Vaccine Jokes

58 vaccine jokes and hilarious vaccine puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about vaccine that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Make light of the daunting task of vaccinations with this collection of vaccine jokes. Get your daily dose of laughter and explore the humorous side of vaccinating yourself, others, and even your pets. With topics including vaccine boosters, hypochondria, and smallpox, you're sure to boost your mood and your immunization records.

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Funniest Vaccine Short Jokes

Short vaccine jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The vaccine humour may include short vaccinate jokes also.

  1. How do you tell the difference between a fully vaccinated person and an unvaccinated person if they aren't wearing a mask? Ask them who won the election.
  2. After a long debate with my Wife, I decied that we won't Vaccine our kids We think the doctor would do a way better job than us
  3. You know you're a 90s kid when... your vaccinations were mandatory and no one in your class got measles.
  4. I was going to finalize my research as to why vaccines are bad today But all of the research sites are down.
  5. I absolutely refuse to vaccinate my kids. I'll have the doctor do it instead; he's trained for it.
  6. One of the side effects of the COVID vaccine is constipation. After getting the first dose, you'll need to wait a few weeks for number 2.
  7. Vaccinated babies are 10 times more likely to die from heart disease, cancer, and alzheimer's. Keep kids from dying from old age, stop vaccinating today.
  8. Doctor : Does it hurt? Mother : Yes, a lot.
    Doctor : So are we vaccinating the baby, or should I slap you again?
  9. How to make Americans take vaccines Tell them immigrants are coming to America to take all their vaccines.
  10. Over 99.99% of people that took the vaccine for the 1918 Spanish flu have passed away. This seems very suspicious to me!

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Vaccine One Liners

Which vaccine one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with vaccine? I can suggest the ones about covid vaccination and vaccinate children.

  1. A friend of mine, a mother of four, refused to have her children vaccinated.
  2. Eminem has started a vaccine company You only get one shot
  3. It turns out vaccines cause cancer. You'll actually live long enough to get it.
  4. Eminem isn't allowed to get the full COVID vaccine He only gets one shot
  5. Don't vaccinate your children! Let a trained medical professional do it!
  6. Why isn't Holy Water used in vaccines ? Because, you can't take the Lords name in vein.
  7. What contains the letters a,u, t, and s and is caused by vaccines? adults
  8. I didn't vaccinate my five kids and both of them turned out fine.
  9. Don't vaccinate your kids... Smaller coffins cost less than bigger ones.
  10. I have a vaccine joke... ...but a lot of people won't get it.
  11. I want to tell a vaccine joke But some won't get it
  12. This person told me "When pigs fly I'll get my kid vaccinated!" Alas, swine flu.
  13. You don't have to vaccinate your children. Just the ones you want to keep.
  14. What Johnny Depp needs is not a vaccine… He needs Heard Immunity.
  15. Why does eminem prefer the Johnson & Johnson vaccine? You only get one shot…

Anti Vaccine Jokes

Here is a list of funny anti vaccine jokes and even better anti vaccine puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • People give anti-vaxxers a hard time, but they gave us one important thing... A control group for our studies confirming that vaccines do not cause autism.
  • What's the difference between anti-vaxxers and vaccines? needle actually have a point.
  • Anti vaccinated kids show no sign of autism Because autism isn't detected until age 3
  • There was an old scientist who invented an anti-Alzheimer's vaccine. Unfortunately, he forgot the formula.
  • What do Pro-Vaxxers and Anti-Vaxxers have in common? They'll never be fully vaccinated.
  • So an anti-vaxxer tells me that vaccines cause autism. So I reply "Oh, so you've gotten vaccinated, then?"
    ~~Sorry if it's a terrible joke.~~
    No regrets
  • Why does the 2 year old child of the anti-vaccine parents cry? Midlife crisis.
  • [OC] What is the one thing anti-vaxxers hate more than vaccines? Giving their child a long, healthy life
  • I'm an anti vaccine activist, and didn't vaccinate my children. They're all dead, but at least they don't have autism!
  • The percent of the population holding anti-vaccination beliefs has gotten up to the mid-teens. Unlike their children.
Vaccine joke, The percent of the population holding anti-vaccination beliefs has gotten up to the mid-teens.

The Funniest Vaccine Jokes for a Bone-Shaking Laugh

What funny jokes about vaccine you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean virus jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make vaccine pranks.

Feeling strange, Mr. Bond? That's because I've laced your martini with a measles vaccine. The autism should be setting in any second now.

