, but during her coma she saw a bright light and God appeared to her. She asked him:

"Tell me, God, is it true that vaccines could cause autism?"

"No, autism is a condition that develops during pregnancy"

After getting well, she met her friends and told them about her experience:

"Girls, I have awful news: the conspiracy goes way higher than we've thought"

Doctor: Did it hurt? Patient: Yes, a lot.

Doctor: So are you going to take the vaccine, or should I punch you in the face again?

Vaccine joke, Doctor: Did it hurt? Patient: Yes, a lot.

For anybody who doesn't believe vaccines cause autism...

My Douglas was vaccinated and is now nearly five years old. He has still not learned to speak a single word, cannot dress himself and is not even able to use the toilet.

Don't let vaccines ruin your dog's life too.

Catholics have been lobbying for vaccine exemptions

Because theres nothing more catholic than someone else dying for your sins

Vaccines are like jokes

Not everyone gets them, but the smart ones do.

A joke my dad just sent me about vaccinations

Hi, it happened yesterday! And this is serious!

A friend had his 2nd injection of the vaccine at the vaccination center and began to have blurred vision the whole way home.

When he got home, he called the vaccination center for advice and to ask if he should go see a doctor, or be hospitalized.

Vaccination center told him to come back - and collect his glasses.

Dolly Parton has invested $1m in the Moderna covid vaccine

It's working 9 to 5 perecent of the time, what a way to keep us living

I got my COVID-19 vaccine from a "doctor" who approached me in a downtown alley after midnight, offering it for $50 cash.

It was a shot in the dark, but I took it

If smiling is contagious...

...then Russian Women must have a vaccine or built an immunity or something.

My girlfriend is getting the covid vaccine

She was worried about bill gates tracking us. I said don't worry, he's been watching us for years anyway through the windows.

I had my second vaccine jab today. But they put it my leg.

Now my Phizer hurting me.

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the vaccine influenza puns are supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working vaccine foetus piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

Joko Jokes