Joke's on you, I already disassembled your doomsday device and rearranged all the parts in order of size.

President Joe Biden announced that he would give a free bottle of Bud Light to anyone who got a vaccine.

Not to be outdone, the next day, the President Obrador of Mexico announced that he would give a bottle of Corona to anyone who got a vaccine.
The day after, the President Higgins of Ireland announced that he'd be giving out free bottles of water.
Biden and Obrador were confused and gave the Irish President a Zoom call. "We kinda expected you to give out free Guiness, being from Ireland and all"
The Irish President replied: "Well, if you guys aren't giving out beer, then neither am I."

Feeling strange, Mr. Bond?

Feeling strange, Mr. Bond? That's because I've laced your martini with a measles vaccine. The autism should be setting in any second now.
Joke's on you, I already disassembled your doomsday device and rearranged all the parts in order of size.

Why do ghost want to get vaccinated?

So they can get boo-sted.
From my 5 year old on the way home from getting his vaccine.

My friend at work got the Johnson and Johnson vaccine and said he didn't feel too good the next day

I told him, "What do you expect from taking two Johnsons at once?"

Just got my vaccine, but they stuck the needle in my leg.

I spent the following day thinking my Pfizer killing me

A friend of mine went to take the vaccine for covid yesterday

After getting vaccinated, his vision was blurred and when he reached home, he called the hospital that gave him the vaccine for advice asking if he should be hospitalized.
The hospital told him to come back and collect his glasses

Weird Pfizer vaccine side effect

I haven't made any sounds when I go to the bathroom since I got the shot.
Doctor said that with Pfizer, the p is silent.

My girlfriend got the COVID vaccine and it seems like the main side effect is...

...that she can't stop talking about getting the COVID vaccine.

I didn't tell anybody but I volunteered for the Russian vaccine trials for C-19 in Amsterdam

I received my first shot today and wanted to let you all know that it's completely safe with иo side effects whatsoeveя, and that I feelshκι χoρoshό я чувствую себя немного странно

I'm not sure that Pfizer's Covid-19 vaccine will work,

but it's worth a shot.

Johnson & Johnson have hired Eminem as a celebrity spokesperson for their COVID vaccine.

Because you only get one shot.

Why can't the vaccine contain holy water?

Because you're not supposed to take the lord's name in vein.

I bought Pfizer years ago and was so excited to earn millions when they announced their COVID vaccine...

Oops.... Turns out I bought Pfizer Total Landscaping instead. Oh well. Maybe I could rent the place out for a news conference?

Why I won't take the Covid Vaccine

The first smallpox vaccine came out in 1796 and 100% of the recipients are dead.

Release the vaccine in vape form.

I promise you no one will ask what's in it at that point.

I tried to apply for a medical exemption for the COVID vaccine.

Apparently being a republican isn't an acceptable medical condition.

The vaccine conspiracy

Linda had a heart attack and was brought to the emergency room while in clinical death. The doctors managed to revive her, but during her coma she saw a bright light and God appeared to her. She asked him:
"Tell me, God, is it true that vaccines could cause autism?"
"No, autism is a condition that develops during pregnancy"
After getting well, she met her friends and told them about her experience:
"Girls, I have awful news: the conspiracy goes way higher than we've thought"

Doctor: Did it hurt? Patient: Yes, a lot.

Doctor: So are you going to take the vaccine, or should I punch you in the face again?

For anybody who doesn't believe vaccines cause autism...

My Douglas was vaccinated and is now nearly five years old. He has still not learned to speak a single word, cannot dress himself and is not even able to use the toilet.
Don't let vaccines ruin your dog's life too.

Catholics have been lobbying for vaccine exemptions

Because theres nothing more catholic than someone else dying for your sins

Vaccines are like jokes

Not everyone gets them, but the smart ones do.

Dolly Parton has invested $1m in the Moderna covid vaccine

It's working 9 to 5 perecent of the time, what a way to keep us living

A joke my dad just sent me about vaccinations

Hi, it happened yesterday! And this is serious!
A friend had his 2nd injection of the vaccine at the vaccination center and began to have blurred vision the whole way home.
When he got home, he called the vaccination center for advice and to ask if he should go see a doctor, or be hospitalized.
Vaccination center told him to come back - and collect his glasses.

I got my COVID-19 vaccine from a "doctor" who approached me in a downtown alley after midnight, offering it for $50 cash.

It was a shot in the dark, but I took it

Vaccine joke, I got my COVID-19 vaccine from a "doctor" who approached me in a downtown alley after midnight, offe

jokes about vaccine